Are You a Buddhaa?

 When asked what makes a good Father image the Buddha replied, "How would I know, I never has to raise a child and my only son was raised in the palace with his mother. Not a good question to ask a Monk." The Historical Buddha had never had this issue raised, I just made it all up! But the enlightened One has an impeccable memory of their past lives as fathers of one kind or another, failed fathers, righteous fathers or just simply your ordinary father. The enlightened Ones are said to have the capability to recount their past lives from eons of existence in the physical realm and they are said to have evolved spiritually to attain Buddhahood free from the life off suffering, this is the final result of discovering one's true Buddha Nature while still in this life, to become One with the Essence Itself, ..."I AM, no more!" These were the Buddha's last words before he attained to Pari Nirvana, His physical demise for the last time. One can say He became One with the Void or emptiness or He  entered and drowned into the ocean of Consciousness, never to return, absolutely cleansed of all residues of karmic stains and complete and absolute detachment from ego, No Body, No Mind....all are Emptiness or Absolute Consciousness, as what is form is emptiness and what is emptiness is form, the same is true off thoughts and feelings, impulses and yada, yada! Study the Heart Sutra, the essence of the Buddha's psychological teaching about the nature of the Universe of Beingness, the Nirmanakaya or the Tri-Loka, the three Worlds or realms of existence in Hindu and Buddhist cosmology. It is written that the Historical Buddha was beseiged by all the Gods and Deities to return to this earth and share His wisdom of Enlightenment and End of Suffering, to give up His Buddhahood and take on the role of a Boddhisatva to deliver Hinduism from sinking deep into chaos and darkness where human sacrifice were a common norm and the caste system deprived man of his pride and dignity. The Historical Buddha was born at a time when the religious and social conditions in India was in dire need of a major clean up. Gautama's Journey from cradle to grave was an exemplary lesson about life. To realize that life is suffering and to manifest the cure for suffering through becoming awakened to the Real and removed from the Unreal. To pierce through the layers of illusion and rediscover the genuine, pure and unadulterated Consciousness of Being who you truly are; Are you not the Buddha?.

After that short lesson on Buddhism I wish to share another important issue in my life that had just transpired and that is as a resolution on the first day of Aidil Agzha I have decided to make every effort to pray five times a day hence forth. I did already and will keep on doing it Insha'Allah. What brought this on? I was talking to God three early mornings ago while walking back and forth along my apartment verandah, about three am. to be precise. The answer came right at the last moment when I was going to give up and hit the sack," Pray five times a day like everyone else. What is stopping you from prostrating before your Lord but your ego, your nafs." When else need i say but to awaken to the truth and take action as demanded even if it is just another illusion. I will bow and prostrate before my Lord along with all Beings in the six realms, ten directions and may it bring joy and peace to all in these times of hardship and suffering around the world. My I find peace within my heart and mind in the process to be able to continue to be creative and productive in all my endeavors in this life. May i be able to face all trials and tribulations with right mindfulness and right consciousness.   

Today, the 21st. of June is my son Karim's birthday, he just turned 23 and I did not know this until he told mein the car while i was driving him off to the airport for his flight to KL on business. How the years flew by and how my son has transformed from  the little boy i used to carry  on my back in the child carrier wherever i went in San Francisco to and assistant manager for a major communication product company including Switch which sells Apple Products around the world. I am proud of his achievements thus far in his career and i feel the he will improve further in this in time.  What I am a bit concern about him is his social lifestyle as  Karim is glued to the products he sells, he is stuck to the computer, the handphone and even his watch to run his life. Karim hardly leaves the house and is turning into a social recluse. He spends hours playing the video games on his off days sometimes all night long until he decides to eat and sleep in the daytime. I am most probably describing about 80-90 percent of the young adults today and it is a wearisome trend that i find as it can or has become an escape route for most of these young adults, not a very good habit although it may have some positive aspect to it the bad out weighs the good in a character. But who am I to tell what is good or bad when I look back when I was 23 I was not the best of human specimen with a drinking problem and devil may care attitude towards others while serving my own egotistic demands and desires. Compared to me my son is not doing too bad. While driving him to the airport I tried to have a conversation with and it ended with, "You have to chill a bit Karim and develop a good sense of humor." He looked aat his watch and said," I am chill, my blood pressure reading says I am doing fine." end of conversation and after that he told it was his birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Karim!

Today the 21st. of June is also the International Yoga Day as declared by the United Nations. According the world famous Hindu Mystique, Sadhguru who founded to worldwide movement of the Isha Foundation, on this Summer Solstice Day the Adi Yogi, {Lord Shiva} appeared some 15000 years ago in the upper region of the Himalayas where he sat for a very  long time in meditation and the thousands who thronged to his presence eventually gave up and left leaving only seven Yogis who were moved by the miracle of his ability to sit without food or drink for months and later these seven Yogis became the first student of the Adi Yogi and upon completion of their transmission of what it means to be human   they were sent all over the globe to spread spirituality to humanity. For more complete detail on this subject feel free to Google it. 

HAPPY YOGA DAY! 

What does it take to be a {good} Father.the Buddha was asked.-Part One

 What does it takes to be a father, forget being an exceptional one, just being one, raising your children in my case, each in their own unique way depending upon the circumstances that they were brought into this world and what they had to endure in the process of growing up. I have four and the eldest just turned fifty, making me feel old. Then there is the second more unfortunate or otherwise depending on how one look at it, who I found out I had a son when he was seventeen tears of age and it was through the E-mail. He grew up in the care of his grand parents and auntie, I was both shocked and pleasantly surprised when I found this out, like oh shit! and Wow! The first thing i wrote to him was, Welcome to the family, you have an elder brother, and a younger one and the youngest a sister. I had my children by three women from the West, two Americans and a Swiss. These have been written I am sure somewhere in this lengthy Blog, however I will try to make sense as best I can as to the how and the why, again the Devil is in the details and the details will drag on too long like the Japanese anime series "One Piece" a bout a group of pirates each having a unique super agility and ability, sailing around on a fantasy adventure, it has over one thousand episodes thus far according to my son, Karim, who has watched most of it. However this Blog has become like a tapestry of episodes, of disjointed incidents and circumstances in the effort to create complete when it is all over; it is therapeutic at least for me to evaluate my life without fear or favor in expressing and exposing what i did and should not have done and where i am headed with all these baggage at the end of my days. Being a father I strongly believe is to firstly come to an understanding of who I am and how I came to be where I am and where I intend to be when I depart this life. It is living my life as an example; I have lived a very rich life filled with guilt and stress and tasted the best and the worse life has to offer. 

