Rambling over the present state of my mind.

 

"Sunday Morning woke up yawning filled the pool for a swim..." What or who am I still persistently  kept asking, this same simple question for lack or better things to dream about. I kept going down one rabbit hole after another over the years carrying this question like a Koan, a ball of fire under my belly, burning painfully for an answer; the Ultimate and Complete Truth... the Nature of who I am. I am more than aware that it has become a game to keep my fingers busy and my eyes still alive from seeing the letters and words that are forming as I deal with this simple issue of ,Who Am I? I realize that its beginning to sound worse than a broken record, but it is what it is, if one has an understanding of what Koan is in the Zen Buddhist tradition, one would appreciate better of what it means for me in my practice to have a dream/fantasy journey of 'Self Discovery.' A never ending story of one's own and shared with the entire Internet Plane of Humanity. The numbers are exciting even if they are meaningless for what i am doing or hoping to achieve. Looking at it from my mental health point of view, I must say I have been writing more and more about myself, my thoughts and dreams and so fort, who I cheated on and whose life i destroyed, whose confidence I betrayed, and the list can go on and I say to myself with whole hearted surrender, "Guilty as Charged to every count Your Honor!" Yes, before i end this Ramblings for good and move on to the next plane of existence, I would like to try and savor what it is like to become fully awakened and touch the veil of Enlightenment.

The answer, the simple truth to the significance of this Koan is right before my wyes and has been there all these while, however I had to take many detours getting to where i am at and along these side roads and byways I saw myself more and more as I become a witness to life unfolding before me; in moment like these I would kick myself a kick in the butt to wake up from the Illusion that i am being sucked into as I slowly lull to sleep. On a personal level I would take a walk or a shower or simply take a nap, however on the spiritual level I would write it all down as I am doing right at this moment. 

 "It's a long, long Road,

From which there is no return!

That takes us to where, who knows where?!..." 

With age and some understanding of the nature of what it is to be human with mindfulness practice of loving Kindness towards others especially those in need, I have come to accept the fact that I am now in a state of simply living life while preparing for the inevitability of facing old age and what it entails. There is no turning back and all the bridges have been burned behind me, there is only stepping forward with a more careful steps and lighter load on my back and in my mind; a step towards enlightenment? It seems like there really is no perfect way to live except through making imperfect choices and honest errors, each one of us has his or her own way in the hope of living the perfect life; what is perfect life? I often ask myself and honestly accept that my life after all these years now that I am approaching the final chapters of my days, I find that there is really good answer except that for me if one average happiness more so than sadness, do more good deeds than destructive ones, have more sympathetic/compassionate feelings than than self serving mentality, chances are one is living or have lived a good life. The less regrets one have the more positive an indicator that one is living or has lived a good life and being able to look back with a smirk or a laughter at what has been or what could have been, expressing thank you Lord for all the blessings that You have bestowed upon this undeserving servant of yours, this is like a bonus added to your life well lived. 

Maintaining a lucid mind, being able to drive in heavy traffic, being able to cook and do dishes and laundry, making it a daily practice to feed the pigeons and water the plants every morning is considered to be an accomplishment for a man my age or so they keep saying on You Tube. I am addicted to Internet in more than one way and it has been a very crucial part of my life considering the number of hours I spend everyday surfing the net for one reason or another. It is ironic that for one who meditates to remove the cluttering of images and information and various other thought formations, I am addicted to the Internet, to You Tube, to Netflix and a host of podcasts so much so that by right I should be having a mental overload by now. I consider my mind still lucid for whatever it is worth and as a matter of fact i find my mind more so expressive than it has ever been. It makes more sense too than it has ever been and it is perhaps because of my more intense and focused meditative practices which includes mindfulness walking and how i relate to others on top of my daily sittings, my mind it seems has become more resilient and tolerant towards whatever i encounter on the external; I much less judgmental and not easily prone to anger and if I find myself succumbing to the negative self expressions i would find myself immediately asking God for forgiveness even for having the thoughts let alone give it expression. What can i say at the age of 75! I have lived it my way?! 

