Kapas, Here i Come!

 I am home at my own space again after almost a month of being away to the east Coast where i had the opportunity to spend three weeks on the island of Pulau Kapas which is located off the coast of marang, in Terengganu. I am no9w listening to Eastas Tonnes "Spirit of Time, "on You tube while letting my fingers ramble on my post for the trip to the East Coast for some sort of spiritual retreat and healing or simply to get away from this City and my two Kids, it is also a trip to find a cheaper way of getting my hernia operation taken care of without too much cost and dependence upon others for their charitable hearts. I have become an elegant beggar late in my but i am willing to do what it takes to live this life to the best of my ability and explore all possibilities out there where i am still an entity to be dealt with like it of not. I have been away for more than a month now from this seat where i make my posy and what a month it had been. I left with the high hopes of being able to spend sometime on the island of Kapas and perhaps even spent the monsoon season there to just experience the wrath of the monsoon wind and rain, to watch and feel the the raw strength of mother nature unleashing before my eyes in the South China Seas, but that was what I envisioned before I left. southchinasea

Second day was spent with my friend Mohammad Rafi visiting Pulau Duyong where we spent some time with Hashim the model boat maker the younger brother of the late Awie, 'Yellow House,' owner and a very close friend. Hashim was still Hashim with no major changes in character or spirit. He is however doing very well with his model boat making while teaching young adults in the art of model making. #pulaudyong 

He has at least kept the boat making tradition alive as Pulau Duyong is most well known for traditional boat building. Although it is a dying art it is still being kept alive the very few who has the know how and the dedication to keep the tradition alive.
 

These days one rarely see a traditionally built vessel that were at one time littered along the river used for fishing and general transportation, today it is mostly fiber glass in place of wood which incidentally has become very expensive and difficult to get for boat building. 

I also spent some time with my nephews and nieces and introduced them to my guitar to get  them interested in making music of their own.

After taking the eight hour long bus ride on the "Adik Beradik" Terengganu East Wast Highway Bus Express I got to Kuala Terengganu bust station where on of my nephews came to pick me up and delivered me to his home the "Bakery" or Kedai Roti Mohammad Rafi where I spent the day hanging out with my nephews and nieces showing off my guitar skills while sharing their latest stage in life, college, school, work, and what ever else. There are two Mohammad Rafi involved in my story, one, my nephew and the other my good longtime friend a retired Coast Maritime officer who was originally from Penang and settled down in Kuala Terengganu. The next day my friend Mohammad Rafi or better known as Pok Pi, drove me to Marang where at the jetty I was able to take a boat to Kapas. Owner of the  Suria Link Boat Service was a guy by the name of Zakaria or better known among locals as Zach. He is married to a lady from the Yugoslavia and they have three young boys. As soon as we landed on the beach Zach pointed out to me his father in law who was visiting them and who I later found out was going to have an open heart surgery as soon as he returned to his country. I tried to communicate with him throughout my stay while he was around but he did not speak English, so that made it hard or perhaps it was for the best as we got along reaching out to each other via facial expressions and simple gestures and at time his daughter would interpret whatever we had to say. It took about ten to fifteen minutes to get to the Island from the Marang jetty by speedboat and the ride was smooth as the ocean was calm like a lake almost. Quite strange in essence as October is the beginning of the monsoon season along the Coastal areas of the South China Seas, perhaps the calm before the storm. #monsoonseason

 My close friend, Rafi dropped me off at the Marang Jetty where I caught a speed boat ride out to the island or Pulau Kapas which took about twenty minutes or less as the sea was relatively calm. It took us a little over fifteen minutes to reach the Island.

 

Why the need to take a Monsoon Retreat on Pulau Kapas.

 The path of the Bodhisattva is fraught with tests and setbacks and as we mature with age the "practices," will evolve to become more or less effortless eventually becomes same as breathing itself. I believe we have to earn the rites of passage to attain to the status of a Bodhisattva by virtue. It is not a planned or prefabricated idea but something that grows along the way evolving to become fully at onement with the Self. I noticed that nothing forced will happen according to our expectation, it often falls short. Patience is a virtue most relevant to cultivate if one is on the journey towards liberation. When we begin to comprehend the workings of the body and mind and how the soul is trapped by these workings taking what is not real for the real, perhaps we will begin to recognize our own true nature in relationship to the rest of universe, knowing this we learn how to serve. However much has to be endured, physically, mentally and spiritually and overcome with Right Understanding, leaving behind all that is not real, untrue, illusional and taking of the real and the eternally permanent. One keeps slipping and sliding along as one grows old and sometimes it all seemed one big waste of time, and other times it seemed  miraculous. We live a life of infinite possibilities and how we choose to live is all entirely up to each and every individual our choices predicts our future. We are limited or in full abundance, poor and destitute or affluent beyond our dream; this was our choices. To the majority of us, Life is like watching NETFLIX or HBO or You Tube, you choose and there is always plenty to choose from; what is your pleasure?! I am watching Jack Ryan one of Tom Clancy's series on PRIMETV, it's one of my escape from reality, I have a few others.  

I am writing to myself and so it makes it as personal as it can get that transcend any form or judgement or attack from the external realm of physical existence; in other words this is pretty much who I am thus far, like it or leave it. In keeping this ongoing journal of my life as it happens is as much what is my Art - The Art of Living, {as an Artist}? What began in England sometime in 1978, led to this stage of my self documentation of the life and times of the 'Cheeseburger Buddha', the 'Wanabe' Monk from the Mahayana  school of  Zen Buddhisma, in Practice. Yes, this is the role I play because I have now accept my place in this life and there is no more greater calling for me except to Accept and Honor my Past Teachers, Gurus and Spiritual Masters gifts to me, It is in the Honor of my Parents and theirs before them, in the honor and all beings in the Six Realms, ten directions, past present and future, I therefore stand upon THIS my Dharma position and declare to my Self and to the Universe that, Laillaha'illalLah! Muhammad, RsullalLah! No God! only Allah! {The God} and Muhammad is His Messenger! This is my Dharma position in Faith. I am working it out to make sense to myself as it is, i am treading into deeper end of the pool and must be cautious for what I say or leave on paper, so do not take my words for it and share these Ramblings sparingly with those who are sailing on the same canoe down the same river of rocks and rapids, the Journey is never the same for any two souls ever that came into existence. We all walk our own path with the understanding of how far or how near we are from the Truth depends entirely upon our Right Understanding of the nature of Being, {who we are.} It is our individual duty, at least mine is, to strive towards waking up or towards some form of Spiritual awakening, self realization, or simply being aware with bare attention to all that is out there. Out there is the Ureal where else within is the 'Temple of the Divine', The Christ consciousness, the Source of of life itself, The absolute, unconditioned, the One infinite Consciousness Itself and as a Muslim I call Him Allah{SWT} and I surrender unto Him all that I am in Essence and in Spirit. I am not a  religious man but I am very much into my spiritual understanding and development,=; I am That! 

