Come what come, happen what happen...Me and my Shadow.

                                    It's a Bloody strange world we're living in master Jack!

All that is needed is for the sound system not to function on the PC and i am thrown into a loop, my anger starts to raise its head and I am sitting here wondering if this cycle would ever end, this mini grievances would not pull me down. I am even trying to write about it like it helps. Perhaps it is what is needed at the moment or i can go lie down and listen to Quran recited on my Tablet. But it should not be that on account of my son telling me he is too busy to fix the sound I am thrown out of my track, no not going to happen, I am through with falling victim to my ego not being able to handle minor irritations without getting all bunched up inside. No Sir, I am going to keep on writing as thought this is the last moment of my discredit existence. Hoe weak can one be after seventy odd years still not able to say fuck it! Don't need it! I am sick and tired of listening to the Rape on Gaza and how terribly insane and corrupted the American Government has become, and why the war in Ukraine must come to and end and how many are facing death in the Sudan and Yemen comes winter. So I cannot listen, what am I missing? Sometimes I listen so much to what is being fed into the Media on the Internet, I am beginning to miss listening to me thinking to myself. At the same time I put so much faith into what is sold out there that I have no faith in myself. I am lost and drifting every moment I am faced with a challenge, sometimes so simple and irrelevant, and it triggers in me the negative energy that sends all sense of creativity and fun and excitement into the closet and it is war! I know it makes little sense but how else does one makes sense out of every non-sense, make what is unreal into the real? Only by expression can one expose these minor irritations, the petty tyrants that think they have you under their thump, or so it seems as nothing, at the end of the day is real, nothing that is transience is real, and we are existing in a holographic manifestations of our own collective minds and this has been confirmed by the ancient religions and modern science and i personally do not need any confirmation other than I already have tasted and experienced and still in the process perhaps till the day I die.

There is no way that i can totally become free from my incessant thinking, the monkey mind will not allow it and there is  a battle raging out there that is causing so much stir in the Universe and among the Chelatases within; mu mind refuses to make believe that all is good with the world and with myself. No, for so log as i am breathing in and out I am bound to be seeking ways and means to bring my mind to a silence, to be detached from the influences of what is out there to what is within and one of the ways I have set myself in practice is writing it all down as it happens; thanks to Blogger and the Internet i am able to keep this on for as long I have the computer to play with. The many hour I have spent on writing this Blog entries is how long I have been able to detach myself from making too many mistakes and making poor choices or crying over spilled milk and feeling a victim of all circumstances. My self affirmation practice includes; I Am Whole. Perfect and Complete, Strong and Powerful, Loving and Compassionate, Harmonious and happy! and I can Do What i Will to Do. Kun Faya Kun! InshaAllah. How I wish that I can attain to that level of becoming who I truly am; like Al Insan Kamil or the Perfect Man.

                                                     Nothing like a plateful of Lambchops!

One can only dream of becoming free from all these so called mental formations in the physical realm, this realm of Maya, or illusion where nothing is Real and everything seems real. One pick and choose, make the choices for what is positive and detach from the negative, trying to practice being good and rejecting the not so good. I am a conditioned being and this conditioning has been with me since I was in my mother's womb sharing the space with my twin brother who till this day we can never see eye to eye. Can you imagine my story? Can you see what i had to face throughout my life from the moment i was given up for adoption while my parents kept my twin? Perhaps I am looking for someone or something to lay the blame on; am I? I was raised a Buddhist while the rest of my family and relatives were Muslims all living under the same roof. What i see today is that i survived, I have crawled my way out of the conditioning as best i could and live to write about it! It's all about me and my shadow, shadow of the past present and future.

                                               When you're free from your minor hang-ups

Rambling for the sake of rambling.

 When you wake up in the morning what do you feel? What goes through your mid, asking myself, and I always noticed that I would sit almost bent over observing the aches and pains all over me and usually followed by a stream of thoughts mostly depressing and negative, the things I need to do, that choices I have to make, then followed by the anger and the denial, the refusal and the rebellion, then comes the regret, the remorse and the realization that it is not the good way to wake up; Astarghfirullah...forgive me my Lor and this silent Zikr slowly lead to the short verses and the rest of the morning came and went...oh what a feeling, to be humbled and to be free from caring too much and getting lost in the caring like drifting in a limbo. Setting myself a morning routine now i realize was a wise decision. I normally would sit for a while clearing my head of the night's episodes in my dreams and aligning myself with the energy circulating within my body, and setting my bone structures in line with flow of the energy and I accomplish this through Pranayama or gentle breathing techniques and I call it gentle because that is my personal style; I try not to force my breath, I let my breathing happen with the least intervention from me as possible. After having sat for a few minutes and gathered my body together I get off and follow my cat which has been sitting patiently for me to get off my Ass and feed her. Which I would keep ignoring until I have done the rest of my chores and by then she would have given up harassing me, by then she would be good and angry and hungry and she would eat what I feed her and when.

                                   You are my Girl! Yes, You Are! You are the pain in the Butt!