Is life a waste of time? To some it is and to others it is not as it a relative issue depending upon the state of mind and existence the individual finds himself or if he even cares to ask himself such a question. Asking the question itself would be a waste of time to most people, like spends day and night trying to answer a question like, what is life, or who an I or why am I here, is there God? No God? what is sin? Why is life considered suffering? In order to keep a lucid mind I ask myself these simple questions and make it a challenge for the mind like a Zen Koan. When the mind becomes lazy, when it stops looking for answers or simply allow for things to slide and live a life of a drifter, having no motivations or goals, no sense of Purpose, Love and of appreciation of Beauty, then I would worry about my state of mind. 

My state of mins is of late pretty much occupied with the suffering that is happening to humanity all around the Globe. With the exposure accorded by the Internet and other various media services, it is hard not to be affected by what is happening. "If you can pluck the lotus without wetting the fingers, you would not be affected by life's trials and tribulations, so says most of the religious teachings, however it is easier said than done. "Life is suffering," said the Buddha and he also said, "None who suffers." I am still figuring that one out.

Rambling on about insignificant matters...

 

                                        A Farmer looking at some Tools on Chulia Street, Georgetown

He who truly knows Allah will love Him, worship Him and show Ikhlass (sincerity) towards Him.

Ikhlass (sincerity) is like Jannah (Heaven) for a Mu&"men. It is the soul of the pious and a secret between Allah and His slave. Ikhlass thwarts evil thoughts and Shaytan&"s (Satan) whispers to the slave. It means directing all of your actions to Allah and no one else. The Mu&"men must not seek the pleasure of anything or anyone except Allah. He must never seek praise or tributes from people, but always expect rewards from only Him alone.

"Say O Prophet, He is the One and Indivisible, Lord of Creation, Lord of mercy and Compassion, The Creator of the heavens and the Earth....Allahu Akhbar!

A Wannabe Rock Star who fell short of his Aim, at Mike's Place on Love Lane, Georgetown,Pg.

Al Ikhlas means 'The Sincere', the pure and the Blameless. These are the attributes of The Lord among the One Hundred Beautiful Names that the One goes by. The perfect man lives by these attributes thus emulating Allah's Image, Al Insan Kamil is he who bears the attributes and virtues of the Divine completely with knowing it, he closest to the Prophets and Mystiques, but he is unaware of his status and continues to live like a beggar on the sidewalk of life. Be as it may that life is an illusion, that all that can be heard, seen and taste are all nonexistent except in the mental faculty or the conditioned mind. You see and and experience what is before you and behind you, above and below you and you experience what is within you and without and at the end of the day you drop dead and just before, you have a replay of your live like a documentary on a  slide show on a screen=wall. Each passing image triggers all kinds of thoughts and emotions within you, like good bad, guilt and happiness and you are entertained to the very creation of space and time if you had understood thus far and if you don't it stops there right where you are  supposed to be and realizing that ' In the End Nothing Really Matters!' 

Aspiring to become a Man of wisdom and knowledge with the heart of Love! Kasih!

Created in the Image of his Maker, perfect man maintains his composure under any circumstances filling the role he is created to play while dancing to the rhythm that Universe is vibrating on. I am not and never claim to be a preacher or even pious by the right sense of the word, but i like to try my best to remain genuine and sincere, especially in my faith and fortitude towards my Lord and Creator. The Lord is ONe and only ONE; I do not exist!

The Lord does not need to justify His presence not to any other than Himself. Not believing in Him does not hurt Him in any way. The sooner I learn to surrender to this simple truth the better for me to find more peace and tranquility within and without without any fear or guilt for my actions; I am not the doer of my actions, I am my Lord's instrument in action.

"According to George Sale, this chapter is held in particular veneration by Muslims, and declared, by Islamic tradition, to be equal in value to a third part of the whole Quran.^[3][4][5] It is said to have been revealed during the Quraysh Conflict with Muhammad in answer to a challenge over the distinguishing attributes of God, Muhammad invited them to worship.^[6]

Al-Ikhlas is not merely the name of this surah but also the title of its contents, for it deals exclusively with Tawhid. The other surahs of the Quran generally have been designated after a word occurring in them, but in this surah the word Ikhlas has occurred nowhere. It has been given this name in view of its meaning and subject matter."- -- Wikipedia.

