The portal is opening, Ben was saying to Eric and me while walking to the cars from the Museum Galleri Tuanku Fauziah -USM after witnessing the launching of the Hero Sedekad, Hasnul J. Saidon's solo exhibition whcih was officiated by the former Asst. Chancellor of the Univesity. "The portal is oppening hsaid twice and it baffled me. Out of the blue Ben has turned into a Mystique, a Guru or something! The subject was never discussed after that as we went our separate ways, but the incident raised my eyebrows a little bit. Now it has got me to thinking, what Portal is this guy talking about? It will come, it will reveal itself all in good time. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the writing, the resonance of the Theta and Delta waves coming through the earphones helping to relax and be in the moment while getting the mind cells rejuvenated and reenergized; I am synchronized with the Universe. I am still poor as a church mouse but i feel like I am living the life of a reluctant messiah, the wannabe Bodhisattva, the Pseudo Atman, I feel like I am not me! I don't know who I am, I am lost and drifting in the sea of Maya, or hate and delusion, I am drowning in the quagmire of ignorance and fear : it is allot tougher than you think in trying to become awakened, it takes a whole lot justifications on the whys and why nots and it is a lifelong agony of running circles to self hat and self love. It is a long tedious journey and you realize and also come to recognized all in vain, all for nothing, all buried in the sand. With this futile realization I have come accept the fact there is not much that can be done but let this life play out by itself for as long as my allotted time permits me. I surrender myself and all that I hold holy and relevant to myself I give up, I am responsible for who I am or who I thought myself to be anymore, I plead to become freed from all my thoughts and concepts, dreams and fantasies, faith and understanding as of this moment; can I do this? What do I get for selling out my Ego, my pride and dignity, what prize do I look forward to? The only portal I know that is opening is the one that keeps letting off gas in my behind.
I am presently listening to, 'Floods of Love and Abundance,' Delta Brain Hemisphere Synchronization a video by The Power of You on You Tube. Just to get the info to the video right is an effort; I am getting easily tired in my old age. Why do I listen to these modern day technology in manipulating the brain functions towards higher and more creative state of consciousness. Perhaps it does have its merit and the brain does goes through some form of transformation towards a more heightened state of consciousness and even though i do not really to subject my mental state in any form of conditioning, a part of me feels that listening to these magnetic frequencies on a long period of time is a very strong and effective meditation. The sound waves are carefully tuned by those who pioneered these mental tools acts as a flow of vibrations that affects every cell in the body. This vibration due to the fact that it remains constant acts a monotonous hypnotic energy that transforms every cell that resonates with the frequency that is sent forth and albeit Delta or Theta waves every cell become unified into a single fluid in motion. It is a much more potent technique than repetitious chanting or counting the breath. One just have to allow the sound to do its work without any thought about it, it becomes your back ground music and helps to keep your mind from drifting too much. I started listening soundwaves a few years now off and on just as an experiment and I must say it does have an effect. I consider this technological discovery as a boon to mankind especially those who are on the road to find out.
The aim of meditation for me is the cessation of thoughts from my consciousness, to become empty of feelings, of perceptions, of impulses and even of consciousness itself, this is my understanding of what meditation is; Meditation is and None who meditates. Allot of what the Buddha said makes little sense if one have small minds, however with an enlightened mind one finds simple truths in them that makes a vast difference when applied to everyday life; like, 'Suffering is, None who suffers.' When the I ceases to exist, suffering is no more; no I, no sufferer. Hence the virtue of Sunyata or Emptiness. "The not knowing of who you are is the Being." As Shunyamurti expounded in one of his Satsang. I am not willing nor am I clinging on to my preconceptions of who I am, I know I have to at the end of the day give it all up and walk empty and alone towards the final stretch of my journey with no crutches nor baggage, just naked as the day I came to be, my Original Nature, my Buddha Nature, my Ruhul Kudus, my Essence of Being Sat, Chit, Ananda. No lack or poverty, no wealth or fame shall hold me down, no matter if the road gets too rough or the hill too steep to climb, I will continue a step at a time and breath for breath to make my way towards the portal of liberation, towards the Throne of God, towards merging into the Supreme Consciousness of Being :- I Am, That I am. Tat Tvam Asi! 'Ana Al Hak!, I am the Truth! The Word and Sound is One, OM, tat sat. WallahuAlam, Only He knows.
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