Having a routine and a pet helps a bit more in keeping one attention from flying all over for no good reason other then triggers and stimuli that pops in and out of your mind to keep you glued to the bed. The question remains, what is my intention, my goal, my destination? How do I get home? How do I find the ultimate Peace and Joy that is more permanent and Divinely inspired. As I grow older I find myself looking more deeply within for answers to questions that I have asked since the beginning of my so called Spiritual Quest, my Journey, my Path; my passage home. I have been blessed/cursed, depending upon how and who is looking at it, from what angle and perspective, which phase and what levels, that I am aware of what I have been through thus far in my life. For he past 75 years I have lived my life in anger, in pain and sorrow, in doubts and transgressions, on the other hand I have also taken up the Practices that Wisdom has to offer, Love has to offer, and being Who I am truly has to offer in the effort to create a balance between Light and Darkness in my Original Nature/ Consciousness. I took the practice of Unconditional Love, I may not attain perfection but am making every effort to achieve this Highest Virtue towards attaining to Enlightenment. 

                                                                           Feed me!

So I ask myself, why am I so hung up on being enlightened? What is this concept, to be enlightened? It is primarily a Buddhist concept originally inspired by Hindu concepts of Moksha, Samadhi and so forth, simply meaning to be liberated and free from suffering, in this life and in the hereafter. Many people ask, they don't ask me personally but they ask the Gurus and Rishis on You Tube and various other podcasts, what happens when one attains Enlightenment Moksha, Samadhi or Nirvana. Does that put me a whole different state of consciousness a kind of higher state. In answer to this question I am always reminded of the Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment, fetch wood carry water. After enlightenment fetch wood carry water." or Nothing Special. I believe Awakening is a natural happening to almost everyone with a brain or mind, it is part and parcel of being alive and not just alive but consciously and fully aware of being alive. It is being present completely in the Here and Now and supplicating your soul to the Divine in you, to that which makes the call and decisions on your behalf from what is being predestined by the covenant you have made with your Maker before you were conceived by your parents.

                              At least a third of this bag or rice I feed the pigeons every morning. 

I used to one of those who called all these spiritual nuances, humbug! A load of mind control and source of mental bondage and conditioning; I was at one time a true non-believer, I pointed my middle finger at God when I was angry and would cry out that I did not ask to be here or being born. I was young then and a very angry young man out to screw the world looking for faults and damaging myself and others in the process. " I was lost, and now I am found." as the scripture reads. It is an Amazing Grace indeed! I am not saying that I am out of the boiling oil, all I am saying is that I now understand better why or what I am here for and that all the good and bad that i had experienced over the years were just 'Grist for the Mill!" All the waste product and garbage i had manifested were just compost for the soil that is used to grow who I have become in the past few years of my life. I am slowly but surely awakening to my true nature towards a thorough understanding of who I am and what role is in this existence. 

                                           There those who are closer to Allah than me I realize.

Rambling more about myself than anything else.

                                       In strategy. Timing is of the Essence. - Miyamoto Musashi.

 For the sake of Rambling...my anger is what I fear most for when I am angry I have been known to destroy my entire collection of Prints that I did at the Printmaking Studio at the University of Wisconsin, at Green Bay. out of anger I had destroyed much of my self esteem and reputation among my closest friends and relatives; I was recommended to undergo 'Anger management treatment by a psychiatrist working out of Sau Sau Sillito,  Marin County California, at US75 dollars an hour by my former Boss at H&H Ship Services. Anger blinds you. You become completely engulfed by pure darkness that knows no fear or regrets, anger makes one act more than a demon if not checked; it is nothing to brush off as normal if you have and anger issue! Admit it, accept it, and deal with Pronto! All it takes is to wake up before the nightmare hits, quit dreaming too long just because life is peachy! Be aware that you have shadow beside you demanding attention. The ego is just as mindful if not more so in order to keep you from becoming sedated by fear, or regret, the ego will not give in easy to your intentions of getting a strong hold upon it, the ego does not like being manipulated. So, what do we do? Back to square one, who is asking? Who is the master and who the slave? Who commands and who obeys? This is the ego's narrative in keeping a hold on its presence and existence in and alongside the one asking...who is asking? Who wants to know? Who am I?

                                         Knowledge comes and goes but the memory remains.

Carl Jung's works which I came upon a complete collection of it at a Thrifty Store and paid  a very cheap price for a whole stack of Jung's works that someone had donated to the Salvation Army outlet near my home. I made it a study out of all of them as best i could and in some ways it had helped me to see new ways about how I perceive my mind. A hew keys unlocked my own subconsciousness and a few questions were answered. Jung's talk of the 'Shadow,' interested me most and I made it a special effort to delve deeper with guidance from the works of Carl Gustav Jung. Earlier in my younger adult life, Krishnamoorthi and Alan Watts had played a pivotal role in the development my thinking mind or as the Buddhist calls it, The Way Seeking Mind. I was slightly awakened when I stumbled upon their works in the University of green Bay Library where I was working my work-study to pay for my student life; I was a librarian. What I am saying in a long and winded way is that I had great minds that were guiding my through their life works. These were my Bodhisattvas in need who were there when I most needed them. Later came the more recent masters like Eckhart Tolle and Mooji Baba, Sunyamurti and the likes. These and along with my Teachers and Gurus who I met along the way in real life, here in Malaysia, In the US and Japan all those who I stumbled into while roaming this world. Teachers are everywhere and the teaching is Universal - like One in All and All in One; we are very closely connected more than we care to admit or feel. 

                                 Don't  make me angry! You will not like it when I am angry!

