The Body is Still in the process of healing..

I have been having this fever and sore throat for the past week or so and it does not seem to abate. Alot of phlem dripping into the back of the throat causing irritation and prompting fits of caughs and expelling globs of thick gooee phlem like eeeyach!!! But hey its all part and parcel of the healing process or realignment of the physical elements of the body. I had put it into motion by deeply suggesting that the body goes through the healing process like telling every single atoms, molecules of photons and electrons, every single cell white and red corpuscles of the blood in the body system, every piece of organ and tissues and bones to heal. To renew, rejuvanate, recharge and renew... to remove and replace all waste or unwanted dead materials, realign and seek the balances of all opposing elements, like hot and cold, dry and wet of the body fluids etc. etc... I did this a few weeks in a row of continuously practicing this 'auto-suggestion' through meditaiton before going to bed and upon waking up and i did this just about every year for as long as i can remember... I learned this while living in Alaska after reading a book on Raja Yoga, got stuck with the practice ever since. Thought not much about it untill I started noticing that I get sick like i am now after a while of doing this practice.
Or perhaps its just a common flu like everyone is experiencing these days hoping the it is nothing more serious like H1N1 or dengue fever. If it is why not? Anything to exit this life as far as I am concern, the legal and natural way any which way but loose! As it is I feel very much like a zombie, a walking dead with my head splitting and my soul screaming to be set free from this so called existence. But it is still alll part and parcel of the healing process for even the spirit has to be realigned and the Soul to be appeased, this splintered soul.
"I am the master of my thoughts and conciousness , I am the master of the body speach and mind" the Raja Yoga had explained this principle many years ago and I adhered to it religously reaffirming this to myself everytime I find my thoughts wandering aimlessly into the darker side of despair. I suffer from 'manic depression' someone worth his salt in psychiary would point out if he or she had been following my blog or 'I am simply a born looser', who never seems to be able to make ends meet despite all the good graces i had been awarded throughout my life. Guilty as charged i would concede to all these prognosis but still maintains that life sucks! Only the historical Buddha had the guts to challenge this and discovered for Himself the road to liberation from the circle of life, death and rebirth and he did it for a humanity trapped in this Mayavic existence and that was some 2600 yeas ago when the Hindu brahmins were offering human sacrifice to their deities.
Today with the decadence of Islam mankind is in the worse state of spitiual ignorance all over the world, its like man has returned to the dark ages or the age of 'jahiliah' as was in the dark days of the Prophet of Allah. The only difference being that in this day and age we are too arrogant to admit that after all that is said and done about our capacity to learn and understand about ourselves we are still no better than our fellow creatures of the animal kingdom or in most cases even worse when it comes down to it. Why? How do we answer this question in such a way that it encompasses all of us, not just the Muslims, the Jews and Christians but All of us, collectively, Universally. How do we collectively step out of this vicious circle that is sucking us into a vortex like sinking into a Blackhole. It has no discrimination to who we are or what what we believe, how rich or how poor, it is pulling us towards the center where like a helpless flotsam we will be sucked down under sooner than later.
We need to sacrifice just like the brahmins of old but Allah had sanction that instead of a human life as in the Story of Abraham and Ismail man can replace it with a sacrificial lamb. Our collective sacrificial lamb is our ability to sacrifice our 'Ego'. That which has been the cause of many a downfall of mankind historically, albeit in statesmanship or sports, in conflict management or an act of mercy, whatever it is man has been led by the AlMighty Ego in making his decisions which is most of all 'self serving' in nature. My, my, mine! Mine is the right choice, the right way, the right deal screw yours! My country has God on its side, my belief system is infalable, mine is the chosen one... and so on we go willing to kill or be killed for this 'Our Way of Life". Collectively we are still in the tribal age with a very highly segregated mentality in just about every aspect of our so called 'pursuit of happiness' if not more so than ever and we claim this a Globalization Age.
There is no easy solution, no Sir, and it will get even harder and nastier as mankind strives for each other's throat in order to stake his tribal claim, his right of supremacy, his God given right as the Khalifah. Behind it all is the ever present ego, (Satan? Mara? Dajal?) just about every religion has identified it collectively this pride and prejudice, the desire to be on top, the number one, bigger and larger than thou kind of attitude. Allah is the only One that in Truth, exist (Mahawujud) and none else. Kind of hard to swallow that I do not exist in actuality even if science has proven beyond doubt that we are mere atoms flikering about in space at a different speed (my simplified version) and when we seize to exist we just fall back to our original natire basically back to the five elements that is combined to to sustain our existence. But hey! who in his or her right mind would like to go around claiming that "I dont exist!', No Sir-ee Bob! They would lodge me into a mental home to have a few screws re adjusted in my head so that i can 'feel' my existence for sure.
In essence 'Islamization of Knowledge', or Christianizing it, as my good friend the Doc. (Pearls & Gem blog) and his fellow 'panel' member a Prof. Wan Mohd Nor are in the process of cooking is only possible if in the spirit of "the Sacrifice" of Abraham and his son Ismail, if mankind as a whole is willing to make that giant leap of faith and scrifice the 'collective ego'. For even the term Islamization of Knowledge in itself stinks of an egotistical claim, (stated with all due respect, Doc.). When Barak Obama can stand and say I am for mankind as a whole not just Americans or Jews, Muslims or Blacks or White, Chinese or Indians, No Sir! I am the champion for mankind as a whole. The impossible dream, yet with all the tools in our possesion, the Internet, the United Nations Organizations and hosts of others, we cannot come to this realization in a million years, we will still sink like rats governed by our individual and tribalistic entrapments. Me, me, my, my mine, mine, and the country I come from has God on its side!

A Proposal- Master's Degree Program.

The Master’s Degree program proposal is a continuation of my acquired Bachelor’s degree program from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, Wisconsin. USA. It will be based on the initial idea of the pioneer program called “The University without Walls” as introduced by the University of Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin in 1979.
The primary idea of this program was to allow qualified students to pursue their own ‘self designed’ program after having fulfilled the requirements for being selected. The selection of students was based on their academic performance which in this case was to have acquired a 3.7 grade point average after their third semester in school and having a proposal written and submitted to four faculty members from different schools to be deliberated. Upon their satisfaction that the proposal was acceptable the student was called before a panel to present his ideas and concepts to his proposal. I was accepted without having to do the interview.

The gist of my written proposal was to be allowed to do my studies out of the studios and campus in essence to be able to travel away from the academic surrounding and live and perform as an artist on the street anywhere in the world. My rational was that as an artist I had done as much as I could and learned as much as I could on the basic studio works and felt that I could understand myself as an artist better if I had the chance to explore the world as an artist. My studio instructors were thrilled with the idea and gave me their full blessing with a few donating art materials and even pocket money for my intended journey.

When I left the University on my first trip as an ‘Independent Student’, I left for England where I did a lot of sketching, drawings, photography and writing. All in all I had carried fifteen credits worth of workload for one semester study. Upon returning from this trip I present my works to the various instructors under whose classes I was registered. My presentation included a slide show lecture of my trip, a sketchbook full of sketches I had done and a written summary of my thoughts and impressions of my personal experiences as an artist traveling in England.




With initial success I planned my second trip which took me to South American countries of Colombia and Ecuador doing similar projects which upon return to the University was well accepted as testified by the straights ‘A’s that I acquired. One of the outcome of my trip to England was my desire to keep an ongoing journal of my trips which included sketches and drawing, writings and pictures an sometimes including scraps of materials I found interesting and reflected my experiences while also acting as documentation in the form of dates and events.

My next trip took me to three States in the South West of the United States, the state of Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. On this trip I practically lived out of my car which was loaded with canned foods and a tent among other things. My experiences on this journey was unforgettable as along the way I had many great adventures and was able to meet with some very interesting personalities and unique characters. My last rip was done in Malaysia where I was able to return to this country and captured the cultural events that was happening during my stay such as the Thaipusam, a Malay wedding in Penang, a trip up the Rajang River in Sarawak and being a guest at a long house for the Gawai Hantu celebration of the Ibans. Visiting the east Coast State of Terengganu I was able to capture some of the most beautiful pictures of the Redang and Kapas islands which very much captivated the impressions of the Americans in Green Bay not only the University students but the community as well as I was regularly invited to make a presentation by church groups and schools when news got around.

