Happy New Year 2022

  Yes, there is no doubt that I am trapped by the influences of the Internet like most who can read and write or simply enjoy the pictures good or not so just to past the time or remove the boredom of the daily routine. I am not free from the attachment of being 'liked' or commented on Face Book or seeing how many hits I got from my latest Blog post, no I am just as attached to this reality as most of us are and it is about time to move on and out of the grid that I am in before I loose my own sense of individuality. Not that there is anything wrong with being touched and touching the world out there in a mind created digital plane, however it is not what I have in mind to be what is the right path for me. I am advocating right or wrong in this matter and for as long as I am sitting before this five or six years old PC with the screen still barely visible and which I am scared to turn off because it has the tendency to refuse to turn back on, I will honor my Dharma position with it and make the best and full use of it for the my own as well as others who I get in touch with.Wishing Happy Birthdays and happy anniversaries, condolences and what not has become a part of the benefit of having the Internet and receiving the latest news from around the globe is another. This mroning I learned of a major earthquake that had struck the Sulawesei area of Indonesia through a post on Face Book by my former student living in Darwin, Australia as she was woken up by the tremors she felt. Two days ago I had accepted a friendship request from an Indonesian man living in Sulawesei and this morning through a messenger chat he confirmed the quake relating that homes were swept away>

Is it human nature to 'like' more the posting of a Syrian style order of food that my son decided was good for me rather than the postings of the causees of our floods going on in the country or the earthquake that had just happened in our neighboring country of Indonesia? The post I made of the Syrian food had gained much attention more so than the more serious issues, is this what is meant by living in abject denial? Is it becuase I myself had been removing most negative events posted on my fb in the past that this has become the karmic result, for me? Or am I not genuine enough or concern enough to merit any impact from the masses going through the events of our lives today? I ask myself silly questions like these knowing that the answers are not forthcoming especially not from Face Book addicts. If I want a good response or as many likes I should stick to posting what I had for breakfast or how smart and cute my one cat is, not postings of how logging activities had been the primary cause of a national disaster. Hence as I had said earlier I am strapped, sucked into this addiction of yet another illusion called the Internet with its links inot FaceBook, Netflix, You Tube  and the rest of it. This addiction has claimed numerous hours of my waking life and from it I had make not a single dime that I can be proud of.

I have set my mind towards the break away from this so called comfort zone that I find myself in for the five or six years and it is not that it was all a total waste of time and needless to say that it has been a learning experience in more than one way for which I am eternally grateful to the Universal Mind that had been responsible in making it all possible. The excess to the world at large in the form of information has been a tremendous benefit towards my own pursuit of knowledge if not spiritual wisdom and again I am grateful, however like being in college, I have to graduate sometime and take it to the road and put it all into practice or at least be able to share it with those I would come into contact with in the near future. It is forever a learning process educating oneself or in many cases un-educating oneself. it is through my living experiences for better or worse that the genuine insights comes from and it is these insights when put through the test of daily life that lessons are learned and shared. I am taking all the advantages of available technologies to do this self discovery trip as well as exposing what I discover, good or bad right or wrong, of my ways. It is with the hope after all these thousands of postings a few out there might get a glimpse of what is the real and what is the unreal in their own lives.

Yesterday I spent an evening with a couple who are in their fifties and sixties at their home which is also a sort of gallery showcasing 500 to 600 years old Chinese pottery recovered from sunken vessels that found off the East Coast of the Peninsular. Chinese junks and Portuguese ships that were sunk for one reason or another were found to be loaded with Ceramic wears from the Ming Dynasty China and these were being recovered by a private company of divers and restored most of them and the broken ones are being turned into a collection of jewelry after being cleaned and mounted in silver. I got to meet Ben Longen and his wife Joan a Chinese born lady who is also a fashion designer and artist and had a good rapport of what the future might hold for us. I will let the story unfold as we set about our intentions in the coming year. If it all works out it might be the next phase in my life to look forward to. 

Wishing one and all a very happy and prosperous New Year.

May all our dreams and aspirations comes true and may we succeed in making this Planet a better place than when we came into it.

#happynewyear2022, #benrongen, #sulaweseiearthquake

Back to the How and what of Meditation.

Meditate regularly, have a fixed time and place, avoid bad thoughts, avoid bad company, practice a little asceticism and cultivate the vastness of spirit presence, yearning for the supreme being (God), spiritualise daily activity, seek holy company.- 

Swami Sarvapriananda.

These were the few tips on meditation that I was able to pick off a talk the Swamiji and it was based on the teachings of Lord Krishna to Arjuna from the Bhagavad Gita. The whole idea was about how one can 'master' the mind through meditation and the key to it all is repetition, to keep doing until it becomes a habit or a routine, a part of you that you cannot avoid doing. It is initially not easy and one will tend to become discouraged  and give it up all together as a waste of time and this can happen to the best of us. It is mentioned in the teaching that we are armed to face our enemy in meditation and this is through the use our understanding of the nature of the mind. The human mind is like a monkey that can never stay still and is constantly busy with something to do no matter if it makes sense or otherwise. I find that meditation does not have to be so involved or convoluted for one to get involved in, the more simpler it is the easier for it to be practiced especially by those who lack for time and space in their busy lives. You can meditate anywhere and at anytime and it is just as effective without having to sit on the mountain top or in a cave. It does not really matter the from albeit Yoga or Tantra, Zen or simply sitting on your bed upon waking up in the middle of the night, which to me is the most effective form and time as it helps me most mentally and physically as a from realignment.

The point is one makes takes sometime and make an effort to sit and do it =meditate. Give yourself the opportunity to take a step back from the whirlwind of this thought generated illusion we call life and living. Remove your attention from the attachment to the daily routine of having to deal with petty tyrants and penny any financial squeeze and the changing of diapers and trying to convince your spouses that it ain't what it used to be anymore, so live with it. Learn to take control of your mind before it is being controlled by others and the circumstances around you. Know and hold firmly to the understanding that, you are the master of your thoughts and consciousness, or your body speech and mind, of your environment and circumstances and not the other way round; this is the essence of meditation. To become free from the illusion of mind created bondage and the illusory state of mental formations is a step towards liberation from suffering; it is a major step towards awakening to who you truly are.