We as humanity have long forsake our Divine nature for material trivia that have soaked into our souls so deep that it is almost impossible to dig ourselves out of it. Then again what do I know, who am I to utter such bombastic claims like i am some Guru or Rishi sitting in my cave on top of the Himalayas like Milarepa and his Guru, Marpa used to. No, I am me rambling to myself as my thoughts prompts me to, like it or not this is me, my Blog, my writing; of Who I am and how me Function. Right or wrong, WallahuAlam - Only He knows.It is said in the Quran somewhere that all that is lived by a man was predestined and what transpires from the first breath to the last is man's choice - his free will, however all is written in the Loh Mafuz or the Book of Life. Don't quote me on this as my Islamic Studies was not good at all while in High School! But i like to read, The Quran is one of the most powerful Book to read  I like knowing especially the mysteries of life and creation, death and rebirth, if there be any such thing. I enjoyed reading most of my life and was blessed to be exposed to Great works like James Michener, Leon Uris, Khalil Gibran, Tom Clancy and Robert Ludlum at the age of twelve. I have written of this subject many times in the past so if one search a little more can be revealed as the Devil is in the details, you have to search for the connections and piece them together for a complete narrative of each and every even in my life. It is like a roll of waves on the sea, it keeps in motion, creating the highs and the lows and ending washed up on the sand. To understand my writing by taking stories out of context will make a dull story, not worth making it an issue. Take what is healing and helpful and let go of the trivia and  the irrelevant; time is closing in one you, not a good time to take life too seriously but live meaningfully at least to yourself; really no one has to know how you truly live.

                        Still one of my favorite Moments, the way I would choose to feel.

How dose one calm down or pacify anger?! PATIENCE! Patience is a virtue most neglected and often rejected by most of us when facing our shadow, our nemesis, our petty tyrants, our donkey brain and monkey mind; Patience is an anecdote  that is capable of overcoming anger, i read this somewhere, I heard it told me by many and I experienced it first hand on many occasions. The ability to take step back and take another breath and closely look at the whole situation from a less chaotic confused often blind rage facade to a more tranquil posture even if seemed like admitting a defeat, surrendering to the inevitable and place the situation into the Lord's hands for He is your Divine Protector and He keeps His promise to Protect you if you are a true believer; Allah {swt}, Loves You, no doubt that! So does Christ and Lord Shiva and Lord Krishna and host of other Gods that we have chosen to believe in and put surrender our  faith in. Being able to practice Patience in our daily life we can tear down barriers between us, we can learn and teach each other what we have realized over the years of small and big things that makes the world go round. Ya Sabur! The Beautiful Name of Allah meaning The Patient.

As-Sabur The Timeless, The Most Patient, The Patiently Enduring (He Who Times Everything Perfectly)

Posted by Dr Q Ashfaq Ahmad | 29 Aug, 2017 | Beyond the Box, Education 

Muhammad Ali would dance around his opponent and seldom attack until the right moment and with one blow he would flatten his adversary; Patience in the Ring as it was called. I cannot ascertain who coined Ali or Howard Cosell, but it described Ali's Style.

                                                

   

  

In Search of Fear - Part two

 Most skeptics would frown over what I perceive to be 'fear' in my life experiences, I wish i can reveal a whole lot more than I have already where my Tango with fear have taken me to the edge of my sanity. The fear of rejection of being isolated of not being paid attention to can be a very corrosive and toxic negative energy that can cause more than just manic depression. I do not wish to be accuse of sharing horror stories because it sells Online in one form or another. I am actually writing my horror short stories based on real life experiences and the capability  of my creative imagination and sell it Online! Joke aside, I am writing my thoughts down as they materialize on the topic of Fear and why it is vital to confront this attribute we all carry within us and if possible eliminate totally from our conscious mind; if we cannot we will at least pay attention to it more closely so that we are not intimidated by its lurking presence in the back ground like a hungry ghost in the attic that goes thumping in the night to keep you awake.

They come in all shapes and sizes, Tik Tok! YouTube, hell, there creatures that makes you want to throw up that has been uploaded into the Net and it is getting worse as demons and angels are taking forms of heroic or villainous and they look very impressive thanks to the superb imagination of the creators, I think there aught to be an unwritten law that says whether a video or image posted is undoubtedly authentic or is a simulation or manipulation of the technology to scare people more so than they already are...oh how they love the horror movies! Most Malay movies in Malaysia are cattered too the supernatural and the unseen realm of darker side of human nature. We have the Bomoh and Pawang the shaman, the Dukun and the Ustaz who plays the role of being guardians of our twilight realm. In just about nay culture in human history, the fear of the unseen and unknown dimensions has been major Architype that they had to deal with in their minds.  

Then there is the childhood fear, of an event being played out before you as a child that would defy any mind of an adult much so a child's and I was eight of nine at the time. Briefly - The whole family of about thirty adults and children were living in our grand mother's house or known as Rumah Nenek right smack in the center of a mangrove swamp where the whole are is inundated almost daily or nightly depending on the calendar of the high tide and low tide; it is also known as a tidal swamp.The houses were built sometimes more than six feet above the ground just clearing the highest tide of the month. There was no electricity when I was born The incident took place one morning and and affected me; I was the one who saw it from the beginning till the end of the horror show. My Auntie who practically raised me since my birth and given up for adoption to my Uncle was the youngest of the three siblings that were the children of my Grand Parents, my Mother was the eldest and my Uncle was the second. It was a weekend morning and my aunt was sweeping the living room and I was just hanging around and then I noticed she stopped and seemed confused holding her head in her hand.'I don't feel well," she said,"Go and call your Auntie!" Everyone called her MakCak., my auntie who was a Midwife way back when and she was one of my major source of the world of spirits and oily men, of Pontianak and Langsoiyar, Mambangs! Hantu Raya! I was very close to her for this curiosity in me, I needed to experience these stories and my imagination often runs wild as soon as I am exposed to these phenomenal events. And so it happened! I ran out of the house and found my Eldest Auntie chatting with the neighbor on the verandah of the house drinking black coffee and chewing sireh or betelnut chew.