I have had ever since kept the ongoing journal of my travels which till this date has taken the form of a Blog which I called the Ramblings of the Cheeseburger Buddha. My travels in my later life took me to Alaska where I did commercial fishing in the Bering Sea and lived for two years on Sand Point in the Aleutian Isle. I may safely claim to be the first Malaysian to have done so as I have yet to meet a fellow Malaysian who had undertaken such a venture. I later moved to San Francisco Bay Area where I lived and worked for ten years. Working at such vocations as an organic farm hand, a produce buyer, a Supervisor for and Environmental Company among other things I still kept my journals alive with sketches and drawings and whatever else that came in handy.




My life took me to Sendai, Japan for three years after living in San Francisco and there I continued pursuing my art by frequenting the Miyagi Museum of Fine Arts almost on a daily basis. The Museum’s policy of ‘open studios’ allowed me to create some of my best creations and I met some of the most exciting Japanese artists from around the area and shared their ideas and perceptions about art while also having six solo exhibitions in the three year period I was living there. My fascination with Japanese arts and culture had been satisfied to a great extent having lived among the Japanese for three years raising two of my youngest children while at it. The Japanese experience has been culminated in a book I called ‘The Cheeseburger Buddha in Sendai’ (yet to be published.)

It has now been ten years since my return to my hometown of Georgetown Penang and I am still aggressively fulfilling my intended course of study which is based on the original intention of understanding Art in the context of Universal Understanding, Art in the pursuit of the meaning of what it takes to be an artist and exist among your fellow man and benefiting them with your God given talent. To discover what it takes to become a well rounded wholesome character respected by your peers as well as society as a whole for what you are, an Artist.

I have spent almost four years now involving myself with the activities being carried out by the Museum and Galleri Tuanku Fauziah at USM and from this experience I have further been able to have three major solo exhibitions in the City of Georgetown including the Penang State Art Gallery. I believe that success as ‘being an Artist’ is not so much in how well know you are of how many shows and recognition you have had hanging on your belt although these are part and parcel; being a successful artist to me is a realization deep within oneself that it is something special that you are ‘Graced’ with and to honor this ‘Grace’ by being an excellent well rounded wholesome entity existing as an man of ‘Art’.

Most Art student that I have encountered in this country and abroad has found themselves stagnated after having completed their academic studies and lost for what to do with their qualifications out of school. Most ended up abandoning their art degrees opting for a more conventional career with a few lucky ones who persevered ending up being Art teachers. Their original motive for becoming a creative and productive individual giving way to the necessities of eking a living just like everyone else thus sacrificing their God given talent inherent within them. Most ended up making a distinct separation between Art and their daily activities, like geography or history, just another subject to be studied for no apparent reason than to fulfill an academic requirement or merely for general knowledge. Most fail to grasp the essence of what is art in their human development agenda that is propagate, promote and nurture their sense of awareness and creativity throughout their lives. To seek and discover that which is primordial within them and manifest or actualize it in their daily lives while at the same time being able to share this manifestation with the general public regardless of what their vocation may be.

Being an artist in my opinion is synonymous with embarking upon a journey of ‘self discovery’ where a student is led the way to look within and without in order that he may discover who he is and what his uniqueness in being a person has to offer the world at large. He is led to understand where he stands from in making his individualized statement or in manifesting his thoughts or product, this is his original creation, his original thought his originality recognized as such by his peers and public alike. This journey of self discovery will hone and intensify his sense of awareness and intellectual understanding when confronted with the challenges of everyday life albeit at the workplace or on the street, at the dinner table or in the court of law. A mind that has been honed in its creative and expressive development is rarely a victim of mediocrity in words thoughts and deeds nor will it be subjected to easy manipulation or exploitation by others. Such a mind is always on the go seeking, questing looking for ways and means to express it above and beyond what is expected normally.

The artist it is said is the worse critique of his own product, he is the experimenter and the analyzer of his own self development just like a child with an inquisitive mind. Only the artist persevere in his discipline for as long as he is in the process of creating his works or pursuing his objective with the passion of not settling for anything less than ‘Being original’. To arrive at a state where his creative endeavor can be affirmed as ‘His Style ‘ or his ‘Touch’, the artist has to go through a long process of self discovery on who he really is or what it takes to ‘Be an Artist’,
and All these to be accomplished effortlessly without fanfare or exageration like a tree that has finally bore fruits after having survived the trials and tibulations that nature has thrown at it.

An art student who carries the title of 'Master of Fine Arts' in my opinion has to carry under his belt the road map for his rights of passage to having the title. A map the can reveal the roads and path he or she had treaded, slipped and slided, scrambbled and fall, a map that records his or her victories and success no matter how large or small that he can share when the time is right around the academic campfires or at a Solo Exhibition of his works in a prestigious gallery, or even at a coffee shop where art is being discussed and the question is being put to him ...what is your opinion about Art? Or what is 'being an Artist?

Recapping the Ramblings

It's over four years now and some 360 odd entries since I started putting my thoughts and feelings down, if not for anything else, just simply for lack of better things to do. Today, upon looking back at some of my earliest blogs, I realize how much I have changed and how little change has affected my life in the past four years. Most impotantly it is through the writing of this blog that I am being made aware that I have four children instead of just three and that it is through the writing of this blog that I can recount the expereinces i have had in dealing with the Malaysian Immigration and Registery Deaprtment about my children's nationality status. Many things have transpired over the four-year period when this blog was set up, which was sometime in March of 2005, and this includes the departure of my late wife, Nancy Buss Bahari @ Nur Syamila Bt. Abdullah in her home state of Colombia, Illinois. I never did get to see her till the end of her days, something that I feel not so great about.

I am not feeling well myself of late, sore throat, tooth ache, feverish, kind of things that is indicative of an oncoming fever of one kind or another, which I can ill afford to have right now, albeit mentally, physically or financially. But them are the breaks! My mother did tell me that there will be times like these and many of them throughout one's life so learn to roll with the dice, she said. Life is like a roller coaster ride ever changing one time you are up then you are down or as the Zen master once said 'Life is like a swinging door, you breath in it swings in and you breath out it swings out, you stop breathing and you are dead", I like this saying better.

One of the changes in my life evesince my return from my sojourn overseas a period of more than 24 years is that I have come to accept the teachings of Islam with more genuine feeling and much thoghts and struggles agains all my demons have been put into this gradual drift back into the religion of my mother and her mother. I fully admit that Islam had very little appeal or as a matter of fact, hurt my life in my younger days, especially during those years i was living a hedonistic life of an artist in the United States. I began to realize that I needed to return to my mother's religion only after I was living in Japan and raising my two children who were then two and three years of age and I was the homemaker as my wife was working full time like your average Japanese salary man, out with the birds in the early morning and home with them in the late evening. Living in Japan was not bad, as far as livng standard went but something was not right, and it dawned on me when I had an incident with my preschool-aged children while putting them to bed.

After all the singing and bedtime stories told my daughter was still whining incessantly in Japanese, and it got to me. Having lost my temper, I yelled at her to shut up and go to sleep. My son, who was barely three then said to me in English that all she wanted was some water (mizu). I got her a glass of water after which she fell asleep. I felt small and helpless, having lost my temper at her over such a small matter simply because I did not understand her whining in Japanese asking for a drink of water. That night I decided that it was time to make a change for the whole family and decided that I wanted to raise my children where i can understand them and at the same time they can get to know their father's cultural past. We made our move to Kuala Terengganu on the east coast, where my wife had a job teaching at one of the colleges, and I got a job working as a Health and Safety Officer at the Petronas refinery site in Kerteh, Terengganu.

Perhaps it was not the right decision as far as my wife was concerned, perhaps i should have remained with them in Japan where we had many good friends and were relatively comfortable with life, but the dye was cast and whether right or wrong, these last four years has been a testimony. my wife who was converted to Islam, is now no more and my children, who has grown up in this country, has yet to be recognized as its citizens and i am still living hand to mouth while putting my daughter through her last year in secondary school. What will become of us in the next few years only Allah knows and I have fully accepted my faith in Him anive as it may sound to some. My two children have a taste of what it is like to grow up among their father's kith and kin and consider themselves Muslims in upbringing. Other than these, they had also had some great times while growing up in the East Coast as my wife and I had always made sure they had the best of what we could afford for them in those years. We spoiled them as some of my family members were eager to point out as part of our failure on how to raise kids.