  

  

Surah AlFalak or the The Dawn verse for removing the veils,{of ignorance}

 Al-Falaq or The Daybreak^[1] (Arabic: ٱلْفَلَقِ, al-falaq) is the 113th and penultimate chapter (sūrah) of the Qur'an. Alongside the 114th surah (Al-Nas), it helps form the Al-Mu'awwidhatayn. Al-Falaq is a brief five ayat (verse) surah, asking God for protection from evil:

۝^[2] Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak,^{[3][o 1]}

۝ From the evil of His creation ^{[p 1]}

۝ And from the evil of darkness when it settles^{[q 1]}

۝ And from the evil of the blowers in knots^{[5][r 1]}

۝ And from the evil of an envier when he envies.^[3][9]

One of my most favorite surah is the Al Falak or The Dawn and this I had memorized since I was a boy learning how to pray at the mosque on Fridays growing up in Sungai Pinang among my Muslim Brothers and sisters and the rest of the relatives and friends. I am emphasizing this detail simply because i was raised a Buddhist at the same time as the Devil they say is in the details read my Blog! This short surah was among the five surah I had memorized just to qualify for a complete prayer. But as I got to learn the meaning of what is revealed I held on to it as part of my armor to shield myself against evil or negative forces. I grew up in a mangrove swamp or tidal wave coastal area and the rest I leave it up to one's imagination or read my Blog for more details. So why did I chose to learn a few verses from the Quran was because I grew up having to deal with being afraid of the dark and needed some form of security blanket. On many occasions reciting this verse had kept me from harms way throughout my life. I can say this is one of the verses hat had kept me close to Allah {SWT}. I realize that I cannot urge my friends to learn this short verse especially if they are not Muslims for the benefit I have discovered for myself over the years and still does; learn this verse it is one of the most protective prayer seeking refuge in the All Mighty Lord of The Worlds from all kinds of seen and unseen attacks and evil intentions that we face with every moment for as long as we are breathing in and out often unknowingly, unconsciously.

We are very fragile creatures and we don't know how fragile we are until we run short of breath and struggling to take the next inhalation to happen but it did not come, and you panic, and you catch yourself and calm down the mind from loosing it, you take a slow breath and recite the first verse that comes to mind and you surrender yourself to whatever next ...innalillahi wainnalillahi rajiun, From You i came, unto You I return...I Am No More. It is much better than "OH shit!" or "OH My God!" ...I can keep going on when it comes the subject of death but I will stop here and move on. The next less negative subject than Death is Fear! All my life I have had to deal with my Fears. I keep on writing about it over and over just so I can makes sense out of it, so that I less haunted by it so that I can claim for my self back the Devine Nature in me. I am more than meets than meets the eye, at least i keep reminding myself this that I am Whole, Complete and Perfect! Strong and Powerful! Loving and Compassionate! Harmonious and Happy! And I can do what I Will to Do! Insha'Allah! So Help me God. Just to be reminded it took 75 odd years to realize something so simple as this, 

Part of why I write what I am writing thus far is because I am in a way answering those who wantonly criticize religions and faith of others and have the audacity to make claims over claiming the existence of God or otherwise making a mockery out of religious practices of others and so forth on the Internet. I always believe having a healthy respect of other people's faith and believes. There no right or wrong religion and no right or wrong faith, to me there is only Faith, Unconditional Faith and I have my faith in the few verses of the Quran and would recite them in my times of need and my meditation periods. As a Buddhist one would take refuge in the Triple Jewels, The Buddha, Dharma and Sangha! As a Christian we take refuge in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and as in Hinduism there are millions of Gods and Deities one can take refuge or take protection from. In Christianity, the Crucifix is a potent Symbol of The Lord's Divine Power in this material realm but in Islam there is no symbol to cling on to or make a crutch out of; all there is, is only unconditional faith and complete surrender to your Maker. 

"I seek Refuge in the Lord of Dawn!,

From the Evil of His C[c]reation!"