Have you ever listened to Classical Guitarist, Estas Tonne'S "Mirror of life?" it's on You Tube if you care to, one of the most powerful Guitar expression I have even listened to, played with full of passion and a tune that comes direct from the heart and soul of the musician; his music tells his story.  This is consciousness expressing through sounds and vibrations taking our own sense of being to a greater height, it is meditative and full of energy when listened to: it cam be overwhelming if one is sucked into its story telling. I am always awed by Estas Tonne's fingers moving on the guitar selecting precise strings and making it all come together from beginning to end. In my esteem He is among the most prolific Classical Guitarist Today who plays his own tunes. I purposely took a detour from my line of thoughts from the pervious paragraph to step back from too much 'Reality.' Striking a balance is the Middle Way as expounded by the Buddha in his teachings, there is only pain and suffering in extremism. Knowing enough is more than enough is the mark of a one who has had enough and crave for no more. It is my intention to spend some time on Pulau Kapas reflecting upon all the teachings of the ancient ones and practice whatever I can or need to at every moment of this journey, this journey of self healing, the process is never ending this journey towards self liberation or the ending of pain and suffering within and without. back aches and skin rashes to the recovery and rejuvenating  of the heart and soul while there is time to do so for a man of my age.  #pulaukapas #kapasboutiqueresort #

 

And Rambling on along...

 As usual, almost without effort I woke up at 3am. and my body aching all over with my heavy like ready to burst inside. Got up took care of the toilet and stepped and had a good long cold drink of orange juice and stepped outside with the cat tailing me to have a smoke and breath in the cool breath of fresh air. Life is a paradigm of paradoxes and nothing exist without its opposite like life and death, good and evil, black and white the cosmic mandala of Yin and Yang of the Taoist Way. Within each side is the seed of the other that lies in the center of both, a black dot in the white and vice versa. Too look at one without being conscious of the other is simply put the lack of awareness that causes imbalance within and without. Physical as well as mental imbalance is the result forgetting this Universal Principle of Causality. That which is high will have its low and good and bad walks hand in hand we call left and right, the brain is split into two hemisphere of the same goop or the grey matter. To be aware of this fact that with are governed by a dual thinking mind is crucial for us to understand who we truly are. Do we create the world or the world is creating us, is all that we see and experience truly our own collective creation or is it us that is being created to become a part and parcel of this existence we call life or living. Are we what we think we are as science can proof and religion can ascertain, a sack of flesh bones and moving about triggered by sophisticated electromagnetic resonance that permeates the universe we call the infinite consciousness,God, Allah, Shiva and so on, our Higher Self. the Mind that dictates what is right and what is wrong for every individual at their level of perception and interest; The Witness the one who stands on the fringe and look within and without with equal fascination and distress.

For every step I take forward I would slide back two like I can never become free from this cycle of life and death. I realize I am not the mind nor the physical body and that I am at the mercy and grace of my Maker, my Lord, my Master. It is a feeling deep and personal that I would call having faith instead of fear and a state of humility and being humble in realizing that, you are One. This is to me the awareness of those on the road to serve as the Buddhist calls Bodhisattvas, they who refuse to give up the 'Life' till there is none in this world that cry out in pain and suffering. Most famous of these is the Bodhisattva Mahasatva Avalokiteshvara, the Boddhisattve of infinite Compassion and Mercy or more popularly known in Chinese as Kuan Yin and the Japanese as Kanon Daibosatsu. He/She who has a thousand arms holding all kinds of remedies for those in need of healing and who hears the call for help from every corner where sentient beings exist. Some comes as Gurus, Teachers, Carpenters and fishermen and so forth but each enlightened one has his or her gift to offer especially to help ease the suffering of this cycle of life, death and rebirth. Bodhiisattvas are those who from past lives of eons till this date have vowed never to becom a fully and completely enlightened Buddha and leave this realm of existence forever, like what Shakyamuni the Historical Buddha did at His Pari Nirvana, the End of no beginning. I took this vow when I was practicing at the Zen Buddhist Monastery in Sausalito, Marin County, Californiia, a place called Green Gulch Farm or the Green Dragon Zen Center. Every full moon all of us would perform the ceremony to remind ourselves of these vows. I find I am more tied to it as I grow older and perhaps a little more matured, see the seriousness having made this spiritual commitment, its consequences and ramifications. Am I fulfilling my obligations towards serving humanity if not all sentient beings as promise or am I just merely existing without any sense of commitment towards my spiritual calling. What is the Flip side of a Bodhisattva?

We all walk alongside our shadow which C.Jung called our "Darker side - the Shadow." The Bodhisattva is both the Light and the Shadow walking this earth as one balanced form of energy that enlightens the rest of the planet by his very existence as one who had approached Buddhahood or absolute and complete annihilation of so called 'I' in our consciousness. I have realized that i am no more than a piece of dust in the wind of cosmic consciousness and I realize too that I am nore further from my Lord than the jugular vein to my throat and only Allah exist, He Is One; One. Realizing this that I am who I am in my choice of path in this life,  I will continue walking with my shadow and resort to it in my times of dire need in order to serve my fellow seekers of truth.  So what would be the negative energy of the Boddhisattva Avalokiteshvara or the Goddes of Mercy, Kuan Yin? or what is the ugly side of the Man, the Shadow, the Evil, the Cruel, the Merciless, Murderous; the thousand arms of  weapons of chaos, inflicting Pain and Suffering - The Super Ego. The Dark side in all of us is there and will always be there for as long as we are breathing in and out; stop breathing and we will discover a part of the truth of who we truly are. Having made these far out realizations about yourself what next? How do we use what we have realized or learned from our personal journey. Teach! Make them read! If you have a message to share, a story to tell or an experience worth relating, share! The Devine has given us the Internet to share. It does not matter if they read or they don't, not everyone is on the same wavelength, synchronicity or vibration, not everyone is on the same page; audiences is the least of worries. The message and not the messenger or the container that is of value and getting it across to those who might have interest for the same answers might be worth the effort; this is how I serve as a Boddhisattva thus with hope that I am fulfilling my vows that...

