When angry, be angery.

There are times when you just simply have had enough with someone who for no good reason is out to get you and in this case from the facility you have been working from for the past ten years.  Museum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah at USM (MGT)F is like a second home for me for almost ten years now and this is where i get most of my paperwork such as writing this Blog entry done. Almost al the staff members young and old have grown accustomed to my presence here except for one or two who for some odd reason sees my being here as inappropriate or I am not entitled to use the facility as I am not a member of the staff. 
This is what happened last Saturday with one of the staff who for a very long time now has harbored an animosity towards me to the extent that on several occasions he had tried to oust me from using the office space where I am at simply because I am not a staff member. I was in the middle of writing my journal in Bahasa Malaysia I hope to get published through the Museum and generate some income for the University and myself. So I was crossed at this man who is actually the carpenter and handyman for the museum and asked his reason for having this negative feeling towards me. I asked if he gets short changed by my being here, or if i had messed with his wife or dishonor his children or do I owe him any money To all these he said no. So i asked why he has such an attitude towards someone who is actually trying to get something done and has the permission of the Director himself to use this facility, what was his beef? 
I have never felt so much anger flowed so freely out of me towards someone who i know has ill intentions towards me and needed to be put into his place. I simply unloaded all my negative feelings on him that he tried to ask for my forgiveness, but the more he tried to console me the more angry i got so much so the i told him there is no forgiveness for what he has been doing to me for no apparent good reason and he being a good praying five times a day Muslim, what I asked was his excuse. I left the MGTF office feeling like I have unloaded a very long overdue toxic fermentation which I felt better afterwards.
On the other hand i also felt a little guilty for having landed on the guy all the no holds barred blows except for the physical manifestation which would have landed me into an unwonted predicament. So this morning i approached the Director and explained to him what had transpired and apologized but he said he was the one who should be apologizing and further explained that he had insisted that the office not be opened on Saturdays anyway. Then he asked me if i should write my Malay version of my experiences in three volumes instead of one and all was forgotten about Saturday.
The moral of this episode for was, be angry when the need to angry is necessary, if you feel you are being sidelined or insulted be angry and take the stand to let it be known that you are not to be taken for granted with...especially when you are 66.   

Drugs-use it or abuse it.

It is Friday and at the mosque the imam talked about drug abuse, it is the state government's script for this week. The sermon's given by the imam is not his own choice, each week a topic is chosen for him to preach about. I wonder if they will  ever come around to talking about mismanagement or poor governance or even corruption at the Friday sermons. What is Islamic take on accountability or integrity when it comes to handling public affairs? Perhaps never, the Friday pulpit is reserved for what the government wants for the masses to hear more propaganda and when they run out of things to spin they take on topics like drugs. Again a reminder at the mosque where i attend the Friday prayer, three quarter of the members in the congregation are Bangladeshis. I seriously doubt they have too much drug issues.
The Imam is a very highly knowledgeable person I know and i think he also has a clinic and maybe in his days has done a variety of drug or two, probably never if you ask him. I am sure he speaks from evidences of those who have been put in jail and one or two who have cut their father or mother to pieces over drug related issues. It is correct to point most drug users are Muslim Malays in this country and that a good percentage of them are young teenagers. Drug is off course addicting and drug addiction has cost millions in all kinds of drug related agencies handling the problem.
Is there any good at all in drug use? Why is the use of drugs always an abuse to those who has never use these drugs? What is the difference between drugs and alcohol and which is more lethal? of course the biggest question is why do people do drugs at all? And if not drugs what do you provide for those whose life is one long track of pain and agony due to the pressures of so called life?
Yes there are more and more walking dead out there and don't even know it and we worship the mind as though it, is the end. 
To some, the drugs are merely to slow down the thinking mind while to others it is to put a stop to it. For those who have no idea what it is all about they preach an end to it. And for those who knows exactly what it is all about, they are the ones who use it to liberate themselves from their mental slavery, even if it is for a moment in time of their daily existence. It is indeed a very thin
line between being a genius and being insane; so you either use it or abuse it or forever remain ignorant of it.

For no Rhyme or reason - I write.

Why don't you write in Bahasa Malaysia about your life's experiences, someone asked me at the organic farm and i said that my Malay is not good enough to do so. Have you ever tried? Nope! Well, why don't you? That same evening i started and now i am almost one hundred pages done  and still going at it. my Malay language is not too bad but my mind is; it assumes and accepts perhaps out of having no confidence or sheer laziness. off course i am still crawling to get there but getting there i am. I began writing like i did when I began writing this Blog in 2004-5? I wrote like i speak and over the years the language took on its own style and became what it is today. I write my own style,developed by trial and error over the years and the desire and passion to share my story with others on the same road as i am.
Today I enjoy writing and now i am enjoy writing in two different languages; never a dull moment even if it has not earn me a dime. I will refuse to commit my Bahasa Malayisa version in the the Bogging format as i have lost faith in Google Chrome or whoever or whatever that controls my  present English Version. I tried to earn through their so called 'Adsense' or whatever the hell it is called a few years back and was immediately disqualified accused of cheating. From then on me Blog page has been used to advertise for free by Gooble, gobbling up my share of the take! Well whoever you are or whatever you are Mr.  G.Chrome you have me by the balls and so welcome to my efforts. The truth is I do not even know how to cheat on the matter. Oh I tried to reason it out the best i could but only to get thrown around by a bunch of links and faceless dirtballs that perhaps do not even exist.
There, i let it out of my system about how i feel about the system that seeks to manipulate my life for its own benefit. Writing has been a great healing process for me an as i write i see my mind a little better, how it reacts and functions for every situation and experiences.. I have enjoyed watching my fingers searching for the right keys almost automatically trying to outrun my thinking mind in laying down thoughts. i have been able to remove myself from the act of putting my thoughts down in words like watching a movie of myself. if this is what is called poetry in writing then i am a poet only my thoughts have yet to rhyme. 

Just doing what i can.