I told her what was going on at home and how my auntie had asked me to get her ASAP. When my Auntie arrived at the house all hell broke loose between the two ladies like they were going to rip each other's face off, yelling and screaming and allot of hair pulling and I was shocked beyond understanding of what the hell was happening. Soon more characters joined the horror show with a whole lot mor cursing and swearing between that we children never heard of uttered by these normally genteel Ladies was beyond me, but I was ripely intrigued and the memory all that happened like how my Auntie who raised me was being possessed by a spirit who had followed her home while she was walking past a Hindu Roadside shrine, it was sharing the umbrella my auntie was heard telling. It took almost four hours of battle royal between my Aunties and another Midwife who came to give her hand in performing the exorcism of my auntie As the saying goes, the Devil is in the details and that is what telling a story is all about. Needless to say on the more serious side, I grew up with this whole event being played out in my childhood mind. I used to sleep in the same bed as her until the episode blew in my face, I immediately found my own mat to sleep on by myself.

So I cannot confidently declare that there is no such thing, these things do not exist, they are a pigment of our collective consciousness and it is perhaps not a cool thing to go around sharing at leas not in the Pubs and the Taverns. Fear comes in many forms and packages and they either build up in intensity over time or they strike instantly without warning shoving you off you balance so hard that you simply loose it, panic, the defense mode sets in and you find yourself climbing a coconut tree to be free from the cobra on the ground., or you a caught with your pants down by your neighbor looking you down the barrel of a shotgun shitting yourself in bed beside his wife; yes fear can happen when you least expect and that is the worse kind. In my dreams or should I say my nightmares, I always feared of not being able to find my way home or my arrive at my destination. As I am getting older i am beginning to understand these dreams and they are not that threatening anymore. It is strange that I seldom find myself threatened by ghostly or monsters in my dreams and i actually find myself looking forward to the battle I would have to fight instead of being forced to wake up from an experience fear, it is our escape route, most of us. Sometimes this action is on automation ready to activate when when the body mind or soul is threatened with pain, or even death. While awake it is little bit more challenging as we are conditioned in our thinking mind to address the external world in a more collective way. very thought you project every feeling you express within or without, every motion you make and every breath you take is involved.

If you truly wish to understand fear, live in Gaza now. With all the videos and images that you see being shared on the Internet, it not hard to imagine what it is like and if you are not touched by the plight of the people of Gaza just now, you do not have to worry about truly knowing the nature of 'Fear!' The fear that comes with guilt and redemption is another form of fear that haunts humanity whether they know it or not. We are all guilty of one thing or another whether we admit it or realize it or not and we carry these gu8ilt with us as we grow older and the closer you approach to gates of eternity the more aware you become of all transgressions of the past ,present and future; as human being we are indeed fucked! The Sadhana or practice is The letting go of negative perceptions and ignorance of the what is real and what is illusions; 'it is a long long road and from which there is no return, that leads us to where, who knows where....' I am attracted to the Buddha's teaching because it helps better to understand the road and the paths, it opens avenues for me to explore and take advantage of in walking my journey mindfully so as to better serve the many who lives are not as fortunate as mine. The virtue of servitude is one of the most potent cure for the fear of redemption from guilt and shame. This form of fear is a long term fear that accumulates and becomes a serious issue when at a ripe old age and one is facing the next major shift into the unknown; are we ready for what lies beyond!

"I dance with the Mothers and I danced with their Fathers, I dance with their sisters and I danced with their brothers and they danced along...'= Sting.- "How Fragile We Are."

In Search of Fear - Who, Why, What am I afraid of?

                        I was Gandalf the Brown and with my walking stick I explored the wild.

 Overcome Fear with Faith. Replace Fear with Faith. 

Fear is one of the most avoided taboo subject that we  rarely talk about or avoid looking into too closely. At the personal I in the past have confronted what is fear in me and most I have written in the Blog before, however I would like to share further what is fear to me and how i have managed it so far. For me the number one issue I have is Anger and not Fear. Fear however is fear, it is what it is and can be scary sometimes when one is confronted with challenges that is beyond one's capacity to handle, challenges where fear overtakes logic and reason, where fear becomes a threat more than it really is. What is most common fear most people have is fear of the unknown, the unseen, the monster in the closet, this is instant fear that sends the adrenalin skyrocketing in all directions, where panic takes hold and all hell breaks loose; this type of fear can be detrimental to the health if not fatality. May Allah protect me from the test of fear. I take refuge in all the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, past present and future from the threat of fear from my darker nature. May i overcome my fears with thorough understanding and compassion towards the cause of my fear and accept and embrace it with faith and surrender; I am my fear. 