Beings are numberless, I vow to Awaken with Them.

Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them

The Dharma Gates are boundless, I vow to enter Them.

The Buddha's way is Unsurpassable, I vow to Attain It.

The discoveries Science have made of Human condition is good for the healing of the mind and body, the alignment and a good balance of all the elemental forces of what holds us together, science is for the survival of the fittest, dog eat dog but not the healing of the inner man the souls, the Witness, the watcher call it what you may; the Shadow. Spirituality helps to ease the burden of Ignorance that man is endure in his life, spirituality gives life to science. They are the flip side of our Collective Nature or as Jung put it, our Collective Consciousness; heads or tails? 

A walk with Ben at Hin Bus Depot.

 

 And the bird said, "Up your nose ,Lady!." A wood sculpture and according to Ben, the wood came Lee Khai's place in town being renovated. 

A mornign spent with my brother Ben at the Hin Bus Depot where he has his own shop selling broken pieces of Chinese ceramic ware from the Ming Dynasty found in a Portuguese Shipwreck off the coast of Terengganu. It is called the Wanli shipwreck.  It is estimated to be 400 years old give or take, and although most of the Chinese plates and bowls were broken to pieces there were some still intact as a whole piece and these today are priceless collection. Ben who was a part of the salvage crew of the WANLI shipwreck did a documentary of the operation which you can watch in his shop. If there is a fault in him, Ben loves to talk especially about his time living for six years on the East Coast at Jambu Bongkok  located between Dungun and Marang. If you ever find your way to his shop I will guarantee that you will leave with more than when you walked in.

The Art of transformation from the discarded to the work on a pedestal being admired by all who perceives. Art when genuinely done art for the sake of art or art for art's sake. can make changes happen in a more positive ways than religion or politics in a society. I am very happy to see more and young artists emerging and making their talents known to the rest of the community. Georgetown is blessed in this sense that art is becoming more and more alive helping to maintain the balance between the mundane and the sophisticated and sublime. All work and no play makes anyone and everyone a dull boy. 

Samseung is having a Flip Flop of a day at Hin Bus Depot sales promotion for their latest product.

Standing tall and delivering right between the legs; Think Big! Become Big! Think small become small. Big is just the Flip side of small, the Flop side.

I would one day like to become the chairman of my own business! Right now I am not doing too bad as most of the chairs in my company is empty, less competition and more chances. Most of my adult life I have always worked for myself, I am the Boss of my own life and no one makes plans for me without my consent or blessings. I may sweep the floors and clean the toilets, but i do it for me my well being, to heal my wounded soul to humble my arrogant ego, to keep my sanity intact; the paycheck is only a bonus.

When you Die where you go? What happen? - Do you care?

  Yesterday evening I was at my nephew's {Husein} house attending the the departure of his mother in law, my sister in law from this realm. She was married to my second eldest brother. My brother whom we called Jaya had passed away a fears ago and was buried at almost exactly where she was later buried at the Dato' Kramat Muslim cometary. She was laid to rest just after the Maghrib prayer which was performed at the Masjid Hashim Yahaya  located adjacent to the burial ground. The spot where she was buried is where my Grand Mother and Grand Father were laid to rest many years ago and later followed by my auntie Ma'Cak or better known among the Sungai Pinang Jelutung area as Mak Timah Bidan and even later by my Uncle, Hamid bin Talib or once known as Paul Nanda s/o Paul Mariano. Yes I try to swallow the whole name, all its implications where society is concern. the man who raised me as a child till I was twelve as a Bugghist. The Dato'Ktamat MUslim cemetary is much over populated as more came and stacked on top of them, all family relatives who kicked the bucket and joined the the trip one step beyond into the unknown. I feel my age whenever I visit this site and I had just visited the same spot not too long ago when my Cousin brother Mohamad Kalam was buried right on the same spot. Perhaps me too will be sharing the same bed among all my family and relatives.

In dealing with the physical death I am fortunate to have been exposed to quite a few in my lifetime. The impermanence of life,an interesting if not intriguing phenomena that one day i will have to pass through. My body washed and cleaned and wrapped up in white with cotton balls sticking up my nose and a cloth tied around my head to shut my mouth, I talked too much in life or maybe ate too much too, now no more. Then laid to rest with family and friends gather to read the Ya Sin, Fatihaha or the Surah Al-Ikhlas as a farewell gift to the dear departed. What if that was me? I still feel the same today but I was not moved too much by the fact of death and dying or what lay after, I learn to live my life better while in the plane. No experience can move one more than watch sand being thrown all over you while you lay all tied up in white, all your pride, all your ego, all that you think are of value to you is being buried with you, the one who you think who you were is No More. I listen to the Ustaz reminding the deceased what to expect immediately after death, the Alam Barzzakh, where you will met by two angels Mukar and Nangkir?, who will question you like you are a the airport entering another country only this is  whole lot more heavier and here is where your soul is at stake. The first question  is Ma Rab -u-Ka? Who is your God! Who do you worship or have your faith in or sought help from in times of chaos? What was Religion? What was your Holy Book...Who was your Porphet,  your Kiblat or where do you face when you stand and perform your prayers. I listened to this litany asking myself, will I remember the answers when my time come or would I turn shitless like everyone else from the shock of dying and being removed from the reality that i thought I knew to one of...and all I can say to myself is , it's all in His hands, I have faith in my Lord or in my Higher Self if not my Intelligence to deal when and if the situation arise. 