I am still recovering from my retreat to the organic farm at SRI LOVELY in Kampung Lintang, aches all over and a headache after sleeping most of the day. I have not made any entry since i was there decided not to like taking a break from writing. Also not much toe share other than the day to day experience of working in the fields. Having been absent from the place many changes are taking place mostly for the better, still short handed as always but things are getting done. One of the things that i observed of the people living in the area is that life is hitting them hard financially espedially now that the price of rubber has fallen badly and the political situation in the country is not doing the country economically any better with prices being hiked and taxes being imposed, but, what else is new? not many likes to read anymore of such depressing subject, truth it may be.
My body and mind went through a rigorous exercise of who gives up first body or mind as I went about turning a run down cold, wet and depressing environment into a beautiful resort status facility. Cutting the grass and weeds, cleaning the pond and moving a good amount of earth from here to there and raking tons of leaves and burning them. my body cried out in pain and my mind kept telling me ho stupid I was to subject myself to such drudgery. I sweat three or four times  a day til my cloths began to have that urine smell. I sleep in a hut that was infested with ants and al kinds of flying bugs at night attracted by the light. I eat mostly a small packet of 'nasi lemak' or coconut rice with a little bit of hot spicy anchovy paste.At night usually it was Maggie Mee a dehydrated form of noodles that comes to life when soaked in hot water. 
For company I had my friend 'Apek' and his two sons one aged 21 and the other 14. The elder brother is deaf and mute while the 14 year old smokes and often does drugs sometimes in the father's presence. I tried to give my two cents worth on what is right and wrong but after a while gave up as a futile effort. To each his own sometimes it is best to just step back and become an observer allowing for is to be as it is. I am not any better with my two children afterall. They are wrapped up in their own life and world that the mess in their room speaks for them. If you say your environment reflects who you are or your state of mind it just flies over their head,like what is wrong with my room?
Two hours of driving has let me witness the difference the have and the have nots in how they live and what they worry about. I am sure both sides have their ups and down. Still to find no water when you come home from work to wash or do your laundry was hard for me to cope with even if it happened to a friend living in the rural part of the country. Life has been tough for these people but they have learned to cope the best they can and there is little i can do except let a helping hand through physically getting involved cleaning and clearing, moving and shaking what needs to be voluntarily. its my practice.

I am on retreat back at the organic farm.

Is it a matter of 'Tail wagging the dog?

How to keep yourself motivated after all these years of running around trying to make sense out of non- sense? A great part of me wants to bury itself in a hole and never come out to see day light as it considers itself having had enough of this so called life and yet another part is saying it ain't over yet and it is as a matter of fact just the beginning; so stick around and enjoy the show. I have stuffed my mind with God knows how much reading and learning by watching and experiencing and am still not fully satiated . My mind's capacity to absorb what is being exposed to it from all the trials and tribulations life has to offer is something that cannot be fathomed and yet it is still conjuring up more and more images and perceptions of its own like it is an independent entity from who I am. I see this more and more so as I find myself awake at night from my sleep and sitting in meditation before I fall asleep again. It is like watching the Astro TV channels switching from one channel to the next and sometimes of things that hardly makes any sense at all.
It is almost impossible it seems to switch the TV off like it has a life of its own even when I attempt to disconnect from the source through my breathing techniques or my Zikr or chants; it seems like the remote control has no effect upon the TV set itself. So, I am finding my mind getting more and more busy as the days goes by with no respite. Sometimes I wonder if other's mind are as unmanageable as mine or am I suffering from some kind of mental diarrhea and need to find some sort of laxative to purge whatever is not need from my mental storage bin. I wish it is as simple as deleting items from the computer when they are no more useful. 

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

Buddha

Control the mind, how does one control the mind? From the day someone told me of how to go about meditating and controlling my mind I have been struggling to do so to no avail and as a matter of  fact it really gets worse as the more i meditate the more busy the mind gets. Is it? Is the mind really getting busier or am I Just being deluded by my own perception and practice? I have a long time ago came to the conclusion that i can never control my mind, I can bring it to become still or quiet every now and then but i can never fully control my mind. Perhaps i am not as disciplined or strong as i thought i am. Or perhaps i am still not doing it right as it should really be done like the masters had shared from the past. Whatever the reason, i still am discovering more and more for myself of how i am being run by my own mind instead of the other way round. 
Is it a matter of 'tail wagging the dog', 

Death in Artistic Expression.

Woke up this morning with the feeling that i needed to change my lifestyle or at least my daily habits of doing nothing. I decided to end my consciously doing nothing experiment and drove to the University and while at it stop by at my mechanic friend's shop and see if i can do something there before i headed on to the University, the shop was still closed, it was still too early. So I headed for the MGTF or the Museum gallery at the university (USM). Saw the ongoing exhibit by two Iranian artists entitled "We Were There", Farhad Fakhrian and Elham Shafaei, both students at the Fine Arts faculty doing their PhD at the University Fine Arts department. 
Farhad Fakhrian works of photography were black and white pictures of his father's dead body of which he wrote," I tried no to cry, not because i did not want to but because I wanted to cry in my own way...I went to the bedroom where my father lied back on the floor and a small fan was blowing. His face  was pale and cold and his body was gotten tough. I kissed his forehead and started to take photos with my film and digital camera. I stayed with him until morning and continued photographing. I saved his death with the pictures! Next morning an ambulance came to take his body for burying in the cemetery and nobody knows i had buried him with my tears which dropped from my camera. I followed him everywhere and escorted him till the heaven's gate." His works was entitled; "My father goes to Heaven". The exhibition will last through 11th- 30th of January.


          Farhad Fakhrian.


Elham Shafaei - "I'm Still Crying..."
"I like to cry. Not because I am depressed or emotionally dysfunctional. I cry because I want to see the stain of life on my body and on the world. I cry because i want to feel and see the absolute proof of my life.
Yet, since tear is a part of the body that leaves its container, it is a form of loss. Similarly, since art emerges in the same manner as tear does, that is from within. and art exist as a form of loss. Following this logic then, art is mournful and therefore art making must involve a significant sense of melacholia. It is this relations or intertwining between art, loss and melancholia that i have been exploring in my art through various forms."
                  Elham Shafael


         

On the Road to Meet death.

