Yes why think somuch?

As long as I am thinking I might as well write my thoughts down so i can access what i am thinking about sometimes repetitiously, over and over. J. Krishnamurti encourages one to become aware of all thoughts that passes through one's consciousness throughout the day and in the beginning I thought this was madness. Like how can you keep tab on all that your mind think about day in day out, how much thoughts that is, impossible! Then i decide i would give it a try and over the years slowly but surely i found that ti is not impossible at all and as a mater of fact I can almost picture my thoughts as i watch them rise and fall away when I sit and meditate or while I am driving or especially while waiting for someone or something. After reflecting over what had transpired, what had captivated my interest  what or why I had judged such and such a person an so forth I began to notice how my mind functions. What makes me feel afraid or fear, why was i rude, how did i manage to make a fool of myself, why was I angry, jealous, at any given moment; yes it is possible to watch my thoughts as closely as I possibly could day in day out.

Then there are thoughts that pops up from within me, like out of the blue i am defending myself for a mistake i made years ago, or how I hated my brother or my neighbor's dog, or why did I gave up hockey and on and on and. These thoughts rises from out of 
nowhere and often times I would end up spending time trying to figure out, rationalize or feel bad or sad or repentant or even cry out for Divine intervention!  Yes what a bloody waste of energy and time, but it happens and it happens quite often like clockwork until I woke up one day and decided that i had enough of this drama and shut down the broadcasting studio in my head; sadly and most unfortunately, new stations pops up with more news. Yes, the human mind is a TV station that has myriads of channels and is active for as long as it is alive. So, Krishnamurti urged me to analyze and understand each and every thought that pops up in my mind in my daily life and see what gives. Like a fool I decided I would give it a shot and here i am writing it all down for the past thirty odd years, in my journals before there was a computer and now in my blogging which I started sometime in 2005.

Sometime in my life i decide that i am an addict like my father and my grandfather before m, they were alcoholics for most of their lives and i was pretty much on the same track to becoming one. Then i decide if i am genetically addictive (blame it on the genes), I might as well become addictive to thinking out lofty thoughts and ideas just like everyone else who writes memoirs and all kinds of other far out books and novels on top being an artist. I was introduced to the late Stan Lee, co creator of Marvel Comics at the age of twelve or thirteen through my eldest brother who subscribed to these comic books. At the same time I was introduced to the Jazz Greats like Cannon Ball Alderly (sp?), Ramsey Lewis, Louise Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald , to name a few and folk singers like Harry Belafonte, and Nat King Cole,  Peter Paul and Marry and a host of others. In books i read just about every novel that came my way through my brother  James Michener, Harold Robins, Dennis Wheatly, and numerous other great authors of the sixties onward. Why am i telling all these? Because these were the food I ate for my thoughts as i was growing up and i was an insatiable and voracious when it comes to becoming an addict to anything. I had filled my head to the max from the most holy and sanctified to most filthy and corrupted; no holds barred! 

Now i wonder why i think too much or where are they all arising from in my waking hours or my sleep; I am addicted to thinking, I am an obsessed thinker.