Over the years, there is accusations made towards me over what had happened to my wife, especially from my sister in laws who accused me of ill-treating her or not taking care of her needs, like wasting her hard-earned money on buying art materials and so on. One of these complaints has even been written as a comment in my blog, which i have kept as a reminder for myself of what can go wrong in life. Unfortunately, it was written anonymously in Bahasa Malaysia, which means that the writer who i strongly believe is a woman, was playing it safe as all cowards do when pointing their fingers at someone. Time and again, I have asserted that I am not a model of a father or husband but I loved my wife and respected her for many reasons, the least of which was because she was an American or white or caucasian. When I met my wife in San Francisco, she was recovering from a broken relationship that had ended with an abortion. I married my wife back then out of compassion, more than any other reason. I wanted to give her a life she had deserved and which she failed to achieve with her former relationships, three out of which ended with an abortion for her. I gave my wife her two beautiful children and a taste of being a mother to them, even if it was for a short time, before death claimed her in the prime of her life.

I have no idea why I am reflecting on these events of my life on this particular day but as Friday, today, might as well let it all out. For those who have judged me harshly and frowned upon my wife and children and yes they know who they are and for those who have the idea that they really know me I hope they realize that what I write about how good or how bad I am is beyond their comprehension and my advice is to let sleeping dogs lie. I am answerable only to my Maker, He that created me and He that will take me back to Himself or what is rightfully His that is in me. In the meantime, life must go on and there is much to do and so little time left to do it. Right or wrong is a sickness of your mind, the Buddha taught, suffering is and none who suffers he was said to have declared and Nirvana Is none who attains...it. Do you know what the hell He was talking about? Do you care to know? Who untangles the tangle?

At the Friday prayer today the Imam was talking about 'Sacrifice' given the coming of the Aidil Adzha the Hajj performing month and he mentioned Jihad or the struggle. The much distorted and abused and misused term 'Jihad' in Islam is a far cry from what is being made to understand by those who are out to see Islam in the gutter laid to rest among the ancient antiquities. Jihad is not about out to kill non Muslims, (unless the prescribed situation is met with according to the injunctions of the law), it is not a carte blanch to declare a holy war against any tribe or nation or any non Muslim, Jihad has a far greater meaning and its meaning is aimed at the individual soul. It is the war or securing one's soul from the temptations of what the Buddha calls this world of Maya, this Illusive material world full of trappings and hidden agendas that one simply cannot imagine how intricately woven these are untill one is caught fully in one of them. Just like a drug addict with his dependance on his fix or a drunk on his liquor or a pervert on his whoring appetites. This is the greater Jihad! The bigger war that one declares within oneself against all the forces of one's egoistic tendencies that has claimed Kings and Emperors, the Pauper and the Fool alike. In Islam this situation is further exerbated by the prescence of the Shaitan and his hordes of mischief makers luring the unwary to their doom, while the Buddha in his teachings called it Mara and his hordes, the Christians their Anti-Christ and his minions who are out to claim the rights over human souls like a gamble between good and EVIL. But off course there are those who can dismiss all these as old folks' tales to scare and bring one to conform to some sort of a collective belief. The Atheists have their holidays from having to deal with the thoughts of heaven and hell... thank God!! they say. Life is here and now and not in the hereafter or heaven and hell and the rest of the doom and gloom laid in store as promised by most divinely inspired religions.
What proof? They ask. Whoever came back and brought the DVDs of this so called after life of heaven and hell? What proof? And if there is a God, why the mess? The killing fields are getting more and more of a fad these days and age, its cropping up everywhere! Attila the Hun today does not have to ride his war horse into battle nor wipe his blade dry of blood to wipe out a village he just sends in his drone and followed by a bomber, the victims know not what hits them. The threat of Nuclear weapons as a deterrent is every nation's idea of a safety umbrella and the haves will do all they can to discourage the have-nots from acquiring such weapons of mass destruction. While some nations faces hunger and starvation others are out doing eachother on who can own the best circuit for an F1 event or build the tallest and grandiose building to fill the skies. Even then there are millions if not billions who do not give a hoot about what is happening in this so called Global day and age, life goes on for them like a clockwork.
And the question still remains,Who untangle the tangles?

In Memory of James Richardson Logan

James Richardson Logan was a visionary lawyer who devoted his life to the cause of justice and the persuit of knowledge. A champion of the non-European communities, he was responsible for the official recognition accorded local organizations and festivals.

Logan was born on 10 April 1819at harton hall, Berwickshire, Scotland. He studied law in Edinburg and first made his name in Penang in 1840 when he represented and Indian sireh(betel leaf) planter against the East India Company.
In 1842 James and his brother founded the journal of the Indian Archipelago and Eastern Asia (270 volumes) also known as Logan's Journal. In a prophetic article - The probable Effects On the Climate Of Pinang of The Continued Destruction Of Its Hill Jungles - published in 1848, James Logan voiced his concerns about the future ecology and environment of the island.

My dear friend KuSalma who made it all happen, (as always)

James Logan took over the Penang Gazette and played a major role in persuading P&O Liners to call at Penang. His language and Etimology of the Indian Archipelago also promoted better understanding of the peoples of the Nusantara region.

Both the Logan Brothers skilfully used the press to influence the public opinion in the Straits Settlements and encouraged the agitation for the transfer of the Straits Settlements government from the Indian Office to the Colonial Office in Singapore. This much celebrated transfer in 1867 which meant direct rule for the Straits Settlements and more efficient administeration is commemorated by the naming of what is today, Transfer Road.

Unveilling of Plaque by YA Dato' John Louis O'Hara

(High Court Judge, Penang)
James Logan died on 20th,. of October 1869 after a bout of malaria, and is buried in the Old Protestant Cemetery in Georgetown.

Eulogy given by Guest of Honour: Mr. Lim Kean Chye Esq.

(Doyen of the Penang bar)

The Logan Memorial was erected by the ,ocal people who mourned his passing and regarde his death as a 'public calamity'.

The memorial espounds the virtue of Justice, Wisdom, Fortitude and Temperance.

Logan Road in the city of georgetown was also named in his Memory.

