Allah is Great! This evening I did my Maghrib Solat or prayer! I have stopped praying for many years now and have been haunted and tortured by self doubts and disrepair, I live in between two mosques that calls to prayer on the loud speakers five times a day and every time I listened to the call my mind becomes agitated and spiritual questions arises sometimes making me feel guilty and sometimes making me feel freedom. I toss back and forth about the five times prayer and I am beginning to feel the implication and the power of the Solat. I had felt it before on many occasion when I was doing it for sometime and then it slips away... I found no comfort and I might even say a waste of my time and yes perhaps I am lazy. No matter, I surrender my will to the All Mighty Lord and Creator and I have in me a place where He/She, resides. I want to call Him God, the word itself is not a Biblical word and if place before a mirror it turns into Dog. I want to call Him Elohim, Adonai, Yaweh or Jehovah, I am not a Jew. I can call Him Lord Shiva or Lord Brahman, I will have to indulge into, Hinduism and the million of Gods and Deities; I call Him by His Muslim Name and that is Allah SWT. There is only Allah and none other, the one True Lord of Creation and I take complete refuge in His Mercy, His Compassion and His Grace.
It is in the silence of my heart that I felt the presence of That which is Greater than me; I felt being Loved and Accepted, I felt Peace and Tranquility within me. Allah is an Arabic name that was used throughout the Arab World even before the time of the Prophet, (PBUH). Google it! I will not bore myself with laying down the details and I might be wrong on certain facts and have the whole Muslim community up in arms against me. No, the Word Allah is the most acceptable word to use for THE DIVINE that is withn me. I have become most comfortable with itand as of now I will not be using the God or any other Names when describing what I meant to be Allah. Hence when I say Allahu Akhbar, I am saying That which resides within in the temple of my heart, The AlMighty Allah is Great! There is none, but He.I am still not a good Muslim by a long shot and even as I am making this post I am exposing myself towards being chastised by those who claim themselves to know the religion much better than I. I am still groping in the dark and no matter where I am at or what I have discovered it all seems impermanent and thus unreal.
Thus far only the threat of death of the physical body seems as real as it gets and on many occasions I have had the near death experiences although as complete as many has. I believe in the power of calling out to the One who one belongs to, the Owner and it has led me through my 'passing out' experiences. By being able to surrender fully to the Lord, Inna lillahi wainna lillahi rajiun! From Him I originated, to Him I return...Insha'Allah; the Lord Willing. This 'Amalan' or practice is the key to embracing Islam. Submission to the Will of the Lord, Tawakal or have complete confidence in the Will of the Lord and Alhamdullilah, am being grateful for the Lord's Mercy and Compassion. I realize it sounds simplistic if not corny, however as I near death in my age and physical condition, I have come to fully accept that AllahSWT, is my Beloved and there is none but He that I Surrender to and Worship with all my heart and soul. I have lived life experiencing the best and the worse it has to offer and at the same pretty much am able to document as much and as close to the truth as I could of my life and tis Blog makes it possible for me to share my life with the general public. It has always been with Ikhlas - the genuine sincerity of my heart that sharing this journal is my way of saying Thank You and Please forgive me for Transgressions. I am no Jesus nor Muhammad, not Buddha nor Krishna, I Am Who I Am.
Doa Nabi shallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam :
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