I am drifting with no sense of direction in mind or at least this is how I have been feeling of late and thus my Blogging has been put on hold, shelved for lack of genuine and insightful things to share. I have been reading a book by a Malaysian writer entitled, The Spiritual Mind, A mental Miracle. I found the book on the shelve of a collection of books donated by the Museum Galleri T7uanku Fauziah ,{MGTF} donated by its present director, Prof. Hasnul J. Saidon. The end of this year will be the end of his tenure as the director of the Museum and it would be sad to see him leave as he has been a very energetic and creative source of ideas when it comes to running the facility. The book written by Sallina Ismail is very thought provoking especially for me as it seems to almost tie up my own personal 'spiritual search' into a complete whole. I am half way through reading the book and find it very informative as it is based on the teachings of Islam with lots of quotes from the Quran and the Hadith of the Prophet [SAW} which is very refreshing as I rarely find a good straight forward written works based on Islamic principles. These is nothing written about the author form the book and so it is to me a good sign as I am reading the works of an anonymous thinker who i will perhaps discover the identity later on down the road after i have savored the message from the writing. I find it more satisfying not to know whose thoughts I am learning from so i do not allow my mind to formulate any judgment ab9out the writer. I am sure the writer in this case must be a well versed and highly intelligent person to be able to produce such thought provoking works on spirituality.
What is more significant here is the fact that the book came into my hand at the right time in my life when I find myself still drifting like a headless chicken over matters of my soul and my relationship to me Maker also what I might face when the time comes for me to say, Adios! Bye bye, Selamat Tinggal, in the not too distant future. I have read thousands of books in this one lifetime as I enjoy reading and I have read the Holy scripture of many faith and religions, many spiritual Gurus and modern day spiritual savants and self proclaimed mystiques. I am saturated with too much knowledge when it comes to sex and debauchery through reading and read the whole collection of Jungian works on human mind, am I wise? I do not feel so as wisdom eludes me when I encounter realties in life that i had never had the opportunity to encounter before or when I am simply accosted by the simples of questions like , Who are You? Yes as much as I which to say to myself that I have attained a certain level of awakening, I find myself still drifting in a void of ignorance; hence a book that is able to make me think a little more is a welcome change for now. As a former Zen student and i say former for the first time simply because I do not think I deserve to claim myself as one anymore, I must say the this book is like the stick the slaps me into wakefulness from my drifting slumber. I might even say that it is a Devine gift so I have something to work with to further my understanding of who or what I am and what my purpose is in this so called human experience. Tik tok!, Tik tok! Time waits for no man.
Yes, part and parcel of drifting in the void of emptiness with no aim or destination in sight is loosing sight of what was laid out from the beginning and one has to keep reminding oneself to not become sucked into stupor or worse doubts and despair, of giving up before it is time. I have been meditating a great deal over my state of consciousness and well being, figuring out what is missing and where i took a wrong turn in this last phase of my journey. I can feel the frustration and boredom creeping in often making me feel that time is wasted or that *I am getting nowhere or worse I am regressing into the mediocrity and mundane. As I kept looking for the cause and cure to this state of affairs I am in I realized that i have slipped from my original intention one of which is to fulfill my obligation towards my Bodhisattva vows; All my ancient twisted karmas, born through, Body Speech and Mind, of Greed, Hate and Ignorance, I now fully avow! How often in the past i kept forgetting this vow I have made to myself during every full moon ceremony along with my practicing companions at the Green Dragon Zen Temple at Green Gulch Farm in California and find myself drifting rudderless in this realm of Maya. Like a feather in the wind I find myself blown here and there having no hope or intention and declaring to myself that my life is meaningless. I feel defeated when I am in this state and keep looking for someone or something to blame or try hard to find an antidote to heal my malaise and I found this book on the shelf in the Museum at USM. A book that belongs to Hasnul J.Saidon, the Director of the Museum, my brother a fellow seeker or so I believed; no sense in thinking about it anymore, someone whose time has come for me to let go of. Herein, the devil is in the details of which I will not delve into any further.
Servitude! I keep forgetting this word, my mantra which I have equated with my existence in this realm especially as a Muslim, a servant of Allah. Love and Compassion towards oneself but Servitude towards others, when Love and Compassion is inherent within, servitude becomes the action that one worship the Lord through. How do I serve my Lord? I serve His Creation, I assume the role as the Vicegerent or warden of His Creation; I serve as a Bodhisattva in keeping my vows towards serving humanity and all sentient beings. How dare i declare myself being bored in this life? If I am any younger I would have volunteered to serve in Palestine as an aid worker and welcome an Israeli bullet in the process. However being past my prime I can only howl like a wolf from afar my anguish and pain in witnessing the atrocities being committed towards the people of Palestine, Sudan, Yemen, Syria and the rest of the Muslim world. I have no excuse for being inactive in my cause towards serving humanity and ashamed at becoming a witness to the blatant disregard for human lives and dignity not to mention the degradation of the Planet as a whole; not on my watch!
"Mother Earth is my Employer! She pays me with clean Air, clean Water, clean Food clean Land and from that you have a clean Spirit!..'we live in a time where our spirit can be eaten, learn to protect the spirit...they will have machines for ancestors and so we are in that world now. AI has taken away that which is and put us into that could be, technology has no wisdom, its a language of the mental logic." - Tiokasin Ghosthorse {Native American} - 'Something Beautiful for the World.' 'Reflections of Life' -You Tube
Today I listened to the Prim Minister of Malaysia spoke before the Arab - Islamic Summit in Riyadh and it was uplifting to my spirit as a Malaysian. He may be hitting at the Hornets' nest in making these statements for humanity as a whole and will receive repercussions from within and without, but it was an expression that relfects the anguish of humanity that needed to be told! KUDOS!!
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