The Union Man - Mamu Latiff

Last night having problem falling back to sleep after having taken a long nap in the evening I decided to hang out at Farouk's Coffee shop where another childhood friend of mine has stationed himslef like a fixture to the premises while continuing serving the community in his own way. To most patrons to the establishment(cooffee shop) patron he is known as 'Mamu' a Penang Malay or Mamak way of saying uncle but his real name is Latiff. Looking at him especially riding his bicycle along the road one would never imagine that he was once a Union president for one of the largest industrial firm in Penang, the Eastern Smelting Company or better known among the locals as Kilang Bijeh. Hardly cleared his way across the LCE level of education he had represented the trade Union body for over twenty years and had been invited to participate in Union Meetings in the United States, Australia, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Indonesia. Looking at him in appearence one would easily mistake him for a drug addict with his long hair and skinny physical appearence.
Latiff or Mamu was at the grave and sat beside me while they were burying our mutual childhood friend Lokan and i had told him of my discourse earlier with the deceased about him turning a new leaf from a drug addict to become a good Muslim who never missed his prayer or fasting during the month of Ramadan. I had told Lokan in jest that he most probably was going to the Hindu temple (To'Kong Hindu) to pray. Lokan was hurt by my jest(in his way) and when expressed like a true anak hantu Sungai Pinang it sounded vulgar but acceptable among close friends. (Hang celaka! Hang boleh kata macma tu kat aku...).
Upon seeing Latiff i asked what was new and in all serious manner he asked me to sit at his 'office table'. Since you asked I would like to tell you that i had a dream of our late friend and he told me in the dream that he saw both of us at the funeral and appreciative. But he also told me to tell me that you have to visi his grave on the fortieth day and perform a special 'Tahlil' for him, which amounted to reading the'Fatihah' forty times. Why? I asked. Well he told me about you saying that he had been praying at a Hindu temple when he had been going to the mosque to perform his 'Solat'. Really?? I was shocked believing him with his dream story. Latiff had a good laugh and told me he had me going.
One intresting character that my friend has is that he has an impeccable memory of everythigng and anything from who is who and what had happened some fifty years ago with fine details, I enjoy this as it helped me to picture my childhood years through his recollections. Latiff's Jihad is through his work as a Union Leader and he dipense free advice to whoever turn up at the coffee shop on matters such as SOCSO claims and KWSP issues. He also plays a role as a spiriutal cum motivational guru for the young adults who frequent the shop and as I sat there shooting the breeze with him just every guy that walked into the coffeeshop would greet him with 'Mamu!' He seems to know all their names and what they do who their parents are and even their grandparents were if you dig deeper into the subject.
He is a talker and his range of subjects covers just about everything under the sun, he once sent Lim Kit Seang a translation of the Q'uran as a gift to enlighten the DAP Leader of the Oppostion Party. He was almost arrested in Australia for demonstrating with the human rights activists on behalf of the Aboriginese there while visiting the country for a different purpose. He is an admirer of Tun Mahathir Mohd. whose leadership he believes had helped to protect the Malay rights and thinks so highly of the former Prime Minister as to claim him to be a 'wali' or saintlike sent to save the Malays and UMNO, the ruling Party componnent of Barisan Nasional. He is a staunch believer in the ISA (Internal Security Act) which he believes helps to keep the country from going anarchic with all the various races taking advantage of a weak rule of law in such Multiracial Country as Malaysia. It is a 'necessary evil' to help keep check and balances. In his performance of duty as a President of one of the largest Union bodies in the country he acted strictly with 'Aqidah" or spirutal principle and commitment and through this principle had overcome many obstacles even when facing the best in the industrial management committees the country had to offer.
Latiff is no doubt another product of the Sungai Pinang gang of old that excelled through sheer brashness and devil may care attitude despite low level of education. He deals with life around him with down to earth no holds barred attitude. he remained single throughout his life till this day and claims free from womanizing. He spends most of his time at the Farouk's at night and goes home to sleep in the day time. To me he is another rare individual whose life has been colorful by its own right. He is respected by his peers, the young and the old and those who stood against him while at conference tables in dealing with union issues and these were some of then no ordinary individuals in the human resources field.

20 Years Ago Today

Introduction
On October 17, 1989, at 5:04:15 p.m. (P.d.t.), a magnitude 6.9 (moment magnitude; surface-wave magnitude, 7.1) earthquake severely shook the San Francisco and Monterey Bay regions. The epicenter was located at 37.04° N. latitude, 121.88° W. longitude near Loma Prieta peak in the Santa Cruz Mountains, approximately 14 km (9 mi) northeast of Santa Cruz and 96 km (60 mi) south-southeast of San Francisco. The earthquake occurred when the crustal rocks comprising the Pacific and North American Plates abruptly slipped as much as 2 meters (7 ft) along their common boundary-the San Andreas fault system. The rupture initiated at a depth of 18 km (11 mi) and extended 35 km (22 mi) along the fault, but it did not break the surface of the Earth .
OAKLAND, Calif. -- On Saturday, the Bay Area marked twenty years since the Loma Prieta earthquake struck, collapsing buildings and freeways, spawning several fires, killing 63 people, and leaving thousands homeless.
Fifteen seconds after the 6.9 earthquake struck along the San Andreas fault, the landscape from Monterey to San Francisco was forever changed.
San Francisco marked the exact moment the massive earthquake hit the region with a ceremony and moment of silence. In the East Bay, emergency sirens sounded in Oakland, Alameda and San Leandro, and on Coast Guard Island to mark the somber occasion.
On October 17, 1989, 42 men, women and children were killed when the Cypress Structure on Interstate 880 in Oakland collapsed.
As aftershocks shook the crumbling freeway, good samaritans and emergency workers rushed in and managed to save scores of people who were trapped in their crushed cars and trucks beneath the pancaked freeway.
The quake also collapsed a 50-foot-long section of the Bay Bridge’s upper deck, sending it crashing onto the deck below and killing 23-year-old Anamafi Moala of Berkeley when her Ford Escort plunged into the gap.
In San Francisco, the Marina District suffered the brunt of the quake. Built on landfill, the ground beneath neighborhoods liquefied, creating cracks in residents’ walls, and causing several homes to collapse and burn. Four people died, including a three-month-old boy.
In addition to remembering the tragedies the earthquake left in its wake, and the many people who helped with rescue efforts, Bay Area cities used the weekend to advocate disaster preparedness.
Organizations from Santa Cruz to San Francisco staged drills and held training sessions on earthquake emergency protocol and preparedness.
On Saturday, volunteers from San Francisco’s Neighborhood Emergency Team – a program founded by the fire department in response to the 1989 quake -- marked the anniversary by practicing freeing trapped earthquake victims at San Francisco's Marina Green.
“What we noticed 20 years ago is that the damage was contained to the Marina District -- and there were citizens who assisted us with the response,” said Erica Arteseros of the San Francisco fire department. “So what we have now are citizens are actually trained to do that. It’s not so impromptu,” she said.

Where was I?
I had just walked into my shared 'apartment' which actually was a huge room that was once used to be a part of the Sears Roebuck Department Store on Market Stree and Army. The building was since converted into the unemployment office on the ground floor facing Market Street.
I remember walking into the huge room and going up to one of the walls that had my artworks hanging along with my roomate's who was also an artist and selecting a piece off the wall to give my friend David Carlson as a birthday present. It was a litho print of a mask of 'Yamantaka', the Tibetan demon I had done while in college in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I took it off the wall and laid it on the floorv leaning against the wall and decided to take a nap.
As i was about to lay on my single bed I was startled by loud popping noises coming fron around the walls like gunshot and i got up quickly as i realized that the whole building was shaking. The loud popping shots were from the dry walls which were erected as makeshift walls to both our rooms, the walls were cracking at the seams! I dashed under the doorjam instinct telling me that I would be safe there and as I stood there a loud shot popped at my feet infront of me and a piece of 'U' shaped metal bounced of the concrete floor leaving a small crack in it, and then another a few feet away and i looked up and saw that the water piping, (or whatever piping it was) was flexing up and down like a wave and everytime it does this a pin holding the pipe to the ceilling would be shot out on to the floor. This was accompanied by a very loud roar outside some where like the rolling of a train that came to an abrupt stop.
The lights went out and i found someone standing beside me in the dark appologizing as she held me in a tight embrace. We stood there for sometime and from a room nextdoor somewhere came the voice of a child crying and then a phone ringing. The lady who was standing with me said it was her phone and took off to answer it. She came back and told me her friend had called from Tokyo and that there had been a major earhtquake and a part of the Oakland bay Bridge had fallen. It was on on TV as it happened as everyone was watching the World Series where The SF Giants were playing against the Oakland 'A's. A game my very close friend the Buddha Ron from Stinson beach was calling the game of the century for San Franciscans as the Oakland'A's were from right across the Bay.
One of the things I remember immediately after the quake was the sound of car alarms going off and dogs barking all around the building below me.I did not realize how bad the damage was to the City untill i took a walk from Army Street down Market Street all the way to the Marina Bay area. (To get a feeling of the size of the damage that took place you can just look it up on the internet, they have great shots of the event). I felt strange walking for awhile as though the road was still undulating under me as I walked. I spent the evening later talking about the quake with my friends at 191, Haight Street Apartment where my friend david lived along with nine other roomates or was it six? I met my late wife Nancy there and later we were married the same year At Green Gulch Farm in a Buddhist ceremony. According to her she was in the dentist's chair with our favorite dentist Dr, Kirkland of the University Berkley Dental School working on her teeth. She was highly sedated she said and could not tell if it was an earthquake or that she was just high. David celebrated his birthday and i handed him his'Face of Yamantaka birthday gift.
Had I been more concientious and thinking I would have carried a camera with me and taken alot of great shots of the things I saw along my walk to the Marina. But instead i did not even carried a sketchbook. Well on looking back today I dont really mind it that much anymore as what i experienced during the Loma Prieta Earthquake will always be in my mind, the fact that mother nature can carry one hell of a wallop when you least expect. To be there in itself and had a close brush with death of being run through by a celling peg that shot to the floor within inches of where i stood was a miracle. Had i taken another step away from the door jam the metal used to hold the pipe to the ceilling would have pierced right through my skull. The Loma Prieta would have been my last earthly experience living in the San francisco Bay Area if i had not followed a simple instruction about being in and earthquake situation, not that the makeshift doorjam was any protection when it comes down to it but it saved my life by instinctively following a simple rule.