I leave this Blog as my legacy to my children that they have some sense as to where I am at as far as religion and spiritual practice in my life is. If they choose not to read my Blog, there is little that i can do bu to carry one setting good examples in how i live my life. I am not a perfect man, never was and perhaps never will be, but I have lived life to the fullest as far as I can see. Could I have done better? Perhaps, but what is better? Who dictates better and by what measure? In the effort to heal my splintered soul through the practice of simple discipline like Zen Meditation and Yoga, prayer and servitude I am still in the midst of setting my path straight as I move forward. It is of no use to talk or lecture or yell at on how to behave to your kids, the kids today are much smarter than those of my generation. Patience is the antidote to solving any conflict in the family and this virtue does not come by without cultivation over time through careful awareness and acceptance. Never let your ego stand in your way off walking away or accepting defeat when confronting the kids,  in time Patience and Faith will help to mend their ways and yours and I am learning this at seventy five. Spiritually speaking, this is what I understand to be living in servitude, living to serve others, to help ease their ways, even if by simply able to listen, to smile, this is servitude, and as charity is said to begin at home, I focus my practice on my children and how to be remembered when I am dead and gone; I did it my Way...I hope they understand.

Some fathers or should I say most fathers faces great financial challenge when raising a child and those who were able to put their children through college are considered good successful fathers as far as securing a sustainable financial future for them. I have observed quite closely the different characters that my four children have grown into based upon their circumstances of their upbringing, environmental and social impacts and parental conditions or state of affairs. I can only make up my own personal summation without prejudice and with the love and intention of a father on the road to find out about himself, how he fared in the course of living as a man. My daughter a few days ago while talking about Malaysians or Asians married to Westerners take pride of themselves taking it as a sign of accomplishment, one step further than the ordinary guy. The subject was about a Millionaire Chinese doctor married to an English lady. I snickered to myself and whispered to her," Ya! but I fathered four children by three Western women. and there is not a dime in the bank, as a matter of fact i don't even have a bank account to my name, where do I stand as a man!" "You are Captain Jack Sparrow, Dad, you have scattered you seed all over more than most men." She shot back at me. Marissa has grown into a fiesty and no nonsence , no holds barred attitude of me at her age and her mother's talents to being a survivor with a big compassionate heart towards others, Master's degree in linguistic studies, my late wife had and she can talk write and teach Japanese and an ESL teacher out of University of Berkley, Ca. Marissa haas grown into her personality as I had fully anticipated raising her from the first day of her life, I changed her first diaper with the help of our neighbor Mrs. Tomi Nagai Roth, the formerly wife of Peter Roth who lived on the same block as we did and that was on 2nd. and Balboa a city's block from the Golden Gate Park. I was the designated sitter and my wife worked to pay the rent. Both Karim and Marissa haad the run of the G.G.Park when they were 1-2 years old and they had a big group of gang at the Rossi Park where all the neighborhood Baby sitters dads and Moms would take their kids to hang out with the kids, someone is always celebrating something and there was food from every part of the world as these folks were a mixed bunch of Moms and Dads from all over the world. I met one of my closest friend Memo Folco and his wife Therese at the park. Both Karim and Marissa were born in San Francisco. Kartim was born at the Davis Medical Center as she was a faculty member of the UC University system; she had a room all to herself with the view of the G.G.Bridge, the downtown Market Street and the room came with a jacuzzi, this was where I was able to listen to rhythm of the beating heart of my son played loudly on the audio box, I played the flute while the mother and child, they slept. 

Marissa was born at the St. ? Hospital on Army in the The Mission District or was it Valencia the  area of San Francisco where the migrants from Guatemala and Honduras and a host of other folks from South America ended up in this district. Of the ten years of my life in the Bay Area, this was where i spent most of my time living as soon as I was kicked out of the Zen Center at Green Gulch. My life began as a homeless man on the streets of San Francisco before i met Nancy Buss Bahari and that is another tale has yet to be shared or perhaps already had in the past postings. I don't mind relating it time and again as I am reliving the moments of my life in the past in more detailed and complete way and writing to make sense out of all the non-sense. what does it all to do with being a good Dad to your kids?! The Devil is in the details and the details are deep rooted karma that has and will always be with me until I pull each and every one of them out by the roots and replace them with the lessons learned, aa gift, a blessing and even a Grace and if you believe in Magic, a Miracle! " Just to be able to walk this earth is a Miracle said my Zen Master The late Rev. Thich Nhat Hahn, the Abbot of Plum Blossom Village. " You just keep being who you are," he said to me when we had an one on one discussion in his small room at the lower floor of the Wheelwright Center at Green Gulch Farm. One of our topic of discussion was how to help the Boat People, Vietnamese refugees seeking asylum who arrived in the waters off the coast of Terengganu. I told I would look into the matter if  and when I return to Malaysia and I later did. I had a gun pointed at my head when I tried to take pictures of a Boat load of  Vietnamese refugees washed up the beach right before my eyes. I was not scared but more like i felt what and idiot i was to start taking pictures of this highly sensitive event unfolding before me with the Local enforcement standing by! I felt stupid because the officer who held the gun to my head was a childhood friend and hunting buddy. He had his laugh. This was how I learned about Pulau Bidong and how the refugees were handled. IN my teenage years, Pulau Bidong was one of the most favorite Island we used to visit in the sixties when there was not a soul on the island much less tourists or refugees an occasional fishing boat, maybe. Tis was where my friend Jamal who pointed his gun at my head, fell into the water and had his shoulder pierced by sea urchins poisonous barbs, I spent quite a long time trying to extract each black needle buried into his flesh in the dark with the help of a flash light. Jamal was like our elder brother back then.