Try to wrap the full meaning of these first two lines of the Surah around your head. The Lord of Daybreak, the Lord of Dawn, the Lord of the Rising Sun or Sunrise! It is a matter of interpretation to each an individual mind and most minds simply do not think about it, not

anymore. Suria Namaskar or salutations to the Sun every morning is a very good form of Yoga exercise to start the day whereas the Muslims have the Subuh or Fajr prayer to perform just as the Sun is about to rise. 

'From the E{e}vils of His C[c}reation.

Off course God creates evil although not in His image still there is not a thing that is not God created, good and evil included. Man has free choice and intelligence and he is put in this world as an expression, a manifestation,  as an actor in part of a divine play: man is expendable. His ticket out of this predicament is through waking up to the reality of his life, his existence, Who is he? Who Am I? 'He who knows himself knows his Lord.' Getting to really know the Lord one has to awaken to what this creation is all about. It is allot of work to get there for most as it has taken 75 odd yrs. for me and still I am drifting sometimes in the dark loosing my sight of the light.  

    

 

What is the benefit of the Ayat Kursi - If you think you know Islam.

 Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm; lahoo maa fissamaawaati wa maa fil ard; man zallazee yashfa'u indahooo illaa be iznih; ya'lamu maa baina aideehim wa maa khalfahum; wa laa yuheetoona beshai 'immin 'ilmihee illa be maa shaaaa; wasi'a kursiyyuhus samaa waati wal arda wa la ya'ooduho hifzuhumaa; wa huwal aliyyul 'azeem.

Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor Sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as he permits? He knows what (appears to His creatures As) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He wills. His throne doth extend over the heavens and on earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them, For He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory)."

It is said that Ayat Kursi is one of the most powerful verse in the Holy Quran in terms of its ability to ward off evil and also the deep significance of its meaning, 

For the past few months I have been making an effort to memorized this verse and one of the ways this happens is by listening to it on the You Tube repeatedly every night before i fall asleep. I have always held that this verse holds the potent energy that deters if not expels any negative anergy that seeks to impose their presence on to me or my home and family and thus by playing by on the I-pad while I sit and meditate helps to keep my mind from being pulled away from my focus or concentration and also helps to guard me against any 'spiritual attacks' by negative elements. I truly believe in this protective capability of the verses in the Quran mostly through personal experiences over the years of my life. As a teenager I experienced a 'demonic attack' that happened as soon as I was about to fall asleep. It came in the form of a buzzing sound in my ears and it would grow louder and louder and this happened aver a long period of time like a few months. I was scared in the beginning but after a while i got used to it and eventually even got to look forward to it, often saying to myself ,Oh oh, here it comes. I would feel like there was an entity laying on top of me and I was helpless even tried as I would to fight it off but only to wake up sweating and finding myself not moved at all from the position I was in when I was fell asleep. It eventually came to the state when I started hearing a voice screaming loud in my ear saying that it was going to kill me and this was when I freaked out and fought back with the verses from the Quran especially calling out the Azan, the phenomena stopped after I started reciting the verses every time I was attacked. This episode happened when I was attending high school while living in Kuala Terengganu and it was then that i was converted to Islam and had learned to recite a few verses of the Quran which was mandatory for the purpose of performing the Salat. I also had joined the Malay Art of Self Defense where we were required to recite a few relevant verses for the purpose of protection while performing our practices. It was being involved with the martial art training that gave me the courage to fight back these attacks and putting an end to it. 

As part of the initiation into the spiritual nature of the Martial Art or Silat Seni Gayong as it was called, I was allowed to go through a ritual where I was introduced to a spiritual guide or partner and this involved the recitation of verses from the Quran. It was during this ritual that i first felt what it was like to be possessed and the feeling of being in a vacuum and out the body state of consciousness. I have related this event previously in this Blog and so I will not delve much further into it. However the experience left me to have strong believe in the fact that the verses from the Holy Quran carries a lot of weight when recited with strong conviction and purpose, it has its own power and energy that can thwart away any danger from happening to you. This is why most Muslim would recite, BismillahirRahman nir Rahim  before making any decision or take any action even to eat or to leave the house. It is most advisable to recite pertinent verses before one goes to sleep as this is when one is most vulnerable to various forms of attacks by negative forces like what is known as Incubus and Succubus, bad spirits that take advantage of one while asleep.[Google it}. Verses from the Quran when recited with strong faith and determination can heal or even remove entities that possesses an individual as in an exorcism, however one has to be truly strong in one's believe and faith to do so and the Ayat Kursi is one of the most potent and commonly used verse for this purpose. 