The D'Home Charity Event.

The D'Home Charity Event came and went held at the Equatorial Hotel and attended by the Governor and a few other dignitaries like the chief of Police and Mr. Phua Chu Kang my favorite Comedian. I have no idea of how well the Charity event did in terms of collections from the various events presented but i know the Art works did not sell except for one piece. This I can only see as the result of lack of proper promotion of the works which were mostly done by the area's prominent Artists. The event turned into a stage show promoting a lady singer who took center stage with some oldies and thus the time that could have been used to promote an art auction and the time spent with Phua Chu Kang entertaining as it may be it took alot of time from promoting the original intention of having the Fund Raising event.
But then again it could simply be that Artworks are no more high on the agenda of purchasing list like it used to be or there is no more Art collectors worth a charitable heart out there. My friend Lee Khai did his best to put together the works of 8 Artists and the show itself is worth commendation despite being given the brush off by the main organizers, (that's how I see it), if an auction had been held proper as i had understood it the event would have made more through the sales of these Artworks but as it was I doubt that the Governor was even aware that there was an art show going on at the Event. If he had known perhaps he might have bid for any one of the artworks to show his support for the Fund raising. I highly doubt that he would have made a bid for Phua Chu Kang's Yellow Boots! Nothing personal against Gurmit Singh, he is one hell of an entertainer and what a singer! But thye event was to raise funds for the DHome mental Home in Penang not a show biz to promote stage celebraties or fading stars.
The Chinese five or six courses dinner was worth it though and the turnout was very good. I enjoyed meeting all the fammiliar faces who one sees at these kind of events where arts and cultures are involved faces like Dr. Tan Chee Kuan the bonafide art collector and enthusiast, and Cecil Rajendra the famous (infamous depending on who you are) lawyer/poet. All in all it was great to be back at the Hotel Equatorial after having spent two weeks there during the fasting month enjoying the 'Breakfast" with hotel guests. The Good Lord gives in mystertious Ways in this case it was at RM68 a dinner plate if I had to pay.

The Final Cut

My childhood buddy Lokan was laid to rest on friday morning after being in the ICU ward for a week. Never got to see him eventhough I went to the Hospital and had problem parking that i had to walk three long blocks in the rain to get there. But its the thought that counts it is said. The las t time we had coffeee together i saw it coming already, the shallow breathing and the sweat pouring out, death was already stalking him but I did not know when was the right time for him to go. Being buried on Friday is auspicious according to Islam, its the Holy day, the day of days. I am happy for my friend. I stood and watched giving a helping hand whenever needed while they washed his body and later wrapped him up with large cotton swabs and layers white cloth untill both ends were tightly tied up and that was the end of my friend, at least from this physical realm.
Perhaps it is symbolic more than anything else or perhaps having the respect we hold for the dead or it might even be mandated in the religion for the ways and means that a man is buried or given his final rites before being laid into the ground. Most of it, by reason alone would make as little sense as it is alot of waste. In some cases the burial process has become such an extravagant affair that it defies one's resources if not common sense. Islam to my understanding promotes the simplest and fastest means of putting the human physical form into the ground with the emphasis more towrds the spiritual send off than the physical. In some cultures the funeral procedure is very elaborate and not to mention costly not only to those who has to bear the cost but alos to the earth that receives the body. Again the AlMighty Ego plays a big role in making this decissions. In some cases the coffin alone is worth a King's ransom and the procession that follows the casket to the grave site becomes a symbol of wealth of the dead. Burial rites have even been put to the test of religious as well as secular laws where the dead's religious belief is in question and relatives and friends insists upon making sure that the body goes into the 'right hole'. How we cherish the dead much more than the living is apparent in most customs and traditions, perhaps this materialize out of fear more than respect for the dead.
The recent Earthquake disaster that hit Padang in Indonesia buried a whole village so much so that the authorities has decided not to retreive the bodies but the declare the site as a mass grave. Where do they all go to, those dead? Do we care?
Is the end only a beiginning or is it 'The End' of life for each and every one of us? What lies beyond or is there and after- life? Each and every religion has delved into this from the days when man began to inhabit the earth. In the Judeo,Christian and Islamic tradition there is no doubt that the human soul moves on into the next phase of its existence after death and the realm of the 'Grave' ( Alam Barzakh) is the next phase where one is determined one's place in the afterlife with the questioning of one's faith by the two Angels (Ma'laikat). Its an interview where one's understanding of one's practices and faith in life is being put to the test. As a final send off at the cemetary the Imama or any spiritual leader in the group present would lead a specail prayer for the dead and part of it is the special instructions given to assist the dead in crossing over into the next realm. Can the dead hear this? yes, in Islam the dead is present untill the last of the mourners has left the site, the recently dead will obesrve all that is taking place in his of her burial ceremonial proceedings. Excessive mourning such as loud cries and the beating of the chests is prohibited less it confuses or add on tot he fear faced by the spirit of the dead.
Nothing reminds us more than death itself of the impermanence of life, that every living thing will end up in death and that death can happen at any time or place and to anyone unannounced. Thus it is encouraged in islam for man to be a part of the party in sending off his fellow man on his final journey into the unknown so as to remind himself of his final state and to remind him of how fragile we all are. All our hankering over and accumulating of material wealth while we are alive amounts to nothing not even our own children who benifit from them or suffer on account of them can gurantee how we fare on the other side and in some cases they the children cannot even appear at our grave in our final hour on this planet. Death caps it all, it seals man's sum total of his existence in this physical realm into one moment in time and space... with the final cut.
Care to understand a little bit more about Death and Afterlife in other cultures? Read the "Egyptian Book of The Dead" or 'The Tibetan Book of the Dead."

What's Cooking around the Globe...

The Phillipines is almost drowned by a typhoon rage that later continued on to deluge Vietnam and Cambodia with rainstorm unseen before in decades, parts of Australia was covered with dust storm while the Samoan islands was swept over by a sunami, in Indonesis the city of Padang is digging through the debris salvaging lives from an earthquake. Nature is wrecking havoc left and right as climate change began to take its effect, world economy is still in turmoil as the poorer nations slip slide away into even deeper depressions and nations are still at eachother's throats at who can and who cannot own weapons of mass destruction. Can we survie the next millanium? Can we survive the next decade? With all the technical advancements and so called modernisation at out dipossal it seems we are headed for a major shakedown globally.
The spectre of Greed, Hate and Dellussions is looming in the horizon drawing humanity towards its eventual meltdown, a grand finale of Hollywood proportion, only there would be no audiences to celebrate the occasion or receive the awards. We will all be in the same barrel rolling down the hill towards our final destination with a big bang at the bottomless pit somewhere, like sinking into a black hole and to appear on the other end. I and many of my generation will most probably cease to exist by then but woe unto the future generations that of my children and theirs if this trend keeps headed in the same direction. In the Hollywood movie with Keenu Reeve entitled " The day The Earth Stood Still" an alien nation from space came by our planet in an effort to save this planet from us the Humans. In many ways the collective human mind has been preparing itself towards the inevitability of the'End of Days', just as it has been preparing itself , our collective conciousness towards getting used to the coming of weird looking creatures with ectraordinary powers, less we freak out. Movies like the Sinking of Japan, Tsunami, the 'The Day After Tomorrow have been projected into our minds of events that can happen and will happen in the course of time. The question is are we prepared to face the eventuality or what can we do to avoid these from occuring in the very near future? Do we care or are we too busy playing Gods and deities in claiming our rights and territories over others through our rash might and ego ridden insatiable, Greed, Hate and Dellusion?
Whether we look at it globally or locally the scenario is almost the same as eaxh nation and each town and village struggles to exert its existance on this planet. Each and every one assuming as Bob Dylan in one of his song's lyric quoted, "And the country I come from, has God on its side". Spirituality has declined but God has become the cause and the scapegoat of our human frailties and ailments and wherever we turn the Al-Mighty Ego rules instead of our inherent nature of Love and Compassion. As we become more and more globalized we also become less and less charitable towards our neighbors often imposing judgements upon them than lending a helping hand, pointing our fingers at them than taking a closer look at our own. Today "taking care of number one" has become our motto instead of caring for the "well being of the Whole." Our individual survival as a human, as a nation as grouping of nations has become our own stumbling blocks in meeting the challenges being hurled at us collectively albeit man made or natural occurences.
Most of us have failed to understand ourselves and life in all its glory and uniqueness all its impermanence and santience, that nothing last forever especially not the individual exisence. That we are just passing through living on borrowed times and sharing the planet with billions of souls with simmilar charateristics. When our time is up we leave never to return and what we leave behind matters not in the least to ourselves but make a great difference to our children. Leaving the world in a richer and better state is our collective dream but to achieve this we each and everyone of us has to come to understand who we are and our role in implemanting this aspiration for gnerations to come. We have to come to grips with our darker as well as our lighter sides and transcend both to claim our neutral soul states before we can return untainted by the material existence that we were graced with in this short time span we call life.