Death is something we all work towards having some form of understanding of in one form or another albeit in the form of a spiritual practice or a scientific explanation, in religious faith or philosophized belief. We create all kinds of excuses and and justifications towards why we do what we do in our lives when in actual fact we are all in one way or another making sure that when the time arrives for us to leave this life we know what or why and especially the how we can get through the process without freaking out of our minds. As it is most of us live in denial, why think about the inevitable we say to ourselves, when it happens , it happens, whether we are ready or prepared for it or not it happens. It is a blessing for those who can breeze through life and take on death with same similar attitude, but most of us cannot; we will fight for our lives.
Our subconscious mind has a build in system whereby death is a major topic that affects everything that we do or every decision that we make whether we realize it or not and no matter how trivial or insignificant the case may be, death is ever there as a factor perhaps unknowingly. Fear of death has kept man from taking life too lightly, mortality and the state of unknown of what lies beyond in the after life (if there is such a thing even) for some, is man's enigma. Hence the moment of death is the most critical moment of life itself; it is the sum total of what living was all about. There are those who dies willingly and those who will fight tooth and nail or even sell their souls to the devil to avoid death. No matter your origin or religious affiliations, your wealth or poverty, no matter your power or glory in life, you will face the eventuality of death and the question is are you prepared for the final cut.
It is with is in mind that the ancients, the masters, the saints and prophets, the yogis and the gurus have put some form of practice, some form of system for man to learn and understand for himself as a tool for his salvation when the moment arrives for him to meet the angel of death. In Islam it is in total and absolute submission to the Will of Allah, in Buddhism it is in letting go of the 'self' and embracing the infinity of what is. The discipline and the practice of most religions is to silence the thinking mind and as it is impossible to accomplish this especially in moments of facing death, thoughts are replaced by something greater than mind; a faith in something greater than life itself.
Death is not the end of consciousness, it is the total liberation of the entire content of the human consciousness when all barriers are being lifted and dam break loose where the mind itself is no more restrained by individual's sense of who he is and what he understands of himself. If he has always been the ignorant, fear ridden, guilt conscious, a man who has lived his life devoid of knowledge or understanding, then death can and will be a frightening event. However there are many of those who make it their life's quest to seek the truth about the mysteries of life and death, to these death is something to look forward to; it is part of the spiritual adventure that they have led.   

Who Died?

Who Died? - 16/1/2016

Who died? As I was communicating with my nephew while he was all curled up in a fetal position on the hospital bed, I realized that I was also talking to myself. I was addressing my own fears about death and dying, and as I whispered into his ears about taking refuge in Allah (He being a Muslim), I saw how powerful an effect it had on this frightened young man about to give up his last breath. I tried to impress upon him that there is nothing more to fear or be afraid of other than God at the moment and to surrender oneself with every desperate breath is the only thing one can do as there is not a thing in the physical realm that can save you especially when the doctors have pulled out the plug and given you up. This is the critical moment when the mind plays such an important role in letting you go or freeing you from all the ties you have been clinging on to in this life.

In the Tibetan tradition, death is faced in its last hours by a priest or monk sitting with the person dying and relating to him how to go about facing death, like a step-by-step coaching. The Bardo Todol, or the 49 days of the Bardo state, is when the patient is being prepared to face the moment of death and the entering into the afterlife. The stage by stage process of dying is whispered to the ears of the patient, instructing him or her what to expect and how to react to what is seen or heard or felt in them moments of death. This assistance helps the victim to remain calm and as lucid as possible so that he or she does not get lost in limbo out of fear and ignorance.

Most in Islam would sit around reading the verses from the Quran, especially the Surah Yasin which is considered the heart of the Quran, and it is hoped that this will help to keep the victim's mind focused upon his faith in Allah. I my experience, I have rarely seen anyone talking to the dying in terms that they can understand, like do not fear anymore for all that you see and hear are just your own imaginations and mental states, or that you are to remain in touch with who you are and your faith in God. The verses from the Quran may have its impact to soothe the soul of the departing, but it does not touch upon the basic problem of how to not be swayed by fear and ignorance in facing the final moments of death. All one hears of the verses being read around you is just noises, meaningless because one does not understand what is being read in the first place.

Thus far, in less than a year, I have had three of my nephews die for one reason or another, and i was present at their funerals and except for the one who died of an accident, i was by the bedside of two of them before they passed on. It has been an experience for me and perhaps at my age, it is supposed to be so, that I get to be up close at moments of death as a witness. it is in these moments that i also come to realize how insignificant or how great life is to each and every individual. How important it is to live life as best you can and die with dignity or waste one's life away and die like an unwanted piece of rag cast away into the garbage can. As Mark Twain once quoted,"There are those when they depart from this life we breathe a breath of regret and those who depart and we breath a breath of relief".

Rest in Peace Junaid.

