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"Modern science is swiftly catching up with what the Ancients have been
teaching since time immemorial: just how powerful our thoughts are on
our experience of physical reality. One of the things scientists are
quickly coming to terms with is that, if performed in the correct state,
there is literally no difference in mental visualization and actual physical experiences─both affect the brain in the same way!Modern science is swiftly catching up with what the Ancients have been
teaching since time immemorial: just how powerful our thoughts are on
our experience of physical reality. One of the things scientists are
quickly coming to terms with is that, if performed in the correct state,
there is literally no difference in mental visualization and actual physical experiences─both affect the brain in the same way!
Modern science is swiftly catching up with what the Ancients have been
teaching since time immemorial: just how powerful our thoughts are on
our experience of physical reality. One of the things scientists are
quickly coming to terms with is that, if performed in the correct state,
there is literally no difference in mental visualization and actual physical experiences─both affect the brain in the same way!"
The Benefits of Mental Rehearsal
I can always say,"see i told you so, just yesterday!" Today I stumble on Face Book this article like it was meant as a footnote to my ramblings. I was not making shit as i go along no, I know and i feel, it is a part of my intuition that these things as they are, only I am no big name to be bothered with and who cares. What is crucial for me is to able to make these observations as i go along with my experiment and record them just as I am doing right his moment. I have been sharing my practices over the years among which is the practice of , Auto-suggestion whereby I keep repeating to myself certain 'mantras', like "I am whole, complete and perfect..." I have been doing this for many years now ever since the idea was put into my mind from reading, Frank Haarnel's "The Master Key." I was twenty five years old when I was given the book and which I took with me from Malaysia to the United States. I saw the truth in such a practice way back when and today still do it as it has become my personal mantra, it has a strong impact on my life
I am no scientist in any scientific field albeit a biologist or a physicist, no neurologist and as a matter of fact i hated science especially mathematics. However I know I have good sense of intuition and I trust my intuitions which tells me that I am the 'Master of my own ship. That I am the master of my body, speech and mind of my thoughts and consciousness...' I realized long ago that I am not this mind or body and that my brain cells have no idea what to do other than the norm for physical survival, unless I instruct them and so I instruct each and every cell in my mind and body through my auto suggestions, my mantra. One just have to do it and have strong believe and commitment in the fact that it is the right way although may not be the only way. Through meditation, through Zikrulah or chanting, through complete awareness in whatever activity I am involved in like working on my paintings or as I am doing now making this post, it all boils down to having a direct communication with all the atoms and subatomic particles that makes up this body through cells and to the bone and flesh structures, to manifest collectively as one entity and perform accordingly as instructed through the mind by the spirit., (for lack of a better word.)
Not that it does any good although once in a while you get the feeling that something works when a little surprise happens, but mostly you just wish for a miracle which never comes; Such Is.
No matter how hard you try, no matter how much time you devote, I find it is all a matter of persistence and perseverance, and then cross your fingers that you may be headed in the right direction. If there is anything to be learned from all these trials and efforts is that one has to be open and not expecting anything out of the ordinary, just accept and allow for what happens to play itself out; anger, sorrorw, comfort, pleasure, whatever. Accept and allow for all phenomena to manifest as they arise and falls but steer clear from attachment to any as to be true or a reality. nothing is real. not a thing and this is underlying truth. The whole universe is a mental formation a collective universal consciousness that emanates from one source of energy and this source is the Alfa and the Omega, the Eternal Tao, the Supreme State of Being, call it by whatever name, it is That Which Is.
# Alfa&Omega, mracles.
As long as I am thinking I might as well write my thoughts down so i can access what i am thinking about sometimes repetitiously, over and over. J. Krishnamurti encourages one to become aware of all thoughts that passes through one's consciousness throughout the day and in the beginning I thought this was madness. Like how can you keep tab on all that your mind think about day in day out, how much thoughts that is, impossible! Then i decide i would give it a try and over the years slowly but surely i found that ti is not impossible at all and as a mater of fact I can almost picture my thoughts as i watch them rise and fall away when I sit and meditate or while I am driving or especially while waiting for someone or something. After reflecting over what had transpired, what had captivated my interest what or why I had judged such and such a person an so forth I began to notice how my mind functions. What makes me feel afraid or fear, why was i rude, how did i manage to make a fool of myself, why was I angry, jealous, at any given moment; yes it is possible to watch my thoughts as closely as I possibly could day in day out.
