You get what you deserve.

To my relief, my friend the air -cond. man, Ah Huat has come around with his usual big smile again yesterday when I was at is shop. It took two days for him to thaw out his anger and I felt my patience with his temperament has paid off. It is difficult to carve out true friendship but a whole lot easier to loose one, they say and i have learned over many of my past failed friendships to understand better what it takes. Get my ego out of the equation and his will step out of the way too is the long and short of it. Anyway we are back on our track of him wanting to make as much and as fast money and me I will help him in getting this accomplished, but all in the spirit of relax and play and not forced labor.
Yesterday evening, (Friday) I was supposed to give and Art talk to an audience who evidently failed to turn up except for six people, a mother and her two children and their friend. Also present were two ladies who had organized the talk. The talk was on Art Education - as a Lifetime Education in conjunction with Celebrating the UNESCO Day. I was asked to give the talk by the Director of the the MGTF-USM who could not make it himself due to prior engagement. So I was apprehensive for two days thinking what I was going to say and if i was prepared or what am I to wear and the parking problem around the venue and so forth. When It all finally happened I found myself the only speaker there while the two others who were supposed to be here were missing and the audience was just the five or six people. Oddly enough I was far from disappointed and i spent two hours chatting with this group pf Chinese ladies who were there running the event. I had the best moment on my life feeling like i could communicate so freely of what I truly felt without inhibitions which would not had been possible had there been a larger audience.
By the end of the day I felt i have learned yet another lesson about what and what not to expect but just to be present and be involved and accounted for without any premeditated interest. The talk i gave was more for myself to hear and know who I am and what I am all about in Art and Education and how i have arrived at being able to reconcile my feelings of the past negative experiences about Education and how Art has been my healing tool and process. As much  as I desire to make money as the next guy, Art has always been secondary when it comes to earning a living. Throughout my life i have held more than thirty different jobs, some briefly while the longest lasted six years. I have worked for no salaries on many jobs simply because i just felt like working and experiencing what it takes to perform the work; I like to volunteer my services any chance I get so long as i get to do things the way I like to do them. I like to play while I work, and work while i play- perhaps it makes no sense but it is the way I have always felt about employment; I quit or get myself fried if i find my job has become uninteresting or a psycho/ emotional drag than benefits me in no way than simply making a living.
I have begged and I have borrowed and even stolen in my life and i am not proud of it, but i managed to stay afloat like a cork over water moving down a stream, I never find myself stuck in one place for too long. I am not good at saving and I spend what i make just as i make them while often enough sharing with others who I feel in need like I am a rich man. Sometimes I have gone for weeks without a penny in my pocket just to see how I fare and sometimes i have more than I know what to do with that I felt like it is not even there. I do not envy others who have made it big financially, just respect for their ability to. I treat having and not having money as a healthy practice of attach and detachment, I can say no and yes to whenever or whatever that I may desire to have and watch how it happens when i got what i had intended to have in the end. Sometimes things just comes my way out of the blue, just enough to allow me the next phase or mile or days into the future with little or no pressure. I feel strongly that I have achieved a better understanding of the laws of 'abundance' and how it affects my material needs; you get just enough, no more nor less than what you truly need. 

I am all I have got and proud of it.

I made an error in trying to share my thoughts on these matters with my Chinese friend Ah Huat the auto-air conditioning mechanic after the shop closed and we were sipping a few cans of beer. Just to break from the tedious non stop babbling he always rant on mostly about the same things, I decided to take a poke at him with the question, Who are you, Ah Huat? It stopped him on his tracks and blew a gasket right out of the cylinder, I have never seen a man could get so pissed off over such a trivia question. I saw my friend's altered state for the first time of how ill tempered he can become to the point of irrationality that he almost decked me had i kept pushing him. I kept apologizing to him for raising such a banal question in an effort to uplift his knowledge to higher level or so i assumed, but it back fired miserably and as i visited him this evening he was still not in the best of moods to talk to me. Looks like another failed friendship in the making before it even developed to full bloom. Such Is! ...this too will pass.
It is said that you never throw pearls at swines they will never know what to do with them but just to eat them and shit on them. It is also said or not that one should make an effort to uplift a spirit when one deems it is ready to be uplifted to higher state of Consciousness. Who am i to know what is best for others anyway? Why should i even care if they appreciate or not what i have been trying to share in my relationship with them and at the end of the day i realize it is all about money and work, he bribes me with small amounts of cash insisting that i should accept it for what i have done for him and eventually I become his employee, sad, so sad.
I suppose I will keep on trying to keep this relationship alive for whatever it is worth as i know the man is going through some heavy duty work pressure trying to handle money matters when he cannot even read or write properly according to his friends. I do not write to criticize but to share my predicament and perhaps witness the final outcome of this episode of my life as it is still part and parcel of my lifelong practice. in relationships. is it necessary? Off course it is as it is part and parcel my karmic consequences in dealing with my own weaknesses and failures in trust and integrity towards my friends and various relationships in the past. I could atone for my sins and wait to be judged by the All Mighty when I am face to face with my Maker. In the mean time it is my Karmic duty to cleanse myself of faults and failures in this life through working with others in our interpersonal relationships. What a bunch of Hogwash, you say and yes perhaps it is so, but what have i got to loose? Perhaps just another potential good friend. What lessons have i learned? Nothing last? All is Illusion? That i shoudl, no go throwing my big mouth about matters that hardly got a grasp myself? Says Who? Rajneesh? Mooji? Alan Watts? Krishnamurti? Ramana Maharshi? Baba Ram Dass? Katagiri Roshis? Or Dennis Junpo Kelly?
What i have learned if nothing else is that we are all fragile in our projections of ourselves we pretend to be impeccable towards the external world but deep within we are still groping in the dark trying to figure out who we are and where our place is in this whole scheme of Life. The closer we get to the end of our days the more desperate and irrational we become with this need to justify why things are the way they are. Bent and battered over the years from abuses and being abused physically, psychologically and emotionally, we find ourselves still wondering what went wrong and how we were wronged but w wear his mask to hide behind and say this is who I am. Not much but I am all that i have got, n much but more than most and am proud of it beating out chest like a ape.   

I Am That I AM.

To put one's 'Practice into action in this life is not a simple matter as it takes a whole lot of ability and dexterity in being able to act selflessly as well as spontaneously without any preconception of making an effort to act; it just has to happen. This will only materialize if and when the mind is silenced through, (practice). Spontaneous action 'erupts' or happens without premeditated thinking and when it takes place something new and exciting if not, 'Mind Boggling' materializes that even the doer is caught by surprise. This 'explosion', a instant reaction to any given situation often manifests itself when one is dire need of a solution, or in a state of danger or being threatened physically of mentally or when one is in a position to act for the benefit of someone else's safety. To be in this state of mind I find one has to be in close contact with one's consciousness or more like one is constantly in a 'fully conscious state'of ' Being.
The mind or more accurately the, the consciousness we all have within us is the most powerful tool, (next to God). We have been urged and impressed upon by those Ancient Masters to develop this state of consciousness, to become enlightened to, to master the ability to put it into action in all that we do. In short we have been taught from the beginning to not allow ourselves to sleep walk through our lives like zombies or become just 'grist for the mill' or a part of cog and screw for a machine;we are the machine. We are the creators of the cog and screws that makes the machine run, we    provide the coding system that the computer may function to our needs and not the other way round. We are more than just exploiters and manipulators utilizing what is already created to suit our needs, it is our duty to transcend beyond what is already there and manifest what is original and primordial from our inner being.