"In the Islamic faith, there are many verses from the Quran that hold immense significance and are believed to possess great power and blessings. One such verse is Ayatul Kursi, which is often referred to as the Throne Verse. This powerful verse is found in Surah Al-Baqarah and is recited by Muslims around the world for its spiritual benefits and protection." 

No, no, I am not interested in convincing anyone if Islam is the best religion or the right one. That is for each and everyone to go and discover what is and what is not the right religion or faith for them. If there is any advise I would share is to at least find out and not assume or take others' words for it. One has to make the effort to want to discover the simple truth for oneself  and if nothing else find out what it is all about so you can share with your children or the younger generation who one comes into contact with. There is many today expressing themselves on the Mass media like You Tube and Face Book regarding the existence of God like they have the authority {God Given} to do so. Most of these individuals are young and have not earned the rites of passage to do so as it takes more than a lifetime to discover the existence of God unless one is born with the faith of acceptance of the Divine Presence,   

         

The devil is in the details =Jingme Lingpa

 Jigme Lingpa - Dzogchen enlightenment through 6 & 7 chakra activation

There will be no stable transcendental wisdom as prajña and jñana until the 3rd Eye or Wisdom Eye or Divine Eye is activated. All the traditions mention this direct correlation between the activated Wisdom Eye and what’s called “enlightenment”.

This activation can be induced especially through using various forms of sunlight gazing (and thogal), Yangti Dark Retreat, kundalini yoga, pranayama with kumbhaka, nirvikalpa samadhi and spontaneously with or without influence from a realized guru (“realized” meaning “with an activated 3rd eye”).

Thinking, conceptualizing along with self-oriented intentionality, contract the chakras in general and the heart, 3rd eye and crown chakra specifically. This is why ALL the mystical traditions require non-thought and dissolution of the “personal self” illusion.

In absence of all mentation and illusions of personal selfhood; the chakras expand and function naturally, as in very young children prior to being brain-washed and the development of the egoic selfing brain processes.

When the heart chakra is fully open, the wisdom of “no self” appears spontaneously.

When the 3rd Eye is open, clairvoyance and brilliantly sharp wisdoms and intuitions arise, and the ability to see into other dimensions occurs.

When the crown chakra at the fontanelle blossoms open, oneness with the Divine Nature (or Buddha Nature) is revealed along with “out of body experiences” and primordial perfection is then known.

This is like transforming into a butterfly where you had always been trying to fly while still being a caterpillar. When still a caterpillar you think and know with a caterpillar’s brain. For humans this means trying to understand the Absolute with a limited human monkey brain. Activating the higher chakras is knowing via a butterfly’s cognitive faculties.

It’s discovered that the Divine Consciousness has always been one’s unchanging subjective Beingness and awareness. The reason you don’t see this very easily is because you AS the Divine Consciousness already are too busy pretending to be you the “seeker”. (lol!)

“The reason for this is that the ushnisha (upper crown chakra) has no size, but pervades the ultimate expanse. When all the thought constructs (sem) dissolves into the chakra of the ushnisha (upper crown chakra), buddhahood is attained."

Jigme Lingpa

It's a Never Ending Story of Self Discovery.

 Netflix has a Hindi movie entitled Kalki, a fictional story with the main characters based on the Hindu Pantheon of Gods and Deities  from the epic saga called the Mahabharata or the Big War. This movie for those who have some knowledge of the ancient Hindu myth and religious folklore especially the main characters wielding super powers would prove more interesting. However the younger generation today with their absorbed in the video games are less to be interested of the origin of this Netflix movie which is a cross between a Sci-fi and religious revelations created with exotic landscapes and out of this world machineries, purely for good if not somewhat violent entertainment. 