I arrived at Kuala Terengganu 3 days visiting my family, especially my nephew Junaid who is in critical condition awaiting death to end his lifelong misery having been a drug addict most of his adult life. I took my elder sister to visit her son at the hospital yesterday morning and it was not a pretty sight seeing my nephew with his bulging left eye staring out in fear and his chest hyperventilating as though he was running the hundred meter dash and the look of the silent scream written all over his face. After a while pulling myself together I reached out to talk to him quietly, I realized he was receptive despite the fact that he was left on oxygen and drips only, like he has been written off by the doctors, I am sure they know what they are doing.
I managed to calm him down and even told him to close his eyes and go to sleep instead of struggling out of fear. i talked him into surrendering to the Lord and to make his peace with the inevitable; how do you tell someone that he is dying. He seemed to calm down and slowly closed his eyes like he was falling asleep while his breathing slowed down. I revisited hi later that night accompanied by my close friend here, Mohammad Rafi and I noticed that my nephew had changed somewhat in his expression. I talked to him softly again and noticed that his left eye that was staring out of fear that morning has now become serene and bright almost childlike. His right eye seems to be infected but he showed no concern about anything anymore; I felt peaceful with him too..and my friend Rafi noticed the communication between us and told me he was impressed.
My trip was made possible by my friend Ah Huat the Auto Air Conditioning Artist. Ah Huat when I reached his place immediately asked me where I wanted to go as soon as he crawled from underneath a car he was working on. I was surprised like how did he know that i have been desperately figuring out how to come here to Terengganu and be with my sister in her times of need. I told him my intention ad immediately he started getting the car ready for the trip and ended up with replacing the two hind tires with new ones and on top of that handed me RM150 for my pocket money just in case. I said nothing except thank you and left the same evening driving the familiar East West highway no more in my little Kancil but an Ishwara  fully automatic; thank you Lord and thank you Ah Huat. 
It was a relaxing drive with the larger and automated Ishwara with that more solid feeling of being on the road instead of floating upon it like when I drove the Kancil. The weather was nice all the way and so I made good time and I also realized that my night time driving days are coming to and end as i found it much easier to drive in the daytime. My eyesight are no more what they used to be too and so I have to slow down and stay within my age group of driving habits; no more risk taking unnecessarily. The fuel consumption however is almost double of what it would take if I was driving the Kancil.
This evening on  I was informed that my nephew had passed away and that he will be laid to rest early tomorrow morning. Thus passed one wasted life that has caused so much pain and anguish to all those who cared for him especially his mother, my sister. The world is filled with such persons who reminds one of the fact that there is so much pain out there and most are self created. My nephew I felt had accepted the fact that his time had arrived but he was also scared out of his mind when i first saw him on the hospital bed; i assisted him the best i could to make it easier for him to face the reality of his moment. MAY Allah be MERCIFUL ON HIM.

Only God Knows.

Sometimes i find myself drifting towards writing like I am a Guru or a spiritual guide or something; I am a student. My journey my trip is to clear my own path, towards what some call awakening or enlightenment, some call it the journey of a seeker towards finding his Maker or his own true nature; whatever it may be i am not preaching to anyone, only pointing my own directions towards that which is my goal or better yet, salvation. To give meaning to my own existence even if it is self seeking and nothing more. I would like to feel like i made the effort towards understanding of mu human nature, its strength and weaknesses, its miraculous beauty as The Lord had wanted it to be, full of incredible mechanisms and with the ability to perform extraordinary feats that often defies imagination; my physical body is a Miracle in itself.
I find that as I am writing this late in my life and with an ongoing script about my self discovery embankment, from the day my blog was set up for me by my close friend Fadzly Mubin in Kyala Terengganu sometime on 2005, whose suggestion it was that i should keep an ongoing blog, I am assuming the role of a teacher when I write. It all happened over time and in progression that i write more directly without holding back my thoughts as though it seems i am more confident in my thoughts; i am saying what i mean and not merely intellectualizing. When i say I have had a spiritual awakening experience a few times in my life, that is what I mean; mini  Satori it is called in Zen Buddhist tradition and I have shared a few of these in the past. 
These realizations as i would like to call them helped me in healing my aging body and mind, it helps to maintain a good perspective of how far or how near to death. A simple act of sitting meditation or Zazen as the Zen schools call it will rejuvenate every fiber in my body through a steady flow of conscious breathing. It also helps to bring into alignment my body and mind and create a balance within and without of my consciousness by the simple act of letting go of unnecessary thoughts or any thought for that matter; finding peace and tranquility; finding rest. I am a student of Zen Practice and I am a Muslim too. I have been told that I am eclectic, that i pick and choose the best in and of all possibility to fulfill my goals. Yes I am and it is in my nature that I like to experiment with my life, I am constantly putting myself to the test...what if?
WallahuAllam! Only He knows.

With Passion He Creates.

Man has asked the same question time and again, 'What is the purpose of my existence?', "Why am I alive in the first place?" "Is this all there is to my life?" Personally i rare came up with a good answer myself and often enough sought out what the ancient wisdom  has to say about it, but ever now and then the mind when not so wrapped up in useless thoughts would come up with a surprise twist of an answer of its own. What gives meaning to life? What makes life bearable to live for some while for others it is a long and tedious waste of time that every so often ends up tragically with suicide. It is in our human nature to seek for peace and happiness all through our lives and sometimes we are willing to go overboard in trying to achieve these goals, like try to out run, out do, out play all those that stands in our way; we are even willing to gamble away our soul when all else fails.
Like music and art, religions and philosophy has played a vital role in keeping our minds with a sense of some purpose for whatever reason that we as humans are here to live out allotted years. They has given some sense of comfort and some amount of justification for us to keep on living despite all the trials and tribulations that we face while at it. Some are in the form of promises of future rewards while others the satisfaction being able to witness the miracles and beauty that transpires all around us to inspire us to keep on living. It no small matter when our very sanity hangs in a balance at times when we are confronted with life issues that is beyond our endurance; it is imperative that we find some truth for our selves on the reason why, why are we here.
We are here to fulfill a Cosmic Desire, the wish for the creator to witness Himself in all His infinite forms and attributes. Like looking into a mirror an seeing all this as life evolving throughout the universe and each and every entity having its significance to play its part with or without its own self awareness. How man has evolved to become a close to his Divine Nature or his Original Nature before he was conceived by his parents. Some have fallen along the way and succumbed to the baser or dark side of his nature that looses its connectivity with the whole, that is creation. While most has waded through thick and thin to fulfill the roles set for them and they passes on leaving behind memories for others to emulate or live by that the string of life keeps going on unbroken.

Instead of staying in monasteries like most monks, Ikkyu gave teachings in places monks didn’t usually go. He taught in the streets and in brothels. His students were hobos, criminals and prostitutes. A lot more of his students were laypeople than monks because he thought the Dharma was for everyone.

He created his own version of Zen. He called it Red Thread Zen. The Red Thread represents passion. He taught that passion could be a road to enlightenment. He thought that Zen should be life affirming and positive. He didn’t believe that the renunciation that many monks practiced was helpful. He had a great passion for life and said that we should too.