Live life i say to myself like one that they can make a movie out of if they can of forget about living, just drift along with the flow of time and space effortlessly and when it is all over be able to look back and wonder, what the hell just happened?! Was that all there was to it? That was life? Who wrote the script? A father is not unlike a priest, the holy father, the man who carries the cross around the house. a father is the Buddha who forgot every so often to catch his breadth, he must have a good story to tell of how he  had lived his life and does not need to lie about it of make believe and entertaining so much so it fulfills all the intended purpose of this practice, this Way of the Gateless Gate. I feel like to be a healthy and strong image of a dad, you have to become a perfect Director/Actor of your own movie, the how to become a good dad movie. I feel at this stage I am beginning to connect the dots and the lines that has brought me thus far in life and i might add, not too bad! Not too shabby for a reject from mudhole to be most intriguing and interesting man to be called a Dad! Marissa my daughter has an anger management issue just like her Dad.

They asked the Buddha about being a good father... to be Contd.

When the Children of Abraham decided to die rather than live as Brothers and Sisters.

 

Yesterday evening i attended the Aidil Adzha makan or food fair where all kinds of meat from the Korban or sacrificial offerings where a number of cows and goats, camels among other are slaughtered and the meat distributed to one and all especially the needy and the destitute. I could not not eat any because I felt full and had no appetite to eat as I have eaten earlier. But I was there as I told a few of my friends who were sitting at a table I was there to honor the The Aidl Adzha among friends even if I felt not like having any food. On a deeper level when I thought about it I felt strange why wasn't I able to eat I realized that I had eaten too much meat in the last few days to last me a good heart attack. I did not think about it before and what is worse kept having this guilt feeling of rejecting a offering that was sacrificed to the All Mighty commemorating an event where Nabi Ibrahim alaiiSalam, or Abraham was asked to sacrifice His eldest son as a profession of  absolute faith to his Lord. This event not only was significant in its message of Faith and Devotion it also set off the rift between Judaism and Islam with who was it that Abraham chose to sacrifice, Ishmail his eldest son by his maid servant or Ishak, Isaac for the sacrifice" The Judaic Christian narrative quoted Isaac while the Arab Muslim tribes says it was Ismail. Not that it is of great importance anymore as the die is cast and history has taken its course; the children of Abraham will never cease to kill each other till the end of Days. That's why i like to every so often look at life from the Buddhist point of view, it is less dramatic and right to the point; if there is no I there is no conflict{pain}Thus far i have yet to come upon any article or podcast on the subject, perhaps it is for the better it is alreaady bad and getting worse between the so called Abrahamic lineage.

I cannot help but keep asking myself, what is God's purpose in setting up this whole epic adventure that we call life and living. The late Reverend Thich Nhat Han once said in his talk at a Vipassana Retreat he had Green Gulch Farm Zen Community, "To walk is a great miracle in itself, who is walking?" God does not need a purpose that is why He is God, I keep telling myself too, but to understand what is real and what is not one has to dig deep to find the answers even to the simplest of doubt or question, the mind will not let you. Unless off course you are a mystic able to claim he does not think, like  Krishnamoorthi and Sadguru among, of which I seriously question of have my doubts with. Not thinking at all means you are egoless, your ego is dead killed by silence itself and this the ego or as Islam calls it the Nafs, will fight tooth and nail to stay alive; THINK! Who is thinking? Who is the thinker... I'm. Thoughts brought me here! 

It reminds me of story I heard or read a long time ago and it originated from The Yerer Tribe in Africa aand it so happened that an hunter was out snooping in the bushes for a possible meal when he suddenly came upon a human skull bleached all white sitting in the bushes ,"What brought you Here!" the hunter jumped falling on his butt backwards, "Talkng brought me Here," replied the skull. "What brought you here!!" the hunter yelled at the skull, "Talking brought me here!" yelled the bleached skull back! The hunter in all excitement run as fast as his feet could back to the Kraal or village and headed for the chief's residence, shouting and screaming at the top of his voice with what he had discovered. The Chief being a busy man who had many wives to entertain was annoyed at this unruly intrusion into his quiet day eventually ordered his guards to accompany him with the hunter back to where he had made his amazing discovery. When they got to the skull the Chief ordered the hunter to make the skull talk. "What brought you here?! What brought you here! What brought you here! The hunter desperately tried to talk to the skull but no answer! the short of the story is, where there was one skull now there is two left in the bushes. Our thoughts are what keeps us here through the five skandhas or senses, manifesting and projecting images and ideas, dreams and nightmares. Only the great Roshis and Rishis and those 'who have crossed over to the other side' have the capability to not think at all, maybe; I think therefore I am may not all be untrue. It is a major part of the practice of Meditation and Yoga, the Prayer of five times a day, may have an effect on lessening the chattering of the so called 'monkey mind' that we all have some more than others. It is an open secret that the ability to enter into a state 'Silence', is what most practitioners seek to achieve through whatever form of practice one chooses. In Silence it said that you might be able to hear God talking to you; that is if you so choose to listen to the Divine in You. 

In the verses used while we pray the name of Abraham was the only other name that is mentioned other than that of the the Prophet of Allah, Muhammad the Messenger. Ibrahim as we say it Arabic is accorded a highest distinction after the Prophet of Allah, Muhammad the Messenger of Allah. No big deal except the three Abrahamic religions originated from this Father figure. Oh, Happy Father's Day to all dads out there! I always believe that a man is not a real man until he has raised a few kids till they become men. This is the criteria i accept a man, not that i really give a hoot about it, it is just a passing thought. With whatever the cards is thrown at you you do your best to become a father to your children. Sometimes your best is not good enough, you say 'fuck it! I tried. I made myself present at the Aidil Adzha Makan invitation even if I could not eat, suddenly lost my appetite, no desire for meat! What's this? And I end up trying to justify about the whole thing till five in the morning. This is an example of how or what the mind can make you do often unconsciously, this blogging, making this post itself is how the mind constructs an image and set in motion a story line to further happen till the case is closed and shut.  

Can you see beyond what Is?