In time meditation happens, there is no you making it happen. It becomes meditation in action where all that is happens in a state of awareness and consciousness without any intervening thought in the process; you do your dishes while singing Cat Steven's , Morning has Broken out of the blue instead of, why the fuck have I got to do these dishes every fucking morning?! You cook the meal with wonder and pleasure at how it would turn out and you master the art saying fuck you to your boss with compassionate smile on your face without any attachment to the outcome. It is when you are able to take on the most tedious and odious most offensive events and circumstances in your daily life effortlessly that you have understood meditation; you have become fluid like water and nothing can stand in your way. The peace of mind that comes to you through meditation is worth all the material wealth you seek in a lifetime for it is yours eternally and cannot be removed except by yourself...an absolute meditative state of consciousness is the Divine state of Being, an enlightened state a state of Absolute Liberation... in Hinduism, it is the State of becoming Brahman.   

Becoming Godlike is a tall order by a long shot in everyone's mind, however getting the whiff of a feeling like it is not a bad idea to aspire towards. It is one of those intentions of meditation that one aspires towards a higher spiritual state as befits a human being for we are created in the image of our Creator, (if one is a believer). No matter, to have a sense of reaching for the stars is not a bad idea id one needs a goal to work towards. However  it still in the simplicity of the endeavor that one finds better chance of success is attaining some form of peace of mind when one meditates and I always maintain that the key to it all, the essence of what makes meditation works is paying attention to the breath and this is one reason why I chose to do Zazen as my practice.

Alan Watts - Revisited.

" Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment. If you can't meditate in a boiler room, you can't meditate. When we dance, the journey itself is the point, as when we play music the playing itself is the point. And exactly the same thing is true in meditation." - Alan Watts

I discovered Alan Watts at the same time I discovered J.Krishnamurti, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Carlos Castaneda, Ram Dass, among others. This happened when I was working as a librarian at the University of Wisconsin, in Green Bay and my stumbling upon these characters I must admit changed my perspective about life. I was hooked upon reading their works and began putting what I had understood into my daily thoughts and practice.

'The Way of Zen is a 1957 non-fiction book on Zen Buddhism and Eastern philosophy by philosopher and religious scholar Alan Watts. It was a bestseller and played a major role in introducing Buddhism to a mostly young, Western audience.' Wikipedia 

The Way of Zen was how I was introduced to Zen Buddhism and it became my Bible for quite sometime while in college. The 'Cheeseburger Buddha' is the result of my 'Satori' experience one warm winter day while working a security guard for J&J Security and posted at a McDonald outlet on Main Street in East Side Green Bay. My job was to keep an eye on the place when the high school kids stop by after their Basketball games; I was to stop them from tearing the place down. It was my break time and the place was still calm just before the kids came, I sat in one corner by the window eating a cheeseburger in one hand and holding the Way of Zen in the other. I was sweating on the inside as I had extra layers of winter cloths underneath my security uniform and the place was well heated. Outside the window were piles of snow and needless to say was cold although not as bad as a Wisconsin winter could be. It happened quite out of the blue, this feeling like I was drifting in a vacuum of peaceful silence and the thought ran through my head," You are nothing but a Cheeseburger Buddha!"

A deep sense of realization hit me as I took in the whole situation I was in, the uniform, the heat and the cold, the cheeseburger (meat) and the Buddhist literature I was reading and I laughed! Fortunately there was not too many customers just yet and the girls behind the counter were friendly and used to my presence. From that day on I became the Cheeseburger Buddha and started sketching an image of this character when I wanted to express my feelings.This was sometime in 1979-80. In a way I experienced  a sense of spiritual liberation a my mind came to a standstill for a split second and it all fell apart and into place all at the same time. 

The works by Alan Watts continued to trigger my spiritual quest from a Muslim, a Buddhist, a lost soul, a mixed up kid towards becoming a spiritual seeker, I saw the rascal in me as Alan Watts saw it in himself. The Way of Zen was a text book on Zen Buddhism while it was also a way of looking at life with sense of humor in the Buddhist way. In my later years I came across Alan Watts in the from of visiting his house boat parked at Sausalito, California when I stayed there for a few days while waiting for my first Zen Teacher, Dennis Junpo Kelly. 

 The Vallejo - A decommissioned ferry boat, converted to a houseboat and art studio, became the scene of one of the Beat Generation's most fertile social gathering spots – and the location of a seminal summit on LSD with Timothy Leary, Allen Ginsberg, Gary Snyder and Alan Watts  

Later on when I was doing my Zen Practice at Green Gulch Farm a few of us would trek up the hillside to Alan Watts's memorial site during the summer soltice and drank Japanese Sake in his memory. It is to me a blessing to have stumbled upon this great spiritual mind who not only knew what he was talking about but lived the life that it was preaching. I must have written this similar post many times in the past simply because it was a cornerstone in my own self development as one who was seeking for answers.

Alan Wilson Watts was an English writer, theologian, and speaker known for interpreting and popularising Eastern philosophies such as Buddhism, Taoism, and Advaita Vedanta for a Western audience. Born in Chislehurst, England, he moved to the United States in 1938 and began Zen training in New York. Wikipedia

Born: January 6, 1915, Chislehurst, United Kingdom

Died: November 16, 1973, Druid Heights

Influenced by: Carl Jung, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Joseph Campbell, MORE  - #alanwatts,#josephcambell,#thewayofzen,#buddhism,#advaitavedanta,#cheeseburgerbuddha 

It's that time of the year - monsoon and floods

 In many parts of the country floods is wrecking a havoc, disrupting lives and demolishing roads and bridges, turning vehicles into flotsam and animals scattered all over in trying to stay alive.

The December 2021 Malaysia floods are a series of major floods that has been affecting eight different states in Malaysia, Beginning on 14 December 2021, a tropical depression made landfall on the eastern coast of Peninsular Malaysia, bringing torrential downpours throughout the peninsular for three days. 