YOU ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!
workisnotjob.

Just as the miner sheds his blood sweat and tears digging through the mountain side in seeking that perfect diamond, it is our duty to dig deep within ourselves to find that trophy trough where all things manifest from and share our discovery with humanity in each and every way we possibly can. Otherwise life is but a dream and dreamers often awakens to a nightmare at the end of the day. Whatever guise we have taken to be identified as a member of our society, the human race, we must strive to share our self discovery, our intuitions our, insights with those around us, right or wrong, let  
the rest of humanity be the judge and only time can tell. No matter how small or insignificant the revelation we receive from our inner being, given at the right moment and circumstances, it will make a difference; it might even move mountains. 
If one is to be a dreamer in this life, dream big, dream a glorious dream that the mind can conjure up with and even if it is all an illusion at least the joy of dreaming such a dream is worth the impending nightmare when it comes. In my teenage years i was accused of being a dreamer than none other, my oldest brother, my English teacher and the man who shaped my life at that time in my life when I was beginning to figure out what I was all about. I dreamed of far off distant lands of snow covered mountains and endless desert sand, depth-less oceans and thick rain forests all over the world and today i dare say i have been there and done it. Sometimes out of the sheer need to escape from the reality that was choking my very life I loose myself into my dreams and most of my dreams in the past has manifested themselves in reality through out my life.
For dreams to become reality, for fantasy to become a way of life, for wishful hopes and thoughts to manifest in our lives we have to learn how to make it happen. We have to seek out the tolls the ways and means the secrets of the ages as handed down from the first man who thought about  such notions, the Man who sat and stared at the stars and wondered at the entrance to his cave: Who Am I? Is there a Creator out there or am I the creator of my own Universe? If i do not exist would there be this! Perhaps! But who is there to be the witness to all these if I am not? I AM THAT, I AM?

All is as It should be.

As I have rarely come upon a living Guru or teacher that I can look up to or learn a thing or two from in my daily relationship with those i encounter, I have resorted to reflecting more upon the thoughts of thinkers via the You Tube in the Internet. It is a blessing as i have time and again emphasized the fact that the Internet is the latest of Divine Miracles for humanity while at the same time it can be the curse that would tear the fabric of our existence to shreds.The amount of information spewed out by the Internet is beyond phenomenal and yet it has also revealed the amount of ignorance that we as humanity is made up of when it comes to sharing and dispatching this information. Like everything that has grown out of proportion the Internet too needs policing in order to curb wrong and harmful usage for self aggrandizement, political mileage and religious props. It is not wrong to say that the abuse of the Internet usage has become alarmingly scary for it is available to every nook and cranny around this planet and to the good as well as the bad and the ugly; knowledge at the fingertips.
I do not have to look far, my son half his days facing the PC in his room that it does not make difference to him if he is surrounded by all kinds of garbage from half leftovers and empty plastic bottles, a can full of cigarette buts and a bed that has not seen the laundry for weeks on end. It is as though  he believes that it is his calling in life to be hunched over the PC browsing every single series on You Tube, chat with all his friends on Face Book and play the latest Video Games available while downloading movies and mini series like Games of Thrones from the beginning to the latest season, Like any father who has to raise his children without the mother i keep telling myself, and this too will pass. I keep accepting the fact that he will find what he is looking for eventually and that it will happen sooner than later; looks like he is aiming at becoming a screen writer! So i accept his good as well as bad habits and give him the benefit of the doubt that he will find himself somewhere down the road even if it is through the Internet.
The Internet has become my major Guru like every one else's and i seek advice from all the contemporary Gurus on You Tube to confirm my own thought processes and that i am not too far off from their line of thinking on subjects that i have deep interest in. Alan Watts as i have time and again mentioned is one of those and J. Krishnamurti, Mooji and Ekhart Tolle and the host of other Teachers from the past. What I learn on the street is through watching and with bare attention in so much as not getting myself sucked into what is but merely being a witness to events in the moment in time. I find that as i remove myself getting involved too intimately or become too familiar with any circumstances happening before me i loose the hold these events or happenings has on me. I am more free to be present just as an observer and only allow myself to be involved if and when it is called for.
It has taken a good part of my life to come to this simple realization but it is never too late to practice what is Right Attention.
Instead of allowing my mind to wonder around like a parasite feeding on every phenomenon or like a sponge absorbing all that it comes in contact with, pure or filth, i am finding myself less and less distracted from focusing on what is right before me and letting it go right after it is past...and this too will pass. The good and the ugly distinction has lost its discriminating effect and everything or event, every episode and experience has become just as it is, nothing more and nothing less to add or subtract from; All is as it should be. 

  

We Are thinking ourselves Down the Hole.

How to keep on keeping your consciousness sharp and brilliant, spotless and unblemished from the illusions of what  you are exposed to in your daily lives. How to keep honing your senses and keep them from slipping into darkness before their allotted time span, this is the quest being set about by most modern day young and active members of societies. Various activities that are set to challenge the human spirit are catered towards accomplishing these goals at the end of the day, when you get more and more feeble as age wears down on you claiming yet another food and fodder for the worms before it is time due to giving up prematurely, this thirst for life. It is imperative that dearth is our final destination, at least in this physical body, but it does not mean the our mind need to surrender without a fight, that our will should bend from further accomplishing the impossible or the least to fulfill our wishes and dreams. before the final curtains.
A friend recently asked me how i keep up my enthusiasm in creating as an artist or even keeping on writing this Blog year in day out. I told him him simply, what else is there to do otherwise. It is like facing a battle cry all the time as one rides into the faces of the enemy letting out wild screams from deep within you knowing that you will be dropped anytime by the bullet aimed at you, you just have to make the final scream as loud and as full of passion as you can and impale yourself into the inevitable that awaits you like the Thorn Bird. This is the passion of an artist, a warrior, a monk. To face the unknown fully conscious and with full vigor even when there is lack of energy or commitment. To transcend one's own weaknesses and face that challenge even if it means utter defeat in the final analysis; to not give in.
What is Art/ He asked me, and I replied, it is creating. When you start creating even a single line on a piece of paper, it is Art; if not No Art. Talk all you want and critique all you wish about Art, still; No Art. Art is in Making it Happen. So is life in essence, it is in living and living is not merely in counting your change if it is more that you need or if you have more than others, life it is more than what meets the eyes. Living is ideally, in being Creative and Productive, Loving and Compassionate, towards yourself and mostly towards others. it is in the ability to Live and let live, in giving and taking, in knowing and understanding and most of all in getting to Know who you are. Living life without these attributes is like cattle grazing in the lush full fields getting fattened for the butcher's knife.
As I have often enough reminded myself and others patience is an impeccable virtue that one cannot afford to neglect or take  lightly in whatever matter one is involved in. Patience wear down all tensions and defuses all anger and if taken seriously can make wonders materialize in their proper time and moments. Many fail to grasp this and often flounder around in despair after learning the errors of rushing into matters before taking the deep breath and refraining from making rash moves without contemplating its significant and consequences. The human mind is capable of multi tasking and multi-layering of events and options in the process of getting anything done and it is only in how we are able to understand and use this ability like we utilize the Adobe Web tool, the more we learn the larger the significance of its use we find. We are religious, scientific, technological, and poetic creatures all wrapped into one, but we chose only what we feel is our field of virtue and neglect the rest, thinking that the Artist and the Scientist, the Savant and the Monk cannot coexist in one individual's mind. 
The mind that has evolved for millions of years, (according to science), is limitless to the the extent of its owner's knowledge and ability to understand what is thoughts in relation to the mind. We all think, but what we are capable of thinking is never the same just as our DNA is never the same in each and every one of us. It is said that thoughts creates our environment, the world that we live in and if this is so, how do we manage to think of so much inequity and discord, crimes and destruction, waste and most of all untold suffering among us? Is our Collective thinking so warped and distorted that we cannot find a solution to our miseries anymore through Right Thinking. It is indeed a sad thing thing to even think about.