Then there are thoughts that pops up from within me, like out of the blue i am defending myself for a mistake i made years ago, or how I hated my brother or my neighbor's dog, or why did I gave up hockey and on and on and. These thoughts rises from out of
nowhere and often times I would end up spending time trying to figure out, rationalize or feel bad or sad or repentant or even cry out for Divine intervention! Yes what a bloody waste of energy and time, but it happens and it happens quite often like clockwork until I woke up one day and decided that i had enough of this drama and shut down the broadcasting studio in my head; sadly and most unfortunately, new stations pops up with more news. Yes, the human mind is a TV station that has myriads of channels and is active for as long as it is alive. So, Krishnamurti urged me to analyze and understand each and every thought that pops up in my mind in my daily life and see what gives. Like a fool I decided I would give it a shot and here i am writing it all down for the past thirty odd years, in my journals before there was a computer and now in my blogging which I started sometime in 2005.
Sometime in my life i decide that i am an addict like my father and my grandfather before m, they were alcoholics for most of their lives and i was pretty much on the same track to becoming one. Then i decide if i am genetically addictive (blame it on the genes), I might as well become addictive to thinking out lofty thoughts and ideas just like everyone else who writes memoirs and all kinds of other far out books and novels on top being an artist. I was introduced to the late Stan Lee, co creator of Marvel Comics at the age of twelve or thirteen through my eldest brother who subscribed to these comic books. At the same time I was introduced to the Jazz Greats like Cannon Ball Alderly (sp?), Ramsey Lewis, Louise Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald , to name a few and folk singers like Harry Belafonte, and Nat King Cole, Peter Paul and Marry and a host of others. In books i read just about every novel that came my way through my brother James Michener, Harold Robins, Dennis Wheatly, and numerous other great authors of the sixties onward. Why am i telling all these? Because these were the food I ate for my thoughts as i was growing up and i was an insatiable and voracious when it comes to becoming an addict to anything. I had filled my head to the max from the most holy and sanctified to most filthy and corrupted; no holds barred!
Now i wonder why i think too much or where are they all arising from in my waking hours or my sleep; I am addicted to thinking, I am an obsessed thinker.
Thoughts are like flies or worse mosquitoes buzzing around your ears and you end up slapping yourself silly with frustration and even anger. Not to worry thoughts are here to stay and very few, very very few can eliminate thoughts from their conscious minds completely. In the words of LaoTzy,"He who can stop their mind from thinking for three minutes can become the Emperor of China." Please do not quote me on this but I quote from memory that i came across such word sometime in the past. perhaps reading Alan Watts, or some such thinkers. In my quest over the years to come to an understanding of the workings of my mind, I have found that no man deals with the subject of thoughts more so than J.Krishnamurti as in just is all of his talks and writings he keeps the subject as the key note. I do not intend to reiterate his whole philosophy on the matter even if i claim to have a grasp on it somewhat; thought is a subject not easy to comprehend not even to the greatest of sages and savants, they were and are still like flies buzzing around their ears uninvited.
The subject of thoughts and the thinking mind however cannot be simply swept under the carpet of ignorance; it is thoughts that creates the Universe some wise men say or at least you own world. What you think is what you get and since there is so much thinking going on we get a whole mess of mass delusion and those able to think the loudes it seems leads the world towards its demise. When man was given 'free will' or the ability to think for himself and make choices on his own, it was a joke played on him an d it has come to be that it is indeed a deadly joke. Our collective human thoughts and ideas revolving around us in the atmosphere into the vast space of heaven itself, is turning into a psychic disaster like that of the plastic waste choking up the Port of Durban in South Africa. Our thoughts has both positive and negative vibes and the negative vibes are most toxic when expressed unchecked; there will be enough mind doctors to help figure this one out, to at least bring about a balance, not in my lifetime. What we have today i a runaway train of thoughts bearing loads of toxic vibes that shatter the very fabric of existence itself if left unchecked.
But who really pays attention to such bombastic claims anymore, like all these talks of self discovery, self empowerment, the power of thoughts and the Power of Now, consciousness and collective consciousness,yada, yada! Who has got the time of day? We are into 5G technology and high speed trains that can take one from Singapore to Beijing in a matter of hours if the Chinese have their way. We are into building higher and bigger while the land is sinking into the flood waters, we are busy chopping down forests and jungles to plant rows and rows of whatever crop that makes the most money in the market today, we are busy putting the animal kingdom to extinction one species after another with no qualms, we are busy setting new ways and means on how to eliminate our fellow human in the fastest and least complicated ways; we are a very busy specie out to annihilate itself. We have ultimately become a cancerous virus to the rest of the Universe and we live in the ultimate denial of it all; who has the time to dwell on subjects that does not make any sense anymore, like what is a thought?