A view of a town in Mentakab, inundated with floodwaters this morning. -NSTP/ROSELAN AB MALEK

 

It is the monsoon season in these part of the world and thus the expected rain, it rained in the past years too during these months and there were floods especially along the coastal areas of the South China Sea, however in the past few years the flooding has been more severe and extensive covering urban and city areas. 

 

 The flooding this year thus far has been devastating in some places along the west coast of the peninsular causing fatality and shutting down businesses in the affected areas. Roads and bridges were washed away leaving behind debris and mud making it look like an aftermath scene from a disaster movie.Most of the affected areas are areas surrounded by vast deforested landscape. These areas where logging is most prevailant and areas with very poor drainage systems. In short we are looking at the result a massive act of corruption and greed where the land and forest had been stripped bare. This is happening all over the country wherever there is forest still standing and corrupted government officials and greed ridden loggers join forces for a quick rich schemes.

The number of deaths due to floods increased to 37 nationwide including a child, Inspector-General of Police (IGP) Tan Sri Acryl Sani Abdullah Sani said. - Pic courtesy of JC Drones

The emergency response set in motion by the Federal Government according to many was too little too late in happening and most of those stranded on top of the roof of their homes were rescued by the public and some foreign workers it was declared. Malaysia is sinking! Like the Japanese Netflix series with the same title, this country is sinking through all the faults and errors of her own citizens. It is a matter of too much is never enough and the lack of genuine care for the environment takes front stage in all its negative aspects and waste being in the lead. Our complacency and self serving attitudes, our greed and ignorance of what we are doing to the country as a whole is causing us this man made and natural disasters. 

The flood situation in Kampung Dengkil, Selangor - BERNAMA Pic

    #monsoon,#floods,#floodspahang,#floodsselangor,#floodsmalaysia

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche - revisited.

 

There too many 'roadside attractions' in the course of this life and it makes it almost impossible for one to become centered and focused even through meditation or should I say especially when one meditates. The human mind -humind is a sponge that absorbs anything and everything that one comes into contact with through the senses and consciousness. After having survived 72 years of living I am more than ever still dealing with 'letting go' of the accumulated thoughts and those that are cropping up every second and every moment even as I am making this post. It is 6:11 am. and the call to prayer just came over the air from two different mosques near my area. This off course sets my mind in motion over my lack of commitment in fulfilling my duty as a Muslim and all the ramifications that is attached to it dragging my thoughts of being a sinner, heaven and hell and so forth. Then the dogs starts barking snatching my consciousness away towards a new subject and it even creates a story of its own as I compare the two sources of sounds with irony. This is how the humind reacts and thoughts come into being, choices are being made, the good and the not so good or are both irrelevant or are they necessary.or matters. 

Why bother? You ask. I have no perfect answer to the question but having been bothered for most of my life by mind, the mental faculties and thoughts, I am attached to the need to understand anything and everything to do with the humind; it is an obsession that has taken a whole lot of self observation studies and practices demanding for that perfect enlightenment in understanding this simple matter. Outside my window the sun has not risen and the darkness it is breezy and cool with birds beginning to rise from their slumber singing their songs of morning has broken. I took a few minutes off from writing to feed the harassing cat meowing for her breakfast as always, heated some water fro a cup of Nescafe 3 in 0ne and made some rice and reheated some leftovers chicken fried vegies for my daughter to take with her to work. Half of the rice will go to feed the neighborhood pigeons as it to has become my morning routine. The reason I am reminding myself of all these time and again is that this too is my meditation in action practice. It had actually started off with about an hour sitting meditation and followed by a brief physical unwinding exercise to gather back all the aching parts of the body and mind into alignment easing the aches and pains of sleep and old age; got to keep the blood flowing in the right directions and needed places; migraine gone and shoulder and back pains disappear, stiffness of body and mind become fluid more or less.

In fact, a person always finds when he begins to practice meditation that all sorts of problems are brought out. Any hidden aspects of your

personality are brought out into the open, for the simple reason that for the first time you are allowing yourself to see your state of mind as it is.”

-- Chogyam Trungpa

Trungpa Rinpoche was the first teacher that brought my attention to the idea of "meditation in action."  I read his works when I was in college in the 70-80s  and was impressed by the idea. and has kept reminding myself ever since to make it my practice. While doing the dishes, driving my car or simply hanging out with my friends I make it an effort to stay in focus as a form of mind observation;what is my mind thinking while I am doing what I am doing. It not only helps me to remain in focus with what I do but also helps me to observe and analyze my thoughts eliminating all negative thoughts if and when they arises. It helps most when I do my artwork like painting or even as I am writing this post.    

      It is my hope that by writing as much as I can about meditation it would help others who happen to read this Blog as I strongly believe that meditation practices in whatever form is of great value for every human being in dealing with their mind. To curb excessive thinking is primordial towards healing whatever ailments that we chronically suffer in our daily lives. We suffer mostly from our erroneous, our muddled thinking processes that is often left unchecked, especially thoughts that are repetitively negative which tends to drag us down the unwanted paths away from from our immediate actions. Not too many people have strong sense of maintaining an unbroken attention to any given situation and this is the result of our being distracted by our mental 'roadisde attractions'. 

“Meditation practice is a way of making friends with ourselves. Whether we are worthy or unworthy, that's not the point. It's developing a friendly attitude to ourselves, accepting the hidden neurosis coming through.”
-- Chogyam Trungpa

 

As 2021 comes to a close...

"Greed and competition are not the result of immutable human temperament...greed and fear of scarcity are in fact being created and amplified...the direct consequence is that we have to fight with each other in order to survive". - Bernard Lietaer, Founder of EU currency system. 