 "Pay no thought of tomorrow," Jesus.is said to have said that, cause tomorrow may never come as Putin in his pissed off mood might press the wrong button or Biden in his senile mode might do the same or Netanyahu in his las bid to stay in office might just say fuck it, hang them all! So live today, be here now,  dig you nose and not your grave and stay put not kaput! Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are sleepy. Sit and watch the grass grow, that was what the Roshi used to say, and he should know cause all he did was sit on his butt all day long staring into nothingness. The question is how do i keep this monkey mind from rambling on and on in my mind, one of the questions that is still what I am grappling with sine the day I asked seriously , who am I? Yes If you are still reading and it still makes sense to you, well good luck cause I am still here only this time instead of listening to Pink Floyd I am now listening to the verses from the Holy Quran from my note pad at one thirty in the morning and tomorrow is the Hajj or Aidil Adzha celebration all over the world among the devoted Muslims, it is an auspicious morning and I am happy that I remembered. How it must be for those in the Gaza, the Sudan, Syria, Yemen and the rest of the Muslim world be sacrificing their cattle to the Lord of the Worlds if they have any to make the sacrifice. Regardless the blessings of the Allah{awj} be upon all the Muslims here and there may they find solace and comfort in no matter their condition or situation may be for Allah is All Compassionate and Merciful. 

Now I am listening to the Ayah Al Rahman and i can follow a few verses here and there but on the whole I love just listening over and over to the beautiful sound of the verses as they are read in sweet and beautiful voices, the best in the world from the YouTube video. What is the purpose? Why listen to what i do not understand over and over every early in the morning, like i am doing now while making this post? I fell it to grounding for my attention, like a background music, only it is the words of the All Mighty recited in a most melodious way so as to mesmerize the mind and keep it less busy. I wish I had learned to read the Quran in its original form. This reminds e of the time I recited the Al Fatihah, the first surah in the Quran before a crowd of over two hundred people cramped up into the Zendo or meditation hall at Green Gulch Zen Center when I was a practicing student there. Green Gulch Zen Community played host to great American Poets which included  the famous Hippie era icon Alen Ginsberg. It was held on the last day of the seven days Sesshin or retreat for the San Francisco Zen Community and sp the locals were still in the enlightened if no awakened state of consciousness still dressed in the robes that had been worn for seven days all dark and somber in appearance. It was like waking up from a long  nightmarish struggle of sitting meditation facing our darkest shadows while facing the wall all day long and exposed into a gathering of Poets over two hundred of them from all over the Western Coast of the United States, like a gathering of the Grateful Dead.

Throughout the event I sat still on my Zafu still in the state of waking up from one long trip through a tunnel where I had sat and faced whatever it was that had arose in my consciousness along with some ten or fifteen of my fellow Zen Brothers and sisters. I sat still observing and listening to quite a few of the people who were gathered in the meditation hall stood and made a recitation from what they had written or memorized, beautiful lines of salutations and I was absorbed by the whole event. I felt the need to become involved with the happening that was going on around me with a sea of people sitting there dead quiet listening to the poems being sang out randomly by those present it felt exhilarating to say the least. I felt deep in my lower belly rumbling or more like a bubbling and it rose to my throat area and before i could stop myself i was reading the verse from the Al Quran, the Surah Al Fatihah. As soon as the words Bismillah Hir Rahman nir Rahim came out of my mouth there was total silence within and out side of my being, it was like i was in a vacuum and as well known among my fellow Zen students, about to make a fool of myself again. I was known as the 'Disrupter' at the Zen place. There was a part of me that was conscious of it happening and there was a part that wanted it to happen and as i started rciting the verse i felt like the little boy growing up in the Muslim community as  the only Buddhist in the family and the neighborhood. I loved to read this verse when i was a child learning from listening to the radio and when at the funeral or sometimes at the mosque when I had the chance to join the rest of the ummah in prayer. It was the 'Little Kid' in me that recited the verse on that day!

When it was over and I opened my eyes and there from the end of the hall a pair of eyes locked into mine as I saw Alen Ginsberg staring with a big smile on his face and yelling, "You just had to do that didn't you? Shalom!" It was all over and everyone started to walk out of the Zendo and I followed worried sick in my my tummy that i was going to be reprimanded for my bad boy act again. Then out of the blue a hand grabbed my arm and the owner's face came up close to my ear and whispered, "Qulhu Allah u Ahad! Allahu Samad, Lam Ya lid, Walam ulad, Walam Ya kulahu, Kufuan Ahad. Hello, my name is Gabriel and I am from Hungary. it is nice to meet you." What do you know! I met Gabriel from Hungary in the Zendo of the Green Gulch Green Dragon Zen Temple! He stayed around for three days but we never talked, just look and smiled and waved from distance, he liked to do Yoga every morning and evening and his looks reminded me  Senor Rayo, the Brazilian mystic man I met in the small town of Esperanza in the Andes Mountains of Ecuador where i once had un unforgettable magic mushroom trip I called it 'Meeting with the Nagual."  Gabriel from Hugary had long blond hair too and reminded me very much of the Jesus Christ look of the Western Christ in most pictures and in churches, the Blonde Messiah, i used to tell myself whenever i looked upon this image. The very image itself dimmed the lights for me with Christianity and the Crucifixion imagery, I always felt it's a human flaw that God had decided to test the Christians in their faith and understanding. Right uNDERSTANDING! as the Buddha had set as the First of the Precepts in the Eightfold Path, the path towards Salvation. Ydda! Yadda!

Ayat Al Ikhlas 

Ikhlass has a very prominent status in religion; it is unequaled by any other trait. Deeds are only accepted by Allah if they are performed with Ikhlass.

Surah Al-Ikhlas is a great small Surah that briefed the Islamic Aqeeda in a few verses. It has so many virtues mentioned in Sunnah owing to its speech of Allah’s attributes and oneness.

It is in Surah al-Ikhlas that we find Allah’s true nature as revealed in the Quran. This Surah’s goal is to clear up any misunderstandings people may have regarding Allah.

Can you look beyond images?

Can you transcend concepts and beliefs?

Can you see what is beyond you?

Can you tell the Real from the Unreal?

The Truth is in the Silence of the Here and Now,

So pay no thought of Tomorrow.