While scientists and neurologists are relentless in trying to figure out what makes our brain tick, we are way ahead in getting ourselves blown to smithereens, why? Because the devil makes us do his job for him, or is it because of our bloody ignorance in not willing to make the effort o come to a right understanding of who or what we are what we are capable of. We have been put or so it seems into a survival mode with fear as our stimulus leading us towards becoming a zombie mob out to eat eachother's brains rather than use it to think, to figure out to understand. The ancient wise men has for ages been pointing out to us that it is all in the understanding of the workings of the mind that is crucial; what we think, how we think or when we think that really matters. Can the thinking mind be brought o silence? Can we achieve an absolutely quiet mind free from ant thought processes? Simply put, yes we can but we do not have to says ancient wisdom, because thoughts are an integral part of our genetic make up scientists are confirming; no thoughts means no existence, no matter, no time no space. It is the presence of thought that manifests our existing plane of existence.
So, what is thought, why think?
Seek Silence for you have nothing more to prove aside from making noises like and empty drum. Seek Beauty as there is so much ugliness and discord in the world around you. Become a true seeker of Spiritual Enlightenment for nothing is worth finding that matters in the end. The journey may be long and winding full of holes and pitfalls, but get up, rebound and continue towards that which you seek, the goal is yours and yours alone; to attain liberation is to have lived life to the fullest. Good and bad, right and wrong are but a sickness of your own mind, become a healer of your own soul by right and complete understanding of who you truly are. Stop looking backwards too often and trudge on forward even when it all seems too bleak to comprehend. Never say die before your time is up, throw in the towel after it has been drenched by your blood sweat and Love with all your heart that you too will find Love in the hearts of others. Wake up! Stay awake and do not let them fool you.
In more than one way the world is spinning out of control, stay your course for no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, it is your way, your journey towards your destination. If you have to have Faith, have faith in who you are and become that which is truly your destiny; God will understand. If you have to be proud and defiant let it be because you have earned your birth right to be so; you have earned your Rights of Passage. Be humble and tread life with humility,walk with your eyes cast to the ground before you lest you step upon a sentient being crawling across your path. The eyes that likes to wander is easily trapped by wonder and invites more baggage to be dealt with in the mind. Listen not to the discourse of others unless they are worth your while and merit attention. Politely retreat into your inner sanctum and allow for the external noises to die out without your attachment to them; these are just background music. Like a cork, float down the river bouncing off from rocks and debris but not getting lodged or stuck into any corner as you head towards the open sea; you are just another piece of Flotsam in this Ocean of Consciousness.
Be kind to yourself before others will be kind to you, this is the law of the seeker of silence; all the mistakes and errors you have incurred are but grist for the mill of your own salvation. Look to no one and nothing for your own salvation, you are the master of your own ship, your own destiny; if there is anything worth believing, believe in this. Allow your heart to speak freely as it is the voice of the soul that speaks when the heart is pure and open, remain in silence if the heart has nothing to say. The Lord has given man two ears, to listen more and speak less it is in silence that the heart listens.
Forgive me for my transgressions, correct me if I am wrong, help to see my way, lead me into the Light when I am lost in darkness; I am Your humble servant and I seek Your Divine Grace. This i ask of You on this Fasting day of the Month of Ramadan. Let my body feel the pain of hunger but allow for my soul to feel the gift of Salvation and Mercy.
Amen!
My religious spiritual and moral track record has been deplorable and I have much to account for before my Maker. All I have is the faith in Him for his compassionate mercy as He is oft Forgiving and Merciful, I hold this to be my Truth as i lived my life through good and bad , thick and thin. I was allowed to explore and experiment with my life, in order that I might come to a right understanding of the whole matter; my life. While living in the United States for twenty one years of my adult life I forgot God existed and became unholy. It has taken me over thirty years to arrive in this moment in the time of my life, to admit my errors and seek repentance and forgiveness. I have led a most exciting life full of bad judgements and poor mistakes, but exciting none the less as it had led me to many parts of the world and i have met many interesting souls along the way. People who allowed me to be who i was then and shared their lives with me, I can never recount all the great moments in my life while living in the US. I have much to regret in my relationships but I will not rob the good from the bad and salt to insults. I gave as much as I took and it all worked out for all as it was best that i walked away when it was time to end a relationship. I was not prepared to be tied down by any single event in my life for too long; it was an unwritten rule.
Good or bad i detached myself from one lifestyle, environment or a relationship and move on to the next often with not an idea what or where i was headed. I thought that i was destined to wander from one life into another for the purpose of experiencing and learning from each circumstances and environment. I lived in Wisconsin for 8 years mostly in Green Bay where the winter is about the coldest in the who of the United States. I lived for two years in the Aleutian Chain off Alaska in the the Bering Sea of The Pacific Northwest and then I lived for ten years in the Bay Area of San Francisco. All these places became my experimental grounds for survival and spiritual awakening. I found many 'Helpers' along the way whose kindness and love i could never repay; they kept me alive and my gratefulness goes out to all of them and may they find it in their hearts to forgive me for my transgressions towards them. They were my Teachers and Gurus, they helped me find my way..