Greed, Hate and Ignorance are the three illnesses that has plagued humanity since the beginning of civilization, The Buddha is said to have said some two thousand six hundred years ago. In this day and age Alvin Toffler the author of Future Shock and The Third Wave, converted diametrically the same , Wealth, Power and Information will be the dominant ingredients for any society to become master over others; the flip-side of the coin. Today we  are seeing the manifestation of these two principles being played out all over the world albeit locally or globally. It is a sad and foreboding future mankind is facing whether we see it as it is or prefer to continue living in denial and acceptance of the inevitable. For those of my age this scenario is playing itself out in a rapid pace as we watch the changes taking place since the end of World War Two as I was born a few years after. The fact is, is that one might think that humanity had learned the lesson of the consequences of the ailments as pointed out by the Enlightened One but instead over the 60-70 years, mankind it seems is doomed to repeat the same errors made by those that contributed towards the causes of the  two Global Wars; and we have the audacity to call ourselves civilized. 

The dye it seems is cast and the milk is spilled, I am getting less and less convinced by the day that humanity will be able to arrest and reverse the process of our planetary decadence. Our minds are being sucked irreversibly into the black hole of our own making; we have become worse than the parasites that eats at its own host's vital organs, we have become cancerous. Greed and hatred prevails all over the world and through the lack of fortitude and wisdom we are fast drowning in our own quagmire of self generated waste. Out of the 7-8 billion of the human population we have to date perhaps not even ten percent are aware or even care of the state we are in and much less strives to do anything about it. It is a dog-eat-dog world we live in and what can be done about it is simply to become aware of it and make the changes that is needed from within ourselves. Time to step back and do a double take of the whole situation or our existence and take appropriate action no matter how or insignificant we might deem it to be; toss the stone into the pond and see how wide the ripples grow. 

According to the Population by World Data Lab on the Internet, I am older than 95% of the world's population to date and 97% of all people in Malaysia; in short I am getting old. With this knowledge no matter how accurate it might be I realize that I stand among those ready to take the next step called the one step beyond and it is also my realization that I  have survived this life beating the odds over a large number of people and deserves the recognition from and to myself. 

We estimate that you will live until 11 Oct 2033 if you were an average world citizen. Whereas in Malaysia it would be until 08 Mar 2033.

I hope not, 2033?! What would I do till then? Kay sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future is not ours to see, Kay sera sera! I used to sing this song made famous by Doris Day if I am not mistaken when I was a young boy and loved to sing.

And not too many like to listen to a sad and depressing state of affairs these days and most would switch on the denial mode and turn towards the pleasures and entertaining events floating around to satisfy the ego. Shit never happens until it slaps one in the face or affect one's pocket and when it does there is always an escape route through back doors and alternate realities of HBO and NETFLIX. Then again there are those who are still looking for victims to scam wherever and whenever taking advantage of the economic uncertainties and simple ignorance. It is the season of greed and hate of fear and insecurity and it is also the season to be jolly as Christmas is around the corner. Merry Christmas and Seasons Greetings to one and all for 2021, a year that is inglorious and best let it rest in ignominy. 

       

Changes Happens -within and without...

Another morning has broken, another day has passed and I am sitting here telling my story to unknown readers, phantom entities and to myself. Changes happens with or without my own awareness and often things change to evolve for the better worse depending upon how I deal with each and every change that transpires at every moment  of my waking, sleeping and deep sleep as every moment is my own creation, my mental formations, my physical actions and manifestations. Changes happens most subtly and in the most drastic way, I just have to flow with and not resist, I place my faith in the Lord to allow for changes to hapen and for me to see it through in the most positive way possible despite my weaknesses and ignorance. I learned this lesson when I visited the Malay fishermen jetty or better known as Pondok nelayan Jelutong yesterday in an effort to break from the tedium of staying home and face the routine I have been setting myself into; cook, clean, do dishes and laundry, feed the cat and water the plants, among other things like facing the computer and wasting time on the Fae Book and Netflix and last but not least, write about it.

Perhaps through the practice of meditation over the years, of self observation and personal study of the inner workings of the human consciousness through religion, science and intuition, I feel changes happening within and without my physical body. My health is not what it used to be and I realize that I could be facing some major change in my physical state, a stroke or worse but I feel also that I am most closest to the functioning and maintenance of this form just as I did my last car. The balances and alignment of ever element and parts was well cared for, however the process of ageing and decay and demise has set it. There are changes that are beyond my control like loosing my teeth or my hair, my energy or my passion in carrying out an optimum performance of my daily routine and extra curricular activities like I used to. With the realization of my  limitations due to the wear and tear of age, I move and act accordingly. I slow myself down in everything I do telling myself I am in no hurry to get there or finish this, I stop pushing myself to do more than is necessary without becoming lazy or fall into a stupor or euphoric state of mental and physical decadence. Neither do I subject myself to over thinking, daydreaming, planning too much and the rest of it; I meditate more often and more deeply into letting my mind go and my past dispersed to the four winds. I find the virtue of practicing some for of meditation in the course of one's life to be an excellent way of facing the changes that happens in my daily life.

Changes that is happening externally all around me is has gathered momentum in time or so it seems and events and episodes slips by more rapidly than used to. Sadly enough the changes happening is more towards decadence rather than creativity, towards the falling of rather than the building of a better society or nation. In my country, Malaysia, changes has taken a downward curve in practically every aspect. albeit the economy, the political, religious and social, we are backsliding downhill a slippery slope of no return. It is worrisome to say the least and there seems to be no end in sight nor any silver lining to hope for. As a Malaysian I am sad and disappointed over the state of ur nation that was at one time dubbed one of the Asian Tiger as far as wealth and growth was concern but today we have become a laughing stock of the eyes of the world to be one of the most corrupted nation on earth. It is no laughing matter when food prices are being jacked up for no apparent reason than simply greed and lack of proper governance. I am too old and tired to fight for the cause.against the injustice committed upon my fellow Malaysians, however it still my duty to make it be known how a vast majority of the people feel about the state of this union.