Keeping it all in Gear.

When my daughter asked me what my plans were for the rest of the day at breakfast at Kassim Mustafa on Chulia Street, in Georgetown, I told her i really have no idea as yet. She said you are just going with the flow and i said just about it. I dropped her off at Giat MARA where she is doing her Seamstress course which is in keeping with her wanting to be a fashion designer. I am confident that she will survive on her own even when i am no more around to help her see it through day by day, she has become more than self confident and is capable of earning a living in more than one way.
I drove off to USM hoping that the office will be open and it is, thus i am working on blog entry which i have been neglecting for the past few weeks.
Perhaps i am slowly winding down and letting go of activities that really has worn out its values in affecting much changes in my life. I am more into trying to keep body and mind from deteriorating too soon before it is time to bow out of this cycle of life and death. I am maintaining my physical self by performing as much physical labor as i can afford to while at the same time contribute towards the well being of my immediate community of family and friends. Yesterday was spent working on a long Mural on the wall of a Kindergarten along with the parents and teachers of the school. This is the school where my grand nephews and nieces attends in Balik Pulau, located on the other side of the Island of Penang. Hence i am recovering from aches and pains all over the body, especially on the lower back.
The week earlier I was with the USM staff attending the Natinal Meuseum Day which wsa held at the Museum Padi or Padi Museum located in Alor Star, the capital town of the northern State of Kedah. Evidently, Penang was once a part of the State of Kedah until the Sea captain Francis Light Conned the Sultan into selling him the Island in return for the protection he afforded against pirates and such. But that was History and who pays much attention to History anymore, as it is said history is written by the victorious and not by the vanquished. If there is anyone to be blamed for the fate of this Island, it is the Kedah Sultan of the day who was swayed by the sweet talks ans sabre rattling of the British East India Company when they came to set up trading in the Malay peninsular. Today you see the black and white picture of the said Sultaa in in homes and coffee shops in Kedah showing of His Highness.s medals stuck to his chest given by the British for being fooled.
The Museum Padi is located on the outskirt of the town of Alor Star at the foot of Gunung Keriang, is worth visiting for it has one of the most fantastic Mural I have ever seen depicting the landscape of Rice fields and local lifestyle. I was very impressed by this massive work which was done by a a group of about sixty Korean Artists and artisans. In an age where 3D Art is becoming a fad all over the world, this piece which was officially launched in 2004 is for me among the most captivating.
Gunung Keriang itself is a site worth exploring for those interest in caves and climbings. 

    Gunung Keriang.

 

Muzium Padi, Lot798 Jalan Gunung Keriang, Mukim Gunung Keriang, 06570 Alor Setar, Kedah Darul Aman.

Tel. No: 04-7351315

I also made a short visit to my friends at SRI Lovely in the foot hills of Kampung Lintang in Sik, Kedah. I stayed there for a few days long enough to get some cutting and trimming done giving the place a facelift as they were expecting a visit by the Students from the Thaksin University in Thailand. This was before i made the trip to the Natinal Museum Day celebration in Alor Star. Yes, I was trying to keep my time occupied so as to keep my body and mind active and productive. Believe me it does not get any easier as one gets older and the body is telling you that you are no longer what you used to be.

Rambling on Health matters.

When i wake up every morning I look myself in he mirror and smile at the ugly face looking back at me and say I love you. No matter how ugly or old and haggard i may look in the mirror prior to this I find myself smiling back at me saying, "yeah, right, whatever!." I have been looking at this face for the past sixty odd years and it has not changed except for the fact that it has aged somewhat and the white hair are getting more prominent than the dark and new lines are making their way into the surfaces highlighting areas that were less distinguished before. I keep my hair long so as to let i be known that I am not a team player when it comes to follow the leaders. I try to maintain whatever is left of my physique so that I can still do what needs to be done without killing myself doing it.  
I am beginning to realize that there is a technique to growing old and it is an ongoing procedure that involves various aspects of one's nature which includes one's relationships with others friends and foes alike. Letting go of animosities a soon as possible by apologizing even if you are not in the wrong is one sure way to unburden the negative impact that was incurred. Smiling at those who stare at you or give you the dirty look for no apparent reason nullifies the negative feeling that would result soon afterwards; less baggage. Then there is the care for one's physical self, the bones and muscles that operates driven by the internal organs of various types; be aware of them as help them to find balance in operating at the maximum capacity. Realize that what goes in must come out even if it takes a different more nasty form; a regular bowel movement is paramount to healthy body. Take a minute to look at what you have ejected from your body and see the difference day to day. Most of us today sit and do our number then get off and flush it all down without a glimpse of what went down.
Upon waking up, I sit. I meditate doing some breathing to align my body while checking where the aches and pains were and relieving these areas through my breathing. hen I do my facial stretching and followed by the whole body, all through breathing. I do this every morning without fail and i find myself ready free from any residual aches and pains due to sleep. Getting my blood circulation moving helps me to make my next moves through the day. This human body is an incredible machine if well maintained and less abused will endure and see us through to the end with not too much hiccups. How often have we looked at our fingers and say, thank you! Mostly never, or our eyes for being able to enjoy such sights as we see around us or our legs for transporting us here and there with never a complain and i could go on limb for limb and how they have served us.
I have been trying to impart these reminders to my fellow cronies as we sat and talk over our coffee and roti canai or while kicking back while fishing when the subject of health arises. I find that Malays especially loves to talk of their diabetic and high blood pressure, to the degree tat they sometimes sounds like they are doctors on the matter; either that or politics. There are more politicians among Malays in the country than the other races. it is seldom that i find a healthy conversation over matters that really makes the difference in our everyday life among my fellow Malays. I find it much more relaxing if not enlightening chatting with the young adults as it is for they are more open to discussions on matters such as mind altering trips naturally or otherwise rather than who is loosing their legs next due to too much sugar.

  

Making your way to the end.