I like being among those who stand around the grave while the men shovel and pull sand down to cover the coffin as fast as possible it being night already because here I get to see my relatives and friends who have a common relationship with the deceased. On a micro level I maintain a relationship with my nephews and nieces on my second eldest brother side. Most had grown right before my eyes from school girls to having children, they were all there. Folks related to my sister in law came all the way from Kuala Terengganu to pay their respect to their sister, aunty, and so forth, some I recognized and I say while pointing a finger them, "Here's looking at you kid!" Uncle Baba! Pok Cik!, Mamu! Lame dok keleh PokCik! Ape kabor? Still alive?! I enjoy entertaining the children whenever i get the chance to, or tease the unmarried young one with a loud "Gengor kate mu nok kawin, betul?" Hey, I hear you are getting married soon!" often forgetting  that I was at a funeral, As I approach the gathering of people I would give my salam while shaking their hands with a big smile on my face; breaks the ice. By proper salute or salam you tear down the wall or rip the veil off from what is not real and reveal the real, looking at it from a more spiritual level. Peace be unto you, I miss no one there friends family or total stranger, I look them in the eyes and smile, Salam! At funerals people look mostly bored, like lets get this thing over with, what's the delay!, I watched and listened and learned of who is who and what or where they have been and where they are now; the update of my society.

So farewell Kak Mah! {Fatimah}, From Him you came, to him you return.

 

Fulfilling yet another intention - Experiencing the Monsoon on Kapas Island.

 If all goes well with the 'plan of no plan,'  I will be going to Pulau Kapas, {Cotton or wool Island}, located along the East Coast off the District of Marang in Terengganu, next week sometime. I had visited the Island many times in the past since the early sixties when I was a teen ager tagging along with the adults who were my mentors and school teachers. One such mentor was Dato' Ariffin Zakaria, who was at one time the district officer of Marang and many other districts all over Trengganu, who also later in life became personal advisor to the Sultan of Terenggnu. He loved to fish and hunt in his pastime and my twin brother and I were fortunate to be chosen as bearers and helpers on his trips to the jungle, the rivers and the islands. Together we had visited all the islands along the East Coast in the South China Sea, except for Pulau Tanggol, where I was concern. If my memory serves me well, the islands along the Trengganu coast includes, Pulau Perhentian in the far north of the state and then Pulau Lima and Pulau Yu, there is Pulau Redang and Bidong then coems Pulau Kapas and southern most, Pulau Tanggol. My favorite Island will remain to be Pulau Kapas which is located closest to the mainland and has much sentimental history of my younger days growing up in the East Coast. One of our hobbies my brothers and I was collecting exotic sea shells found in and around the islands off the coast of Terengganu. Shells included the Tonna, Murex and Busycon species, which today can fetch up Rm800 a piece, which in the old days were simply discarded sometimes. The Tiger cowries although commonly found are my favorite find. My eldest brother today has in his living room showcase a whole set of shells found along the East Coast which was the result of  years of diving for them by himself, my twin and I.

A view of Kapas from the Cendering beach. I grew up diving among these rocks in the early sixties and camping as Boys Scouts in the nearby area. Kapas was always a draw form the distant horizon of the South China Sea. I grew up having the sea as my playground whether when I was in Penang or in Terengganu, I will always seek out the sea, its warm salt water and the treasure trove it holds beneath the surface and when diving I felt like a bird hovering from the air and having a bird's eye view of what lies below.  

The Island was not inhabited when I was frequenting it in the 60s and there was not a single tourist in sight except for the expatriates who lived and worked in the State as volunteers including the Peace Corps Volunteers. Visiting the Island we had it all to ourselves and just as there was no tourist there was also no plastics or any other form of garbage littering the shoreline and beaches except for and occasional flip flop which might have drifted from Japan or Hong Kong and we know this because the brands were not available in the country back then, not yet. Hence to find a Zori from Japan was as unique as it got. During and the aftermath of the Monsoon season all kinds of debris and flotsam would wash up the beach and it was a thrill to rummage through what came up on the beach especially driftwoods of all kinds of shapes and design worth salvaging.

Upon my visit with my Brother Ben Rongen a year ago which lasted 10 days I got to meet and chat with a few of the chalet owners and thus I would not be a total stranger when I make this trip with the intention of staying and possibly working through the Monsoon season which would be an off season for tourists. This is primarily one of the reasons for my trip, to experience the weather of strong wind and rain, the time when the sea comes alive. 

Relaxing on board one my friend's boat off Kapas on a calm sunny day. This trip will another one of my 'retreat' from the daily humdrum of living as a house husband taking care of all the needs of my two adult children which includes cooking, cleaning, driving them to and from work among other things as both my children do not drive I am the Grab driver. As much as I enjoy driving it has become a tedious and often frustrating chore, I need a break from. It is also my hope to do some self healing physical as well as mental if not spiritual may the Lord help me to make it all happen with the least of obstruction.

The island is located about 6 kilometers from the Marang jetty in Terengganu. It usually takes about half an hour by regular tourist boat and about ten minutes by faster boats to reach the Island.  

"If you make it Happen, they will Come, Capt."- my days at SRI LOVELY

 

The call of the wild is becoming more and more of a rarity these days as the wild is slowly but surely diminishing if not disappearing totally
being replaced by what man calls progress or development. The raw deal is no more there where living life in the primal state is a challenge towards not only of attaining courage and ingenuity but also a test of faith and wisdom - spiritual survival. The hut was built by one who lived {perhaps still is} on the fringe or away from the rest of his society. Not an outcast but simply because he wanted it to be so for reasons quite unknown even to himself when I had the opportunity to sit and talked with him. 

A solitary man, a simple minded forest dweller making a living by foraging and providing services when in need, but steering away from the rest of the community whenever he chooses to do so. He had chosen the life of solitude and detachment without even knowing so as it was nor that he had no choice, he had his friends and family to turn to had he chosen to do live among others. He had survived on bare necessities and always taking life with a 'silly grin on his face that revealed  two rows of yellow teeth that most probably never tasted a toothpaste nor felt the tooth brush. It seemed like he was in perpetual joy and harmony within that exuded through his eyes when he laughed at my jokes. There was wisdom in those eyes that were not expressed in words but in presence, pure unadulterated presence and unconditional acceptance of being who he was. We called him Adi or 'Are-dee' or to the young, Pok Di.