Passion for life is what most of us are beginning to lack as we let ourselves be sucked into the day to day mundane existence of the physical world. We have little passion for whatever we do and living has become an act that is imposed upon rather than that which is blessed with grace. We breeze through life pretty much killing time and occupying space while at time pissed mad at the very world we live in. Artists, poets songwriters, philosophers, and great men of science throughout the ages have been instilling upon us the need for passion so as to keep our spirit in motion towards greater heights of human glory rather than surrender to mediocrity.

Red Thread Zen was radical in its non-dualism. This version of Buddhism includes the entire world in its teaching, rather than being confined to sacred spaces. If all beings have Buddha nature, then enlightenment isnt a matter of lifestyle, it’s a living experience. When his teachers tried to get him to stay in a monastery, he wouldn’t do it. He wanted to be in the world, working for the Dharma.

When you have passion in what you do albeit cooking or cleaning, meditating or singing, when you are able to single mindedly perform your all your deeds, you will never fail to impress nor fall short of your goals. Your performance comes straight from the heart and you become the Creator or act in His Image. It take ultimate passion to create this whole Universe as it is with all its strength and weaknesses, all its faults and successes. I doubt that the Good Lord ever claimed anywhere in His good books that He was Creating a perfect Universe.; correct me if I am wrong I for one am for sure far from perfect.

Attaining the Perfection of Wisdom

There are just certain things that you are not going to be good at no matter what and for me it is selling; I am useless when it comes to any kind of business dealings albeit selling my artworks or flipping burgers. As my neighbor at the Food Court, the Satay seller commented to me last night, "You just don't have the "Aura" like your daughter. Yeah, I agreed with him, I don't have good looks and the charm, the warm customer friendly and easy to talk to traits like her Mom was.
To preach without becoming the preacher, teach without the personality of a teacher, to lead the way without assuming leadership is the Way of the Mindful. It is the Way of the man of 'Wu Wei' or inactive action, or detached involvement and the key trait of this action is in being spontaneous in action. This ability comes with years of cultivation of the human spirit into pure consciousness; it is the essence of human development. To recognize this ability in oneself through others' observation especially, is rewarding, it is a good feeling like one has attained to certain degree of success in one's understanding of being human. It is like being .The Fisher of Men and not just the fisherman. This is the mark of a great teacher or master or guide or elder in societies, the one who stands in the front of the line of fire, the one who is looked upon with awe and respect.
This is far from the exhibition of an egoistic claim but merely an observation and this trait is common to many and not exclusive to any group or type of character. A genuine man of knowledge and wisdom does not run around claiming his credentials nor does he display his certificates, he is pointed out and acknowledged by his fellow man. He is the policeman without uniform and badges, the judge, jury and executioner who walks the street and sits in secession in the courts of the coffee shops and the campfires. He is the man who has attained the ability to speak and listen with his heart. He has transcended the lesser values and attained to the higher calls of the human spirit to serve his fellow man. He is the snake that has shed his old skin and don the cloak of the servant of his Lord; he has become the voice or reason that counters the chaos that threatens the very foundation of humanity's existence.
He becomes the Man of Tao, he assumes the role of the Awakened One, he becomes the Perfect man, Al Insan Kamil; he wears the robe of his tribe.
In Islamic theology, al-Insān al-Kāmil (Arabic: الإنسان الكامل‎) also rendered as Insān-i Kāmil (Persian/Urdu: انسان کامل) and İnsan-ı Kâmil (Turkish), is a term used as an honorific title to describe Muhammad. The phrase means "the person who has reached perfection."^[1] It is an important concept in Islamic culture of the prototype human being, pure consciousness, one's true identity, to be contrasted with the material human who is bound by one's senses and materialism. The term was originally used by Sunni Sufis and is still used by them, however it is also used by Alawis and Alevis.^[2] This idea is based upon a hadith,^[2] which was used byIbn Arabi, that states about Prophet Muhammad, 'I was a prophet when Adam was between water and clay'.^[3]
Wikipedia.
He is the carpenter, the fisherman, the automobile mechanic and he walks among his fellow man sometimes like a beggar and sometimes a king as the perfect man is perfect in all that he is no matter his role. No man can become the Perfect man by trying or with conscious effort and not credential is given for such a man that says he has qualified for such a role like those given to Bishops and Judges or Kings and Presidents; Perfection of Wisdom Is, none who attains it. 

The origin of al-insān al-kāmil[edit]

Mansur al-Hallaj and Al-Biruni expressed the idea within their works.^[5][6] The concept was also applied by Ibn Arabi, a well-respected and influential Islamic thinker.^[7] The origin of this concept is derived from the Quran and Hadith. As mentioned in Ibn Arabi's Fusus Al-Hikam, "Muhammad's wisdom is uniqueness (fardiya) because he is the most perfect existent creature of this human species. For this reason, the command began with him and was sealed with him. He was a Prophet while Adam was between water and clay, and his elemental structure is the Seal of the Prophets."^[8]

In the Quran, man’s hierarchical status above all beings is seen, as it states that God created humans in the fairest stature.^[9] Due to this occurrence the human is favored by God and is said to be given God’s light which leads through them to complete perfection. The previous saying illuminates the idea that behind the true objective behind creation is God’s desire to be known. which is fulfilled through the perfect human being.^[9] wikipedia.   

HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2016!

