Hasnul J.Saidon - Letting Go of the Ego.

 Had a good visit with my friend Hasnul Jamal Saidon, Director of the Museum Tuanku Fauziah, {MGTF}. he was working on a series pf white on black canvases using white prisma pencil. It looks like a family series from a few pieces that was done leaning against the wall. Hasnul  is going through chemo therapy for his cancer of the kidney which he discovered he had a few months ago. He seemed to be doing well entertaining Ben and Rob my two Australian brother who were also present. From his experience in dealing with the situation Hasnul is a changed person; this is a classic example of an ego death, of surrendering and letting go of negative habits and traits in one's personality. The realization of the impermanence of life, that it can happen at any time has turned a once proud and loud over confident man has now become a sublime and man of gentle in nature; a lost of his cockiness. I am not passing any judgment in any way here except making my own personal observation and how it affects me personally in observing my friend face his suffering. He knows it too and is open about his past errors and what it would take to turn this tragedy into a blessing. Cancer is cancer, the cost alone  of curing it is staggering to deal with. Its like the rug being pulled from under you while you are at the prime of you age and career, but from what he was doing I feel there is a whole lot more blessing in the form of creativity in his coping with his ailment; he is a Master at what he does. 

My relationship with Hasnul over the years has been one of ambivalence from the start. I felt like I was being in a manipulative relationship whereby I was allowed just so much leeway to what I can or cannot do and i was admitted into the relationship on the basis of my talent as an artist. I accepted this conditions so as to be able to use the make use of the space and facility to do my works and in return i would serve the Museum in whatever ways that I can. I accept being sidelined if and when necessary according to my friend's whims, like I am not an equal when it comes to comes to sitting at the same table with so called dignitaries or  sit in a conversation with a group of local names in the art world. I preferred to look beyond such trivia and swallowed my pride. Hasnul has always been a one who like to dominate in a  group conversation, he likes to play the center role, but that is his nature and often it irks others present without his being aware of it. For this reason I find him being shunned by his peers who often enough failed to see his greatness due to his often belligerent and rude manners when expressing himself even with his students. Hasnul in my opinion is like a pendulum that swings to opposite extremes instead of a gradual flow from one end to another. I do not to be any form of judgement upon his character in general but simply my own perception of  a man I have for more than a decade and hold great respect for despite his ways. It is my feeling that what befalls him today is a blessing in disguise if not a Karmic retribution of sorts that has now converted him into a mellow and contemplative man. Cancer is a nasty wake up call for anyone especially those who had live life with not a care about sensitivity or respect for others, thinking on is untouchable due to status or stature; it is the most humbling kick in the butt.

I pray that the All-Mighty will heal him fully and return him to his original self minus the arrogance and the macho façade, I hope he will continue to be creative and produce his master pieces even while facing the odds over his very life. His beautiful wife and three daughters will inherit his legacy with greater pride and fondness if he decides to leave this realm prematurely, it would be a tremendous waste of a great talent for this country. It was through Hasnul that i got to meet the African American Professor Najjar Musawir from Illinois who visited Malaysia a few years ago and stayed in Penang for a month or so. I was assigned to care for Najjar's comfort while staying here and was fortunate to enjoy his talents and experiences of which I have posted in this Blog. These are a few individuals whose life had touched mine as I had touched theirs for whatever good it has been for all concern.