Looking ahead, I feel much in tune with the man I had envisioned myself growing into in my elderly age. I feel the energy within me driving my physical body with a very subtle force at every task I undertake, every action I take,, and the balance of rest and motion that happens now more than usual. Sometimes it is daunting if not scary that I am seeing myself moving with so much ease and as though the Universe itself is keeping my routes open and my path enlightened. I am still sidetracked every now and then, drifting from one roadside attraction to another, I find that I am more and more aware of these moments in my mind and I can delete these negative thoughts and limiting assumptions or at least brush them aside, I feel more focused in my daily commitments, the routine I have created for me to perform on the daily basis, like cooking and cleaning, laundry and such; I have been a single father for the last 10 years and I am the father and the mother to my two children. I always believe that I teach best by my own performances and that means teaching by example. Now I feel very close to both Karim and Marissa, I am more confident to leave them for a while to fulfill my vision of having my own Art Studio and Gallery somewhere along the East Coast. In my entire career as an artist, I have never owned my own personal studio or gallery mostly because I move around too much. The same with owning a house, I doubt that I will or can afford one even if I want to, but, who knows, things are happening like small miracles, weird synchronicities, and I feel it is that time when I put my foot down and establish my own space. InshaAllah!
I know and am saddened by the fact that somewhere in the Gaza Strip children are facing death day in and day out and realistically I feel helpless and in despair. However, I will do what I can for the children in the kampong where I will raise my studio and gallery. I am more than qualified to do what I aspire to, and it is a most productive endeavor for one who will soon leave the scene; I would love to leave a legacy no matter small or insignificant that has a positive impact on one or two children. The studio will be where I will wrap up my journey as an artist. Whatever form that will take is yet to be revealed to me and I am in no hurry to get back into making artwork. It would be a bucket dream to be able to set up a Printmaking Shop. It will start with small attainable tasks like looking for the perfect site where it is located near the sea and the main road. Abandoned homes that might be rented and renovated with a little help from my friends and family. I know it will cause a lot of concern from my brothers and sisters, this I will have to resolve in time, to convince them that I will not burden them in any way. They each have their own pots to stir and I will avoid getting them involved unless they volunteer the help.
Hence the Fundraising Drive that I am setting in motion that I hope will manifest some cash flow for me to survive while running around looking for the location of my future Art Studio and Gallery. So I ask all those who read this post and are touched by the plea I am making to make a contribution towards this Fund drive, to help me accomplish my desire to bring this journey to a positive and productive end. In time I will have my daughter set up the process for this fundraising. My children will be making sure that I am well provided in the meantime as they have been doing for the past eight years. and in extreme cases, there are two more living abroad that would not let this old man get knocked around too much. It is my assumption that help will materialize from somewhere and the most unlikely sources. This I have come to accept as a fact. I am confident in what I am doing and never felt more so than I am now and I feel indeed like I have already succeeded, it is in my imagination to achieve this goal.
Pipe dream or not, I have smoked the pipe and I am hooked on moving forward into the next dimension, into a higher more increased dimension of my existence before it all comes to pieces. I have always been accused of being a dreamer by my teachers and elders as I was maturing at my age. I had great teachers as I was growing up and it is in their name and honor that I spend this moment making this claim to myself at 4:30am. while listening to my son snoring on the sofa behind me. He passed out after a long battle of hacking and killing the God of War video game. It helps to be reminded that another soul is breathing in the room, it means I am alive. So what?! So I am just here to troll, whatever that means, simply because I have insomnia and make believe that I am programmed to wake up at around three in the morning and make my entries into this lengthy Blog; it has become an obsession, a habit, a routine and I spend my early mornings telling stories, personal stories, friendships and soul mates, gurus and teachers and all the rest of them. Mind and memories, the past that clings to this future to this moment, without memories our minds would go insane or so we think. We assume we know. We hide behind the truth even when it is being yelled out so loud in our heads, still, we hide our heads buried in the sand. How can I be responsible for the atrocities being committed in Gaza and the rest of the war-torn countries! I would like to create a facility where I can provide a comfortable space for giving the Children from these countries a retreat. A Rehabilitation School for Displaced Children.
The Last Resort will be like a foster home for refugees or displaced children, where they will be cared for by professionals who have time and compassion to offer in the service of humanity instead of asking, "Oh, but what can I do?" I would call my establishment the 'Last Resort'. This is the name Ben and I came out with after taking a walk on the wild side one day. Letting our imagination run free we came upon the idea of me moving to the East Coast and setting up my Art Studio there where he can make regular visits with our friends and my children too with their friends now that she has her own Diving license. My daughter is all out with the idea of my moving to the East Coast and she is setting up the fundraiser for my cause. Karim my son is a whole different story, one cannot predict his mind but I am sure that he will always be there for me in his own way. The Naz, "I will see what I can do!" will be his response and Timo is aiming at going to Japan with a broken neck, literally. So I know I got the support of my children one way or another.
I have nephews and nieces all over this country. I know I can count on their support and promotion of my intentions in the best way they can, as my journey dreams, and aspirations are not solely mine. If there is an answer to what I can do for the Displaced children of war-torn countries, albeit Palestine, Syria, Sudan, or the rest of them, I would open a Sanctuary for them like a school for the healing process of traumatized children. It is a tall order for the stubborn man with an imagination and a desire to fulfill. Can I make it happen? Of course, it has already, the words are written on the walls and soon the right ears and hearts will listen and act accordingly out of compassion. In answer to the question, of how can I make a difference in helping to ease the burden of pain and suffering of displaced children around the world, I hereby lay my ultimate intention; will you help me make it happen. Now that you have heard the details of the story will you walk with me I'm counting every soul that reads this and asks the same question to nudge me in the right direction to make things happen.
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