                                            

This is the first morning of a new day, a new week, a new month and a New Year; fare thee well 2015 and hello 2016. It has been one long drag of a year 2015 has been for most people nationally as well as internationally; I would not consider it to be one of the most prosperous year of my life. What happened? What went down? There is no point in looking back and recapping the whole year's events but the most highest moment or lowest, depending on how you look at it was in having to deal with my daughter's career moves from one job to another. It was a period of my being a father to her and how i handled her needs and how she reciprocated to my ways. it was not and easy year for both of us but it was a very good learning experience and i believe it also to be very fruitful. We have been able to come to see eye to eye of each other's ways as well learned to love and respect more between father and daughter.
Through her experience in the contemporary work place such as the Gala Restaurant and after the The Merchant Hotel here in Georgetown, I have come to respect her gumption about not willing to work for others anymore and wanting to do what she really cares about in her life. After quitting the Hotel, she was offered a manager's position to run a restaurant with a good salary but she turned it down and chose to flip burgers instead. She is doing this so that she can attend a seamstress class in the day time that will help her into becoming a fashion designer. So far so good. It is going to be a long haul but she seems happy and what is more important she is enthusiastic about it all.
                                               

Close friends the Western Food Corner chef.

 Her enthusiasm has affected me personally too and i find myself fulfilling my namesake and that being the "Cheeseburger Buddha' as i become her helper. 
A whole new experience opens up as we prepare burgers for customers who are mostly Chinese at the predominantly Chinese food court. I get to meet characters that i normally would not have any reason to even for a brief moment and i also got to know better our fellow vendors selling all kinds of food around us.

 The 'Ikan Bakar' BBQ Fish Lady.

                                             

Our neighbor the Satay Lady.

The New Year will I hope be a more productive one for all of us as we stroll along our individual paths towards what lies ahead and in store for us. As it is I feel fortunate that all three of us including my son Karim are hanging out together doing our own thing while helping out in any way we can to make it all come together for whatever each aspires to accomplish. I am happy that we can share what little we have and enjoy each other's company while it last.
For whatever it is worth, here is wishing all the Very best of a Happy new Year from us, 'The Baharis'.
Whatever it is - Let's make It Happen!

  

 

When all is said and done..

There are times or moments in your life when you feel like it is all for nothing really, wealth, friendship, the good life all the beautiful things that life has to offer; it is all clouds in an empty sky. There are moments if your life when it all makes a whole lot of sense as all your dreams and aspirations comes together and life is like a rainbow bridge over troubled with a pot of gold waiting at the other end. Whenever you feel high like kite know that it too will come to an end when there is no wind or the string snaps and whenever you feel low know that the next wave that comes along will lift you up and take you for a wild exhilarating ride of your life; just be aware and ready when this happens. And this too will pass as the Sufi Master, Naseruddin is said to have said whenever in a good or bad situation.
You are merely riding the wave or simply put surfing the crest of the wave avoiding getting sucked down into the deep as you traverse life's busy highways. You can stop by and admire the roadside attractions or even settle down for a bit if you find it worth you while and then move on when it seems like you are getting to mired into the detours you have taken. You try not to let yourself get sucked into the riptide that is pulling you towards the distant rocks and crush you to pieces before you know it. This is Life's busy highway that most of us passes through in our everyday life, some in deep sleep while others in zombie modes and very few in a state of awakened awareness. We barely read the caution signs anymore as it passes by and before we know it we end up in a dead end wondering where we took the wrong turn. By the time we realize that all these roads and highways are there to lead us on towards our own demise in one form or another it is too late and we find ourselves running out of steam to make any significant changes; "Oh my God, and I worked all my life for this?!" 
Most of us will let our last breath out with deep regrets over things that we were not able to do or things we have done which we should not have; such Is. There will always be something that is is not fulfilled or completed, there will always be unresolved issues or matters left not reconciled like between loved ones or siblings. The man who departs from this life with no qualms about leaving this life for any reason is one who has lived fully with no baggage to carry with him nor any wanting. He has found ultimately who he is and who he has been all along that there is no more to seek for or questions to be answered; there is only letting go.  

Clearing the path as we move along.

How much time have you wasted thinking of things that really have no concern or significance to your personal well being? Episodes, people, occurrences, accidents, wrong accusations and reactions, things that you go through in a day, things that sticks to your mind simply because you were exposed to them. These are what occupies your mental states most of the time each playing out their dramas from beginning till the end and then with some additional twists and turns from your mind to make it more acceptable or justifiable or even more exciting than it really is. Most of us do this if not all of us as we strive to fill up the empty spaces in between the line of thoughts that runs through our conscious mind. Our mind especially the minds of those who lives unaware that they even think, is an energy box that never ceases to play each and every episode that crosses its path and if it runs out of them it will create from dreams and consciousness beyond; it is the worse kind of addiction, thinking is.
One way that i find helps me to narrow down the line of thoughts that flows through my mind is to keep on writing my observations of how my mind function. By keeping an on going journal such as this blogging I find it possible for me to at least catch myself thinking up a storm over matters that are really a brew in the tea cup. By keeping an ongoing awareness of what transpires through my mind i am able to sieve through and filter what i feel aught to be focused on more so than others when i am thinking.If I have to put up with an addictive thinking mind that never wants to quit, than I might as well think of more awesome thoughts that helps me to heal myself, mentally, physically as well as spiritually. Through meditation I channel my thoughts more consciously away from wanting to kill my cat or the guy who gave me the dirty looks for no apparent reason or feel anger towards ISIS or the Zionist regime and stay more with how can I heal my lower back pains or flatten my pot belly or help to find a solution to the ills of my society.
Through years of watching and observing and putting to the test of the rights and wrongs in life, I have come realize that at the end of the day it is the little things in life that makes for the greater; the ground you walk upon has to be made solid...this is your Dharma position as the Buddhas calls it. The ground from which you stand and deliver who you truly are, for better or worse. Building this firm foundation from which you stand and deliver your 'sermons' or your deeds is fundamental in all our existence if we are awakened beings, beings that have been exposed to the truths of past Masters, Gurus and Teachers. No man is above or beneath himself in what he chooses to be and the highest order of being is to manifest that which is the Divine in him. Allah has ninety nine Beautiful Names known as  Al Asma Al Husna and these Names are attributes of the Divine Nature of the Al Mighty like the All Compassionate, All Merciful, All Seeing, All knowing and so forth. For man it is in these attributes that he has to aspire to  to emulate and become like his Maker. Allah does not let it be known that He has 99 Beautiful Names for no apparent reason but to give man an example of what to strive for to return to his original being. Hence Muslims are encouraged to Zikr (Meditative chanting) to these names it is my own opinion that it is to help man to realize his inherent nature and strive to regain it for as long as he is alive. Al Insan Kamil, The perfect man, is he who manifest these attributes in his daily actions, he becomes Godly.