In truth nothing much will ever change about who you are and how far or how near you have arrived at who you think you aught to be. Anger, pain envy, happiness, joy, love and sorrow etc., they come and go and you the constant will endure them as they materialize and then keep moving on till your demise. Just when you think you have it all under control the floor opens up from under you and you find yourself slip sliding down into the rabbit hole and you end up wondering, what happened? What went wrong, what was not enough? This is life in the physical realm where the mind has created a persona of who you are or think you are. In this realm you are a victim of ignorance or delusions. You identify yourself with what the mind has created for you where nothing is real but mind stuff.
You exist in a bubble that can be popped at any moment and leave you exposed to the realities created by the billions of mental state that have evolved upon this Planet and not all are creative and productive and most are out to enslave you for their own purpose and well being. You are here on this earth merely as a part of a food chain albeit that you as humans may occupy the highest of the order. Only the few , those who have totally awaken themselves to this realization have the means to set themselves free from this bondage. Sometimes it take the effort of bursting the bubble again and again, exposing oneself time and again in order to learn to understand the nature of one's prison. This is the prison that has been built from the day you were born as layer upon layer of veils is being added upon you in the beginning as a form of safety net that later becomes a survival technique that eventually turns into a religious belief system.
If you live past sixty years of age as I have you will begin to recognize the repetitious and recurring nature of your developed or evolved 'mindset.' You might think you have become wise and transcended beyond ignorance and penetrated the delusion along the way; no you have merely moved into the next phase of growing old while your mind still holds you in check as to how or why you react to this external world around you. The moment your bubble is busted you will find yourself naked before all your past ghosts leering and mocking you for thinking that you have succeeded in liberating yourself from your own mental formations. You find out that you are still a prisoner of your own deluded mind and that of the collective mind around you.
How to free yourself from this predicament? Back to the Zafuton and sit. Sit like a robot and maintain absolute silence not reacting to anything that arises nor removing anything that you don't like; just bare attention. Do this as often as you can, Insha'Allah, you might find the answer if you are genuinely interested in looking for a way out of this cycle of LIfe-Death-Rebirth; the Cycle of Ignorance. However if your life is comfortable and you feel you have earned it by hard work and dedication and there is no need for change, then much power to you as you have become comfortably numb to existence around you. You have solve your problems but blind to those of others as well as the environment if not the fate of the Planet itself. You have become the fattened cow that is plodding its way to the butcher's block just like the rest of us; only you find happiness in it.   

Alan Watts & Krishnamurti Revisited.

"Th Meaning of life is just to be alive, it is so plain and so obvious and so simple. and yet everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves."
Alan Watts.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Albert Einstein.

The two quotes came from Alan Watts talks on You Tube courtesy of Tragedy and Hope Video series of which i often sat and listen the first thing i wake up every morning when i get the chance to. and it is 5;30 am. Ever since i stumbled upon his book, "The Way of Zen" in the late seventies while i was attending the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay, (UWGB), Alan Watts has been my spiritual Guru along with J. Krishnamurti who i also discovered during the same time. Their thoughts changed my perspective in viewing life and taking on routes that are less traveled on this journey that we are all embarked upon.
Like how the Marvel and DC Comic series has evolved in my life to become Mega Box office Movies, Alan Watts and J.Krishnamurti's presence has also kept me in line over the years in seeing through many veils and sinking into potholes along my path. I am not saying that they are always right in their premises. (When you're arguing, you will usually take certain theses for granted (these are the premises of your argument) and attempt to show that if one accepts those premises, then one ought also to accept the argument's conclusion.). .I would like to believe tat I am just as capable to come to my own conclusion on matters about my own life although as a student i have been influenced by these 'Gurus'. Suffice to say that having been exposed to these two philosophers thoughts and ideas I draw my knowledge from them as reminders or reflections whenever i am in doubt, just as Hokusai and Rembrandt would would when I have a creative block.
'No man is an island,' is the essence of most philosophical premise and we are all reflections of each other in all our appearances, beliefs and practices and we are the Universe of our own making if we could only stop to see it as it is. However in our haste to get there we have missed being here in the Here and Now, where the Universe is expressing itself through being us or our being-ness. It is not an easy task to understand most of what is being expounded by both these 'Gurus' of contemporary philosophy, but it is the best as far as I am concern  for me to emulate in terms of dealing with many questions that arises as i try to untangle the tangles of my mind.      

"Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, Than a long life, spent in a miserable way."
Alan Watts.

PDC- Has sold the Island. from under our feet!

Vicram Mahalingam with Shamsul Bahari.

50 mins · 

Shamsul Bahari Sir, it was such nice moment spent with u. My children keep asking me even today morning when we are going to meet u. They want the car air cond get repaired again this week. Haha....
I am following your works since the day we met. I am really inspired. Truly authentic. I wish to get my car a/c repaired to meet u as well. Have a nice day. 

This appeared in my Face Book and it is from a friend I just met while hanging around Ah Huat's Auto Air Conditioning workshop doing my sketching while waiting for my car to be fixed. It was a delightful moment for me to spend a little time with his family while they were waiting for their car and I was very impressed at how he treated his to sons' constant questioning about this and that. It was very refreshing to watch the two boys very active and inqusitive and not a single hand phoneor Ipad in sight. So i decided to teach them my favorite children's song called 'Goreng Pisang' or Fried Bananas, I wonder if they still remember the lyrics.

This is life in Penang where you entertain and Indian family while waiting for your car at your Chinese's friend workshop. When you are with the common people like myself and those that walk in and out of my life, you will never get tired of feeling like this Island is special. Not only is she beautiful in the scenic sense but she is also a pot potpourri of mixed races, cultures and religions where if observed with due respect and within reason a very healthy coexistence will prevail enriching the Island's heritage. Sadly enough when one mentions the word heritage in Penang, the UN declaration takes center stage, where Georgetown is accorded, World Heritage City. It is sad because this declaration has robbed the Island off her true beauty and place the preservation of Colonial History as more Important than local cultural heritage.

As there was and perhaps still is money to be made from this accorded status of World Heritage Site, a whole lot of restorations went about in he effort to bring back the memory gone by of our British era of colonialism. As though our forefathers were proud to have been cowed by the British and till this day we are indebted to them. Hence we have whitewashed mausoleums renovated at the cost of millions all over the City to keep us informed of our Heritage while those who had the opportunity to handle the projects walked away laughing to the bank.Most of these buildings today are hardly used and new factions are fighting each other in order to ascertain who has the rights to occupy them. 

Yes, Penang has become a playground for hookers and carpet beggars pandering their wares at the expense of local populace. It is heart wrenching  to see the small fries struggling to keep up with the sharks and the piranha. he Island is slowly but surely being sold off to the highest bidder from overseas, those whose currency are riding high as compared to our shrinking economy. The cries of the mechanics and the coffee shop owners, the fishermen and the bus drivers falls on deaf ears and the reigning politicians plays dumb and innocent when confronted. Like the rest of the country, corruption is a way of life here; money talks and bullshit walks.