                                                      Empangang Muda - The Muda Dam

Sometime in 2012 I decided to take a trip across the country in my mini car I called 'The Kancil', together we ended up in a Kampung in Sik, Kedah. The journey was turned into my quest to understand fear and has been fully written in this Blog, you can search using these names including SRI LOVELY. I stayed for two months at this remote abandoned village at the foothills of Belantik, Sik Kedah. It is called kampung Lintang and here for two months I tested myself for the measure of my fear tolerance, when do I turn tail from fear. Boy did I have some nasty experiences that words do not do justice to in telling. On looking back i realize how dumb it was to take such stupid risks for no good reason. But on the other hand I did it and I did it consciously hoping to encounter the worse of the worse in the dark of the night in the middle of nowhere with no one around; I took on the challenge and gained the respect of the local community of Belantik.   

I was very impressed by the lack of fear that my friend Adi, owner of this hut at the very end of the road before it runs into the forest. Adi built this hut by himself and lived alone. If he could do it, I told myself I can do it come what may. They spotted a tiger cub prowling around the place a week before I got there, that was not the scariest for me, what I feared was the unseen, ghosts and demons, angry ones and simply being nasty ones. Fear can keep one from being over confident or arrogant while in the wild, fear can be overcome through respect and understanding especially within oneself. 
   

Rambling about mind, ego and everything else.

                                                 Claypot met his younger brother Sizzling

 You will go insane if you keep adding or making up stories to every little encounter you have from the moment you wake up till you hit the pillow again; thinking is a serious addiction which has gone unnoticed by most especially those who ended up in the mental homes; they are the lucky ones. The mind is like a garbage mag that needs to be emptied regularly if not it starts to smell and tiny maggots starts to crawl out of them born from the rotten chicken skin you got rid of when you cooked your fried veggies with chicken. A row of pigeons stood quietly along the edge of the roof waiting to be fed but it was not the day for them and so I was bowing and apologizing to them for not having any rice made this morning. uo will go nuts if you keep talking to cats and birds as though they understand you; do they?? Your mind begins to wonder and stories tart to roll in from You Tube and you are lost in aa narrative of can animals communicate at the huma level of consciousness and so on...this is how a story begins and it will continue on till you find an even more exciting thing to ramble about; this is your mental excursive taking you for your daily ride; are you not aware of this?

How fortunate are those who genuinely wakes up very early in the morning to do the Fajr or Subuh. prayer before the sunrise, these are the truly awaken ones and there are over a billion of them all over this Planet, they keep the sanity of this Planet and its humanity through pure surrender of faith and consciousness to start their day off; they begin their day with the worship of the Lord with the expression of gratitude and blessedness for being alive and safe they do not wake up with, OMG! I am late for work! This is what being spiritual is about or being conscious of one's true nature in relation to the rest of the Universe; I am Who I Am! I am the humble slave of my Maker, a servant to my Lord, may I spend the rest of the day with this thought in mind in whatever I do or encounter from this moment henceforth. Every faith and religion has this Sadhana or practice but not every person put it into action. This spiritual act alone has began the healing of the mind from its incessant chattering about anything and everything it encounters. By the act of focusing upon the Divine from the moment it is waken from sleep the mind is easily invaded by external thought formations, he is not easily distracted or swayed by images and sounds that is randomly imposed upon it.

                                             My eldest son, my pride and joy the Camel Rider!

The chattering mind is production of our Nafs or Ego that enjoys making movies, to give color to life a little bit instead of living a life of no challenges and conditioned from the very beginning by all that is experienced from the external thought formations. The ego is me, you and the rest to humanity, so long as there is a soul of light there is an ego in the form of its shadow, my shadow, your shadow we all walk along with our shadow till the day we are buried in the ground and no more shadow. But in the Jungian perception, the shadow is the negative side of oneself, the darker nature, the disruptor and the corrupt. It is my duty and yours to understand fully this side of our nature and learn to work together in perfect balance, with deep respect and mutual understanding of what is need in order to perform well in this life, a life towards healing and giving not of self serving and glorification. 

                                   I have nothing to leave you except these stories about myself.

Many ask the question, how do I stop my thinking mind? You cannot, you won't and you don't want to. The thinking mind or the Monkey mind some would call it is as natural and unique an instrument, tool or gadget installed into the human genetic make up as one's hand or eyes. It has its own properties and functions and how well or how poorly it functions is up to the 'Director.' ;Yours truly. You are the manager of your instruments, you staff and team players, not the other way around. When you loose track of this then you find yourself being taken for a ride, drifting from one thought to another and it 's ok too if you enjoy sleep walking through the day. Off course a Series or two on NETFLIX might help to whole your time away or you can write it all down like it is presently being done, so as others can enjoy your sordid boring tales and by chance learn a lesson or two from them even. Time is how it is being put to use, time is never wasted cause it never was. You make time create time be on time and often let time slip away without any rhyme or reason; you are like the walking dead, the Zombies. It is ok too if being a zombie is like in the trending this day and age; just do not buy it all to be what is Real.

                        Healing can best happen from within, become fully aware of your pain.

The Root Chakra  -396 Hz - Release feelings of  Guilt, Fear and Anxiety! This is the resonance that is running in my head for the past hour or two while writing this or listening to Sunyamurti Satsang taken -lace in his Hermitage in Costa Rica; it makes a great background music that at the same time helps to silence the chattering mind or at least bring it a slow down through sound and vibrations, another way to wake up early in the morning if one is not a religious man. Sound is neutral, no image and no judgment, like water it covers all, like the Sun it warms up all as equally according to the laws of Nature. To learn to absorb the energy of the Sun every morning is a good Sadhana that will invigorate the whole system inside out by just surrendering to the flow or warm energy from the Sun with your eyes focused on the the brilliant ball of fire placing it in between your bros at the Third eye chakra and visualize it to be your energy center the dynamo that stores and runs the whole system of the physical and spiritual state of consciousness. The energy of the Sun is the authentic, organic food for the soul; vitamin D! And the music keeps on playing the sound of 396 Hz a resonance to awaken the Root Chakra, the Seat of the Kundalini Serpent of Power. Is it working? WallhuAlam, only the Lord Knows. 