"For wherever God keeps me,  I shall carry on. For the will of the Father is my will."

 - Paramahmsa Yogananda.

          

. 

The International Conference for Gaza - Jordan

 Urgent Humanitarian Response in Gaza - The International Conference on Gaza in Jordan.

A the moment everyone is out to lunch so I take this break to express my two cents worth of what I feel of the conference that had several countries expressed their pledge towards the restoring of Peace in Palestine and how to save more lives from the killing fields in Gaza. Thus far nothing new has been expressed that would make much difference to the fate of the people of Palestine especially the children and women of Gaza. Everyone of these countries are willing to pour all the financial assistance and aids in all shapes and forms towards the plight of the Palestinians. This included the European, Iraq, Spain, Morocco, Slovenia, Rwanda and a few others including Indonesia which really made any genuine gesture including the taking in of children and those who are in need of medical attention to Indonesia to be healed and returned to Palestine when they are healed and the crisis has ended. Perhaps i am being very pessimistic over the whole conference as I do not see how anything can be carried out until Israel and the United Sates says otherwise. However this is the game of chess at its final and critical stages and the only way for anything to happen if and when there is a willingness for the United Nations is ready to call for a Peace Keeping Force in Palestine. I am positive there will be more than enough member states of of the UN willing to volunteer their arm forces to carry out this responsibility like they did in the Serbian conflict, Somalia and the Congo in the past.

The UN Security Council will be a hurdle to this action if it were to be tabled, it is now the time to take this self serving members of the Security Council to task even it means to bypass any off their involvement; let these so called major world powers hackle among themselves and keep their armies from being called upon unless they volunteer their services. One of the causes of this conflict  being prolonged is because of the Security Council finger pointing and foot dragging self serving attitude towards not being committed to world peace. This is the ego driven manifestation of the dark side of human nature influence deeply by a collective sense of greed, hate and ignorance, the three illnesses that had plagued humanity since man learned how to walk. In the Biblical narrative Caine slayed his brother with the jaw bone of an ass making it the first known murder out of hatred and envy and ever since humanity has been in conflict in one form or another over one reason or another. If we don't have anyone or anything to be in conflict with we will keep on creating one like Star Wars, Aliens and unseen villains from the dark side. From the trend of things it looks like it is not getting any better as we get into the future and possibly till we end ourselves in a Nuclear holocaust and then really there will be no one left to blame or be in conflict with anymore. 

Again I am reminded of the Prophet of Allah {awj} warning of the jihad that is to be won within me. The battle that is ragging in my heart of freeing my soul from the darkness that i have accumulated over time like layers of veils hiding the Divine light, the essence of my beingness, of who I am. In the Buddhist narrative this is the karmic accumulation I have incurred through mindless transgressions or my sins to put it in the Muslim perspective. The Devine spark that Allah has endowed me with when i was created before i was conceived by my parents, the light that generates the energy to keep the motor running while I am still alive buried deep within the layers of defilements so much so that the light is hidden within the heart turning it into a black coal which can only be retrieve when burned by the hottest flames of hell fire in order to expose it again into the pure light of Divine Consciousness; it is like polishing the coal to retrieve the diamond within, this is the Jihad. I know I am running out of time for the task but ever since i woke up from sleep and realized the state of my corrupted heedless mind this has been the focus of my attention, to do my utmost to liberate my soul. I believe in the fact that Allah {awj} is oft forgiving and most merciful and in this I place my faith. This is in essence is karma yoga as the Hindu of the Vedic tradition imparts to those who seek for the liberation from this life of maya or illusion. Like a drop of water seeking its way to the ocean I have traversed through all manner of distractions and tribulations like a cork floating down the river from the wilderness of the mountains being wafted here and there sometimes stuck in between rocks and weeds and sometimes floating freely and effortlessly carried along by the flow of the stream and rivers headed towards the final destination of the ocean of consciousness; the Throne of Allah {awj}, The Arsh.

Al-ʽArsh (Arabic: العرش, romanized: Al-ʿArsh, lit. 'The Throne') is the throne of God in Islamic theology. It is believed to be the largest of all the creations of God.^[1][2]

Surely your Lord is Allah Who created the heavens and the earth in six Days, then subjugated the Throne, conducting every affair. None can intercede except by His permission. That is Allah—your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. Will you not then be mindful?— Surah Yunus 10:3

Whatever the outcome of the International conference on Gaza sponsored by King Abdullah of the Kingdom of Jordan may be it is yet another victory for Hamas when they dared to shake Israel by the tail, it has woken up the whole world into an uproar to the inhuman act of aggression by man to his fellow man, not only in Gaza but the whole regions of conflicts that is taking place all over the planet today. Only the spiritually blind and the walking dead will fail to feel the need for a spiritual awakening and combat these illnesses that has befallen humanity causing sorrow and untold suffering to young and old. What is the sense of being the mightiest of empire in the world, or the richest man when your subjects are in dire need for peace and harmony just to make it through the day. As each and every man has to reclaim his pride and dignity to called a civilized man so does the humanity at large; we have lost our souls in the pursuit of material wealth and power and lost our sense of connectivity to our fellow brothers and sisters and not the mention our children through being too busy in keeping up with the Jones. What legacy if we have any is worth relinquishing to the future generation other than the bleak history that we are in the making. Mankind today has his hand drenched in the blood of the women and children and not only in Palestine but the entire conflict riffed regions of our sad  sick world.    

   

Oh what a world we are living in!

 

These days just browsing the YouTube videos and podcasts titles makes me want to have a lobotomy so as to empty my mind from all these views and interviews being expressed for and against one thing or another. The paradox of the Internet the pros and cons of having too much knowledge exposed at one's fingertips at the end of the day all one finds is that it all amounts to battles of the All Mighty ego one out doing another at the cost human lives and the very existence of humanity itself. As the world is becoming embroiled into deeper and deeper shit we begin to see how what we proudly call our civilized world become unhinged and shatter at every corner like a house of cards. It is like we are waiting for the final countdown while watching ourselves being taken for a ride high and low by the powers that be. The only peace to be found or so it seems is in ignorance, where ignorance is bliss. Ironically most spiritual teachings stresses the ability to remain in complete abstinence from being sucked into the external physical realm of existence and it is also stressed that what is out there is not real, it is all an illusion, mind created and manifested falsehood that is set to mislead or led astray our own inner peace and tranquility.

