Me and my Shadow - Update Version

 I am not apologizing if i start to sound radical or political in my perspective of looking at my life, it is in the sharing of my thoughts and feelings about my life that i am beginning to understand if not accept my humble place in the scheme of things happening around me affecting my fellow friends and relatives and i feel responsible to sound it out. I am going to start shouting it out from the top of the Mountain, "To let my people Go!"  I am operating at a higher frequency from a different if not elevated Dharma Position! I am dancing to a different rhythm and my heartbeat has shifted to a more slower rate to ride this wild horse of a spiritual awakening, if i can for the sake of sharing; I am shifting my gears and spinning my wheels at a different rate not known yet the significance or where it will lead me; not paying attention but conscious. aware and filing it all away as mental formations of the past, present and future steps to b taken; I have walked my path and it has been a pathless path; thank you Alan Watts, my Guru, my Mentor, my Friend. The day I stumbled upon your book, "The Way of Zen, " I was hooked! I picked it off the shelf while I was shelving back books at the UWGB Library where I was doing my work study job at the University in Green Bay., Wisc. It found me off course! It was there sometime in 1978 -80, cannot remember but after having read and absorbed the crazy/wisdom hidden within I found myself 'on the road to find out!' Your thoughts and intuitive wisdom set me a trajectory where i started my journey. homeward bound, " Home! where my thoughts are escaping, where my music playing... where my Love lies silently for you."

Danny Haiphong and George Galloway have declared that WW3 is imminent and that the rest of the world should be prepared for the worse, at the very least become aware and send a prayer for PEACE AND hARMONY! If we don't do it for ourselves do it for our children, look at what can happen to them as is happening in the Gaza Strip! Yes i have seen enough images and horrifying scenes that I am comfortably numb with sorrow deep in my heart, but' I will have to keep on movin' oh yeah cause life keep on changin' Oh Yeah!' But I will not pretend that I am detached from making any comments over these issue that are killing us humans! Where is our humanity? How can we live valuing life at the cost of a bullet in the rifle of a sniper and in the hands of an expert trained to kill with no mercy even at children as they run about in wild fear of what is going on around them, imagine the head of this young child being taken off by one squeeze of a finger. Halleluiah! Kawabanga! YiipeeKa yeaaa! Mother fucker! and somewhere else a child is born. Where is the meaning in all these? I keep hammering my head over this and I only can come up with a nagging headache and a chest pain. So I keep on writing  as the witness, the one who records what is happening within and without.

Making my Blog entry while listening to a  Good Vibes Binaural Beats on YouTube it not a good way to make a living for sure but its all I have for the time being, i cannot and should not complain. I think God despise all those who like to moan and groan, complain, complain, complain! I would too! and i am guilty of it just the same. I cannot predict that there would be no more complains in the future but i know that i will keep on trying to be satisfied  with what I already have; I will not know what to do if i am blessed with too much! Thank You Lord! Alhamdullilah Ya Rab! I am your humble servant, I am one of your witnesses of myself and the rest of the Whole, I choose to make it the essence of my way, the Art of Living. To live a balanced life and one that reaches out far beyond it reach and taking on the suffering of the Universe as the my Practice, my Sadhana! My karma Yoga, my Amal Jariah, good services in His Name! This is Karma Yoga, I think, don't quote me I can be wrong; I am no mystique nor a yogi, I am who I am, who I am destined to be and who walks the path of Self- Salvation or keeping my own Ass covered from harm. No one on this planet will be willing to cover your Ass like you would so learn to how and know why.

When you cling on to a dream for too long it will eventually turn into a nightmare, sooner or later you will be climbing the walls to free yourself from the clutches of mental formations. Being who you are you will keep on entertaining each and every nightmare until it turns into a dream once more. Seeing with Right Understanding eyes, I am becoming more conscious of what is Real and what is Not Real, simple as it may seems it is not an easy job to follow. The shadow or my ego is no ordinary entity that can be swept under the rug, For so long as I seek the Light, my shadow will be attached to me, I have to stop seeking and accept the light, become enlightened. Open my heart and open my mind towards what is laid before me and become aware that the All that is before me is the All that is within me! I keep regurgitating the food I ate since my childhood days especially after eating meat, my sisters would cringe when they catch me still  chewing my meals an hour later. They can tell that I was enjoying it tasting my beef for the send or third time after it had been mixed with the rest of the meal; it's a gift! disgusting to most but a gift none the less.no better than a cow laying in the grass and chewing the regurgitation of grass curd from it belly, they have this contented look about them! Camels too! and people like me.