                                    The two that remains with me keeps me alive and not just living. 

 

Rambling over something bugging me...

                                      Anyone and everyone is a Bodhisattva, you have to find it.

He who writes does not know, He who knows does not write., but what the heck!

 Who or what is a Bodhisattva? I have talked to myself so much about it the past and even take a what is known as 'The Bodhisattva Vows' when I was a Zen student at Green Gulch , Green Dragon Temple located in Marin County, California where I spent almost two years and was finally booted out of the place for being a 'Disruptor!" and I was, in more than one ways. I can make a few clicks and Wikipedia would help me out making sure I am giving an accurate rendition of who or what a Bodhisattva is, I have done that many times before somewhere in this lengthy Blog. This morning the question surface out of the blue and remained with me all morning while I made my coffee and watered the plants, hung the laundry and swept the house, reheat yesterday's lamb soup, cleaned the kitchen and emptied the garbage, I might gave missed a thing or two, but they will be taken care of in due time. While all these was happening in the physical realm, the question persisted in the mental realm and so I decided this it is what I will write about in my Blog this morning; my perception of what or who is a Bodhisattva.

A Bodhisattva is a Buddhist perception of one who has approached the 'Gateless Gates' of Freedom from Suffering to be dissolved into the emptiness of the void beyond being a Buddha, it is called attaining the state of Pari Nirvana, a Perfect and Complete state of Being that is Pure Consciousness Itself, or the state of dissolving of consciousness like the Gautama the Buddha of our History or The Historical Buddha. Gautama the Prince attained Liberation after years of ascetism and luminous studies of the human mind and its strength and weaknesses and discovered that this existence is all an illusion and that Suffering Is but None who suffers. He had an awakening when He realized that He was Empty even of His Own Being; when there is no 'I', there is no suffering. There i have spelled out in my own perception of who or what the Buddha is and what he Realized to become Enlightened. Off course then again, the Devil is in the details and it is up to each and anyone to discover this for him/her self to become a Buddha, free from suffering. It is said that once a Buddha,{we are all potential Buddhas}, attained to Complete and Perfect Enlightenment and take the one step beyond into what is known as the Pari Nirvana, there is no turning back. It is said that it was at this stage that the Historical Buddha was approached and urged to return for the last time to this illusory world as a Bodhisattva and remove the darkness that was threatening to engulf the religion of His forefathers, Hinduism. Shakyamuni Buddha returned as a Bodhisattva, Gautam the Buddha, who was the son of a great king, born as Prince Siddhartha Gautama who was destined to become "The World and Time Honored One, Shakya Muni Buddha of the Nirmanakaya Loka. This whole perception just popped out of my head and so is subject to scrutiny and I will stand corrected for any error.

                                      An Artist is a Bodhisattva who shares through Creativity.

The Historical Buddha was/is not a God nor is He to be worshipped, He was a 'Devine Teacher.' An awakened and liberated Being who undertook a spiritual quest for humanity out of the feeling of compassion. Who was urged to return and save Humanity who were the verge of being overcome by darkness and Chaos through the influence of greed, hate and ignorance; he returned as a teacher of mankind. Shakyamuni Buddha was the Boddhisatva of Infinite Compassion and Light of Wisdom and Impeccable Practice {Sadhana}. Through His presence and Teachings the Buddha led a good number of men, women and children out of the state depravity and corruption as was being imposed upon the Hinduism by the Priests and the Rulers. Hinduism was being taken for a ride and the ignorant masses were victimized. It was in answer to their cries for a savior that the Gods and Deities of the Hindu Pantheon, like Indra, Brahma and Vishnu in whose names the atrocities were perpetrated, made the Collective and through Lord Indra they pleaded for the Buddha to intercede on their behalf and save the suffering masses and with reluctance it was said, the Buddha accepted the task and returned as a Bodhisattva. To those who are interested in Buddhism this is a great study starting with the study of 'The Seven Buddhas Before Buddha', yes, there were seven Buddhas before the Historical Buddha and one after;  the future Maitreya Buddha . 

We are all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas if and when we come to a realization who we truly are beyond the name and masks we wear, the level of education and roles we play, beyond the good and bad the right and wrong our ignorant interpretations of how we experience the life around us while we are still alive. How often do we ask, what is the purpose of my life of being here on this planet and the answer i often give is, I am a Bodhisattva, I sent here to serve and save the suffering and I am a very busy man as life today sucks! Wake up! Look around you! How can you sit on your ass and make believe that all is well! Yes you can if you are an awakened one or a Buddha, but you are not and you are too lazy and ignorant to make the effort to understand even why you eat sleep and shit for no apparent reason and then you die! If you are not passionate about living death is a waste of time on you. An artist, a carpenter or a fisherman, a tennis player or a scuba diver, a farmer a preacher; we are all Bodhisattvas on a mission to serve this planet and the humanity it holds.