They are tearing up the hills all over with impunity these days too, and why not/ What is the use of a forest covered hill if it does not generate income and who is to say what i can do or not with my own property? Wait till you see the beautiful Hotels and high rises I have planned to build, then you will forget the green hills you so much adore today! Ask the CM if you think what is going on is wrong, he will tell you to stop whining and get on with the game plan. If you really have to worry, worry for your children and their children, who knows if the would even be space for them to park their behind if things keeps moving the way it is under the guise of so called 'Development' and an entity called PDC.

  

  

  

smile emoticon

' The Avenger'- Civil War

Saw 'The Avengers 'Civil War' the movie this evening with the kids, Karim, Marissa and their cousin Azwan and sat in the front most row in the theater and why not? It is great to feel like a kid every now and then.  I marveled at how realistic the scenes were especially the fights sequels. I still remember when i saw my first marvel comic sometime in the early sixties while living in Kuala Terengganu. My eldest brother, Razali had subscribed to both the DC and the Marvel comics and they always arrived at the same time at his home. had these comics been preserved till this day he would have a whole lot of originals with many first appearances which included,  the first issues of Spider Man, X-Men, The Incredible Hulk, The Fantastic Four, Aquaman and Dr. Strange to name a few. 
I must consider myself very fortunate if not privileged to have had the such an opportunity, like have known Stan Lee and Jack Kirby way back when and as a natter of fact my artistic talent was galvanized by this exposure to comics. As i sat watching the movies today adapted from these comics almost fifty years later i feel like i have watched the evolution of an art form to its final product. In witnessing this phenomena it also make me realize the power of the collective human creative spirit and what it can accomplish when brought together. It is too bad that these characters and the stories that spins them are catered towards violence even if it does not seem so I suppose this cannot be helped as it is the nature of the characters to 'fight for justice'.
At my age I am fortunate to have been a witness to many historical events that had taken place around the globe and due to my education and interest have been fully aware of their happening. The Vietnam War and the Hippie Movement, The death of J.F. Kennedy and the Lunar Landing, the fall of the Berlin Wall and the End of Soviet Union, The rise of Zionism and ISIS and the  and in my own country, the May 13th. Riot of 1969, the decadence of justice and the proliferation of corruption to date. I must admit that i have lived in some exciting times in the history of mankind and the Planet itself.
As I look back and ponder, I realize that somethings evolves for the better while others for the worse, however each has its role to play in the balance of creation itself. The positive as well as the negative each has its energy one cannot function without the other. As movies evolves into 'Star Wars' and 'Star Trek', human imagination will keep on expanding going outwards to ,'Boldly go when no man has gone before...' and 'may the Force go with you...' While our imagination takes us to distant frontiers of galaxies in space, our mind also takes us deep into our inner space to unravel the mysteries of 'Consciousness' and  'Source of Creation' itself. Not too  many of us are engaged in this venture as it is more of a personal journey, but the journey within is as great a distance as that of the external  to boldly venture into.
One thing that i got having watched the movie is that, how every Tom, Dick and Mary, super heroes or otherwise are out to 'Change the world'. Seems like not many likes it the way it is anymore and just let it be.

Square One-How to Silence the mind.

Despite all the travails that we are being faced with, all the challenges that comes our way for better or worse we still have to trudge along and create our own course towards what we perceive as our goal tobe at the end of the day. Why was i born in the first place? Who puts me here or did I manifest myself into such a reality that i find myself in now or how i evolved into such an entity that is now crawling through this quagmire of what is called life. Do i have a choice to skip out of this game this phenomenon that i find myself in and how/
For years now even as this blogging has testified I have been grappling with the same question and the answer seems to evade my every probe and quest, leaving me with the same routine of living daily having dreams and expectations, loosing hope and surrendering to my egotistical cravings to fill up empty spaces and time. It is still like living in a limbo of not realizing that all is for not as it i all simply an illusion that i have i have manifested as i move along like a sponge absorbing all that I come across and digesting and regurgitating then repeating the process all over again like an earthworm.
However even earthworms has their function in this life and to have evolved from such a state into this human form which in terms of time would take some myriads of life times, has to mean something in the scale of existence. Here again at the expense of repeating myself, i quote the Buddha who is said to have said. "It is in this human form that you can realize 'Liberation from this circle of Life-Death -Rebirth.; don't waste time!" Over time these words soon become mere expressions, an intellectual understanding or spiritual cliche. The mind that has been in control of the whole game is still running in as many directions as it possibly can seeking ways and means to fulfill its sensual gratifications, or egotistical whims and fancies. Here does that leaves the one who truly seeks for answers as to , "Why was i born in the first place?" 
Hence the question remains a question perhaps till my dying day and i will still be groping in the dark wondering why i had been alive in the first place. Then again one of these days i might just wake up and find myself fully liberated already, just waiting to leave this shell that i call a body and move on to higher orders of the universe that is a part of who I am. Thoughts! Words! what do they amount to other than passing phases of trying to justify what i understand and what i am feeling about my own affairs in the scheme of things.Now, Silence , they say is Golden! 
So back to square one, how to silence the mind?
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Challenges, opportunities, vexations, inspirations, and the rest of it will arise and disappear in the course of a lifetime, it is like riding he roller coaster or sailing the vast ocean. To face the challenges and grab the opportunities, to understand the cause of vexations and act upon the inspirations is the choices we make and act upon as we trudge along taking one step at a time. Giving up is not an option, it is in handling our daily choices that we make that eases the burden we feel that we are carrying upon our backs. Every single thing that happens to us comes from the external via our invitation knowingly or otherwise we crate our own scenario that allows for external events to intrude into our consciousness, most of the time without our knowledge or unconsciously. But holding on to the fact that we are the master of our own destiny all these intrusions can be overcome with 'right understanding' and correct actions to turn what is negative into positive; even just by acknowledging their presence.
A good example just happened even as I am writing this. A moment ago just browsing my face Book account, I lost it while watching a video of some Arab forum or whatever. I am now asked to renew my account because of some 'maleware; issue whatever that is. After years of using the same name and address wiht no problem now i have to make choices... like 'New Password', confirm my mobile number, blah blah blah.So much for Fb as far as I am concern it is history. But such is, I have been sucked into this FB crap and got addicted to it just like billions around the world. NO doubt it has its good side and like everything else in this life it has more ugly sides than good and yet it is a necessary tool if one is sucked into craving for information or so we believe.
In this day and age of instant knowledge we are bombarded with anything and everything we wish to know under the sun, 'the good,the bad and the ugly and anyone who knows how to serf the Internet, is served. It again boils down to choices on how or what is 
 being served and what is being consumed. Most young adult today has to endure the rigorous act of choice making that they are exposed to on the Internet and most have succumbed to its negative exposure and are trapped into a mindless state of absorption that has no limit to what is being taken into their mental state and how the mind reacts to it. From the most gruesome event happening on the street to the most raunchy episodes downloaded by porn groups teenager from the outermost rural areas of the countryside to the heart of the largest cities young adults are being fed daily by images that their parents have no idea whatsoever not too long ago. Choices are thrown out of the window and the mind is fully exposed to elements that even the mind is not capable of handling in some cases.
This is the scenario pretty much that is going on around the globe and it a way it is worse than the AIDS epidemic. There is little that can be done to control such massive exposure of he young human minds to such perverse images, but only through education and proper monitoring by parents; who has the time. Choices have to be made and they are not easy what with the rat race live we are living and this entry itself is like a broken record. self repeating message that is becoming redundant and in time obsolete. hence we make the choices and we live with the consequences, good or bad is a matter of the mind of the beholder.

