Just Who Am I? - a brief profile.

Briefly...

I am a Malaysian, born and raised in Georgetown, Penang. Attended Francis Light primary School in the fifties till 1962 and later moved to Kuala Terengganu located on the East Coast of the Peninsular. Spent my teenage years and secondary education at the SS, or Sultan Sulaiman Sec. Sch. along side my twin brother and my eldest brother was the disciplinary teacher at the same school. School was never easy for me. On top having to please my eldest brother i also had to compete with my twin brother for attention; my bad. Not to dwell in the past, even if the devil is in the details, I have visited my past too much too often and it's way past the time to let go and move on. However I tend to do this as a matter of fact I simply cannot let go, break the mold for good and move beyond the need to look for a justification as to who i have become. I am a Malaysian who have spent twenty four years of my life living abroad. This is the gist of who I was as a young adult who grew up a splintered soul at a very young age.  

I left Malaysia at the age of twenty five after being married and with a son to an American lady and together we moved to her hometown in green Bay Wisconsin. Life took yet a drastic change for me as soon as i arrived in the Midwest of the United States, the coldest part of the whole country in winter. This too was who i was and what i was or what i became. Almost eight years i spent in Green Bay before i finally put myself through school and got a bachelor's degree in The Fine Arts at the University of Wisconsin - Green Bay. It took me ten long years to finish paying for my school loans. I graduated with a degree that i self designed. It was made possible through the University of Madison's pioneer program called 'University without walls." Had i remained in Malaysia I would have unqualified to be in the university due to my poor performance in the School Cert. Examination.

My letter of proposal to the board of faculty members chosen to evaluate my intention was entitled, " Art in Quest of The Universality." I could have come with a better title but at the time I was not as sharp as I am today, however i was a good artist and I was willing to take art education to another level. My letter convinced the board and I was given the green light without any deliberation. I left the US for England on my first semester project and later followed by a trip to the South West of the United States, New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado, this was followed by a trip to Colombia and Ecuador in South America and the final trip took me home to Malaysia, where it all began. 

Upon graduation I left Green Bay and headed for Alaska on a one way ticket I thought I'd never return to Wisconsin, however after two years in the Bering Sea in the Aleutian Chain I returned after yet another failure in life and relationship but full of experiences and tales to tell, Green Bay was the closest in all sense of the word home my second home. After almost two years of living a Hedonistic life in Green Bay I was asked to leave by an elderly lady by the name of Rosella Kelly, {Dennis Kelly whom I later met in San Francisco was my first Zen/Yoga Teacher}, and join a Buddhist Monastery in California and which I did, in San Francisco Bay Area. This is just a synopsis of my young adult life living in the United States and as the saying goes, the devil is in the details or you can read it in this Blog as I am positive i have written about each an episode of what I am writing about.

 I drifted from Wisconsin to San Francisco and and lived for 10 years in the Bay Area and two of which was spent at a Zen Buddhist Monastery. One of the best times of my life was spent there married at the Zen Meditation hall at Green Gulch on Star Route 1 , Sausalito, Marin County, California. and raised two children. Upon being 'booted out of the Zen Center, I  experienced what it felt like to be a homeless man in the City of San Francisco and I survived by sheer luck. 

My family and i relocated to Sendai, Japan where we spent three years living among the Japanese getting first hand education to their life and culture while continuing to be an artist living the Universal Life. Japan was the transition point before we headed home to Malaysia, 'The East' and again to where it all began. When asked why I returned to Malaysia after having lived in the US and Japan, I come to realize now that life is a cycle if and a circle. We keep repeating again and again our actions and change after every moment in time when there is the need to; stagnation causes an early death.

Life goes on with or without me and the fisherman a few yards away from me is checking his traps if there is any shrimps or crabs. I am sitting at my usual 'port' staring out at the bay between the island and the mainland, somewhere on the horizon is the First Penang Bridge. This very location itself will soon be history too when the developers gets their way. The Malays here have given up putting up a fight for their space and pride and opted for financial compensation. 

 How far or how near i am to the other shore while on this journey of my personal life is yet to be ascertain and most probably i am as I was when I began this journey, when I woke up from my slumber of the first time and saw myself as merely drifting in this life from one distraction to another. How close am I from the knowledge of who I truly am or what is my true nature is still percolating on the back burner: my trip to Pulau Kapas was more than to enjoy scenery or ogling at the beautiful bodies. I visited the island to find a space where i can make a retreat for myself and be able to look much deeper into my original nature with no one to interrupt my solitude but nature itself; the Monsoon.