 I am changing, we change, the society and country changes as nothing remains permanent as all things born or created comes to an end when it is time. It is in the manner of how we come to our rest is my concern and I must say that I am not doing as well as I should. I allow my ego to become dominant in my day to day relationship with the world out there and that which is within. I am still struggling to bring the whole mental formation that I have accumulated and still harboring past memories that dictates my well being; I am sitting here in limbo,'like a bird without a song.' I once wrote or was it in one of my art talks of how the Lord and me had a small talk about life before I was brought into this life. The Lord said that He has given me a blank canvas to paint my life and how or what I paint is entirely up to me. I can make it most passionate and exciting, full of living, or i can fritter my life away in mediocrity and boredom; peaceful as heaven or painful as hell. I have accomplished both over the years with little or no regrets. For sure I could have done better anyone would say, but destiny has its ways of filling in the details of what transpires. I have also called my life; The Art of Living. No matter the changes I will flow like water through each and every nook and cranny, through darkness and light, ignorance and wisdom to fulfill my covenant with my Lord. 

   

The Corsican Brothers - visit by my twin brother.

 Two days ago my twin brother for the first time ever visited my home and it was a good moment for me in more than one way. Spiritually, it was to me like the Lord has found forgiveness towards my transgressions of a younger brother to an elder as most of our lives we were at logger heads with each other. We grew up as children separately as I was adopted by my mother's younger brother, my uncle and he was raised by my parents. I grew up mostly in Penang, on the West Coast while he grew up on the East Coast in the Kuala Terengganu. We were reunited when I turned twelve and was relocated to be with my immediate family due to our religious upbringing, I was raised a Buddhist and he as a Muslim.I have told and retold of this circumstances in the past postings in this Blog as it was and still is something of importance in my life and it indelibly affected my mind as I dig deep to understand myself. Still, as is said the devil is in the details of which I am not ever going to dwell into anymore as I feel this phase in my life has come full circle and ends perhaps on a sweeter note of forgiveness and love; our sibling rivalry has now been buried, hopefully.

At the social physical level our lives might see a better future in terms of the willingness the give and take, forgive and forget and perhaps enjoy a better time when visiting one another without feeling the undertow of animosity, distrust and fear. We at an age where death is practically knocking at the door and in Islam to die with a permanent rift between us as siblings is tantamount to a major sin. Further more at the physical level we might be able to help one another better in facing with life issues, family issues and give a helping hand if and when needed. Although he has very little need of my help, I might need his much more even if in the past I have never approached him for any form of help and support for obvious reasons and also that which contributes towards our distancing. But as I have mentioned earlier, the devil is in the details and no need to get into the matter any further. Suffice to say that the very gesture that he has taken to drop by my home was a token of letting go of negative vibes and hopefully paving the road towards a healing process. 

The healing process takes time and if oe is patient and yielding, Insha'Allah, God willing all wounds and ailments can be overcome and in the process one becomes much more lighter as if a burden has been lifted or a baggage has been dropped. It takes an effort however and it has to come from a genuine wish from the heart that the healing happens and it happens of its own accord when it does. This has been a valuable lesson for me even if it had taken a long time for the final resolution to materialize. In Islam, the ties of 'Siratulrahim' or the relationship especially between siblings is fundamental and ust be kept intact no matter what the cause of separation may be. One has to make every effort towards reconciliation, to forgive and forget and to maintain love and respect between each other especially before the time of death; Allah forgives when you are able to forgive and be forgiven is my believe. This too is the true meaning of Love or unconditional Love in the spiritual sense. When your heart has been cleansed of all anger and hate through your own effort, then that being the source of your negative thoughts ceases to haunt you and this to me is one route towards enlightenment; become light as opposed to being pulled down by gravity. It is easier said than done but getting it done is a must if one is on the path of spiritual awakening. it is a crucial part of tying up loose ends before one can taste the lightness of being liberated. Ignoring or sweeping is under the carpet or throwing it into the far corner of the consciousness closet will not do as it will foment and raise its stink at some time in the future when least expected. No matter how painful or complicated it may seem, one has to make every effort for reconciliation and I found that by being patient and yielding it has paid off. Not only did we kiss and make up, I was left with almost Rm500 when they left, a gift which in the past I had refused to accept. This time I accepted having felt the genuine offer of an elder brother to a younger brother and to turn it down still would only put a damper on the process of healing.

How can one not love someone you were born alongside with and it was no fault of either of us that we were to be raised separately at birth for twelve years and alter to be reunited in our teenage years, the years that is most volatile in a boy's life when it comes to domination and control, a time when establishing the ego status was most apparent. There was no one to blame as t all happened due to unavoidable circumstances and as a Muslim, preordained or written. It was like two young wolf pubs growing up and trying to establish their own space and territory after having lived separately since birth, there was no understanding there was only rivalry, there was no counselling ther was only fueling as the environment itself became a battle ground of one up-manship. But as it turns up, there is yet hope for a healing to take place between us in our old age and that is something to look forward to, if for nothing else, for our sanity.        

   

  

Rambling on...

 I am running out of options as to how I intend to live my life from here on amidst the Pandemic and getting old and feeling the fragility of the body and mind catching up to me.  The doors are closing fast one after another or so it seems and I cannot step out of the room I am caged in due to external circumstances beyond my control such as the Covid lock down and travel restrictions, economic uncertainties and the need of my children and not to mention the slowly decadent of my physical body if not my mind due to ageing. A Part and parcel of growing old that every one has to endure in the course of life, some gave in much earlier than others and settle for getting ready for the afterlife by frequenting the mosques and temples, while others keep themselves busy pursuing their hobbies and baby sitting their grand children while counting rosaries in one hand. I paint, wrtie, read, and surf the Internet which covers the You Tube, the Netflix and Face Book. I have been devoting my time towards the useless and senseless pursuit of the unreal, the impermanent, the illusions  just to keep myself from falling into the rut of mediocrity like most of my fellow man. It is not that there is anything wrong with being among the majority of the mediocre club or the cub of reluctant messiahs and wannabe Roshi and Yogis, nor is there any need really to become the top notch scientist altering the genetic nature of the species or making the climate dance according to our tune , no, there is no right or wrong, except that being endowed with the mind and along with it the freedom of choice to will this mind into whatever infinite possibilities that a man can dream and conjure, it is a shame to die simply like a broken piece of record stuck in a rut due to a faulty player.  

