My Twin and I

So, what just happened? I wrote something about self discovery and  was headed towards making a connection between Ramadan and my practice, or my way and poof! All gone! Now i am more determined to write what is actually transpiring in my mind and how i am dandling it; It is kinda exciting and yet a little too much to chew at times and sometimes it is nice! I realize how I worry myself about matters that are beyond my control and most that don't hold any reality in my consciousness; yep! I worry too much!
When I start using words like consciousness, I am having my anxiety attack! Words like reality and faith, just kills me! I can understand a few like LOve and Compassion, pride and integrity but even these often seems like illusions of a deluded mind.

It is a great time of reflection and letting go of past experiences and emotional attachments, just being in a state of equilibrium and steadfastness to the realization that; this too shall pass...and this too shall come to and end and this too will be let go of. Mind is the manifester of reality as an expression of time and the Universe is the MInd! Along with the single grain of sand found along the banks of the Ganges is also Mind. The former the Universal MInd and the later the Inner MInd, the anti-matter MInd. These are the Dual thinking minds of opposites, the Alpha and the Omega the Yin and the Yang, the right and wrong, the good and evil; The Omnipotent and the Insignificant. The human mind is too precious to be wasted, too great to be ignored too fragile to be left alone. This the study of the workings of the human mind from the perspective of a soon to be seventy year old mind that has evolved both in the East and the West,, this is my version of who I was and who I am and who I could become before I take my last breath in this human form.

If the 93 year young  Malaysian Prime Minister can handle a country still, why I am sure i still got a bit of a mileage left in me InshaAllah. I am no Doctor like the PM and nor do I have a wife who is a doctor to look after my health, but i am inspired to do my best to last as long and be worthy of my age. If this month of Ramadan has any meaning to me it is in the fact that I am living a life of dichotomy, In the modern scientific term, I consider myself a schyzo Yes I am a man who lives life looking into the mirror of who I am not and making believe i am who I am. The fact that I have an identical twin brother and he and I were born with half an hour difference, is the physical manifestation of this schyzo identity or personality.

I have related my childhood stories time and again and i am still not convinced of the whole truth till this day, my Blog is a testimony to how i grew up along with my twin brother on the east Coast as a teenager, most of it sad to say was not a happy memory to keep repeating and it gets worse the more you write about it. At the end of the day, after almost 70 years of existing together we are at last seeing eye to eye, whatever that entails. I have come to the conclusion that we are old enough not to hold our punches nor apologize for past experiences but simply accept our differences and look back only with what a great childhood we had otherwise. I feel like we were the most lucky twins to have grown up the way we did and the family we had around us and the rich environment of sea and rice fields just next to each other. We may not have done much together, but we sure did much more on our own.