Mat Lokan

Nothing Lasts,


Nothing is Finished.


Nothing is Perfect.


Sadao Ando, ( Japanese Architect).



As one watches the cherry blossom blooms in spring a feeling of elation fills one's being marvelling at the the magnificience of creation in all its splendor and a few weeks late as we watch the flowers shed their petals to the ground a feeling of sadness and melacholy grips one's heart at the impermanenece of life itself... this the essence of Sabi, Wabi.

"Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It's simple, slow, and uncluttered-and it reveres authenticity above all. Wabi-sabi is flea markets, not warehouse stores; aged wood, not Pergo; rice paper, not glass. It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. It reminds us that we are all but transient beings on this planet-that our bodies as well as the material world around us are in the process of returning to the dust from which we came. Through wabi-sabi, we learn to embrace liver spots, rust, and frayed edges, and the march of time they represent."

Yesterday I learned that a childhood friend of mine is lying in a coma at the ICU ward at the Peanang General Hospital. Most of his life was spent in asnd out of jails or rehab centers, he is a drug addict and his name is 'Mat Lokan', (a nick name). To me he has always been the diamond in the rough, a soul so tough and without the least care about what society has to say about him and yet so gentle towards others who he considers weaker than himself or in need more than he. Lokan, (the name of a clamp that is found in areas of mangrove swamps, buried in the mud and can grow up to larger than a fist) was given to him by his peers as we were growing up in the village of Sungai Pinang or better known then as Kampong Selut, (Mud village). Today the village is no more in exisence being replaced by rows of low cost housing and with it came 'outsiders' who married into or simply moved into the area for one reason or another.
I bought Lokan and myself a pair of jeans each for the Hari Raya Celebration and when i gave it to him I Kidded him saying that I know he would sell the jeans rather than wear it, but he was hurt and for the first time i felt his emotion of being genuinely hurt and I apologized immediately saying that he knew i was only kidding him. On the second day of hari raya when we walked towards the nearby soffee warong he proudly pointed out tome that he was wearing the jeans. Ihad noticed that he was in bad shape while we were having our Nescafe tarik and Char Koay Teow, his breathing was shallow and he was sweating profuriously but said nothing of it. Lokan is one of those kids who in their teen years lost their way towards drug addiction which began with the use of Marijuana and later upgraded to heavier stuff like cocaine and heroine. As we grew up I had lost quite a few childhood friends to this demon that took a hold of their lives in bondage.
The Baharul Alam Football Club is the collecting center for most of the young adults from the old Kampong Selut till this day like from fathers to their sons and even grandchildren and it was the hive where marijuana first used among the young. For as long as i could remember those who frequented 'the Club' as it was known, the smoking of marijuana was taken to be a natural thing especially among those who labored at the harbor in Weld Quay. Each day after their hard day's work the men would return to the club where they practically resided as their second home and indugled in smoking ganja, or better known among them then as Dam. As children my friends and i would hang around watching this despite being threatened or chased away by the young adults. We became the second hand smokers as out of frustration the men would blow the smoke into our faces as a 'punishement'. Thus for most of the time we were stoned and not know it. I was even nicknamed ' Mata nishan' or stoned eyes as my eyelids wouls droop to their half way mark like I was the Buddha. I could safely claim the i was exposed to marijuana since i was four or five years old.
I was one of the fortunate ones to be snatched away from becoming an addict when my eldest brother decided to move me to the East Coast,of Kuala Terengganu when i was twelve. Ganja or canabis was the only drug of choice back i my childhood days and most non users thought nothing of it untill the coming of westerners especially those on R&R from the Vietnam war and drug use was a lucrative business cattering to thier needs. Deadlier drugs and booze came with them and demand and supply grew with the abuse. More and more of the younger generation of the sixties and seventies became sucked into the habit immitating the westerners and their Hippy Era of free love and sex which followed later. The resort areas along the Tanjung Bungah, Batu Ferringhi and Telok Bahang became a drug heaven for the vacationing US Soldiers and others from Europe who came to spread the Flower Power. They provided the sex and the money while the local heroes provided the places and the supplies of all forms of stimmulants. It was the death of a culture and the birth of another for most who got involved with drug movement in those years untill the authorities got wise and cracked down on the whole event arresting a deporting most drug abbusers and banning the US Millitary from entering Malaysia for R&R.
But the dye was cast and the damage done. Today the country is still struggling with its waste as more and more young adults and even children are getting their hands on all kinds of drugs that I have idea of what they are anymore. But one thing is for sure the effects it has on the lives of those who have to put up with drug abusers, the parents the brothers and sisters, the neighbors and the society at large is tragic. I know there are those who had even contemplated on putting an end to the miserable lives of their drug addicted ofsprings had it not been considered a murder or against their religious concience. Drug addiction has destroyed homes and marriages, claimed lives of the innocent when they became victims of aggression of an addict whose demands are not met with. Drug addicts have become the total pariahs of society that has no feelings or concience towards it just ike zombies they prey upon the helpless to satisfy the needs and society has very little that can be done as their numbers grow by the day and those fallen victims are getting younger and younger in age. Drug addiction is a blight upon society worse than H1N1 or Aids simply because it is something that will never go away and can claim anyone, young or old and it affects everyone else especially those closest to the Addicted.
Both my elder sisters each has a monkey to carry on the aging shoulders, a rotting albatros hanging from their necks and both has lost their husbands leaving them to carry this filth of a burden to their graves. Each has a son who are addicts and both these poor excuses for being called humans or men perey on both my sisters for their daily fix each has his own modus operandi. Yester evening i sat with one of my sisters who is visiting Penang for a relative wedding and to escape from the hell of living at her own home and having to cater to the needs of her addicted son. She is the parent tree that this parsite has been hanging on to for its dicrepit existence. My sister lost her youngest son to a motor cycle accident, and her eldest son whose legs has been rotting evesince i can rmember is barely making it with his bakery business and her only hope in her daughter making it was shattered when she decided to become a mother before her time. However her saving grace comes in the form of her second son who made it in his career as an engineer. His self discipline and brilliant mind has seen through many a rials and tribulations faced by this family haunted by a drug addict.
Mothers do not deserve to bear this burden especially those who have lived their lives piously and within the bounds of decency. Mothers shold not be allowed to shed a tear over the fact the their sons have become slaves to demons that control their existence to the point that they are capable of stabbing their own mothers for a fix (re: in the news recently). But mothers will always come to the recue of their addicted sons and daughters in their hours of need no matter how hard it may seem for them to do so simply because they are mothers!
Drug addiction is beyond doubt a curse upon nations much worse than any natural causes of death. In dealing with the problem most countries have succumed to defeat and despair and the cost of making a stand against this plague is unbearable to most. It is through the eradication of the availablilty of illicit drugs that can in any way minimise this scurge. Malaysia's mandatory death sentence to those possesing x-amount of drug is a good way to go for starters. But it is mostly up to the drug enforcement agencies to do their best in eradicating the supply of drugs into the country. It is also the hope and prayer of every souls who has experienced the loss of their loved ones to this mental poisonning that drug merchants and pushers would see the light of compassion and mercy to be human and abort their trade in this product of human misery.
My childhood friend is lying on the hospital bed in the ICU ward of the Penang General Hospital waiting for his turn to take the one step beyond, if he is lucky. Throughout his life he has been a drug addict, a drug dealer a drug pusher and a drunk; he was not born that way nor was he raised to become that way for as long as I had known him and his family in childhood. His grandmother (adopted), taught most of us to read the Quran when we were children, what went wrong? Has God anything to do with it? The Government? The society? The village? The elders? The parents? The mothers? What or where did it all began from, is there anyone or anything to blame? Nope! Only ourselves... our human frailties... Greed, Hate and Ignorance.