The location of this small village is at the foothills of Kampung Lintang where the edge of the jungle began and the surrounding area was once cultivated for hill rice growing however was later abandoned by the nearby villagers who lived in and around the Belantik Dalam, area of Sik, a small prefecture in the state of Kedah. When I first found myself in the area and learned what was happening to it, I knew that this was where I needed to be. My heart felt that I had been steered to this area by some inner urge like I was steered at one time to a place called Green Gulch Farm in Marin Country California where I had spent two years being a practicing Zen Student. This small piece of landscape invited me to become a part of its community that was on the eve of transformation. I knew I had found my 'place of Power' just i had felt it when I was at green Gulch.

I had decided to take a drive in my small 'Kancil' automobile and check out the rural parts of the country by just randomly driving into areas where I felt was in some ways interesting to visit and the then move on. While waiting for my car to be fully checked and upgrade by my mechanic friend, Ah Huat of Huat Huat Auto Airconditioning at Sungai Dua in Penang, I struck a conversion with a Malay gentleman who was also waiting for his vehicle being taken care of. Upon learning of my intention he insisted that his village of Belantik was where I should make my first destination, which I did. Upon arrival he took me around the area of Belantik and ended up finally at Kampung Lintang making a long and interesting story short and there I met the  retired 'Kaptain', Zakaria Amantasha, {whose rank was acutally a Major}but was rather preferred to be called Kaptain by everyone. From our chats later I learned that he was once a Battalion Commander for the UN Security Forces in Kosovo during the heavy fighting there. A very unique man and one who could move mountains or at least made things happen. I knew i had found my Guru or Zen master and asked his permission to stay and was given a small hut as a roof over my head.

I had planned to stay for two days at the village and moved on, however after two months I was still stuck in the village cutting and clearing and burning. Eating and sleeping like I was my friend Adi whose hut was located a stone throw from where I was just on the fringe of the farm. I was the only soul in the area at the end of the evening as all of the farm hands including the Captain would leave for their homes in Belantik about three Kilometers out. Being alone sleeping in a hut in an abandoned village located on the fringe of the jungle was my Zen Practice. Here I had my share of understanding what fear of the unknown was all about and what being alone was not loneliness but an inward journey of self discovery.

A river runs alongside the farm with cool clear water from the hills beyond and across lies the forest. Wild boars and tigers sometimes made their way here to drink but rarely due to the gathering human activities. Every morning one is woken by the loud voices of gibbons high up in the tree and numerous songs of birds and domesticated chickens. Watching and listening to the wild waking up every morning was food for the soul especially when one is alone and the mind was not cluttered by unnecessary thoughts and sounds of motors and vehicles. The peacefulness of the whole valley and the verdant green for as far as the eyes can see fed the creative spirit and work became my karma yoga.

Over the next few years I was able to witness the revival of the rice fields as more and more hands came to work land primarily to grow rice and it was a labor of love more than anything else as most of the crew were not properly paid due to lack of funds and the Captain at times was found with his head in his palms on the verge of giving up. However a man does not command a battalion of the UN Security Council if he was not a resilient and persevering man in the face of defeat and this I witnessed in my friend and Zen Master what will power meant in an individual. This was the man who made the SRI LOVELY Organic Farm at Kampung Lintang a Reality. It was blood, sweat and tears of a few dedicated men who literally had forged this community to life. The acronym LOVELY stands for Lintang Organic Valley and Organic is the key to the principle of the agriculture practice here. 

 Over the years since 2012 when I first stepped into the valley they cam from all over the world to learn about organic farming and sharing the local life of the kampung Malays. This led to an eventual official visit by the State of Kedah Chief Minister that helps to  put the farm on the map and the project was even mentioned in the Cabinet sitting of the Federal Government as an example to be followed. The Captain's contribution did not go unnoticed as he was awarded a professorship by one of the leading agricultural universities. Unfortunately COVID-19 ended it all for awhile.

Adi , the solitary man of Kampung Lintang had his story to tell and I had mine as we swapped tales of our journey in life while sitting on his verandah sipping sweet black coffee. 

My days at SRI LOVELY

The Gem on top of the Hill.

Despite the poor weather where the visibility was  practically nil of the Georgetown bird's eye view from the Penang Hill, we did stumble upon one of the most colorful Hindu temple perched at the top of the Hill.   

Life is a dance, " You're dancing with their Mothers and dancing with their Fathers and they dance along."- Sting. The classic dance posture of the Lord Shiva Nataraja with one foot standing upon a dwarf symbolic of the human ego 

This statue is one of the most well known among those who study Hinduism and may be found  on shelves and altars all over the world. This is the statue of the 'Cosmic Dancer.

The family pertait of Lord Shiva with his children including, Lord Ganesh and Lord Krishna. The cow and the peacock are sacred animals in the Hindu pantheon.

Lord Ganesha, th elephant headed son of Lord Shiva. There is an interesting story of how come this deity got an elephant head, you can Google it.

 

In the inner sanctum is the deity another personification of Lord Shiva in the form of Lord Murunga as commonly worshipped in Malaysia

  There are numerous Gods and Deities in the Hindu pantheon of Devine personifications and they vary from one place, one village to another each representing the One Godhead in its many forms.  

One  misty afternoon a trip up the Penang Hill stumbling upon this small Hindu Temple was a compensation for the disappointment that we were not able to view the Georgetown city view. All is not wasted if and when one discovers the gem waiting at the top of the mountain. 
 

The last few days of Robert House's visit to Penang.

Saying farewell to another Australian brother at the Penang Turf Club acting like we were big shots while the place was deserted except for the three of us. A soft spoken, humble man who has seen and done his share of living.

Robert House is a true blue surfer from Australia who travels to where there is the best waves around the world. Rob has a metal rod stuck in his leg where he cannot bend his leg at the knee and yet he took up surfing as his call.

Rob is Ben's friend from high school in Australia and has kept the friendship alive after all these years.

When you cannot see Georgetown on this cloudy day we decided to have a closer look at each other for we might never see one another after this trip up the  Penang Hill..

We all have a child in us and in some of us the child is still very much alive and kicking which keeps a man young at heart. Life is about how you spend your time living instead of wasting it wondering what it would have been like at the end of the day.

 You are a very talented man Sam! Thanks Rob, we all have one kind of ability or another and i cannot surf  like you despite the rod rod stuck in your leg, { why he has his leg stretched out like he did].

