Two days ago my twin brother for the first time ever visited my home and it was a good moment for me in more than one way. Spiritually, it was to me like the Lord has found forgiveness towards my transgressions of a younger brother to an elder as most of our lives we were at logger heads with each other. We grew up as children separately as I was adopted by my mother's younger brother, my uncle and he was raised by my parents. I grew up mostly in Penang, on the West Coast while he grew up on the East Coast in the Kuala Terengganu. We were reunited when I turned twelve and was relocated to be with my immediate family due to our religious upbringing, I was raised a Buddhist and he as a Muslim.I have told and retold of this circumstances in the past postings in this Blog as it was and still is something of importance in my life and it indelibly affected my mind as I dig deep to understand myself. Still, as is said the devil is in the details of which I am not ever going to dwell into anymore as I feel this phase in my life has come full circle and ends perhaps on a sweeter note of forgiveness and love; our sibling rivalry has now been buried, hopefully.
At the social physical level our lives might see a better future in terms of the willingness the give and take, forgive and forget and perhaps enjoy a better time when visiting one another without feeling the undertow of animosity, distrust and fear. We at an age where death is practically knocking at the door and in Islam to die with a permanent rift between us as siblings is tantamount to a major sin. Further more at the physical level we might be able to help one another better in facing with life issues, family issues and give a helping hand if and when needed. Although he has very little need of my help, I might need his much more even if in the past I have never approached him for any form of help and support for obvious reasons and also that which contributes towards our distancing. But as I have mentioned earlier, the devil is in the details and no need to get into the matter any further. Suffice to say that the very gesture that he has taken to drop by my home was a token of letting go of negative vibes and hopefully paving the road towards a healing process.
The healing process takes time and if oe is patient and yielding, Insha'Allah, God willing all wounds and ailments can be overcome and in the process one becomes much more lighter as if a burden has been lifted or a baggage has been dropped. It takes an effort however and it has to come from a genuine wish from the heart that the healing happens and it happens of its own accord when it does. This has been a valuable lesson for me even if it had taken a long time for the final resolution to materialize. In Islam, the ties of 'Siratulrahim' or the relationship especially between siblings is fundamental and ust be kept intact no matter what the cause of separation may be. One has to make every effort towards reconciliation, to forgive and forget and to maintain love and respect between each other especially before the time of death; Allah forgives when you are able to forgive and be forgiven is my believe. This too is the true meaning of Love or unconditional Love in the spiritual sense. When your heart has been cleansed of all anger and hate through your own effort, then that being the source of your negative thoughts ceases to haunt you and this to me is one route towards enlightenment; become light as opposed to being pulled down by gravity. It is easier said than done but getting it done is a must if one is on the path of spiritual awakening. it is a crucial part of tying up loose ends before one can taste the lightness of being liberated. Ignoring or sweeping is under the carpet or throwing it into the far corner of the consciousness closet will not do as it will foment and raise its stink at some time in the future when least expected. No matter how painful or complicated it may seem, one has to make every effort for reconciliation and I found that by being patient and yielding it has paid off. Not only did we kiss and make up, I was left with almost Rm500 when they left, a gift which in the past I had refused to accept. This time I accepted having felt the genuine offer of an elder brother to a younger brother and to turn it down still would only put a damper on the process of healing.
How can one not love someone you were born alongside with and it was no fault of either of us that we were to be raised separately at birth for twelve years and alter to be reunited in our teenage years, the years that is most volatile in a boy's life when it comes to domination and control, a time when establishing the ego status was most apparent. There was no one to blame as t all happened due to unavoidable circumstances and as a Muslim, preordained or written. It was like two young wolf pubs growing up and trying to establish their own space and territory after having lived separately since birth, there was no understanding there was only rivalry, there was no counselling ther was only fueling as the environment itself became a battle ground of one up-manship. But as it turns up, there is yet hope for a healing to take place between us in our old age and that is something to look forward to, if for nothing else, for our sanity.
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