I can keep on writing like this as i have been doing for most of the past thirty odd years of my life, documenting, recording, making observations and taking actions whenever and wherever possible, or I can make a genuine move towards a change in my life style and go for broke. What i have t loose is mainly security , the comfort of a roof on top of my head and food on the table and perhaps some sense of joy in watching my children drift towards the same rut I had fallen into. As most adult children today, mine are beyond my words of advice as their minds have drifted far into the pull of the inevitable rut called  your normal daily existence; again nothing wrong with that except what a waste of potentialities and possibilities. Throughout the history of mankind we have be told of how tremendous a faculty the Human Mind is and that it Created the Universe and helps to keep and maintain its creation and will wrap it up when the time is right...and then a New Beginning for the Universal Mind too is in the state of evolution towards Complete Perfection, Complete and Perfect Enlightenment 

The path towards liberation of the Spirit from the physical and mental formations is a journey we all take and in the best of our ability and with complete determination we make the commitment to take upon this journey; it is called the journey towards self discovery, the hourney of unveiling all the layers of blankets of ignorance and revealing the inner sanctum to the the energy of the sun. It is  meditation at its highest level, it s what some call meditation a subtle death. A part of you becomes erased from your unconscious mind, you become less burdened by past memories or handle them with complete understanding; through acceptance and letting go or detachment; I am not this,none of this is truly who I am. What has been, has been and what will be will be, what is now is the potential state of consciousness that can is able to bring forth to light the path that would lead towards self liberation, or in short,; look within and find the answers for yourself. What is here and Now in this moment is mind expressing and fingers tapping about a subject that is not much discussed like answering to the question of who am I?  

This morning feeling feverish after getting my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine after a long wait since June of this year.and thanks to my son Karim who accompanied me making all transactions smooth through his personality and charm. So ends my reluctance to get vaccinated but I still do not fully accept the manner in which the government forced me to take it. oh well...what is freedom or the right to stand for your principle in making decisions that governs your personal health and now most I talk to are going for the third shot! Will we become vac-addicts if this Covid situation prolongs? Truth be told most of us have no clue as to what the vaccine does as many are still becoming victims t the virus even after being give the shots and it must be staggering to even imagine how much it all cost to provide billions of needles, and whatever serum, not to mention the cost of delivery and the lock down; it is a very expensive affair all round. Who financially benefits from all these? Maybe we aught to know. Fear is the key and money is the name of the game.  

Herein lies the paradox of life when you have reached a point whereby you know you are transcendent, gone, gone beyond the concept of the word gone, closer to God or whoever that you worship and this world is an illusion that is mind created. Yet her I am still troubled by the details of the how and whys of the Pandemic and suffering physically from the very vaccine that I just had, headache, upset stomach, low energy level, close to depression and its alright! A few close friend and relatives have died at a very early age and I watch wondering if my time is up too as I had felt when the Covid virus had its two odd weeks choke hold on me but I survived. I was not afraid of the death itself but the discomfort aches and pains through my entire body was what I could not bear. I often blurt out to myself in anguish, "Die already, why don't you!" But the Universe, Allah has more in store for the sinner or so it seems. "For one thing, " You have yet to full discover who you are, have you?  You have yet to figure why you were here in the first place as you always insisted all along."                 

The Book of Life....Luh Mahfuz.

 As a Muslim I have been fascinated by the existence of the Kitab or book known as the Luh Mahfuz or the book of Destiny or The record of Creation Itself. In it it is believed is written all there is and there will ever be and including the detail history of my very existence from inception to the end of my days. Every move I have made every thought I have projected every relationship, every deed good or bad is written in the Luh Mahfuz. In other words The Lord had His Master Plan all figured out before He okay His Creation to be manifested. The Lord's allows for nothing to stray from His Master plan and all flow according its role and state in the life/existence he is destined for. It is the Lord's Will and in this is what I place my trust and surrender in. I accept wholeheartedly that I am a vehicle, a servant, the silent voice of the Divine within me. I am yet far from being able to fully listen and still have my glitches and digressions, however I am feeling the drawing closeness of my soul to that of my Beloved, my Lord and Creator. I will keep on meditating upon His Name and trust in the scheme of things are evolving according to His plan. I will keep on paving my way towards His Throne even if I have to crawl my way to get to it. 

Al the tall talks and passionate convictions towards the Lord is great and makes a whole lot of sense to one who is still looking for answers and have found the simple truth that it is all predestined and Lord is the Director and He makes the movie and I am merely an actor playing my role in this realm of existence. I write the script as I go along from craddle to grave; it is called free choice. You can make your role an epi one or you can act a snail! Your choice. Free will is a double edged sword and cuts both ways, it is the submission to a dual thinking mind. Right or wrong good or bad, your choice, my choice and everyone's choices. Knowing the choices you make will affect your future or destiny, one has to make the right choice as much as possible. Common sense, simplicity, making it all simple rather than complicated and confusing and last but not least , one has toaim for the "real' and drop the unreal. SO, what is the real you ask and I tell you, all that do not last, that comes to and end, are not real and that includes who you understand yourself to be; you are not real!What you hear is sound and what you feel is emotions and when you are tired you sleep, when hungry you eat and them you sit and watch your life go by.  One day you wake up with a heart attack and you struggle to deal with it with all the techniques and prayers that you have lived by and nothing seems to help and you are slowly but surely loosing consciousness and you are about to panic and give a shout for help or reach out for some reality to grasp no and there is nothing but you and your breath slipping away and you ask, what do I do? You make good with the Lord, you, make your Profess..."That there is No God but Allah! I surrender my soul unto Him...Innalillahi wa innallilahi Rajiun! From You I come to You I return...Please accept me into Your Grace.; usually I would pass out a few seconds or minutes and then when I wake up my cloaths are wet and I had peed my pants...it is when the most critical moment of your life and all else has been exhausted that giving in to the Divine can be a blessing. 