Hasnul J.Saidon - Letting Go of the Ego.

 Had a good visit with my friend Hasnul Jamal Saidon, Director of the Museum Tuanku Fauziah, {MGTF}. he was working on a series pf white on black canvases using white prisma pencil. It looks like a family series from a few pieces that was done leaning against the wall. Hasnul  is going through chemo therapy for his cancer of the kidney which he discovered he had a few months ago. He seemed to be doing well entertaining Ben and Rob my two Australian brother who were also present. From his experience in dealing with the situation Hasnul is a changed person; this is a classic example of an ego death, of surrendering and letting go of negative habits and traits in one's personality. The realization of the impermanence of life, that it can happen at any time has turned a once proud and loud over confident man has now become a sublime and man of gentle in nature; a lost of his cockiness. I am not passing any judgment in any way here except making my own personal observation and how it affects me personally in observing my friend face his suffering. He knows it too and is open about his past errors and what it would take to turn this tragedy into a blessing. Cancer is cancer, the cost alone  of curing it is staggering to deal with. Its like the rug being pulled from under you while you are at the prime of you age and career, but from what he was doing I feel there is a whole lot more blessing in the form of creativity in his coping with his ailment; he is a Master at what he does. 

My relationship with Hasnul over the years has been one of ambivalence from the start. I felt like I was being in a manipulative relationship whereby I was allowed just so much leeway to what I can or cannot do and i was admitted into the relationship on the basis of my talent as an artist. I accepted this conditions so as to be able to use the make use of the space and facility to do my works and in return i would serve the Museum in whatever ways that I can. I accept being sidelined if and when necessary according to my friend's whims, like I am not an equal when it comes to comes to sitting at the same table with so called dignitaries or  sit in a conversation with a group of local names in the art world. I preferred to look beyond such trivia and swallowed my pride. Hasnul has always been a one who like to dominate in a  group conversation, he likes to play the center role, but that is his nature and often it irks others present without his being aware of it. For this reason I find him being shunned by his peers who often enough failed to see his greatness due to his often belligerent and rude manners when expressing himself even with his students. Hasnul in my opinion is like a pendulum that swings to opposite extremes instead of a gradual flow from one end to another. I do not to be any form of judgement upon his character in general but simply my own perception of  a man I have for more than a decade and hold great respect for despite his ways. It is my feeling that what befalls him today is a blessing in disguise if not a Karmic retribution of sorts that has now converted him into a mellow and contemplative man. Cancer is a nasty wake up call for anyone especially those who had live life with not a care about sensitivity or respect for others, thinking on is untouchable due to status or stature; it is the most humbling kick in the butt.

I pray that the All-Mighty will heal him fully and return him to his original self minus the arrogance and the macho façade, I hope he will continue to be creative and produce his master pieces even while facing the odds over his very life. His beautiful wife and three daughters will inherit his legacy with greater pride and fondness if he decides to leave this realm prematurely, it would be a tremendous waste of a great talent for this country. It was through Hasnul that i got to meet the African American Professor Najjar Musawir from Illinois who visited Malaysia a few years ago and stayed in Penang for a month or so. I was assigned to care for Najjar's comfort while staying here and was fortunate to enjoy his talents and experiences of which I have posted in this Blog. These are a few individuals whose life had touched mine as I had touched theirs for whatever good it has been for all concern.  

      

 

The Pain In Us.- Ganja- use and abuse.

 Why I need to smoke ganja, or marijuana, why or how I use ganja as my healing plant and refuse to be accused of as a drug abuser to anyone in my family or friends; I have used and abused ganja in my days. I am an addict to smoking, cigarettes and ganja. I used to be addicted to alcohol and women too and perhaps still am, but for old age and feeble mind. I was exposed to the ganja smoke since i was four years old where as children we used to hang around the adults who smoked ganja like the Rasta Man and they would blow the smoke into our faces hoping to drive us off; I grew up as a child with a daily dose of second hand ganja smoke from members of the Baharol Alam Football Club of Sungai Pinang. This was way back when the present6 club building has been upgraded three times since. I have always a very creative mind and perhaps no small thanks to ganja smoke. Off and on I smoked and while in the United States ganja had helped to keep me alive on many challenging times as much as it got me into shit happens situation. I am an addict and no justification about it but the truth as much as it hurts is much more healing than all the words of the wise ancient and modern man can tell. I admit to myself that I walk most of my life with crutches and crushes. I created karma as the Buddhist say, in order to destroy karma. This is my admission to myself and the rest of of humanity...I am no perfect man.

During one of the one on one talks with my Zen Teacher Paul Discoe, I told him about my addiction to ganja and all he said was," Smoking dope is like drinking tea try not to make it any stronger or weaker, relax and enjoy." I knew he was not encouraging me but I also knew that he was honest and truthful in accepting my weaknesses and that I will have to work it out, that was why I was there at Green Gulch Zen Center. One of the best place I ever got high was the time I spent as a student at Green Gulch Farm/Zen Community; most of my Dharma Brothers like to take evening walks right after Zazen. With the sun setting into the Pacific and the stars lighting up over Mt. Tamalpais, a slow walk up to Hope Cottage was always a gift for the soul. Yes a heightened feeling of euphoria envelops ones after a smoke, sometimes intense and destructive and sometimes a sense of peace and tranquility takes hold and you just stand back and become the observer or under more extreme circumstances, influenced by positive or negative environment and circumstances, one drift into a moment of clarity/distortion depending. Some uses Marijuana as an escape from pain and suffering, even if it was for the duration of the "High time.' Thus they create Karma in order to overcome karma, most of us move around with crutches of one form or another, we hide it well, most of us.