SALAM AIDIL FITRI...

The month of Ramadan for 2009 came and went and most of those who have left the cities and headed for their respective Kampongs and villages are now struggling to get back to the humdrum life of the life they had left behind and pick up where they had left continuing with their desperate need to excell in the material world. The villeges will return to its normal rustic existance again with the elderly and the retired puttsing about their gardens and the backyard or daydreaming at the edge of the rice field. The women will be back at their task of keeping up with the latest soap on TV especially the Indonesian and Korean series while in between doing their daily chores. Yep, the Ramadan this year has not changed much and as a matter of fact it seemed not as alive as it used to be. Not much fireworks or fire crackers as the police and customs departments made sure of that, the great party poopers! If they wish to kill of every form of celebration that the people enjoy at least they could also do us the favor of throwing us less crap from the politicking and economic scandals that we are also subjected to. What are we to become? A nation of Zombies law abiding morons who live in dire fear of the very people elected to protect us and our freedom! Take the fun out of the people and what have you, just moans and groans of dissatisfactions or give them F1 quality entertainment that they can ill afford and then you ask why the people are not too happy with their elected Dickheads.
It is very sad to visit homes on the Hari Raya and see children sitting with their heads in thier hands bored to death or watching the TV while just about every channel has choreographed performing the same old songs. And we complain why our young ones take to the roads performing death defying antics with their motorcycles, what else is there to do? Why can't the Customs department put on a real fireworks show with all their confisticated fireworks for the public? No, that would defy all simple imagination, counter productive as we are trtying to curb our chikldrens' yearn for excitement and hey where or what happened to the cofisticated items? Reserved for Chinese new year celebration? One or two dumb kids blow up his fingers and the media gets frenzy making sure that this is well covered as a warning to others. In short we take and take deprive our children of every so called 'bad habits' but what do we give them as a replacemnt? Nada! There are millions of children who enjoy making a little noise on this special days its human nature noise making is synonimous with celebration for crying out loud! Perhaps we are having a bunch of old farts making up these laws, they who have almost totally forgotten what it is being a child. In my childhood days we created 'Canons out of Bamboos and metal pipes and bought carbides with a few drops of water fired off loud booms competing with out neighborhood gangs, who can make a louder cannon, no one died that I know of from this. But we were tought to be resourceful and played it safe that safety precautions came naturally from experience not from being taught by Dato' Lee and his Department at NIOSH.
So the Ramadan came and went woe unto the future generation if this trend persist and the only excitement they can expect will be those fireworks coming out of the house of parliament.
On the thrid day of Hari raya I travelled to Kuala Trengganu to pay my respects to my brothers and sisters in the East Coast. Drove my trusty Kancil with my daughter and was stuck in a traffice jam for almost two hours in the middle of nowhere near Macang in Kelantan! Travelling at less than a crawling pace for over ten kilometers we watched the smart ones pass us by driving along the curbside. At one point my daughter turned to me and said. Papa sometimes you just have to just join in and break the law like everyone else don't you? Ya I said, I have promised to be a good citizen but look at what it got me. Those years of my life when I live the 'Davil may care' kind of life style i was doing pretty good and respected even! Try to turn a new leaf and they kick you in the teeth!
We dont need wars in this country, the roads and highways are our killing fields every year during festive seasons. You take your life and your loved ones' in your hands when driving on Malaysian highways and the death rate rises every year eachtime the festive seasons comes along. Other than the children committing suicides on their motorcycles, one major contributor of accidents in this country is the AlMighty Ego! Malaysians are great drivers and are out to prove it to the next guy on the road especially if the driver has a fancier and faster vehicle. Most travellers who take to the roads on festive occaisions are not long distant drivers, most are like horses let free out of their corral after along time of being caged in. So they are out to out drive anyone and everyone regardless of how experienced they are on the highways it is time to let loose with the car. Most accidents occurs when overtaking and especially at night. Most drivers loose controll of their vehicles from freezing in fear when caught in a bad situation, they simply are not used to being in that situation as when they drive in the city to and from works day in day out. Fatigue can do worse when driving long distances and most drivers fail to recognize this untill too late.
Impatience is the number two killer on the road second to Ego. Most drivers wants to get to their destination in record time so that their realtives can look at them in awe, Wow! three hours only from KL to Penang? And how old are you? Sixty two you say?
Well life goes on...SELAMAT HARI RAYA for those who survived.

Another fill of time in a bottle...

My blog has been boring as hell of lately as my life is not any better. Why the lack of lustre and go get her spirit of late? Perhaps I am asking for too much this late in life where most retired working men have gone to the pastures for the R&R before the Eternal Journey towrds the final resting grounds. Well I always believe life begins at Sixty! Yessir! At sixty everything you do will acccount for all the things that you have not been able to do for the past fifty years simply because for the time- space conciousness. Like 'time is money', no enough time to do this or that, or how time flies...at sixty you stop giving a damn about time. Other than having a lunch time and a bedtime time is irrelevant to a sixty year old timeless man. Unless one is still resposible to keep in touch with time for the benifit of others in one's life such as the kids and their schedules. I look foreward to the day that i can wander out of this time space capsule I am logged into and just exist mindless of time and space... insane perhaps but still...

I look foreward to the next sixty years of my life with great hope and gusto as to what will be in store for me and my children, but then again Allah may have a different schedule for me to work with like my death would be alot sooner than I anticipated; I leave that up to Him and nope I am not fully prepared to cross the 'Sirat'al musta'kim' nor for the voyage in the hereafter. Many, many loose ends to be tied and lots of unanswered issues still floating in my mind with regard to this material world. Like Who or What Am I? And how do I fit in the scheme of things in this so called life? Yes my old 'Koan' still haunts me and will do so i guesse, till end of days. I am still riding 'Suzuki Roshi's 'Zen' Train' although no more guided by a beginner's mind, I still every now and then experience the mini satoris of a Zen student but they have somewhat become polluted by the everydayness of life. Not - athing special about them as they used to be.

The Fasting month is almost coming to an end instead of losing weight i might have gained a few pounds but that too is irrelevant just like time is, I still do my repertoir of exersises just to keep my muscles from getting droopy and my bones greezed. I am having sleep disorder but fastin months does that to you, stay awake at night and sleep in the day, Karim has made that his full time practice. Even as I am typing I am having difficulties keeping my eyes open and it is 9am. The hardest thing i find about growing old is to keep this mind ever alert and active, challenged and confronted, enlightened and fully lit. To keep myself from tripping on things beyond my scope of activities and controll like worrying about what would happen to Aung San Suk Yi or will the West ever come to see islam eye to eye or will the climate warming ever slow down or will Barak Obama make a difference... an the list is endless as these global as well as local events keeps invading my thoughts and conciousness despite my effort to meditate them out.