"Following the Kurukshetra War, Ashwatthama attempts to kill Uttarā's unborn child. For committing the act, Krishna, the 8th avatar of Vishnu, curses him to roam the earth as an immortal and witness humanity's misery as a result of societal and moral deterioration during the Kali Yuga. His divine gem is also taken from his forehead, and his redemption is destined to occur only by protecting the mother of Kalki, Vishnu's 10th and final avatar, towards the end of the Kali Yuga.^[c]"  -Wikipedia

Kalki, the tenth Avatar of Lord Vishnu is said to be the final Avatar to walk the earth before its final demise or the end of the Kali Yuga, just as in Buddhism the coming of Lord Maitreya as the final Enlightened being to lead humanity out of the age of chaos and darkness and just as in Christianity the second coming of The Christ and in Islam the coming of the Imam Mahdi. These are the spiritual beings prophesized by each related religion that would appear at the end of time when humanity and the universe will go though a major shift in the form of destruction and rebirth. As in most such cases the devil is in the details and the detail is too long and elaborate to share here, however suffice to say that it is inherent in practically every major faith in humanity there is a coming of a savior in the form of a Great teacher or a prophet or a  spiritual warrior who will lead the faithful away from the enveloping darkness into the light of consciousness. At least this is true for all those who are true believers or have some form of faith in spirituality and the afterlife. For the non believers and the atheists there is not much to talk about and this is not saying that they are wrong or right, it is just as it is. Having faith and believe in God or any form of religious understanding is not an easy thing to explain; it is just a matter of faith. Do man need to have faith? Why? these are not easy questions to answer and most of the time only through personal experience and some intense form of practice and study can one arrive at the truth: "and the truth shall set you free"  

Free from what? Free from suffering off course says the Buddhist and the Hindus and perhaps most other religions. "Hidup ini adalh sengsara," life is suffering in Malay and the word sengsara originates from the Sankrit word Samsara, suffering which also 'Dukha' in the Pali canon. From the day day we were born till the day we die life is suffering and none suffers more than our mother. Hence spiritual or religious practices are mainly aimed at understanding fully the nature of human suffering which the Historical Buddha laid out in The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. I am not expounding Buddhism and its detailed structure however one can Google it for better understanding if one is interested to know better. Knowledge is said to be wing by which we fly to heaven and ignorance is the weight that drags us down the pit of darkness; most of us today live in ignorance and are satisfied with this state so long as we have enough if not more than what is needed to live. Most have no concept of the awesomeness of being alive, the miracle of simply being able to breath and to walk, most are living in a state of sleepwalking and self denial. This is not good or bad for those who are awakened to the nature of reality and of existence itself as to these minority of humanity there is truly no one who is experiencing this state we call living. In essence we are consciousness manifesting in the form of physical beings with conditioned minds a product of being influenced by our environment and mental perceptions. None is free from this state of existence save those who are fully awakened from the bondage of illusory deep sleep we find ourselves in.

I have found myself repeating this scenario of human existence for years and numerous postings in this Blog for one reason or another. Sometimes for lack of things to write about, sometimes to come to a better understanding of my thoughts on the matter and sometimes simply as a reminder to myself of the intuitions that has emerged from this activity and last but not least to better myself as self expression in the form of good writing. I cannot claim myself a professional writer as my English has yet to be better polished. It is thanks to the Internet that I have been able to come this far, however in the process I have learned more about who I am and how i think and what makes me tick, my strength and my flaws, are exposed by and by, sometimes more than I had anticipated thus making this activity a form of catharsis in my self development and understanding. In the process I also become my own teacher, my own Guru, my own critic and my own Deity, my own Buddha Nature; this Blogging has morphed into my own 'Self Reflection,' revealing to me who I was, I am and I aim to become and it is an on going process. A never ending story that encompasses 75 years of existence on the planet thus far.

 

The Rambling must go on...connecting dots.

