Rambling for the sake of rambling.

 When you wake up in the morning what do you feel? What goes through your mid, asking myself, and I always noticed that I would sit almost bent over observing the aches and pains all over me and usually followed by a stream of thoughts mostly depressing and negative, the things I need to do, that choices I have to make, then followed by the anger and the denial, the refusal and the rebellion, then comes the regret, the remorse and the realization that it is not the good way to wake up; Astarghfirullah...forgive me my Lor and this silent Zikr slowly lead to the short verses and the rest of the morning came and went...oh what a feeling, to be humbled and to be free from caring too much and getting lost in the caring like drifting in a limbo. Setting myself a morning routine now i realize was a wise decision. I normally would sit for a while clearing my head of the night's episodes in my dreams and aligning myself with the energy circulating within my body, and setting my bone structures in line with flow of the energy and I accomplish this through Pranayama or gentle breathing techniques and I call it gentle because that is my personal style; I try not to force my breath, I let my breathing happen with the least intervention from me as possible. After having sat for a few minutes and gathered my body together I get off and follow my cat which has been sitting patiently for me to get off my Ass and feed her. Which I would keep ignoring until I have done the rest of my chores and by then she would have given up harassing me, by then she would be good and angry and hungry and she would eat what I feed her and when.

                                   You are my Girl! Yes, You Are! You are the pain in the Butt!

Having a routine and a pet helps a bit more in keeping one attention from flying all over for no good reason other then triggers and stimuli that pops in and out of your mind to keep you glued to the bed. The question remains, what is my intention, my goal, my destination? How do I get home? How do I find the ultimate Peace and Joy that is more permanent and Divinely inspired. As I grow older I find myself looking more deeply within for answers to questions that I have asked since the beginning of my so called Spiritual Quest, my Journey, my Path; my passage home. I have been blessed/cursed, depending upon how and who is looking at it, from what angle and perspective, which phase and what levels, that I am aware of what I have been through thus far in my life. For he past 75 years I have lived my life in anger, in pain and sorrow, in doubts and transgressions, on the other hand I have also taken up the Practices that Wisdom has to offer, Love has to offer, and being Who I am truly has to offer in the effort to create a balance between Light and Darkness in my Original Nature/ Consciousness. I took the practice of Unconditional Love, I may not attain perfection but am making every effort to achieve this Highest Virtue towards attaining to Enlightenment. 

                                                                           Feed me!

So I ask myself, why am I so hung up on being enlightened? What is this concept, to be enlightened? It is primarily a Buddhist concept originally inspired by Hindu concepts of Moksha, Samadhi and so forth, simply meaning to be liberated and free from suffering, in this life and in the hereafter. Many people ask, they don't ask me personally but they ask the Gurus and Rishis on You Tube and various other podcasts, what happens when one attains Enlightenment Moksha, Samadhi or Nirvana. Does that put me a whole different state of consciousness a kind of higher state. In answer to this question I am always reminded of the Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment, fetch wood carry water. After enlightenment fetch wood carry water." or Nothing Special. I believe Awakening is a natural happening to almost everyone with a brain or mind, it is part and parcel of being alive and not just alive but consciously and fully aware of being alive. It is being present completely in the Here and Now and supplicating your soul to the Divine in you, to that which makes the call and decisions on your behalf from what is being predestined by the covenant you have made with your Maker before you were conceived by your parents.

                              At least a third of this bag or rice I feed the pigeons every morning. 

I used to one of those who called all these spiritual nuances, humbug! A load of mind control and source of mental bondage and conditioning; I was at one time a true non-believer, I pointed my middle finger at God when I was angry and would cry out that I did not ask to be here or being born. I was young then and a very angry young man out to screw the world looking for faults and damaging myself and others in the process. " I was lost, and now I am found." as the scripture reads. It is an Amazing Grace indeed! I am not saying that I am out of the boiling oil, all I am saying is that I now understand better why or what I am here for and that all the good and bad that i had experienced over the years were just 'Grist for the Mill!" All the waste product and garbage i had manifested were just compost for the soil that is used to grow who I have become in the past few years of my life. I am slowly but surely awakening to my true nature towards a thorough understanding of who I am and what role is in this existence. 

                                           There those who are closer to Allah than me I realize.