I am all I have got and proud of it.

I made an error in trying to share my thoughts on these matters with my Chinese friend Ah Huat the auto-air conditioning mechanic after the shop closed and we were sipping a few cans of beer. Just to break from the tedious non stop babbling he always rant on mostly about the same things, I decided to take a poke at him with the question, Who are you, Ah Huat? It stopped him on his tracks and blew a gasket right out of the cylinder, I have never seen a man could get so pissed off over such a trivia question. I saw my friend's altered state for the first time of how ill tempered he can become to the point of irrationality that he almost decked me had i kept pushing him. I kept apologizing to him for raising such a banal question in an effort to uplift his knowledge to higher level or so i assumed, but it back fired miserably and as i visited him this evening he was still not in the best of moods to talk to me. Looks like another failed friendship in the making before it even developed to full bloom. Such Is! ...this too will pass.
It is said that you never throw pearls at swines they will never know what to do with them but just to eat them and shit on them. It is also said or not that one should make an effort to uplift a spirit when one deems it is ready to be uplifted to higher state of Consciousness. Who am i to know what is best for others anyway? Why should i even care if they appreciate or not what i have been trying to share in my relationship with them and at the end of the day i realize it is all about money and work, he bribes me with small amounts of cash insisting that i should accept it for what i have done for him and eventually I become his employee, sad, so sad.
I suppose I will keep on trying to keep this relationship alive for whatever it is worth as i know the man is going through some heavy duty work pressure trying to handle money matters when he cannot even read or write properly according to his friends. I do not write to criticize but to share my predicament and perhaps witness the final outcome of this episode of my life as it is still part and parcel of my lifelong practice. in relationships. is it necessary? Off course it is as it is part and parcel my karmic consequences in dealing with my own weaknesses and failures in trust and integrity towards my friends and various relationships in the past. I could atone for my sins and wait to be judged by the All Mighty when I am face to face with my Maker. In the mean time it is my Karmic duty to cleanse myself of faults and failures in this life through working with others in our interpersonal relationships. What a bunch of Hogwash, you say and yes perhaps it is so, but what have i got to loose? Perhaps just another potential good friend. What lessons have i learned? Nothing last? All is Illusion? That i shoudl, no go throwing my big mouth about matters that hardly got a grasp myself? Says Who? Rajneesh? Mooji? Alan Watts? Krishnamurti? Ramana Maharshi? Baba Ram Dass? Katagiri Roshis? Or Dennis Junpo Kelly?
What i have learned if nothing else is that we are all fragile in our projections of ourselves we pretend to be impeccable towards the external world but deep within we are still groping in the dark trying to figure out who we are and where our place is in this whole scheme of Life. The closer we get to the end of our days the more desperate and irrational we become with this need to justify why things are the way they are. Bent and battered over the years from abuses and being abused physically, psychologically and emotionally, we find ourselves still wondering what went wrong and how we were wronged but w wear his mask to hide behind and say this is who I am. Not much but I am all that i have got, n much but more than most and am proud of it beating out chest like a ape.