How does one step out of this vicious circle of using and abusing? I would like to get a little spiritual  whatever that mans, in answering the question even to myself, especially to myself. I believe for most of my life that I am an Eclectic, I pick and choose the best from the Best of life's experiences and the natural phenomena of the Universe,{The Nirmanakaya}, this realm of existence is an Illusion, Not Real, simply a temporary phase towards liberation; by the very fact that it is not permanent as nothing is, it is Unreal. I live this grand Illusion, I am trapped into this cycle of Life, Birth and Death -Rebirth. The vicious circle some calls it, where life is suffering, being born is suffering, growing old is suffering death and the fear of, is the ultimate suffering. Life is a Play, Lila or Layla as the Hindus would tell you, the Gods and Deities loves to play, it is a game where the soul is the pawn in the game. Allah or God call it by whatever Name, is , the Judge, the Jury and the Executioner at the end of the game, at least this is some believe. I stand close to this position of understanding my life thus far, I am still drifting along looking for answers for lack of getter things to do. Truth shall set you free it is said, the freedom from your mind that is addicted to the dual thinking mind, the mind that likes to see right and wrong good and bad, light and darkness; this is the Truth, the addiction to thinking is is a neurosis that everyman suffers from. Ganja helps me to slowdown my thought processes, my mental diarrhea, the chattering and analyzing, the discontent and fears, the far- out imaginations, dreams and fears; my mind is hectic when it comes to thinking. Meditation, Yoga and the rest of them are much better choices in the long run no doubt, but some are mentally weaker than others, not everyone is mentally much less spiritually equipped from birth to cope with this game we call life. 

To step out of this vicious circle I need to let go of all preconditioned notions I have about what life is or how i come to be here or why. I have to stay focus on understanding, Right Understanding is the Buddha's first of the Eighth Fold Path towards self discovery, the road to self healing and liberation in the end from Samsara or suffering. Right Understanding of the True Nature of this realm of Existence, and finding what is your Dharma position as you manifest yourself in it. Someone taps your shoulder and whisper, "You are God!," what do you do? Before you can utter your answer he slaps you hard and brings you to the here and now, how would you react? This is the mind we have, capable of conjuring anything and every case scenario there ever is, was and yet to come. People become addicts in order to escape from the tedium of life at work, at home at temple or mosque; now the major addiction is to hand phones. Even natural sex has taken the back stage. Yes, mine I have narrowed down to a few and I am making every effort to live with it without too much browbeating and blaming much less justifying and I do not recommend to anyone to start smoking ganja for no reason unless you are cruising for a bruising. As my eldest son Nazri Bahari once wrote in his high school essay competition...addiction to drugs is, "The Pain in us."{The title of his essay.}

   

What is not intended can sometimes be the gift you are looking for. - 'The gentle Accident.' -=

 

I used this piece of canvas as a palette for my watercolor painting, and after a while it turned out to be this piece of watercolor painting, which I highly doubt I can create such similar work. In the Zen art tradition this is what is known as a 'Gentle Accident'.  I am presently back working on my 100 feet long painting of the Penang, Georgetown area, which I started sometime in 2008. The paper was given to me by the then Dean of Students for the Fine Arts Department at the University of Science Malaysia, {USM. Prof. Najib Dawa left his post to become the Director of the National Art Gallery in Kuala Lumpur. He told me that he got the paper from England and does not know what to do with it, and so I was asked to paint on it whatever i wanted. For the past years, I have had three solo exhibitions with a 100-foot-long painting in Penang. It is never finished as I keep working on it whenever it moves me to do so. 

It is no easy task to fill up a one hundred feet by three feet long piece of paper, and I know I am not doing justice to it, given the time it has taken to come near to completion. However, it has been shared by many art students and the general public, and this is my intention in the beginning. My work is ongoing, and it will be completed when someone puts a price on it and it is no more mine. The theme is to capture the essence of what Georgetown was then and what is becoming of it today. It is also to share the closely knitted life of the people of the multi-racial and religious group that dwells in this city. Georgetown is where I was born in 1949, seventy-four years ago, and I have seen the many changes that have taken place in and around the City. On the thirty-first of August, Malaysians will celebrate the National Day, where the country was able to free itself from British colonial rule without firing a bullet in 1957. I was there along with thousands of the citizens of the City celebrating the declaration of Independence at the Padang Kota Lama field near where Fort Cornwallis is located.

I worked on the painting whenever and wherever I could over the years, and this was my work at the Museum gallery, Tuanku Fauziah, a few years back. It is hard on the lower back if you ask me, but it is still one of my meditative forms of practice.

The Convent Green Lane Girls School was asked to line up and hold up the painting on their school field on Independence Day a few years back.  The problem with the painting is how to install it in an exhibition.

I have the feeling that this painting will only be done when I am done for or when I take my step into the beyond, and what will happen to it will be up to my children. It is something I hope to leave behind for them as I have nothing much to leave as my legacy if not financial inheritance. If they can sell it, much power to them. As it is I have got my small gift in the form of the gentle accident that happened on the small canvas I had used as a pallet while working on it today.  

Alhamdullilah!

Thank You note to Spike, my Eldest Brother.

                                               The Marang River Mouth.

 Of persistence and and passionate love for an idea that culminates into a movie all in the span of a lifetime, this is the DC and Marvel comics greatness. In the 60s the name Stan Lee and Rip Kirby were only known to the few who could afford a comic book subscription every month and my eldest brother was one of those. Being a English Teacher at the high school that and my twin brother attended in our teen age years, my eldest brother thought that one of the best ways to get children to read is through comic books and for us and the rest of the family it worked. My twin and I graduated rom comics to novels and my brother Razali or better know as Spike among his friends and collogue or Cikgu Razali Abd. Mutalib, for the more normal kampung folks and  his students. Spike was the disciplinary teacher at Sultan Sulaiman Secondary School,  located in Kuala Terengganu adjacent to the Istana Tengku Badariah which sits along the Batu Buruk Road in front and the South China Sea behind as one heads towards town. Sekolah Sultan Sulaiman or better known as SS among the students nationwide. SS was The School along the East Coast in those days perhaps still is. We had among the best teachers in the country, teachers who had just returned from England after spending their training in London Brimsford Lodge or at  Kirby Teachers training College started their teaching career at SS. Among them was Names like the late Artist. Redza Piyadasa,Christoppher Lai, Mr. Andrew Heng , Mr. Anthony Thomas and Yeo Jin Leng... were among the faculty members at the school. This was my Brother, Spike's gift for me as part of the tools for me to face the future without forcing it on my or my brother, we took to reading like fish take to water. There was time while in High School I was also tutoring the grandchildren of the Sultan at the palace in English.