Crappy day Blues.

It has been a scorcher for the past few months in Malaysia and the dams are running too low for comfort. Scattered rain showers but not enough to make a dent in the need for water that will soon be running out even for drinking. More and more cold blooded creatures like snakes and crocodiles are found in places that they would normally avoid like apartment complex and parking lots; perhaps looking for water or a cool spot. Tempers are flaring up left and right on the highways and barbershops and its is all accredited to the El Nino factor; whatever that is. All I can say is the globe is warming and it is getting hotter by the day. 
I have a very hard time getting my temper in check too as every attempt i have made towards getting something done is being hampered by walls beyond my perception and control. I am falling asleep, slowly drifting into the never never land of the walking dead where everyone moves around like Zombies and i find myself swimming up river with every attempt i make at getting something creative or positive done. Trying too hard to manufacture stuff out of the blue? or maybe still trying hard to justify my existence. Whatever it is it is not good. Maybe it is the weather, maybe it is just a passing phase or maybe it is just me, I'm just passing through some dark tunnels where there seem to be no light at the end. But i have been through this crap time and again and there is always something there to be dealt with. And this is called life and my mother told me that there'd be days like this.
So what do i opt to do? i write it all down as it is till there is no more to write about and this too will pass. Boredom is an illness that affects the rusty mind and a rusty mind will start to wander and create itself a nuisance getting attached to crap off the internet. or it will become a part of the ongoing nonsensical conversation happening around it. Worse still it will get all uptight and get involved in a fight over who came first into the barber shop. This is how the day has been and it is really not worth reading about but if you too have the same crappy day, hey, why not? The least i could d is to make an entry into my Blog for the day. After all this too is a past of knowing who I am; especially this! 

The End.- of Death.

Am I obsessed with the thought of 'Death' now that i am included among those that will be facing the experience in the not too distant future. Yes and no. Yes i am and should be as it is the one time one shot experience of all experiences and no, I am not obsessed as it is a very crucial part of my investigation in life of; my self- discovery. Simplistic as it may be this, this life long journey has opened my eyes if not my consciousness into many eventful experiences relatively connected to the issue of 'Death and Dying. Over the years i have witnessed and have been apart of the process in burying my family and friends who had passed away, young and old, due to various causes. There were those who died painfully for a long period of time, like my Brother, Gina, who died of Kidney failure and my brother-in-law Syed who died of throat cancer. Then there were my two nephews who died of motorcycle accidents and one who died of rat-piss poisoning in a matter of three days and the last one i was at the funeral was my nephew who was a drug addict for most of his life. In all I tried to understand whatever there was to understand when death occurs. The psycho emotional effects upon those left behind and the process of burial itself.
Perhaps there is nothing to learn as it is all a part and parcel of being alive as everything the lives will soon die one way or another and sooner or later. As it is, I still maintain that for me to understand death I have have to live life to the very best of my knowledge and ability. I have to taste every ups and downs and wade through the quagmire that lay before me and I have to feel most of all the heartbeat that pervades throughout every living thing in this Universe; I have to feel the Eternal within me. The deathless resides within me and it is this that is making the observations and the conclusions, it is this that is seeking to find the Truth about the Nature of Death without Fear; "Inallilahi Wa'innallilahi Rajiun." From Him I came, to Him I am returned..   

The deathless.

John 4:24 

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Giving God a form even as an idea that 'God is spirit', is misleading as God has no form whatsoever at least not as in the image that the human mind is capable of conjuring at least it is best no to place Him in any form whatsoever; spirit or otherwise. God Is and there is none but He. All the rest of i is merely Illusions, Maya, self created or mind created phantasms to support is very own existence. The 'Self' in its downward spiral from its original Divine nature or Buddha nature devolves into its egotistic nature, as in Islam it is called nafs. This lower nature as it is sometimes identified as is what must die before the actual death of the spirit can take place.

The death of the ego is the long process of what i call the journey of 'self discovery', the way towards finding out the truth about who I am and who I am in relation to the Whole to God. How do I give up my ego or my nafs without creating more delusions as i plummet down towards the depth of ignorance and forever trapped in the web of this cycle of life death and rebirth. How do i escape from the grasping of Maya and falsehood of mental formations. As in Islam, I would ask, how do i tear myself through these veils that has been shrouding me from seeing the truth of what this life is all about. 

"The Bible compares death to sleep more than fifty times. After death we are asleep, we are unconscious; we are not aware of the passing of time or of what is going on around us. That is what death is like as well. The Bible says, “for the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing… their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished” (Ecclesiastes 9:5, NKJV, see also Psalm 146:4; 115:17). 

When we have been able to say, I, am no more, we have detached ourselves from all our attachments to our preconceived ideas and conditioned living as an entity called man. We are able to shed our veils and free our spirit from the shackles of ignorance and slothfulness by being awakened through developing our conscious awareness of our true nature, that which was before our parents even conceived us to be so. It is said in the Holy Scriptures of the People of the Book that, every soul prior to being conceived had made a covenant with the Creator in acknowledging that there is only God and none but He, in Truth. In understanding the significance of this itself is the answers to what 'a free spirit' means and who we truly are. A free spirit is unbounded by self propagated ideas and beliefs and it is free from egocentric delusions that has infested those who has slipped far from their original (Buddha) Nature, their Atman, their Ruh ul Kudus; that which is imperishable, deathless. 

No- Dual Thinking Mind

The closest i can come to as an answer when trying to deal with death is to live life to the fullest and understand every aspect of living within and without, one's self. This what it means to know who you are, to be fully cognizant of your origin and what you are inherently made up of. Scientifically, spiritually, mentally physically; who Am I? Who is asking? Who is making all these observations? Who is making al these errors? The journey towards self realization is not merely a philosophical idea, or a religious doctrine, it is your own personal investigation towards finding your higher and true self; that which is 'Deathless.'
Not because it is written or or prophesied, nor because some great friend or Guru told you so, not because an Imam shouted it out from the pulpit, nor because your mind has come to its own conclusion; it must be from your heart of hearts that felt it so. The one facing death will ultimately be only you and only you can overcome the fear of death itself. When you have come to a complete self realization of who or what you are in relation to the 'Whole' or the 'One', you will know that you are nothing but the source itself, that you belong to the source; that which you originate from. "I, Am No More!" I never was and will never be I am merely a manifestation of the 'Whole', the Universe, God, or call it what you may- even 'The Force.' But when your time is up or when your journey ends as this human form, when your physical self is separated from your 'consciousness', as a being, you are empty of your own self, you are perhaps 'absolute consciousness' itself'. You become One with or merged into the Absolute.
Hence the cessation  'Dual thinking Mind', the conditioned mind that sees itself as an entity of its own that is separated from the rest of existence itself; the Whole.