You make the difference.

You want to serve humanity? Do the laundry for your wife your kids your relatives and friends who could use your help in times of need. Be aware and awake at all times to the needs of others help to make it easy for them to live their lives day to day...as the Beatles sang in one of their songs..."I get by with a little help from my friends." Giving does not have to be a major donation or grant for a foundation, simply giving a little time to listen to someone or give a lift or a ride, give and advice or a few good words of Love and Compassion to those who could use some; this is giving. It is not something out of the ordinary that needs to be announced or celebrated as there is no giver and none receiving in essence. You are serving humanity the very moment you let your actions become a source of help to ease the burden of others no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

There is not a leaf that falls from the tree in the forest that does not stir the air that envelops the planet; not an action that is done by you positive or negative that goes unnoticed. You are the Universe in action, manifesting as you go along creating and destroying as the case may be and being a Universe of your own at the same time from within you manifest what is without. It is said careful what you wish for in this life, is a statement that has a far reaching effect that most of us are totally unaware of as what we wish for is and will be manifest in one form or another in time with or without your knowledge of it happening. There times you wonder hwy things happen to you for no apparent reason but you fail to remember that at some point in your life you have set in motion the circumstances that has led to this effect; some call it dejavu when things happen like they had experienced it before. You leave your print in the Universe as so does billions before and after you and as such it all gets molded up into one lump of a Universe of thoughts and ideas , wish and dreams, seen and unseen.
So if you think you make no significant impact upon humanity and the environment while you are alive on this plane of existence, well sit and contemplate deeply on who you truly are and what force you play upon this plane. Those who have made great impacts upon humanity were men and women who saw themselves as prime movers and shakers and not just as a heard of cattle being primed for the slaughterhouse. 

“Do not share the knowledge with which you have been blessed with everyone in general, as you do with some people in particular; and know that there are some men in whom Allah, may He he glorified, has placed hidden secrets, which they are forbidden to reveal.” 
― Ali

Was God Bored that he created the Universe?

It is said that 'Seeing is Believing'. This idiom may refer to primarily the seeing with the naked eye, the physical eye which often is used to disproof of supernatural phenomena or the unseen Like what i can see and touch or register into some form of recording, I will believe. However seeing with the heart is something else that is not as easy to explain or put in words, like trying to explain satori to someone who has no understanding of Zen or Buddhism whatsoever. It is like holding water in the palm of your hand and trying to quench the thirst of another, it is almost an impossible effort. The heart sees with a sense of invisible feeling, it is there but i just cannot put it into words.
Consecutively today and tomorrow is the Birthdays of two of the greatest and wisest men who had walked the earth. Both having been Prophets and whose followers makes up for more than half the world's population; the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and the Prophet Isa or Jesus, the Son of Mary (AIS). Both the Muslims and Christians are celebrating these birthdays each in the own ways all over the world. Unfortunately in their names too there will be killing and brutality committed by the followers all in the name of religious and sectarian belief. It is a paradox that mankind has been inflicted with as he grapples with the truth of what Is. In this matter it is the heart that is able to see beyond words and manifestations; it is within the heart that the answer is found.  
One has to approach the heart like one is looking into a tabernacle where all the secrets of life is held in. One looks into the heart with awe and reverence for it is where the Divine Essence of who you are resides; it is the abode of the Spark of Life that was the beginning  From this spark originated the 'Big Bang' and in Islam I believe it is called the 'Nur Muhammad' or Light of Muhammad and it was said that out of this Light that the Lord Created the Universe.

It is related that Jābir ibn ‘Abd Allāh (r) said to the Prophet (s), “O Messenger of Allāh, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you, tell me of the first thing Allāh created before all things.” He said: O Jābir, the first thing Allāh created was the light of your Prophet from His light, and that light remained[1] in the midst of His Power for as long as He wished, and there was not, at that time, a Tablet or a Pen or a Paradise or a Fire or an angel or a heaven or an earth. And when Allāh wished to create creation, he divided that Light into four parts and from the first made the Pen, from the second the Tablet, from the third the Throne, then He divided the fourth into four parts [and from them created everything else].[2]

The Prophet (s) told Jābir (r), “O Jābir! The first thing that Allāh created is the light of your Prophet.” If we heed what modern physics is teaching us, then that light must be the source of the great Big Bang. Physicists say that before that event, there was nothing. Then Allāh said, “Kun―Be!” and “it was―fayakūn.”

In explaining this tremendous aspect of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (s), Shaykh ‘Abd al-Qādir Jilānī, (d. 561) in his book Sirr al-asrār fi mā yahtāju ilayh al-abrār said:

Know that since Allāh first created the soul of Muhammad (s) from the light of His beauty, as He said: I created Muhammad from the light of My Face, and as the Prophet said: The first thing Allāh created is my soul, and the first thing Allāh created is the Pen, and the first thing Allāh created is the Intellect - what is meant by all this is one and the same thing, and that is the haqīqa muhammadīyya. However, it was named a light because it is completely purified from darkness, as Allāh said, “There has come to you from Allah a Light and a manifest Book.”

It was also named "an intellect" because it is the cause for the transmission of knowledge, and the pen is its medium in the world of letters. The Muhammadan soul (al-rūh al-muhammadīyya) is therefore the quintessence of all created things and the first of them and their origin, as the Prophet said: I am from Allāh and the believers are from me, and Allāh created all souls from me in the spiritual world and He did so in the best form. It is the name of the totality of mankind in that primordial world, and after its creation by four thousand years, Allāh created the Throne from the light of Muhammad himself, and from it the rest of creation.[4]
However, what Allāh (swt) created and gave to the Prophet (s) at that time no one knows. He said:

In all my studies of the various religions such as Hinduism and Christianity, Judaism and Buddhism and many others, I find the truth in this in Islam. I feel it in my heart more than any other teachings as to be what is to me to be an acceptable revelation as to the origin of Creation itself. Most other explanation bears too many loopholes and does not carry water or I might just say incomplete in essence. The skeptics and atheist, the scientists and philosophers may be able to ridicule such claim but they cannot refute one single truth about the whole nature of Creation and that is the simple question as to not how but why. Why was the Universe created or happen to be or whatever, why would someone or something took all the effort and energy to create such a glorious piece of creation and for what purpose? And then why create a thinking being like the homo sapiens to ask this question and demand for its answer throughout the ages: Boredom?