So I have confessed yet another idiosyncrasy i have in case you are looking for a flaw in my character as a man. But I have much more positive and productive nature in me too. Just to keep the balance so that I am not easily swayed this way or another even if in essence there is really no comparison to be made as both positive and negative are the flip side of the coin, no light no darkness, a simplest equation that holds the fabric of my existence and I have no interest in trying to comprehend its essence; how can we claim to be omnipotent! Free from the clutch of maya, from the trap of delusion and illusion, how, what does it take? How does one remove the stains of Ignorance from the soul? What does it take to heal a splintered soul? I can only step back and stop asking and start fulfilling, acting, making it happen, manifest my intentions, making it happen! Like I am doing now. What else is there to do other than entertain myself with telling my stories making it more interesting every time I tell even if is the same old story. It is the healing property of keeping and ongoing journal of oneself; a gift of the healing process of the soul from being lost and confused to that of an awareness and awakening. 

Kun FayaKun!  He says, Be!  and It Is. this is the Omnipotent Power of Allah sw.t. It is written in the Surah Yasin at the end somewhere. It says it all about the All Mighty Lord of Power, take it or leave it! Omniscience, endowed with absolute knowledge of all there was, is and will ever be and Omnipresent, the ability to be everywhere and anywhere at all times and being here in the present moment, all at the same time; He is the very air we breath in and the very shoes we walk in, He is simply wishes to see and be seen by His own Creations. I am but a servant a witness of this event happening before me minute by minute and day by bay and breath for breath. My Lord walks by my side and I walk with Him, His hand in mine headed for the fisherman's market. I am the happiest Soul in the Universe; me and my Shadow!

                                                                  Me and my Shadow!
  

 

 

    

 

Oh What a Day! ...and its only the beginning they said.

 "The Absolute Game Changer Top Astrologer reveals 1- in- 26,000 Year Cosmic Awakening!

Amrit Sandhu 

Had a great day today hanging out with Ben and Eric at Eric's Apartment on the 18 floor of the 'Penang Twin Towers' overlooking the Penang Bridge and the whole Panoramic view of the Channel or Seberang Prai, Butterworth skyline and the calm sea and clear blue and white cloud skies. This is my Georgetown, Penang, my home, tanah tumpah darah ku! The Island where my Grandparents were forced to ... One does tend get emotional and have suppressed anger of what has become of my Small Island and a little bit off the Mainland called Butterworth or Province Wellesley, This! My Home! It is sad but what to do? Too old to be bothered really can only talk, too little too late, look at what they have done to my land Ma! Look at me I said to them, with earphones stuck to my ears listening to continuous binaural sound vibrations that is supposed to help upgrade my neural preceptors like my seven chakras systematic awakening due to these electromagnetic sound waves coursing through you mind re arranging all your cells according to the directions as the motion of the waves flowing from one direction to another :- Synchronicity. What else is there worth doing in this remaining years of my life? What legacy would i leave behind that is worth for the younger generation who will inherit this small piece of what old farts of my generation is leaving behind; must we keep on building higher till there is no more room up there! 

                                          "But tell me, How Do the Children Play! - Cat Stevens

Some calls it the "Penang Twin Towers" and located at the entrance to the Island from the Mainland via the Penang Bridge -1. From the 18th. Floor window i was mesmerized by what I saw of the changes being imposed upon this small piece of an island.  Land Reclamation projects from left to right in the foreground. It is sad but who am I to say what i truly feel of the developers and political movers and shakers who makes it their will to shit and shape this island as the see fit and everyone involves make a healthy hefty penny out of it. Who truly owns these apartments? You do not want to venture to find out cause it will open cans of worms from top to bottom they will run for the hills. Old farts like me do i have the energy anymore to shake the hornets nests or put my mouth where my foot should be. 

                                       You want to live up there?! My God! Why?! I would!

Yeah why not! I would love to live up one of those apartment where no one can touch you but the birds and even then why would they? There up there in the sky i can sit and meditate all day long, looking at my mind until I start looking at it as a monkey; they call it the Monkey Mind! Are you with me or have you left the train at the last station? No matter, whatever! This is one hell of a place to hang out in but not to live in. Thanks Eric Taylor, You! my Main man! For the experience that i will never forget.