• Advaya, the nonduality of conventional and ultimate truth in Madhyamaka Buddhism, or nonduality of relative and Absolute reality in Chinese Buddhism. In Buddhist Madhyamaka it means that there is no absolute, transcendent reality beyond our everyday reality, and while things exist, they are ultimately "empty" of any existence on their own.^[5][6] In Chinese Mahayana it means that there is no absolute difference between the relative world and "absolute" reality. In Yogacara, it refers to the idea of nondualism of cognition and that which is cognited.- Wikipedia.

  
  " There is an ayat in Quran that says words to the effect that a mirage is seen in the desert, and you see a water and are thirsty, you go toward it and then you find nothing, and then it says There you find Allah. If we understand that Being is like a mirage of Maya, Mara, Dukkha, and Dunya, then what we find is where there is nothing, i.e. the Mirage is empty. Then it is precisely where we recognize the emptiness of Illusion that we find Allah." 'QUORA -Kent Palmer.

In short and simplistic way of saying it, I cannot worship God, that would make two of us, the me and God, this is shirik in Islam, when there are two. I have to seize to be and there is only God in existence. The i have become non=existent, "I, Am no more!"  Not only is my physical body dead but so is my soul and all that is - being me. It is said that if one dies as a Muslim with the profess that 'There is no God. only Allah as one's final words,' one is assured of heaven in the afterlife. This is what Muslims in general hold on to as their faith in Allah but the Sufis in Islam have a different view and theirs are more in the non-dualistic way approaching the religion worth understing.

to be cont. 

The right Way to Die?

To continue my train of thoughts from my previous entry about being able to die fully conscious and in control of one's faculties would be a miracle and defies all logic. Fear is the key factor and to be able to overcome alone does not mean that one is there or one has attained liberation from the cycles of life, death and rebirth. There numerous other factors to take into consideration, like what if you die in the hospital with all kinds of tubes sticking into you pumping all kinds of different drugs to keep you from howling in pain? Your mind has been drugged and being under sedation there is little of you left to even think of what death means or what lies beyond. What if you die being shot in the street or run over by a speeding truck? No time to think there either, so you just are gone, separated from your physical self and where you end up as a result is still a question no one has the full answer to except what is written in the scriptures, the Quran or the Bible or the various other Holy scriptures like the Vedas and the Tibetan Book of he Dead. Your choice of read. 
Or you have faith in what you are told or taught by your elders, those who hold knowledge of the spiritual nature in your culture, like the Shaman and the Medicine man. In societies where the organized religions have found its way into, death is a great mystery governed by fear and out of this fear is the respect for life; we call it superstitions. Those who live in the forest or far off places not touched by the so called modern civilization including its religious schools and psychological and analytical thoughts are very close to the death experience as their lives are a constant challenge of trying to stay one step ahead from it, day and night, from moment to moment; death comes with no explanation. 
Among my Chinese friends I find death as a taboo subject to chat about, just simply don't think about it, (too much). Among my Muslim friends and relatives, the older one gets ad as death approaches one's doorsteps, the more pious one becomes.
There is no way of Figuring out what is the right approach when it comes to the subject of death. 

    

Only He knows The truth.

"A day of no work is a day without food," an old saying too old to remember who said it but always stays fresh in my mind. Bottom line is, you do not deserve to be where you are if you have not done your share of sustaining the universe. Too far too deep perhaps for this early in the morning; 1;30 am. Outside of my gate, by the roadside a lonely man is going through the garbage bin looking for recycle-able items to earn his next meal perhaps. Offered him one Malaysian Ringgit, all the small change I have in my pocket and he ask if there is any leftover chicken that he can feed his cats, this being a restaurant. I told him none as most have been thrown away when they do the cleaning.He is a skinny old man my age but looks like time worn out and claims to be from around here, rides an old bicycle. Such Is.
Who and how is our fate decided for us? One being born the son of a minister and the other a by product of a drug addict/ One being born to become a triathlon while the other strapped to the bed with tubes sticking into every orifices in the body. Who planned the big picture that has decided for us to be who we are. This is an age old question that saints ans sages have grappled with, philosophers and thinkers have tried to untangle but none have been able to serve us with a digestible answer other than God, The Creator, Allah (SWT).I accept the fact that I was created or placed upon this earth by some higher Being beyond description Omnipotent, Omnipresent and I am nothing more than a speck of dirt on the foot of a cow in comparison. But I am a mindless speck of dirt like the cow, i am capable of discerning my state of affairs and my position as a human being even if this state in time is merely a speck on the scale of eternity. 
The question still hammers in my mind mind for and answer, who Am I and why am I here? There is not a day that passes that I had not stop to ponder this issue just like I am doing right this moment. I keep reminding myself that if i have to think, i wish to think on a grand scale, not if Russia's Putin has an account number in the Panama Leaks or if Syrians would ever find sanity in the aftermath of the what the county is going through. I wish to understand why God created me and the rest of the Universe the way it is. it is easy to take 'God works in mysterious ways' for an answer and go about pretending that life is all about Love and Compassion and that it will all come to an end when The Lord decides to close His Book on Life.
Throughout the history of mankind in my humble opinion only the Buddha came close to untangling the tangle. Gautama Buddha pursued the issue to the very end and is said to have attained liberation from this cycle of Life-Death and Rebirth. Yet I wonder if The Creator approves of His Way. Other than transmigration or Karmic evolution in the form of reincarnation, the Buddha does not talk much about death or the hereafter like the Muslims and the Christians, nor did He of God. You do good in this life, your next life will get better, you don't you keep coming back and evolve until you are fully awakened from this so called life. You self heaven or hell as you move along evolving from one state to another. Islam and the rest of the religions of the Book does not concur with this Way of looking at life, it is Heaven or Hell depending on if God is pleased or pissed with you and there is only this life for you to work with. 
According to Islam  when the last person walks three steps away from your grave the angels will ask you questions of your faith, who do you worship and so forth. It is hard to imagine the state of mind I would be in depending on how i died and buried that i can answer these questions spontaneously, but this is what having absolute faith is, that it is possible. That your faith will outweigh your fears and your clarity of mind will be present when this and questioning happens. Hence it all depends on your state of mind and your faith in your belief; not in what you think you should believe. Back to the conditioned mind, the dual thinking mind the mind that is trapped ni the worldly illusions; Maya.Religious faith does not encourage logical thinking, if it does than to die fully conscious would make better sense but fear aside can a man die and be buried fully conscious of what is happening to him?; Impossible?
Perhaps this is why Islam requires the faithful to pray five times a day among other numerous practices such as Zikr and observing the special rites during the fasting month. It is in a way to keep reminding the mind or Allah and His Infinite Mercy especially in the hour of death. The merits earned by one's devotion is the saving factor that will see you through through the journey in the afterlife. It is like training the mind to stay focus on the remembrance of The Lord no matter what happens.Not allowing the mind to take or loose control through fear and confusion of one's self in the face of death. This is total submission to the Will of Allah, not an iota of doubt must come in between you and the faith you have in Him.
Thus from Him i come to Him I return. He is Al-Hak, the One Who owns; all belongs to Him.
 Only He knows The Truth.  

Stop breathing and you are dead.