What is Pure Consciousness.

What is it to be human? Why do we call ourselves human beings? No matter who we are where we are or on this planet, how young or old how smart or stupid how beautiful or ugly, we are all human beings or Homo Sapiens. 
Homo sapiens (Latin: "wise person") is the binomial nomenclature (also known as the scientific name) for the only extant human species. Homois the human genus, which also includes Neanderthals and many other extinct species of hominid; H. sapiens is the only surviving species of the genus Homo. 
We are a surviving specie that can call itself 'Wise' for our ability to think, to feel, to experience and share our experience with our fellow species. We are capable of Love and Hate, sorrow and joy and we can tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong; we are the thinking species on this planet. 
Some believe like all else in this Universe, we have evolved while other believe that we were 'placed upon this planet by a higher or greater Being or our Creator at some point in the history of this planet and were made to propagate and become nations all over the face of this earth. We are even said to be 'sent' down to inhabit this planet from above or a higher dimension of existence along with the rest of those who for one reason or another sent down with us to become not only inhabitants but as caretakers of this Planet. Whatever the reason or circumstances may have been, whatever the cause that had led us to become who we are today, we as humans have become a specie that is on the verge of our own demise; we have become 'self destructive' and along with this nature we are also destroying all that is around us. In short we are robbing ourselves of our humanity.
How and why we have reached such a state in our history is anyone's theory and thoughts, anyone's views and perception and thus far none can say what really has happened to us throughout our historical existence; like where did we go wrong? Why have become so self destructive and predatory worse than the wild creatures of the planet. We have buried layer upon layer of civilizations as archaeologists and science is beginning to uncover and most are brought to extinction through self annihilation of wars. What is disturbing in this day and age is that if and when the next holocaust occurs it will have the capacity to wipe out not only one civilization or tribe but the whole specie itself and most probably taking along the rest of planet's sentient beings.
Is there any chance hat Man can reverse his fortune, take control of his fate or even become a Master of his destiny. How or What would it take for Man to see that he is the cause of his own inevitable demise? How much more can history reveal to him that he may discover the causes and remedy the effects of past experiences and how much more must he endure before he realizes that it is within his reach to help and heal this splintered soul of his and make it whole again just as the Universe itself needs this positive energy to heal; man is causing the Universe to expand for as long as he looks out for the solution to his predicament. Tremendous amount of energy is used up when projected externally and the energy is dissipated as it expands into emptiness or void of space. It is like the breathing out of the Universe into space. Man needs to reverse this process by looking within, working from within, into his inner 'Universe' where energy is conserved and sustained to create more energy for creation itself. 
Like the engine of a vehicle, the human physical form is like a generator that houses a power to drive the engine and thus create motion. The intake valve is more important than the exhaust and it requires greater care that it is constantly clean and well balanced where the elements of air and fuel, fire and water are concern. I am no mechanic but it is in my limited understanding that if any component of the basic element is out of proportion the engine will not function ideally. This is the 'breathing in' aspect of the human physical function, this is the source of the energy that governs all internal as well as external. Breath, as I have always emphasized in the past is the key to all creation. Like a swinging door, it swings in when you breath in and swings out when you breath out, if you stop, you are dead; the Universe cease to exist.
Hence what impact have you upon the Universe as Homo Sapiens? Individually perhaps it is impossible to make any dramatic claim, however collectively, as a whole, as one unified entity, the human element is the 'Force that shapes our Universe.' Some call this Unified whole, God, some call Yaweh or Jehovah while others may call It Allah (SWT), while yet others may call it simply The Force. or Pure Consciousness. Most are not even aware of what it is all about much less care to find out. It is this ignorance of the vast majority of the species that has led Man down the path of self destruction.

  

The little things in life.

Two days ago during a heavy rain storm at the Sungai Pinang Food Court the makeshift canvas awning accumulated allot of water and sagged threatening to topple over my Daughter's burger stand. The Chinese guy trying to prop it up is the CDs seller who happens to be taking shelter from the storm. Where is the Safety Standards on this?

It was chaos not to mention a dangerous episode as everyone were yelling and screaming but not doing much else.  The management was not around although the men who were supposed to be working for them stood at a distance watching and later claiming this and that. The guy who was supposed to be the maintenance men appeared only after most of the chaos had been settled down and the rain lessen like he appeared out of nowhere solving the problem.

Last night i said good bye to my trusty friend the Kancil. Picture taken with wheel of 'karma lighten up in the background where the fair ground is. Someone according Huat has offered to buy the car. I drove this little car 10 times back and forth from Georgetown, Penang to Kuala Terengganu on the East Coast to visit my family. I received from Huat my mechanic friend RM300 and RM250 went to my daughter who needs about that amount to pay for her medical check up s well as uniform for her sewing class at Giat MARA. It all worked out leaving me with RM50 to play with.

My friend Ah Huat upgrading my new set of wheels that he insist i should be driving at my age as it is fully automatic. You do not have to worry about the air conditioner not working, he laughed. The car is his 'Gift' for me like payable when able and so forth. I am indebted to this simple man who treats me like his own father. I have in the past often called myself the 'Elegant Beggar' and now I am living it. Between Huat and my friend Lee Khai, I am okay. It actually is more than just them giving me it is more like a give and take situation and money just happens when I am really in need; yes a beggar i still am.

All looks good! The words on the side of the van in the background says 'Tour Bus' and that is what i am driving now; a tour bus.