Some may say I am gambling with my soul, while others may see what I have been practicing, or as Mahatma Gandhi is said to have said, " Life is an experiment." Indeed! My life has been one long experiment in trying to analyze what life and living is all about and thus far I must admit I have come a very long way towards the possibility of writing a conclusion to my entire existence. It is very simple and yet it has taken me almost my entire life to live it out as a reality and discovering that it is all an illusion. My experiment with my life has taken me to places that many can only dream of and most would not want to and this is no empty bragging for an impressive line.No, I am still on the road to fully accept my state as is, that I am the product of my thoughts, lost in a maze of projections and being drawn into the chaos of simply noise and emptiness...like being sucked into a black hole of existence. I swing from one extreme to another like a pendulum and keeps loosing the momentum like musician out of tune. Lost in a dual thinking mind or in the Zen Buddhist Tradition, the Monkey mind. Whatever it takes, whatever the cost the state complete enlightenment must be achieved in this life. I am That, I am. I am the infinite, all encompassing, all pervasive,..Pure Consciousness; Atma Brahman, I am the Atman! The Unborn Buddha Nature, I am the essence of a Divine Spark lodged within me, I am that Infinite Mystery that no mind can touch, I am the ver same guy that is letting his fingers move and express themselves on the keyboard, I am still learning how to type. I am who I, a lost and humble servant of my Lord approaching His High Throne. 

Every breathI take and every step I make I am on my homeward bound, I am going home. I am wrapping things up and putting my house in order in the event of the 'Big One' as Fred Sanford of Sanford And Son, likes to shout when all else seemed to  fail in his life, I can feel mine is at hand. If it is written in the Luh Mahfuz that I die tomorrow or this morning even, at least I know that I have lived my life accordingly, both according to The Lord's Will and mine. I can look back and say I too did it my way. I experimented with my life and almost gambled my soul away and yet here I am making this post entry into my Blog while it is raining outside and the time being 3:36 am, this too is recorded or was recorded in the Book of Life.  

#luhmahfuz,#unbornbuddhanature,#lordscreation, #bookoflife.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

My Beloved, my One true Lord.

 Allah is Great! This evening I did my Maghrib Solat or prayer! I have stopped praying for many years now and have been haunted and tortured by self doubts and disrepair, I live in between two mosques that calls to prayer on the loud speakers five times a day and every time I listened to the call my mind becomes agitated and spiritual questions arises sometimes making me feel guilty and sometimes making me feel freedom. I toss back and forth about the five times prayer and I am beginning to feel the implication and the power of the Solat. I had felt it before on many occasion when I was doing it for sometime and then it slips away... I found no comfort and I might even say a waste of my time   and yes perhaps I am lazy. No matter, I surrender my will to the All Mighty Lord and Creator and I have in me a place where He/She, resides. I want to call Him God, the word itself is not a Biblical word and if place before a mirror it turns into Dog. I want to call Him Elohim, Adonai, Yaweh or Jehovah, I am not a Jew. I can call Him Lord Shiva or Lord Brahman, I will have to indulge into, Hinduism and the million of Gods and Deities; I call Him by His Muslim Name and that is Allah SWT. There is only Allah and none other, the one True Lord of Creation and I take complete refuge in His Mercy, His Compassion and His Grace. 

It is in the silence of my heart that I felt the presence of That which is Greater than me; I felt being Loved and Accepted, I felt Peace and Tranquility within me. Allah is an Arabic name that was used throughout the Arab World even before the time of the Prophet, (PBUH). Google it! I will not bore myself with laying down the details and I might be wrong on certain facts and have the whole Muslim community up in arms against me. No, the Word Allah is the most acceptable word to use for THE DIVINE that is withn me. I have become most comfortable with itand as of now I will not be using the God or any other Names when describing what I meant to be Allah. Hence when I say Allahu Akhbar, I am saying That which resides within in the temple of my heart, The AlMighty Allah is Great! There is none, but He.I am still not a good Muslim by a long shot and even as I am making this post I am exposing myself towards being chastised by those who claim themselves to know the religion much better than I. I am still groping in the dark and no matter where I am at or what I have discovered it all seems impermanent and thus unreal. 

Thus far only the threat of death of the physical body seems as real as it gets and on many occasions I have had the near death experiences although as complete as many has. I believe in the power of calling out to the One who one belongs to, the Owner and it has led me through my 'passing out' experiences. By being able to surrender fully to the Lord, Inna lillahi wainna lillahi rajiun! From Him I originated, to Him I return...Insha'Allah; the Lord Willing. This 'Amalan' or practice is the key to embracing Islam. Submission to the Will of the Lord, Tawakal or have complete confidence in the Will of the Lord and Alhamdullilah, am being grateful for the Lord's Mercy and Compassion. I realize it sounds simplistic if not corny, however as I near death in my age and physical condition, I have come to fully accept that AllahSWT, is my Beloved and there is none but He that I Surrender to and Worship with all my heart and soul. I have lived life experiencing the best and the worse it has to offer and at the same pretty much  am able to document as much and as close to the truth as I could of my life and tis Blog makes it possible for me to share my life with the general public. It has always been with Ikhlas - the genuine sincerity of my heart that sharing this journal is my way of saying Thank You and Please forgive me for Transgressions. I am  no Jesus nor Muhammad, not Buddha nor Krishna, I Am Who I Am.

• Doa Nabi shallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam :

  "Ya Allah, berilah manfaat atas apa yang telah Kau ajarkan kepadaku, dan ajarkanlah aku apa yang memberi manfaat kepadaku serta tambahkanlah ilmuku". [Diriwayatkan oleh al-Baihaqi dalam Syu'ab al-Iman]
• O Lord, grant me the relevance of what You have taught me and teach me to know what is relevant/ pertinent for me...by Your Grace, increase my knowledge and wisdom...(al -Balhaqal in the Syu'ab al-iman.
• 
  

 

   

Singing my death song.