So Wake Up! Stay Awake! Don't be fooled!  

How can a man of servitude be bored, there's so much to do, to learn to see to experience to share. Someday someone from your past may step up and ask, what legacy have you left behind you that is worth noting? How will did you serve in your capacity of a Bodhisattva, a Healer a protector, a servant of the Lord fulfilling his covenant as a man and his Maker. I will do my best to accept my role conscious or unconsciously,: I will become a Bodhisattva like Manjushri, Avalokiteshvara, or Samanthabadra Bodhisattvas Mahasattvas. I will practice as diligently as Milarepa and Ibn.Arabi and I will take my stand, my Dharma position as a Muslim on the Path of Islam, Surrender, Submission to the Will of the One, the Whole, the Complete,  Allah swt. Lord of Creations. Yes I am Rambling about things beyond my pay scale! Perhaps along the way I met too many great teachers whose sharing and advice have etched into my mind and shelved in the subconscious somewhere, these individuals from my Grand Parents, my Aunts and Uncles, my childhood friends friends and school mates, they were my teachers, just as Junpo Dennis Kelly , Dainin Katgiri Roshi and Thich Naht Hanh and my personal friends Paul Discoe and Ed Brown, my Zen Teachers. For those curious enought you can Google these Names and you might find some interesting characters and interesting stories in them. 

Today Palestine and especially Gaza needs Bodhisattvas, Lebanon, Syria, Yeman, Sudan, Afghan, and many more, they all need numerous, countless Bodhisattvas. Those fallen while in the service we hail as Martyrs and Heroes and we step forward to take their place. Humanity needs to be healed and the healers are the Bodhisattvas, they are the Medics and Doctors, they are the food and health people who feed and care for the sick, these are Bodhisattvas, they deserve our prayer and collective consciousness shine upon them as a source of protective and healing energy. We cannot turn our backs on them, especially not if we are  avowed Bodhisattvas. We who have awakened to our true nature, we will do our part in the healing and protection of all beings in the six realms and ten directions, of past present and future be left suffering in this Universe. Can you hear the scared voice of a child coming out of the rubbles in the street of Gaza? Listen! Become Aware, let the Light of your Love penetrate into the depth of the rubbles and give comfort to the child till she sleeps forever or be saved. Being totally oblivious to the suffering going on in Gaza is not an option to a Bodhisattva and the least he/she can do is to pray or simply surrender with acceptance of the inevitable an act Divinity beyond the scope of man; like why do man like to kill?

         

Al - Fatiha ...my Journey Home Begins

                                   My childhood friend has left to be with his ancestors. Al-Fatiha!

 There is no doubt that all is illusion! All that is manifesting externally and all that is thought out from within is an illusion within illusion and nothing is real as all is ephemeral and transitory and permanent or eternal, especially not that which is manifesting this ideas in the form of this Blogging. As such nothing i have shared here thus far far, all these thoughts and ideas, dreams and imaginations, nothing is real nothing is worth taking as truths; let it all go. Remove all these manifestations these impressions these images and sensory perceptions the product mental formations from your consciousness for they are all baggage that can be and must be discarded for they only weigh you down and impede your route towards enlightenment or awakening. Become empty, become free from become steadfast in your pursuit of the single, the One, the Truth that is the Creator of all, the Manifester of all the Lord to Whom you belong and to whom you shall return; hold this to be he Truth and the whole Truth; surrender to this as the final and eternal Truth for this is in essence who you are. 

La'illahaillalah, no God, only Allah and Muhammad is His messenger.

                                     My cousin Ashraf, Raymond Montford reciting the doa.

As a Muslim this is the truth that i live by and will die with this as my Truth and only Truth. I have wandered through practically all the religions and spiritual practices that is being manifested in this life of mine, born of a Muslim parent, raised as a Buddhist from birth till the age of 12, converted o Islam as a teenager and later studied just about every other faith and religions, I have drifted spiritually seeking for the Truth and now after more than 75 years I have come to realize that the Truth lies within me in the form of my Mother's Faith in Islam. On this morning at 4:30 to be precise I again confess that my faith in the Lord, Allah SubhanahuwaTaala. The Lord of Creations. This i announce to all my children that they will understand where i stand in my faith before i die and what they choose to do or be is up to them for there is no coercion in religion; there is only he sharing of the truth through life's experience, through trials and tribulations through tests and experiments, through the completion of a journey towards the Seat of the All Mighty and All Powerful Lord of the Universe. Tis Blog has taken me through the ups and down, the highways and byways of life from the highest lofty state of consciousness to the depth of depravity and as a final conclusion I have arrived at what I have quested for; I find my faith in Allah and I surrender before His Throne and Mercy for He is the Lord of Compassion. 

Karim my son saying Ameen!

I am glad to be able to say to myself that I have arrived at this juncture and conclusion not out of fear of facing my immanent death but through having put myself through the wringer of faith and religious rigmarole. It never occurred to me before that I would be able to gladly accept my faith as a Muslim with gladness in my heart despite my past negative encounters with the religion especially in my childhood years. Now i feel that I have finally been able to bury all my anger, my trials and tribulations my dark nights of the soul and embrace Islam with open heart and complete joy; now i am ready to learn how to become a good Muslim. May Allah awj. free my heart and allow me to enter His Grace and Mercy, may He open all the doors towards my getting to  know Him through the remaining years of my life such that I can embrace the religion with full commitment and complete dedication and passion. I surrender my  heart, my soul and my Spirit at His feet in supplication and I etch upon each and every cell in my body with His Tawhid...Ameen. 