It is and has never been easy to achieve this state of silence and being removed from the entanglement of social life or what is out there. It is like trying to escape a whirlwind of your own making and not get hit by a flying debris, forced to find a hole somewhere safe while anchored to the ground. However, every now and then when one is able to find the solace and peace within through practice or simply discovering a soft comfort zone to lay the mind down for a brief respite one discovers that it is all part and parcel of what is called life. The ebbs and flow of life is inherent in all as we float down this river towards the ocean of consciousness and merge completely with the Whole or the One. Some say that we are Gods in human form and at the end of our journey we claim our rights as Gods incarnate if and when we have a thorough realization  of who we truly are otherwise we keep on evolving until we attain to this  the Divine Nature, our Real Self and Buddhism take it a step further by discarding this Self and becoming One with the the Eternal Being or the Void or the Emptiness or Cosmos whatever your understanding of it to be. In Islam it is said that only Allah Azza wa Jalla,{awj} truly exist and others are but His creation and manifestations from the microcosmic to the macro parts and particles of this Universe to accept otherwise is Kufr or blasphemous. Hence I really do not exist except as a temporary vehicle of God's manifestation and when all is said and done I exit this life to return to Him to Whom I truly belong like a drop of water returning to the ocean. Innalillahi wainna lillahi rajiun! From Him I came to Him I return, Insha'Allah. 

What does Azza wa jalla means.

The word ‘Azza’ is derived from ‘Izzah’, which means might and power and the word ‘Jalla’ is derived from Al-Jalaal, which means greatness and reverence. Therefore, the term Azza wa Jalla is an attribute of Allaah which means that He is the Owner of Greatness and Reverence and that He is The Most Strong Who is never defeated.

Allaah Knows best.  - from, islamweb.net

The impermanence of life is accepted by the Muslim as one of God's gift to man to remind him to make the best of our allowed time here in this physical life and to keep as a reminder that all of us will end this life and return to our original source where we came from and be judged of our performance while being alive whether we have fulfilled our obligations as Muslims towards That which have created this  Universe and all that is for our benefit. It is like the graduation commencement from this school off life. It is also to for the reflection of the legacy that we would leave behind us for the next generation. The impermanence of life also helps to keep us from being overly zealous in pursuing what is not permanent such as fame and fortune through greed and self aggrandizement to be frugal and charitable in our dealings with thee rest of humanity. Death is to be accepted as a matter of course and to be a lesson and a reminder of our fragility such that we do not become arrogant in our demeanor and behavior towards our fellow man, that we may escape the laws of man but not the laws of the Creator of man. This much I have my faith in having lived this life for the past 75 years having tasted the best and worst that it has to offer and I am still unprepared to face my Lord to face His final evaluation of my brief stay on this plane of existence.   

 

 

   

  

"Shine on You Crazy Diomond...!"

 My hernia wound is healing up well except for the swelling around the general area which according to Ben Ronjen , it is natural and will be gone in time. Ben should know he was once a registered nurse in Australia and he just had his hernia problem taken care not too long ago at the same Lam Wa Ee hospital. Yesterday evening i had hung out with Ben, Erik from New Zealand and a new guy Richard from South Africa close by at his shop at the Hin Bus Depot, it was then that I showed Ben my 'War' wound for  free medical update. For those of my readers who are not familiar with the names and places i am talking about, we live in and age where its all at the fingertips, google has it covered. If you are a believer in the fact that Devil is in the details it might be of benefit to you if your are planning on travelling along this way for no special reason, come hang out with us when you come by Georgetown, Penang. We have one rule to abide by and that is 'Racism is not Tolerated,' in any form, shape or sizes and in any slurs and snipes or simply sharing a thought or an idea. Just my thoughts which would later include the wearing of 'Debonair Hats', as a collective image, will make pipe smoking as another possibility in the later time, but for now this is it. In the meantime suffice it is with the one rule that should cover all possible animosity being ignite among gentlemen out to simply have fun at the end of their days. So all are welcome foreign and locals alike: Welcome to the Lazy Man's Club.

What is the pain of my hernia operation compared to the suffering of injured, hungry and dead children in Gaza?! Being put under while the doctor worked on putting back my intestine into place where it should be was short of a miracle of Anesthesia and I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your arm or leg amputated without this procedure. I have a five-six inch wound line in the lower side of my abdomen and how it came to be and what was done when my belly was cut open I will never know, I can only imagine, and thank God I did not have the opportunity to feel while it all happened. It is however a reminder for me of what suffering of physical pain must be like for those in the wake of conflicts and wars. After having spent three and half years of boning meat on a meat packing line at Green Bay and later in Milwaukee, Wisconsin I thought that i would have been immune to the sight of blood, not really. The slaughtering of cattle during the time Korban on the day of Aidil  Azhar or as the Malay calls it Hari Raya Haji still makes me feel squeamish, and witnessing the actual slaughtering itself upsets my stomach. However it also highlights my hypocrisy about enjoying a beef soup or 'sup tulang' every now and then... its highly doubtful that i can ever become a vegetarian. In the past few years ever since I took up making breakfast, lunch and dinner for my two adult kids and I, I have been trying to get them to eat more vegies like it or not. 

Faith and spirituality is a very personal journey that a man has to undertake and none can approve or disprove  as it is a matter between one and one's Lord and Creator. We are all trying to get to the same gate at the end of our days and how we get there or which gate we end up at is what life is all about; it's all about choices. Religions are the instructional manual to keep us on the right path which ever path we chose. It must be the age! I am poking out words and ideas like there is no tomorrow, like i am some Mystic from the Kailash Mountain in the Himalayas. I better quit while i still can find my way home. 

Let's listen to Pink Floyd before we take a break or nap, "Wish You Were here!"  

Roger Waters have gone far out on a limb for the plight of Palestine, I raise my cap to him. This is Art for humanity's sake, this is screaming out your vengeance and frustrations through the creative medium.    