After having written so much for so long I feel like I am repeating my stories, like a broken record, like a needle stuck in a groove or a train on a railroad track; I am always regurgitating. Have i not told this already? Like the song says, "Like a circle in a spiral...like wheel within a wheel, Like a snowball on a mountain, never ending nor beginning, like an ever spinning wheel..." cannot remember the title but a song by Jose Feliciano that I used to sing when I was a teenager. But its okay, i am spinning on my own dime and not to anyone else's woven web. What else is there to do but to write my thoughts out for the evening.
The reason I have spun such a long yarn about myself over the years is not simply to puke out my feelings thoughts and imaginations but to also help me keep track of how many times i keep being this same state of mind and how long i would dwell on it and how i move on from it.,,singing, and this too will pass. Soon enough one starts to realize that life is a circle in a spiral, an ever spinning wheel... and there is little that can be done but to observe it with consciousness, not judging or attachment, no likes or dislikes, just being in the moment; from moment to moment. At this age in life had i not understood this, what is the sense in all my of my journey of so called 'self' discovery? Even if i see it for just one moment in time it is worth all the moments in my life long experience.
There is no observer or the observed, a moment ago then i had to make this entry and the moment is gone but the feeling lingers on making it possible for me to make the moment lost worthwhile at the end of the evening, I am sharing it with you. Where are you at, at this moment? Are you aware of your breathing? Are you trying to make sense of what I am saying? If you are, take a slow deep breath and feel what i am feeling, be with me for the moment in time. Touch that which you truly are and become consciousness itself, the Universe in breathing with you, within and without you. Do you feel it? This is the center that you seek, so be with it. Your breath is a circle, a circle within a circle, never ending nor beginning... stop breathing and you are dead.
So, I 'm running in a circle, a Karmic cycle of life, death and rebirth and i am doing it consciously, not all the time, but getting close to most of the time. The second greatest thing God created was woman; the first was life itself. A life that is not well lived is as good as living as a mindless zombie or the un-dead. To live life and not attain self realization is like is a waste of a life time. When you next look in a mirror, ask yourself with big smile, "Who Am I?" "How far or how near ,am I, in being in this state of being, Who I am?, or does it matter, I still got to go to work and take the kids to work and do the laundry. Such Is; Life. Like a swinging door. you breath in, it swings in, you breath out it swings, stop breathing and you are dead. 

Eat, Sleep, Shit- sit and watch the grass grow.

My body, my mind my spirit, my soul and who am I? As i get older conversations carried out around me more than often hits the health department where Diabetes and high blood pressure being the main topic of interest. i try to avoid being sucked into the details of someone else's blood or sugar counts and don't really know what mine is like but i am contented to keep an open awareness of my physical self in accordance with my mental as well as spiritual self. If I can maintain a good working balance on all this, I feel i am perfectly healthy; the minor aches and pains are just worn out parts from years of use and abuse. 
I love myself, my body, mind and spirit or whatever have you that spells, Me. I am not perfect, far from it I have made numerous errors in life that by right i should not be allowed to keep on living. There should be a law against people like me for just being who I am, or who I think i am. My mental and health clinical track records are not that impressive but i might say above average seeing that i have put myself through the grind over the years of my adult existence; been there, done that more than the average John Doe. Originally creeping out of the mud-hole in a  mangrove swamp to flying Emirates Air Business Class from Malaysia to Rome via Dubai at the cost of next to nothing, i have been places and proud to say so now. On looking back I should be proud of my long and winding road towards being who I am or should i say becoming who i am. If my son had not revoked the privilege, i could be flying First Class on Emirates Air, but that is another story.  
I told my daughter while having dinner at McDonald's yesterday that i had envisioned how my children would look like when i was a teenager and believe that the mind is powerful enough to create its own image of what it wants with proper instructions to do so. I am positive that this has happened at least in the physical sense, if not mental. never overlook the power of suggestion in the workings of the mind, I told her. If the mind is trained to think creatively, nothing can stand in its way except a negative thought. Human consciousness is the frontier that is least understood and its potential is not fully utilized by most of us. It is still considered under the topic of mumbo- jumbo where most people are concern. The power that is inherent within our consciousness is beyond our ability to comprehend unless it is being put under the microscope of intense scrutiny and allowed to manifest with patience and guidance. For anything to manifest through our consciousness will take time ad it has to run through the process of restructuring our preconditioned mental states; our conditioned belief system.
Once I have suggested to my mind an idea or a thought process consciously, i set in motion a whole gamut of restructuring of my mental state from the molecules of atoms to the brain cells, the physical body to the external environment and this process is often subjected to being side tracked or hijacked by other thought processes imposed upon me by the external circumstances. Of these , I have to apply my consciousness in making sure that i remain on track even subconsciously; falling unconscious is detrimental to the process. 
Hence we meditate, some of us, keeping our mind focus and not led astray by external circumstances or mental distractions. Others take up cycling, or jogging or cooking; whatever it may be our daily activity keeps us from being dispersed to the winds of change like helpless children. It is when we loose sight of who we truly are that we become just another nonentity like another brick in the wall. Which is perfectly fine as most of us are happy just the way we are, no questions asked and no answers needed. Eat, Sleep, Shit and sit and watch the grass grow.   

Why Worry?

It has been awhile now that I have sat to seriously reminisce my life thus far and there is no special reason for it other than the fact there is little to reminisce about. Whatever there is of life there is really little to be excited about as the global as well as local situation keeps spiraling downwards towards its own demise or so it seems. Try as I may to trump up a more cheerful image of life i still find myself sinking like in a quicksand with little to cling on to. So, for those who have been following this Blog expecting to find some pearls of wisdom, i offer my apologies and let us hope that there will be a silver lining at the end of this dark tunnel we are all going through. 
We are living in dark times and i hope that we are fully awaken to this fact and not go on living in denial and make believe that all is okay and that tomorrow the sun will rise and the rain will fall. For one thing the rain is not falling, well at least not in my neck of the woods and we are running out of water as most of the dams are dried up.It is in a way a good wake up call for all the various government departments responsible for the sources and water supplies the country depends on. There is a Malay saying,"Siap payung sebelum hujan'" or ready the umbrella before it rains. Malaysians are known for allot of sayings but we are also known for a whole lot of nothing doing. As it is there is still a great deal of foot dragging getting the country set to face the inevitable except perhaps some prayers being performed in mosques and temples to ask for rain from God. Perhaps we might even a native American rain dancer or two to help with the cause.
With the latest revelation by the Panama Leaks, corruption is ever on the rise from top to bottom in just about every corner of the planet where you find humans. Even as the prime Minister of Iceland is being made to resign his post there many others who shamelessly cling to their power despite the fact that they have been proven of similar guilt, exploiting and manipulating the masses with their money not their own but the people's. my country is in the forefront of this gamut. Malaysia is headed for a big splash and it is not going to be water but against a hard rock and when it does happen as it is bound to, heavens have mercy on us all. The Vision 2020 that has been our target of achieving economic stability and developed nation status will become a nightmare that all of us rich and poor alike are dreading deep in our hearts but too scared to admit openly. We are best when living in denial. It is not happening in my backyard, so why worry?