Al-Fatiha (Arabic: ٱلۡفَاتِحَةِ, romanized: al-Fātiḥa, lit. 'the Opening') is the first chapter (sura) of the Quran. It consists of seven verses (ayat) which consist of a prayer for guidance and mercy.^[1]

Al-Fatiha is recited in Muslim obligatory and voluntary prayers, known as salah. The primary literal meaning of the expression "Al-Fatiha" is "The Opener/The Key". - Wikipedia

The name Al-Fatiha ("the Opener") could refer to the surah being the first in the Mus'hafs, the first to be recited in each rakat of salah, or to the manner of its usage in many Islamic traditions as an opening prayer. The word itself comes from the root f-t-ḥ (‏ف ت ح‎), which means "to open, explain, disclose, conquer", etc.^[3][4] Al-Fatiha is also known by several other names, such as Al-Hamd (The Praise), As-Salah (The Prayer), Umm al-Kitab (Mother of the Book), Umm al-Quran (Mother of the Quran),^[5][1] Sab'a min al-Mathani (Seven Repeated Ones, from Quran 15:87),^[6] and Ash-Shifa' (The Cure).^[7][8]

My journey officially begins here, the journey of a thousand steps begins with, Bismillahir RahmannirRahim.  

                                        Doa at the gravesite, Let me Pray before I am prayed for.

What went wrong with us?

 Yeah WW3 and it might just happen in my time what a bummer for my children and am I glad they do not have any of their own yet or all will be food and fodder for the war mongers and their war machines like ; Yipppee Ka  AAA, Mother Fucker! Have you learned how to eat dirt like the people of Gaza yet? Well start getting used to it as your time is not too far off if things keep escalating the way it is going the pissing game is fast picking up it pace and and whose dick is longer is already written in the sand! If the headlines does not wake you up from your slumber of denial, if you still have your heads buried in the hole, well be ready for the mother of all Wars that will rip you apart from and there will be no hole deep enough to save your Ss. Yes WW3 is the war that end all wars and the misery that man has wrought upon himself through Greed, hate, and Ignorance. If you are spiritually inclined, Pray! Pray like you never did before, pray that your souls will be spared from having to make choices to eat or not to eat, pork or beef or your fellow species for lack of food and in the name of survival like in the movies of the end games, the final hours, the last supper. We will all betaking that 'One step beyond,' into that 'Twilight Zone,' It would be very fortunate for those who are vaporized in the first blast of mass destruction, it is for those who are exposed to the aftermath of radiation and whatever that comes with that i feel sorry for, myself included.

Wake up! Stay awake! Don't let them fool ya! 

Watch - "How they Control Your Subconscious Mind." {no bs} _ - Philosophical Essence - YouTube. I would recommend this video too all who I love, so watch before it is removed and it will be for it is the truth you need to know.

Most of my life i have lived believing in what I felt was the truth that I was and perhaps still is inadequate, incapable and not good enough, lacking in character and self esteem; I have always maintained myself to be inferior to my siblings and my peers. This was my ignorance and it had kept me from flourishing from personal expansion, from transcendence of body mind and spirit. I kept measuring myself against others and often felt below average in all performance and achievements, undeserving of good merits and rewards; it was how I had been viewing myself in this life; subservient to external influences. I woke up one day when I was a practicing student at the Zen Monastery and realized that the horseshit that I was feeding myself and with this realization I decided to turn my fortune around and instead of doubting my shadow I embraced it to the fullest. This happened during a 10 days Vipassana Retreat with the late Reverend Thich Naht Hahn, the Vietnamese Teacher from Plum Village Monastery in France. I have written of this episode in this Blog in the past in more detail and so i will not dwell too deeply into it for now. But suffice to say I had an awakening during the retreat which woke me up at the time to a realization that i am more than who I thought myself to be.

                                     

How my mind perceived the Universe to be as an artist - Acrylic on Canvass.

It would be a tragic to see the world come crumbling down at the hands of a few war mongering politicians and arms dealers who has got the old on the butchering squads of blind soldiers to do their bidding. What is even more tragic is the fact that i am too old and too tired to do much about it other than being sick in the heart. Here i am witnessing humanity's worse criminal act of genocide and wars that were perpetrated to benefit the elite few wrecking untold miseries upon the innocent man women and child; it is like witnessing hell on earth in the making. I had a dream of this scenario too a long time ago. I found myself standing and facing the last warrior on top of a low lying hill where all around us was death and destruction and the skies was lit blood red from horizon to horizon. My opponent was a figure with an empty skull for his head and i dropped my sword and reached over and ripped his head off his shoulders and slammed the skull on to my head wearing it like a helmet. I stood there the last man standing as a warrior with a skull head victorious over death itself. This was one of those dreams i had that i could never forget till the day I die. 

"This is the ultimate secret. You can choose who you want to be. You can design your entire identity, your reality and your future. Self improvement is not about conforming to a standard. Its about self creation., through self creating you gain the power to see. beyond you fears, doubts and conditioning. You start creating from a place of clarity and alignment, shaping your life from the inside out. Everyday is a chance to step into a version of you that aligns with your highest vision. So you don't need to fix yourself ,you need to know yourself. When you know who you are you can create anything." _

 Philosophical Essence - You Tube Video.