Life is but a College and I am a student dancing with my shadow.

 "If you could read my mind Girl!" This Gordon Lightfoot song is forever stashed in my record stack of my mental juke box among others that I have grown up with. The song "Pussy Willows Cattails and Roses," is still one of my favorite song to play on the guitar and sing to. "The Legend of Edmund Fitzgerald, " is another of Gordon Lightfoot's song that i have tried to memorize but its too long although it held a memory for me having lived in Wisconsin for eight years. When I first heard the song I knew it is one of those songs I have to be able to sing to myself every now and then when I miss the life in  Green Bay, Wisconsin that sits on Lake Michigan. 

I learned to play the guitar by learning to play the song, "House of the Rising Sun." a song by the Animals a British Group.

"The House of the Rising Sun" is a traditional folk song, sometimes called "Rising Sun Blues". It tells of a person's life gone wrong in the city of New Orleans. Many versions also urge a sibling or parents and children to avoid the same fate. The most successful commercial version, recorded in 1964 by the British rock band the Animals, was a number one hit on the UK Singles Chart and in the US and Canada.^[1] As a traditional folk song recorded by an electric rock band, it has been described as the "first folk rock hit".^[2][3]

The song was first collected in Appalachia in the 1930s, but probably has its roots in traditional English folk song. It is listed as number 6393 in the Roud Folk Song Index."

The song was taught to by an English Aircraft Engineer by the name of John Rankine. We were employed by the Bristow Helicopters that was in service for the ESSO - Continental Oil Exploration off the coast of Terengganu. I was a radio operator. This was my second job after i had fished with my school life, the first job was working as an assistant  to a Medical Research Institute {IMR}  doctor who was an American. I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with the Westerners where i had a firsthand lesson in racism and bigotry, how the west viewed the east. I also had the opportunity to meet  a few westerners who pointed me the direction to take with my attitude, some good others I accept as life's rough and rocky roads I needed to tread to get to where i needed to go. By this tie my dream of a higher scholarship education was laid to rest and my twin brother occupied that space for me. My twin brother did allot better than me in school and deserves to take the high road, he got to go to college while started out on the road to find out. On looking back now I am beginning to realize more and more to the fact Allah was and had always been watching over me even though I had challenged Him when I was thirteen, out of sheer anger and frustrations i had raised my fist at Him  in the dead of the night while sitting on the steps of my home crying in pain and shame and no one to turn to. I was young then but now i can see where life had led me and how many times in my life that i should have been, could and would have suffered a whole lot serious problem had I no guardian angel that often catches me or give a nudge on my shoulder to shift me a fraction of an inch from creating a disaster to myself and those around me. Perhaps it is just another story I keep telling myself again and again over time I start to believe in it. I had transgressed in the worst of ways that dark night of my soul and I full am willing to face the retribution from Him who I have surrendered to my heart and soul to and that I have never doubt that sooner or later i will i will return to Him. I felt this every time I heard the Azan on the radio when I was a child, it touches my heart and i felt that God is near and he is Great. It was not an easy life growing up in Terengganu either especially when you extra load of religious and racial issues to deal with being born and raised a Buddhist?! With a name like Nanda Sena?

When was the last you listened to Fleetwood Mac? or The Animals, or War? It is in listening to music that and the reading of Novels and comic books that had brought me here that and the thirst for life, the pride and passion of living to the fullest knowing that God is on your side and you are His prodigal child. This I have faith in that Allah Aza wa jalla, is One and only Lord of Creation and there is none but He. Call Him by what name you are most familiar with according to your faith. I keep justifying this again and again so as to remove all doubts and questions and then again my ego still pretty much run the show where life is concern. The Jihad that The Prophet of Allah had warned about takes place within each and every one of us; our nafs or ego is our adversary that needs to be made fully understood and brought into submission by the soul, You. How do you loose your shadow while you are still alive? For so long as you are in the light or the light shines upon you, you have a shadow. There is no light without its accompanying darkness, to be aware of this fact about one is to have a better understanding of human nature, yours and mine. The Cosmic Symbol of the Yin and Yang in Taoist myth and magic is like two tadpoles black and white encircling one another in a perfect hug and in the center of each form is a dot, white on black and vice-versa. This is the seed of potentialities that is inherent within both opposites that within good itself is contained the seed of evil and within evil is the seed for good. Man is given 'free will' to make the choices he makes and bear the consequences or rewards of every action he chose at every moment in his life and this is roughly what karma is all about in Buddhism. The Lord also graced us with wisdom and intelligence that we make the right choices unless we chose not to heed the warning of all the Prophets and Saints, Rishis, life itself is a college and I am but a student dancing with my ego.

 

  

Runnning to the Mountains is becoming a Cliche - ONe just have to face it.

 My relationship with my friends is slowly thinning out and not by any negative conscious feelings about it but just a passing observation as I see or visit less and am easily turned away if i feel the toxicity of being in the same group of people for a long period of time; we are just playing the game like nothing ever changes and we are all seemingly perfecting our own game before we exit the stage. In moments like this one is reminded the emptiness of impermanence, one of the main causes of suffering. As i stopped by the Selera Wawasan Restaurant located on the corner of Jalan Sungai, what used to be called River Road for lack of better name and Sungai Pinang Road, the Yellow House. It was my grandmother's house handed down to my auntie, Mak Timah Bidan{midwife}and now it has been a catering and restaurant run by one of my cousins and his children. This will lead to yet another toxic story if i keep at it, so I will bear witness and let it play itself out. It is not my concern who is the rightful inheritor to the house which is still up and hanging, I was once accused of trying to make claim to the house by my cousin who is a week older than me, whose mother's milk I shared with him to have stayed alive and this my late Auntie told me herself among other sobering stories of my being brought into this world alongside my twin brother. I had attended the weddings of all his children except the last and my favorite one and i could not find the true reason why and do no care dwell on this toxic issue. But i have to keep visiting the house to pay my respect to my cousin sister and see how she is doing. Islam professes 'Silatur Rahim' or the blood ties between Muslims family and friends whereby one do the best to keep the family ties between siblings and their children and between relatives and friends who enjoy being in your presence and they in yours, the brotherhood of the Muslim Ummah encompasses from the microcosm to the macrocosm of humanity; All men are brothers in the eyes of the Lord as all women are sisters in Islam. For this i have tried my best to carry out perhaps as a penance to not having made any contact with my home and family all those years i had lived in the United States; burning my bridges behind me, cutting off all my past so to speak.

