Only God Knows.

Sometimes i find myself drifting towards writing like I am a Guru or a spiritual guide or something; I am a student. My journey my trip is to clear my own path, towards what some call awakening or enlightenment, some call it the journey of a seeker towards finding his Maker or his own true nature; whatever it may be i am not preaching to anyone, only pointing my own directions towards that which is my goal or better yet, salvation. To give meaning to my own existence even if it is self seeking and nothing more. I would like to feel like i made the effort towards understanding of mu human nature, its strength and weaknesses, its miraculous beauty as The Lord had wanted it to be, full of incredible mechanisms and with the ability to perform extraordinary feats that often defies imagination; my physical body is a Miracle in itself.
I find that as I am writing this late in my life and with an ongoing script about my self discovery embankment, from the day my blog was set up for me by my close friend Fadzly Mubin in Kyala Terengganu sometime on 2005, whose suggestion it was that i should keep an ongoing blog, I am assuming the role of a teacher when I write. It all happened over time and in progression that i write more directly without holding back my thoughts as though it seems i am more confident in my thoughts; i am saying what i mean and not merely intellectualizing. When i say I have had a spiritual awakening experience a few times in my life, that is what I mean; mini  Satori it is called in Zen Buddhist tradition and I have shared a few of these in the past. 
These realizations as i would like to call them helped me in healing my aging body and mind, it helps to maintain a good perspective of how far or how near to death. A simple act of sitting meditation or Zazen as the Zen schools call it will rejuvenate every fiber in my body through a steady flow of conscious breathing. It also helps to bring into alignment my body and mind and create a balance within and without of my consciousness by the simple act of letting go of unnecessary thoughts or any thought for that matter; finding peace and tranquility; finding rest. I am a student of Zen Practice and I am a Muslim too. I have been told that I am eclectic, that i pick and choose the best in and of all possibility to fulfill my goals. Yes I am and it is in my nature that I like to experiment with my life, I am constantly putting myself to the test...what if?
WallahuAllam! Only He knows.