It is an incredible and amazing thing to be able to watch the and become a part of the evolution of the X-Men or the Spider Man from their inception in the first issue till today where at local theaters yet another Marvel comic character is being debut and it is another hit "The Blue Beetle." The Blue Beetle has evolved from Dan Garret, to Ted Kord and presently Jaime Reyes as the main character. The original comic was started in the 1940s and till today. The amazing part of the story is how an art so simple as comic making can today become a great entertainment if not one hell of a money maker? How many minds have been involved in the long processes over the years in order to have such an end product so captivating in the entertainment industry. This is what I believe to be the product of a Creative Collective Consciousness through time. Triggered by one or two creative geniuses the whole comic to movie industry has morphed into the most sophisticated form of Art in the history of Art. On the individual level the master piece was conceived by the man who first laid down the idea on paper to etch out an image from his own consciousness and imagination...a "Superman" was born. And through the mastery of  creativity and technique the one became two where words and stories are added turning out series of continuous issues to entertain the hungry minds. 

My gratitude to my eldest Brother, on this morning while i am typing out the post and the whole family owes you a weight of gratitude for your strength in holding the family together despite all odds on a teacher's salary.  I fully acknowledge all your sacrifices made on my behalf in the course of my teenage years into becoming an adult, Thanks for the comics and the suitcases full of heavy reading from Play Boy to the Odissi of Homer. from Alistair MacLaine to Robert Ludlam, you name it we read it, Chesapeake, Hawaii, Taipan; you fed my imagination when it was needed with the right wands and tools to face the life that I have faced thus far; Thank you. My brother, you have done very well by your family, I am proud in more than one ways of having such a gentle giant as my eldest. Thank you for allowing me to grow into who I am even when sometimes it was not an easy thing for you to do. I appreciate to this very moment in time which is 6am. Saturday morning the fact that I was in your care for a while in my life for which I will never forget; Thank you.

I realize you would never read this my brother, but it is my intention to remind myself that I owe a debt of gratitude to someone in the past. I might never be able to repay this debt in this lifetime but I hope that I and my family am eternally grateful for being there when you were needed. 

It is time to unveil the perception of ignorance.

                                                             "The Red Chair"

A storm is picking up outside my home and there will be some damages done it looks like that kind of a storm, hope not. Then again Cello Hauser is playing the Theme from -The Gladiators on the big screen and i am sitting here doing nothing. Body aches here and there from overuse or abuse and lack of use as in physical workouts and so fort as J. Krishnamurti would have said, 'and so forth..." Don't sweat the small matters and remember all matters are Matters. One has to cover all grounds of one's being at any time any given moment and every situation one is presented with, past present of future does nor exist except in time and time does not exist if there is no mind to perceive such concepts. this my mind justifying, clarifying making sense out of non-sense of this my so called life, thus far in space and time; just runed 74 this 12th. of August and found out last night that i am beginning to loose my hair. I have a ball spot spreading itself outwards to cover most of my skull making me loose my hair.

Where am I sitting in this Red Chair? With a Dan Brown novel on my lap and the minimal color scheme to go with, Earnest Hemmingway would have nodded his approval and Steinbeck would have done so too, out of mutual Love for the creative spirit of Humanity. We aspire towards something or someone or some goals and dreams. This inspiration to live well and die well comes from our inner self the self that is watching and learning and adapting and assimilating and making it who we are or as part of it ; we  are at the very least of effort is slightly aware of something is not right with the world and humanity's future is at stake to be consume by Greed and Hatred and not to mention Ignorance. These three illnesses that is suffered by man throughout hi existence. Knowledge is Power in this modern era, "money talks and bullshit walks,"; it will be take a major shift to steer the human collective consciousness into becoming singly focused upon Peace and the Healing of ourselves and the Planet. No matter your faith or belief, no matter your religio9n or preferences in philosophies and ideologies you live by,; money talks and bullshit still walks. 

Most of us are blinded by material wealth and comfort as opposed to the mor frugal life of compassion giving and sharing instead of keeping and hoarding. I can only eat one plate of rice at a time and no matter how much I I want to eat the best of meals everyday I will still end up killing myself from one excuse or another. All in all it is my stand that eat just enough and sleep well enough while doing what you love the most about life make it the last of your 'bucket wish' before you kick the bucket. Who am I ? What am I talking about? How far or how near am I to discovering my true being in one form o another or does it even matter. It is of utmost importance, the essence of man's existence itself, his consciousness, learn to understand how your mind works, like why do you think or how and what. Who is the 'Thinker?" Who thinks? Does the thought defines the thinker or the other way round? I am a addicted thinker like most friends I knew. Sometimes it is so stupid and embarrassing to watch the mind is capable of thinking in one day. The mind has a more vindictive nature then one that is kind and comforting. The mind likes to create stories of its own the more negative and destructive the story the more it feels successful having upset or perhaps create a balance between the positive and the negative in our mental expressions. Towards and understanding of the workings of the human mind is the very food man should be chewing on instead of trying to climb over one another's back to get to the top. Man is already at the very top of the food chain in the animal kingdom and there is no more storage rooms up there beyond the roof. We have become the cancerous cells that will slowly eat out of us from within. Only the most ignorant and blind cannot figure out the truth about the way we as a specie is headed and woes be unto our children and theirs. What can we do? 

The answer to what can be done about the situation and circumstances we are in today is in the question itself, what can we do, it is what have been doing is the problem that have led us here, to where we stand at the edge of space and waiting for the free fall to happen. Know Thyself! The mondo that holds the key to to the answer we are looking for in our own ways, is this in what have we been doing to ourselves, our planet our homes and families what have been doing to our fabric of society with uncertainties that most have hard time to contemplate, what is looking at the bigger and wider picture, the scenario is not very assuring for all of us, we are sick and refuse to admit it to ourselves and pick on the most ancient bullshit of all, that is WAR! Mass suicide and complete annihilation of the specie along with all other innocent species... and the Creator says "Ooops!" and man loves to tell his stories as how and when did it happened and why? I am beginning to see my Blogging is as a matter of fact has a sense of direction like it is taking me onwards telling myself stories while I am getting old. Eat well, sleep well and let all things go... is my moto. If you got a headache take a Panadol! Don't let your mind take you on a drift too far away from what is the real. Try to keep remaining on your board while surfing through some of the biggest wave of you life and survive to take another one, and the next.