                                                   Its called, "The Art of Living " And if you ask me the Name of the Game ,Boy! We call ride the Gravy Train..." Yes Illusion is as Illusions comes but in the mean time I make my own life just the way i deserve to. The Australian and the New Zealander. The Seeker of Shipwrecks and broken plates buried in the sand of time and water and turn them into pendants and rings soon to become master craftsman in jewelry like my late father was. And then there's the New Zealander Professional Photographer from  New Zealand and me...who am I?

And we call the place, "The Last Resort!" A Retreat for the Tired of Living and the Young Boys. It will be our port on the east Coast as close to Kapas Island as possible! People interested can join in financial support to help run the place, get it to be decent enough to check in for the night for those from the West Coast just like what was done at Awie's Yellow House on the banks of Pulau Duyong in the the Terengganu River. Now that Awie is gone the Atap huts built on stilts for chalets a place where seasoned travelers from all over the world used to stop by for a week or two, when Awie was around. But I think the place has to be called the Last Resort. We can start small, like real small rent an kampung house by the sea not too far from Marang and Kapas! They do make good chicken chop here! What;s the name of the place again?

Shoulder of Lamb! in the foreground! Mine! Thanks Guys and Happy New Year to you too! Eugene! Now I have found the next place for my lamb chops other that The Tulang Corner in Tanjung To Kong, The Glass House at Hin Bus and Now this elegant quiet corner at USM next to the Museum and Gallery Tuanku Fauziah is where we will hang out every chance we get! We will make it a part of our - Art of Living. What the hell is the name of this place!? 

And Look who I ran into at the Museum! My Hero Mr. Lee!

A Gathering of Creative Spirit to set up a new beginning. I hope they Can Make It Happen. A sign of a Positive Beginning for the the Museum in setting it future course of action. Unless they were discussing about how keep it as creatively alive as its former Director had set out to accomplish. This is and will always be one of the Center for the Arts and Culture in the State.

" and the Show must go onnn...!"  
 

I Am ready for 2025 - Its my Hijrah to the East Coast.

If the external image is a reflection of what the inner state of consciousness is like, then I feel that on this first day of 2025 I am doing not too bad. The sea was mirrorlike and there were the songs of birds in the air and I felt at home with my long time friends here.
 

This is where i have been coming to whenever i needed to chill and today on the first of January 2025 I was not disappointed as the sea was like a mirror reflecting the skies. If this be any indication of what may lay ahead for me in the upcoming year, then I look forward to it and if not I still look forward to it. I feel deep inside that whatever lay in store for me the coming months will be an exciting and challenging one as I intend to make it so. At my age i got very little to loose and whatever it may be it does not really matter anymore for i feel I have done my share of living.

This location is about a mile away from where i was born sometime in 1949 and back then there was none of these houses as these were built as extension from reclaimed land. The low hill in the back ground you see is actually a landfill that extended into the sea. This is the Malay Fisherman's Jetty which is located off the Lim Chong Eu or Jelutong Highway. The whole area will soon disappear to make way for whatever the developers have in mind. The pylons sticking out of the water you see were once stilts that held up small huts for the fishermen to store their gears.  

As I have quite often posted in the Blog in the past of this same sight, this will always remain in my memory of the time I spent here hanging out with my Malay friends, fishermen and fisher of men alike. I feel very fortunate to have been accepted as a member of the community for the past twelve to fifteen years give or take. This place keeps reminding me of the impermanence of life and as a matter of fact a few of my friends here have left life for good.

Of late i have not been frequenting this space as often as I  used to and I feel the gradual detachment happening for sometime now realizing that i am in the process of saying farewell to this power house of a space that have been one of my spiritual retreat while facing the course of my daily existence living in this City of Georgetown, Penang. This Malay Fishermen's Jetty as i call it has been like what Green Gulch Farm was while i was living in the San Francisco Bay Area. or living in Sandpoint, Alaska in the Aleutian Chain off Anchorage, Ak. or while living in the hundred year old farmhouse on Humboldt Road, Green Bay, Wisconsin. Wherever i had lived i found myself frequenting one particular spot and doing my practice of meditation and contemplation, although in the past I did not realize what i was doing other than just getting away from the mainstream humdrum of life. As i have often mentioned, the Devil is in the details and I can relate the details of my experiences in these places and how they have helped to awaken my mind towards self discovery.

