What is is the result of what was and what has been; Experience Life.

 If I were to start a fundraiser, I would need to set up a proper procedure and justify my actions. As it involves money, and I believe loads of it would be pouring in from all over the world, I will need all the help I can get to set up a proper management committee to run the fiscal side of my venture. Namely, me! My daughter, perhaps,, Ben Ronjen, and maybe Joan Cheong Ronjen. When I look at it as an idea, I feel like it is much too large an idea for me to undertake at my age, that is not a good assumption to make and in the past, it has been my self-defeatist attitude like this that stops me short of claiming my place in fulfilling my dreams. I am in no hurry to get there as within me I am already there, my wishes and desires are being fully rewarded sometimes in no small ways. I have great faith in the fact that I am one of the chosen ones to carry out the Will of My Lord. I am the manifestation of His Compassion and Mercy and His Loving Grace, I am That I am. I am here after a long and tedious journey of this life for the past 75 years and now am claiming my final desire to be made a reality. I am looking for my fellow travelers, seekers, healers, and Bodhisattvas to come to my aid in making this dream a reality in the shortest of time and the most miraculous fashion; I am asking you to make it happen! The House of Hope, perhaps this is a good name for the facility. Reminds me of Hope Cottage on top of the hill at Green Gulch Farm built by the owner and Rancher Mr. Wheelwright for his wife. When you sit at Hope Cottage you will be facing the whole Grreen Gulch Valley leading to the Pacific Ocean ending at Muir Beach. I spent almost two years of my life as a Zen-practicing student at the Green Dragon Zen Community.

 

          This young lady from Nova Scotia, Canada raised nine boys and adopted me to be number ten.                She asked me to name my daughter after her name Estelle, Marissa Estelle Bahari.

A friend who was like a brother to me at the Zen Temple once warned me to keep a good reputation, or it would come back to bite me. I failed to take his advice and at the end of the day I was ceremoniously kicked out of the Zen Community for being a 'Disrupter'. Yes, my past if I were to dwell on it is full of stories,  some good some too bitter to swallow. I have dwelled upon my past very thoroughly ever since I started keeping my journals and posting this Blog. I stopped beating myself over the head for all the errors I had committed it does no good except keep me in a loop of negative emotions. Today I reemphasize my standing, my Dharma position as who I perceive myself to be bereft of all the past baggage and free from any mental clingings, I declare myself fully surrendered to the will of my Maker, my Lord, Allah s.w.t. There is not a breath I take that is not of His manifestation of the life in me. I am His humble servant bidding His desire. I am His witness. I have walked the spiritual path for most of my life as I was exposed to all manner of religious contempt and persecution due to my religious upbringing. I was born Muslim as both my parents were converted to Islam and then I was immediately given up for adoption by my uncle who raised me as a Buddhist for the first twelve years of my life. Read it in more detail somewhere in my Blog. It has been one of my favorite narratives whenever I justify myself.

           My close friend and Zen Instructor Ed Brown, like me, was also removed from the San Francisco             Zen Community. I wonder if he is still singing, 'Rudy toot toot to the Moon.'

Indeed I write repetitiously to keep reminding myself to stay the moment and accept being who I am it is my therapeutic way of assuming my ultimate Dharma Position while on this plane of existence and I am enjoying it very much; it is almost like talking to God and listening to Him. Knowing He is present at every breath I take and every move I make, La haula wala kuata illa billa aliul azim. I surrender my heart and soul unto His command as I take my next step towards my final destiny. I am but a manifestation of my higher self in His Image; for I was created in His Image. With this sense of elatedness in me I intend to fulfill a dream I have been fostering to manifest it into a reality before I move on to the other shore and leave all these behind me. This will be my answer to the Calls of Gaza and all the other conflict-ridden nations. My first intention is to set up my own Studio, a simple Malay-type house close to the Beach that will be renovated into an exquisite studio gallery where I can create and teach art and entertain friends. From then on the intention/plan is to expand the whole idea into an institution like an art school but not quite, more like a home for "Displaced Children" from local as well as foreign kids. Old man Lao Tzu said, "The journey of a thousand Li (miles) begins with the first step," Will you walk with me?

We had many good friends while living in San Francisco, I wonder what becomes of David and Diane.