A New Brew in the Making

Big brother country is not happy with litlle brother for plagerizing their cutural heritage by the Astro TV network to promote a Malaysian Tourism footage. No apologies accepted and there is hell to pay for any Malaysian caught on the Jakarta Roads as young and patriotic Indons are on rampage against their mutual enemy the Arrogant and conceited Malaysians, can you blame them? Old and festering wounds and new ones erupting causing an escalating tension between two neighboring countries sharing a common root of indeginous people.
The Malay Warriors are no less out for blood already incited by the challenge thrown at them by their counterpart from across the Straits. No one more louder than the UMNO youth leader who will not let this opportunity to show his Malayness by challenging the burning of the Malaysian flag by Indonesian youtrhs on the streets of Jakarta. Lets hope if and when the time comes for a rumble he will be wielding the kris right at the front of the line and not some poor Malay kid in a Army uniform doing it for him.
Hey! its a great diversion from all the politcal chaos going on in this country and why not? its good for the moral of the nations to let their young have a field day letting off steam, barking at each other from across the waters along the Malacca Straits where irronically a bridge is being planned ( demi untok mengikatkan erat tali Siratul Rahim) to further join the two nations closer together. This is the Month of Ramadhan for Christ's sakes!! Two mostly Muslim populated nations are spitting at eachother like Allah's mandate does not count for anything! What or who needs to make Islam look pretty bad in the eyes of the world when we are doing it better than anyone non-Muslim already! Here offcourse is another twist we really need to take a very good look into at least the leaders of both countries need to, who is promoting this event, or who stands to gain in the event that our two nations have a fallout? Check and double check for the fate of two emerging nations are at jeopardy here. Go deep and weed out who is at the bottom or who is the 'Dalang' in this about to erupt fiasco, leave no stone unturned and nip the culprits right at the bud otherwise this will become a bad habit for us like another festering sore never healing and keepin both nations in its bondage. If it truly comes from the hearts of our young ones then we have a task to defuse this sooner than later for their sake and do it in a win win way.
Allah has a special place in hell for hypocrates!! Be aware!! lets not become another Pakistan or Afghan or Iraq, the Killing Fields for Innocent Muslims!! Wake up! There will never in a million years a winner for Islam in this tragedyand Allah's curse be upon anyone who doubt this. What if because of a Balinese cultural dance being mistakenly taken to be claimed as a Malay Arts can cause a bloodshed among Muslim brothers than shaitan (rejam) has his work cut out for him, how weak is our Iman in Allah's Way and the Prophet's teachings. But then again not not all of us here and there are Muslims are we?
Fasting Month aside, who gives a damn if a few more Muslim nations jump at eachother's throat all over, mistakes made by those who claims themselves as our leaders. When too much politicking takes place in house, the mess outside our fences accumulates, and sooner or later shit hits the fence...KaaaBOOOM!! Ooops too late now, we have been yelling for bigger and better and claiming having the brightest and the tallest at the expense of our neighbor's pride over their country's lack of achievements. Yes Sir, Malaysia Boleh!!
My Grandmother was from Medan and so was my mother born in Medan, Sumatra while my grand father a Singhalese and so was my father and they came from Sri Lanka, I am proud to be a Malaysian. My wife was an American and my children too are still Americans citizens by birth pending my applications for the to become Malaysians which has been for the past ten years eversince I made the application. They may be Americans in name only as they have spent most of their lives here from primary schooling till they have graduated secondary school, Malaysia is their home like it or not for now untill shit happens or they are awarded the citizenship they have earned and which is rightfully theirs. Malaysia Boleh Indeed!!

What's new and Exciting?...

While hanging out at the poolside of the Equatorial Hotel with the Museum Gallery Boys I made the acquaintance with an Englishman who happened to be sitting alone having a beer. He has a company her in penang processing fire safety fixtures for buildings and visits the island everyonce in a while to catch up on things. He told me that he and a few of his friends including his wife had build the company from scrap and it has beome their retirement breadwinner as all of them had once held regular jobs and utilized their expertise in creating this company. Like his wife a former banker is the accounts dept. head and his commercial designer buddy is the marketting manager and so on. Way to go!
The moon gazing business with the astrology depatment is not going too well as the moon is not being cooperatinve and neither are the skies but people do came to aske questions and take a peek into telescopes just for the hell of it. Breaking fast at the hotel makes up for all of these and I enjoy doing my sketching in public and always getting a good respond from the audience especially the school kids. Fasting has practically worn me out in more than one way as my age might also be catching up with me and so my normal outgoing personality has taken a step back and I find myself becoming alot more mellow and self concious mostly tired and sleepy, lethargic and zombie like kind of feeling.
Yesterday attended the D'Home Mental Health Association of Penang Press Conference for the launching of their fundraising event which will be held at the Equatorial Hotel on the 10th. next month. I will be one of the artists among eight others participating in the evnt by donating half of the cost of our works if purchased to the Home. I did the same last year and donated about RM700 to the cause. This year I will try to make it to the function as one of my favorite TV Characters will be performing at the event. Mr. Gurmit Singh aka Mr. Phua Chu Kang the comedian from Singapore will be on stage.
All in all not too bad for the guy who is penniless and wondering if he will make it through the next month. Breaking fast at a five star hotel with my buddies while enjoying my work and making new friends, donating my works left and right to charities like I am a Dato' and getting my share of doing good while at it. There is nothing like turning a depressing state of mind into a positive mental health than the act of giving no matter how small and insignificant the gift may be. In the past few weeks I have given away quite a number of my sketches to appreciative friends here and I find it very rewarding inside if not financiallywhile being among the guests at the Equatorial Hotel.
The Hotel itself for being quite up there in age compared to others on the Island, is a very well designed and laidout facility. Sitting on top of the small Bukit Gambir Hill it holds quite a panoramic view of the Penang Bridge and Pulau Jerejak side of the coastal Penang Island. The staff are mostly very cordial and friendly and the food is scrumptuous with a vast selection of dishes from A-Z in the Malaysian traditional menu. They could work on the light drinks though maybe upgrade abit with the latest in juices like the Rossele and the Marquisas juices instead of just plain old syrup drink! But hey beggars cant be choosers now can we? After all afive star buffet is a 5 star buffet!!

And the fasting goes On...

It is almost halfway through the fasting month already and I must say that I have not really performed as best as i had hoped to in keeping my practice as pure and meaningful as i had wished. However i had not missed a day so far even when I had at times wished for a drink so bad or my migraine headache was killing me or i was so pissed off at one thing or another and chuck it all into the garbage bin, I kept my fasting.



For the next week or so I will be breaking my fast at the Equatorial Hotel here in Penang! One of these ironies of life that happens and needs some explanation as to those who has the right impression that I am a penniless, single parent supporting two teenagers might get all flustered over the contradictions on my lifestyle. I have been invited to be part of the Musium Team putting on an exhibition of Islamic Art and Astronomy and I am there as the Artist. So, for the past few days I have been hanging out by the Hotel swimming pool playing my role. Last night i was asked to do a potrait of a a blind elderly gentleman, one of the Hotel guest. I had a good time doing my sketch but an even greater time getting to know the guy who suffers from kidney failure and had just had a dyalisis done in the afternoon. His son and two daughters had decided for him to have a good time breaking fast with them at the Hotel.

We talked a bit about how I lost one of my elder brothers (see Gina), to the same ailment and how painful it was for me to watch him going through his dialysis treatment three times a week. He used to joke about it and called getting his blood laundried. The final few days of my brother's demise was the most painful expereince for him as for me as well as I witnessed what he had to struggle with. I was with him within the hour of his death all strungout in the Intesive Care Unit with tubes and hose sticking in and out of him, struggling for every breath like it was going to be the last. I felt very sorry for the elderly gentleman when these images ran through my mind, but i was also glad that he could not see the drawing I did of him. I often prayed that my life would end swiftly and not prolonged by any form of illnesses.

I also met a young man from Mainland China who seemed to enjoy his stay in Penang. He came over and joined me while i was doing my reflexology walk along the pebbled bed provided for the guests by the swimming pool. I asked him his busines and he told me that he was in Penang on a furniture business. I assumed that his company imports furniture from China into thias country but to my surprise he told me that his company buys furniture here and sells them in South Africa. I wonderd why we Malysians are not doing this instead it takes a Chinese company from China to be the middle man.
The skies was clear and we had a great viewing of the Lunar landscape with Dr. Chong the dynamic astrology professor from USM giving his spill on the subject. In was intresting to observe how the westerners were more into astronomy than most of the Asians present. Sad to say that we Asians or Malaysians lack enthusiasm when it comes to learning about nature or the cosmos and those who do are intrested just out of curiousity. A Malay father came to collect his children at the pool area after he had had his dinner (buka Puasa), the children protested and wanted him to take a look throught the telescope at the moon, he brushed them off and told them it was time to go. Dissappointment written all over their faces the kids left after a promise was made that they will come again the next day. Ten to fifteen minutes of the father's time to show intrest in the matter might have created one or two astronomers in the family. The man could afford to take his family to an expensive dinner at a five star hotel but could not see what was really the gift of the evening for his children from him - a sense of enthusiasm in what they enjoy, the chance to plant a seed of learning into their curious minds.
I must confess that given the opportunity to spend the evenings at the Equatorial Hotel while waiting to break my fast is a gift considering that I could be sitting out somewhere like the Museum or my home waiting out my hunger and thirst till the nightfall. At least I got a good lesson on the lunar surface from Dr. Chong and the telescopes.