I learned the art of letting go at a very young age and not consciously most of the time and in anger half the time. There are a few in my life I would still like to reach out and touch base, catch up and spin stories of the past and to have faith in the future; Insha'Allah! Life is mostly about having strong and genuine relationship with your fellow humans and it need not be in numbers but it should be in quality. Someone who would go that extra mile for you and vice versa. someone whose honesty you never doubted. someone who keeps reminding you of who you truly are and that life is worth living. this kind of someone you want to keep till the end. Islam encourages to start with your siblings but it is not the case often times, then your relatives and then your friends, however friends are most often the ones the ends up being your soulmate, closest to you. I learned my lesson that no man is an island when I was living by myself during my college years in Wisconsin and later three years in Sendai, Japan.

Your other choice is to run to the hills, find a mountain and sneak into a cave and meditate on what it is all about make it your last bucket wish... What else is there to do when you come to realize that it is all an illusion and meaningless, wealth and poverty, pain and pleasure, right and wrong, it is all a sickness of the mind... son't take my word for it, the Buddha said it too.

  

The Most Challenging Education is to Uneducate Yourself.

 I have come to realize that I am living the life of a schizoid as there are it seems two distinct sides to who I am, how i think and how I act it seems is govern by these two personalities. One of them thinks and dreams in English and the other does it in Malay. My western nature seeks the fulfillment of the physical and material realm to the fullest while the Muslim me keeps my in check from drifting too far from the Din of Islam and the teachings of the Awakened One. In other words the Eastern me is the one that held me back when I stand at the edge of the abyss, giving me faith in something far greater then what this life has to offer. My western nature has kept me alive, active, inquisitive and creative of which I had let my ego ran wild especially while living in the United States for 21 years. The West gave me the freedom to choose to be while the East has given the wisdom of the ages that of my father's and mother's and theirs before them. The Faith they had in these religions has helped sustained  generations of my ancestors and here i stand as a legacy of their strong commitment to their faith. I am not my body nor am I my mind, these ar my tools and instruments of expression and manifesting all my actions in this physical realm and as such I take very good care of their functional capacity to the best of performance. I have pushed my body to the limits as every career i had would testify to this and i have fine honed it to perform more delicate and sophisticated performances such as painting and printmaking and i can play the guitar and the flute. I may not be of a master class at these but i always gave it my best when I set my mind to it. 

The West in me has brought out my animal nature, my darker shadow nature that obeys the command of the ego and often unconsciously until he steps on a mine or tripped by a wire, then he sits back and justify to himself the how and the whys. I do this and I am talking exactly about how my mind is divided in every move I make by the dichotomy of the East and West.  { not saying this metaphorically but am aware that i am divided in my thoughts between the western way of decerning, thinking dreaming planning just about any forms of mental formation i express I find my mind has to make a choice, should i express or manifest myself with my western persona or should I reserve myself with a more spiritual approach of an Easterner. Ironic it seems after having spent almost 30 years of thinking and living my life with a western mentality, I discovered faith and spirituality in the West and as a matter of fact I had  unconsciously rejected religions altogether when I arrived in the United States sometime in 1973 - 4 and i was 25 years of age married with a four month old boy arrived at The Austin Straubel Aitrport, aka "The Gateway to Lambeau." in Green Bay, Wisconsin in the dead of winter! It was no doubt a life changing experience for one who grew up in Georgetown, Penang where the day is always warm and the nights are always cool and there was never a worry about snow. I can safely say that my soul was put to the grind in just trying to figure out what is Halal and what is not, How i coped later on is a subject well worn out from repetition so help yourself its in there somewhere just type Green Bay in search. I keep repeating my stories so they overlap filling in more details as I keep reaching back for answers or try to make sense of what, where or when events took place in the course of mu life.

I realize that whatever I have written and or documented, sketched or painted in my journals, are really of no significance or have any value at the end of the day when I depart from this life; at least not to me. What i have got thus far from having undertaken this self discovery research assignment is  the ability to distinguish who I am from who I think I am. I also have a good handle on how my mind operates towards any given time and space i have learned from it also that nothing really is Real at least nothing last in time or nothing is eternal except this that is ever bearing witness to every aspect of life and navigating the way through tick and thin with the least of resistance and effortlessly. It has spelled out almost my entire history from birth till this date laying bare my weaknesses and strength even though at this stage .barely scratching the surface for the deep rooted karmic consequences are still buried deep perhaps best kept buried for good. I one keeps picking off the scab from the wound one is bound to cause more infection it is best in some cases to let the wound dry out by itself naturally no matter how much the scab itches to be picked. 

When my Wife, son and I was driven off from the Airport by my mother in law to our home in Duck Creek of Shawano Avenue, Brown County, Green Bay, Wisconsin, I felt my life as a Malay,{I never thought of myself as any other than being a Malay,} had slipped away from me; I felt like a soul in transition neither here nor there, I was scared. Henceforth my life as an American, a westerner began and i found myself burning the bridges behind me as part of my survival instinct which I realized later in life that had helped kept me alive and able to take on life whatever it had to throw at me and keeping this journalistic, documentation, biographic diary of a Blog is an will be on going till Google breaks down or i die. I am proud to say thus far I have never earned a dime from this Blog writing and so I owe no one any favors except my son whose computer I am using. Whether I am looking back at myself with a western or an eastern mind it does not really matter as having a slight understanding of how my mind operates helps to keep myself from being overly judgmental when making a posting or telling a story. Now that I am enjoying it how do i get off from this addiction, it is an addiction like it or not when you sit up at 3 in the morning writing about yourself for no one in particular but yourself and justifying to it by saying it is a labor of Love and Healing, it helps to keep the soul from being totally sucked into this whole illusion we call Life!  

So, How do I un-educate myself?