" Knowing oneself is the basis of everything, the basis of all your questions and there you will find all the answers because you are the history of mankind...you must know yourself thoroughly, completely, not according to anybody, of books and teachings of religious scriptures, you must know yourself...the total nature of structure ...what your mind is...the whole movement of yourself...begin where you are..."     J. Krishnamurti. - Rajghat talk -1976

For ever now I have been telling myself the same thing, to know my true self is the most crucial and fundamental issue in my life and this i discovered way before I found out that the likes of J. Krishnamurti or Alan Watts. Sri Ramana Maharshi or Nisargadatta Maharaj, Mooji or RamDass existed. This was way back when before i even made my move to the United States, where I spent 21 years of my life as a happy go lucky idiot who knew no better than wasted my life away over matters that took me to the lowest of of the low morallyand not to speak of spiritually. I was being put through the wringer and knew not until I met the above characters through their books and lives. These were my spiritual Gurus, thee and many others who I stumbled upon while in college and continued on till this date and I am still meeting new masters whose words and wisdom helps me to keep my perspective towards where I am headed and that being, knowing my true nature beyond the realm of the physical and mental formations, I have time and again kept reminding myself that it is my wish to become free from if not liberated from this circle of life-death and rebirth as the historical Buddha did before my last breath, if not in this life in the next.

Sometimes I feel I have been wasting my time and fooling myself over something that is just another warped perception of an ignorant mind. Now at 72 it is a matter of time not too much longer before I depart this life, the truth is still evasive and veiled from my complete understanding. I have gambled my faith and am tempting fate in what to expect in the afterlife; heaven or hell or will there be simply nothingness. The issue here is really not about heaven or hell when I die it is more about what am I or who am I truly while living this life and manifesting, engaging and drumming up all these images and experiences irregardless of right or wrong good or bad. The thought process itself is a mind boggling issue to fully comprehend and then there's the dream states and the imaginative and whatever else that we go through in a day of our lives for 72 years!.

"I am Ready to Know!" I am more than ready to take on whatever it is that would set me on the path towards what is the real, what is beyond this illusive existence that I have been lost in like a soul in limbo. After all these years I have come to fully comprehend what the Buddha discovered about this life, that life is indeed suffering and that there is none who really suffers; for so long as there is an 'I' or a 'me', life is indeed suffering. Hence how does one end suffering if one is bonded to this concept of I, me and mine? If one goes deeper into it one finds the truth gets further and further from what is the real. There are moments when it seems futile to go on dwelling upon what life amounts to other than just to go on living the best possible way you can until it is time to leave the scene for good. There is no more mountains to climb and no rivers to cross and if there is one finds no more energy to make things happen. There is only pain, physical and mental anguish that seems to appear and disappear more frequently than ever; this is ageing. No matter how hard one tries to divest from clinging on to this material and mental existence one fails, there seem to be no escape from this self constructed prison. Death it seems is the only way out of this conundrum and eath comes when it comes not unless it be self induced or suicide. 

Taking a coward's way out is not an option especially when there is still food on the table and roof on top of the head, others who still look up to you and you having the will to make things happen whatever it takes. It would be an insult if not a huge disappointment to the loved ones to simply remove oneself from their presence without a cause that they would understand. Living a meaningless life on the other hand is a waste of life itself; it is like sitting on a death row waiting for the time of execution. How to make that rebound? How to make that shift from being stuck in this rut and move on to a more creative and productive state that I used to be able to do in the past? How to jump the hurdle or break through the barrier that is slowly building itself around me making me feel weak and helpless, accepting my fate of fading into oblivion lost in a limbo. If my time is up and there no more that I can accomplish in this life I will have to start making preparations for my departure in such a way that is most acceptable to all. I will need a plan of exit that would be as adventurous and elegant as I have lived my life. I understand that it is all relative how i lived my life, sometimes on the bright side and sometimes on the dark side of the road, however I came to realize that ti is all my life right or wrong, good or bad. I am responsible for all that had and will always be and I am manifesting my every experience today just as I have done everyday of my life. 

I have only but one legitimate witness to all these and that is my Creator, my Lord, God or in my case Allah subhana hu Wataala.Lord of Creations. I am answerable to the One and truly Al Haq or the Real, The Truth, That from which I had come and to return to at the end of my days. I have live my life knowingly or otherwise in the shadow of an illusion and every now and then am awaken to this realization by the remembrance of the fact that there is That which is far greater than who I am witnessing and assisting my every move and keeping from over extending myself one way or another. To become closer to the Creator the Lord and Master is my intention in all my life from the yearn to know my true nature to the cause and reason for my being here: what brought me here? Round and round we go asking the same question and getting no where near the truth, but till the Fat Lady sings the Blues, we ask and we demand for the truth.      

Looking back on the Good times.

 

 

On the lighter side of life, this was when I decided to go traditional with my daughter a few years back

It was a wedding of one of her closest friend from her college years.

 The food was good and it was a good chill out time for me.

All these talks of death and decay is becoming too negative for me, it is good to look back on good times just to be reminded of life being not all that bad.

A

In Loving Memory of my Friend and Brother - Rosli Bakoi, aka Mamu Li

My friend or should I say brother passed away on Sunday and was laid to rest at the Jelutong Masjid Jamek, on Jalan Tunku; he was my best friend among the few I have and had in this life. He was there when I most needed a friend and a place to hang out. Rosli or better known as Li Bakoi, or Mamu Li among the locals old and young, owns and runs the Coffee Shop at the Restauant Ikan Sembilang, which is run by his sons and their buddies. My friend was one of those most likes and respected in the fisherman's community where this all happened and it is known as the Pondok Nelayan Jelutong located along the coastal road off Leboh Raya Lim Chong Eu. This are is located on reclaimed land and the highway that runs parallel to the sea edge was built upon the reclaimed land. When I first met him he was working behind the counter making drinks  I was having a drink while doing some sketching on my pad and we got to talking. Our friendship lasted over twelve years in all and much have I learned about life from this humble man who never seems to have nothing to do, He had a hand in con

structing most of the floating huts of the fisherman's village and the last one he had built from scratch is his living legacy.

When I peeked into the room where they were giving his body the final bath I realized how small he was and from all that I have known he had done with his two hands it boggles my mind. However I had the feeling that he was not going to last into a ripe old age at the rate he was pushing and had a history of a by-pass operation to boot. He refuses his medication his eldest brother told me when we met at the mosque the burial. It rained heavy that Sunday night and I was worried he might be swimming in his grave, he most probably built a sampan right there and then! Bon Voyage my friend, my Brother... may

Allah make it a simple transition from this life to the next.