Now I am in the process of making yet another transition from living here in Georgetown to the East  Coast and am saying goodbye in the form of detachment from my friends, relatives and activities here which have taken place over ten years since my children and I settled down here after the departure of my late wife to the US. It is time to make the Hijrah as the Muslim would call it from one location to another in order to upgrade one's situation albeit physical or spiritual. This move is happening one way or another and I see nothing that will stand in my way as I feel deeply that it is time and needs to happen no matter what it takes. So, 2025 begins with this resolution and with my Lord's Will and Blessings I am already making preparations for this event in my life.  

In the stillness of the ocean I found the truth that I do not belong in one place but everywhere.

 

Rest in Peace - Happy New Year.

 "I am open to receiving my miracles in the next 48 hours. I trust the Universe to Guide me and I embrace all the synchronicities nudges and doors that will lead me there." -Infinite Wisdom/You Tube.

I am seriously taking this step towards my next phase of the journey my life has taken for better or for worse and on this new Year's Eve I declare my profess to embark upon a new course of my journey which is aimed at living on the East Coast state of Terengganu where I will take my spiritual level to a higher frequency and stamp my faith in Islam by making it my final study to wrap up my presence on this planet. It is my intention to die a full fledged Muslim cleansed of all my sins and transgressions and InshaAllah I hope to find a place and a Teacher that will guide me on this course. In the process of accomplishing this intent I will also find a place where i can teach Albeit Art or the English language or both together to children and adult. I intend to also if possible open my own studio whereby I can entertain fellow artists and any one else who seek my company to chat about life over a teh tarik or coffee. It is a good time to take myself to the road again so I can have something to write about as a conclusion to this Blog.

It is not like i woke up yesterday and decided to take on this course of action, no as the Blog is  has been implying, I have made the decision for a long time now but am waiting for the right time when all is laid in the right direction and no catch or snag where the children are concern. I have done my best to keep both my son and daughter in good form where their life and careers are concern for the past eight years. I still remember looking into my late wife's sad eyes at the KLIA departure lounge and making her the promise that I will take care of the two of our children and that was the last time I saw my wife as all three of them left for Illinois in the United States where she went home to be healed from her Alzheimer's or Rapid Dementia and where she passed away in 2009. My two children who were then 12 and 13 years old had accompanied their mother all the way to the US as I was not able to follow because of the 911 incident which stopped all travels to the US by foreigners. It was one of the most difficult days of my life and all I could do was surrender to the will of my Lord to help me not come apart from fear and despair. Thank you Lord for now both my children have grown up into very intelligent and productive individuals that I am proud of. I have no worries of leaving them to fulfill my intention and as a matter of fact i have their support to do so.  

  I have Fulfilled my promise to you to raise our children in your absence. I now say farewell my Love.

                                      On looking at them now I must say I did not do too bad.

This Blog written over the years is dedicated to my late Wife Nancy Buss Bahari who passed away in a Hospice in Illinois after suffering from Alzheimer's at the age of 49. Nancy Buss Bahari or her Muslim name Nursyamila Bt. Abdullah was a very warm hearted and kind person who rarely showed anger towards others no matter the circumstances. She was an adopted child and had spent much of her time that I knew of seeking for her real mother but failed to do so. She graduated from the University of Illinoi at Carbondale with a Master's Degree in Linguistics. She lived in Japan for a total of more than ten years where she taught English as well as Japanese later in Malaysia. She was loved by all of her students who mostly were foreign students who studied ESL under her. 

I used to have to care for 24 cats cause she loved them.

I met my wife, Nancy at 191, Haight Street in San Francisco. She was living with eight other people in a large Georgian Building and my close friend David Carlson was one of them. I remember at the time workingas  Produce Buyer for Del Tomasso and i was living in the Mission District where the Unemployment Office was located in what was formerly a Sears Roebuck Department Store. It was in this Building that I experienced the Loma Prierta Earthquake of 1989. 

We were married at Green Gulch Zen Community in Marin County, California with a Buddhist ceremony officiated by the then Abbot of the Zen Center Blanch Hartman. My wife delivered our son Karim ten days after our wedding!

 

Nancy, Alma and Randy Buss

                                                  She was well Loved wherever she was.

Having a heart to heart pow wow with the Navajo Chief. Tim Mosquida.

                                              She was a beautiful Lady who had a hard life.

                      Rest in Peace and May Allah Bless and keep You among the Faithful

                            Our Wedding Day at Green Gulch Farm, Sausalito, California.

                                                    HAPPY NEW YEAR -2025