 The journey of self discovery or simply in knowing who you truly are, your 'Unborn Buddha Mind' or Buddha nature', your 'Original Face',  I believe will end up when there is Utter Silence of the mind, some look at it as the death of the ego. This is what I have gathered over the years from my own personal experiences and observations, the Great Minds that I have read and the 'Revelations of the various religious systems and beliefs that i have practiced; they all point toward this end,

"A jīvanmukta, literally meaning 'liberated while living',^[1] is a person who, in the Jain and Vedānta philosophy, has gained complete self-knowledge and self-realisation and attained kaivalya (enlightenment) or moksha (liberation), thus is liberated while living and not yet dead.^[2][3] The jivanmukt being is termed as sayogi-kevali (enlightened one with the body) or Arihant in Jainism. The state is the aim of moksha in Vedānta, Yoga and other schools of Hinduism, and it is referred to as jīvanmukti.^[4][5][6] "

I have been writing on this subject intensively in the past repeating myself over and over in order that i would one day come to fully understand encapsulate and become its true nature or state of being. Far be it for me to have achieved Moksha or Enlightenment when I know i cannot even control my thoughts as they arise and fall independently with images and imaginations that often throw me into a corner like a defeated man feeling sorry and having inferiority complex over the past, future and even the present circumstances of my life. Greed, hate and Delusions still haunts me and I find myself helpless even after years of practicing the different modes of mind bending exercises. It seems like a futile adventure into what is unfathomable and obscure yet it is right there before my eyes day in day out in my wakeful state and my sleep; the 'Monkey Mind' is relentless. 

Yes, every now and then one catches a glimpse of 'the truth' or able to see with clarity of the cause and effect of the matter, however this is mostly at the intellectual level and the mind will still be entrapped by the on going chattering as soon as it gains a foothold into the shallow realization at this level. It took the historical  Gautama Buddha almost lifetime of wanderings and self mortification to subdue the monkey mind and attained enlightenment and he did it by giving up or letting go. When He decided to sit under the Bodhi or Pipal tree to meditate vowing not to move eat or drink until He found the Truth, He was actually committing suicide. If the Buddha had died without attaining Awakening or Complete Enlightenment He would have ended in the Hell realm This was the gambit that the Buddha took when all else failed in His quest to attain Complete Liberation. I highly doubt that the Buddha said to himself, I will sit for forty days before He made the decision to sit and meditate however he did sat for a long period of time and in the process faced many challenges physically as well as mentally and was spiritually tempted by Mara the 'Evil One' or the Dark Lord. The Buddha's success came only when He decided that it was all a waste of time and effort, that in order to become liberated from this life and its inherent nature of suffering one simply has to accept that nothing is real, all is an illusion, ephemeral, just as thoughts are. The act of letting go completely is the key to liberation; this includes the letting go of the believe that there is such a thing as a 'Self', the 'I'. For so long as there is an I, there is suffering.

For those well versed in the teachings of Buddhism it is spiritually acknowledged that the Historical Buddha was not an ordinary man, He was a Bodhisattva Mahasattva or was just about to renounce the material world for good, never to return, no more reincarnations. However He was besieged and urged by the Devas, Gods and Deities to return tot his realm before hanging up his towel; the world was in a chaos and needed to be set straight, at least in ancient India. The country was then ran by Brahmin Priests who exploited the teachings of Hinduism for their own benefit and evil practices was rampant with deviation from the original teachings. One of the distinct act of the Buddha's teaching was to end the Caste system, however with the waning of Buddhism this system persisted till today. I made allot of discoveries about Buddhism when I was staying at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center and spent most of the cold nights reading rare Buddhist texts that were donated to the library there. I delved deeply into the various schools of Buddhism from the Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana or Tantric school including the lesser schools expounded by later Mendicant monks like Nagarjuna and Shantideva. For those who have the opportunity to be a resident at the Zen Mountain Center would know what a rare treasure trove of Buddhist texts the small library holds. 

The fact that my journey took me to these far away unique places was no coincidence, now that I look back at it. Very few and privileged had or will make it to Tassajara Zen Mountain Center located in the Big Sur of Carmel Valley County. in California. What are the chances that a Malaysian from Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut, would? From the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple on Kampar Road in Penang to Tassajara was a long trip of a spiritual journey if I may say so myself. I got there by way of Green Bay, Wisaconsin, Sandpoint, Alaska and San Francisco, Ca. and what a trip it was.