Where did the idea of life being an experiment came from? I read it in the Life of Mahatma Gandhi book and it got stuck in my mind and this was when I was in College at UWGB, in Wisconsin. I started becoming more absorbed into spiritualism when I took a class on Comparative Religion under an elderly Professor named Mr. Elmer Havens who became a mentor and close friend with. Mr. Havens talked me into looking deeper into spirituality that I might find the answers to what i was looking for and thus began my journey of self discovery - Who am I? Thanks to my professor who popped the question into my head way back when in his little office one warm winter afternoon.Next door to his office was the office of another poffessor who had a strong into my life as a student, His class was called Interpersonal Communications, Mr. Jack Frisch was a part Native American and had a very good sense of the ways of cultural understanding.I was invited to give three lectures throughout the semester for this class of some 90 students. It helped to build my self confidence not to be afraid to stand before an audience and present my thoughts and ideas.
It is often said that life has no meaning, I simply say that it is true, until you give it one. You can make life one hell of an experience or one hell of a long tedious and boring trip; the choice is yours. To make life a little more exciting one has to make drastic or radical moves, accept challenges and take a step forward when others retreat, to thread like a fool where angels would not dare. To take a leap of faith every now and then to be able to perform miracles when need be. To play it safe and within the comfort zone is not fully living, it is the making of wrong choices that lessons are learned about what is right or wrong. To walk a safe and comfortable path will lead you to the end allot faster, or so it seems, but traveling the road less taken can become a way for the seeker as it opens many doors and exposes one to a greater sense of being than one would normally believe. There is as the saying goes a whole lot of world to see and a great deal of stuff to learn if one is willing to embark upon a journey of self discovery, it is a journey of a lifetime to those who are awaken to its calling. Highs and the lows as we go through life are just the bumpy rides as we move forward towards our self seeking goals. There are small paths and highways and there are many rivers to cross, many mountains to climb,at the end of the day you might just find yourself; who you truly are; if not such Is, Life.
And the Buddha is said to have said, "Suffering is, None who suffers. Enlightenment Is but None who attains it." I read this somewhere a long time ago and it stuck to my mind. If I am not mistaken I came across these lines when I was living in Green Bay, Wisconsin and I was running into some rough times living as a student and part time security guard. I think these were the most crtical times in my life that led me to seeking an answer as to how to survive this life and live to tell about it. I know what they meant to me right then and helped me to move on towards setting myself free from the delusion about too much pain and suffering. I was slipping into becoming an alcoholic and drug addict, I was giving up; I found my Masters from the Books that I read while being a student cum Security Guard for J&J Security of Green Bay, Wisconsin.
The Eastern Philosophy of Zen school of Buddhism attracted my attention than most others, I have always had a strong spiritual connection to the Japanese culture religious traditions. I started getting into all these Eastern Religious and Philosophy books, it was like returning home to my own roots, my own cultural heritage, that of the great Eastern Religions, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism, Islam and Christianity. I became a spiritual seeker for lack of better word. I accepted my life as an experiment, a testing ground, to discover the answers to my questions primarily, Who am I? Whats i Mind? What is Consciousness? What is Energy and the source of this Energy? What/who is asking these questions? Me!! who am I? I am the one asking the questions. Why I am asking these questions? I cannot remember anymore! Does it really matter? Suffering Is, none who suffers. When the 'I' entity is no more, suffering too seize. Identifying with this imaginary self called I creates and attachment to life; I am what I think. I am the sum total of my thoughts, I am complete and perfect. I am that, I am...No More.
The extinguishing of the light of the pure soul energy within, the begining of the death process happens after I have surrendered it back to it's rightful owner; my Maker. My spiritual fantasies! This is to die with faith in Allah is the Rightful Owner of the essence that resides within ; the Divine Spark. This is to me, the spark plug that brings to life all that lives. The human body is run by an energy force that originates from this source in the center of the beating heart...The Temple of the Living God. This is where my Lord resides, not out there high above, but within me and within all living creatures. This is the source of energy that most scientists stops short of acknowledging as the Divine Spark, perhaps that which triggered off the Big bang is also that which fired up all the neuro activities in the brain. I am telling this to myself simply because I have two minor strokes in the past two days and the first one was quite serious, I almost passed out into unconsciousness or even death. I will not go into the details but suffice to say that what i am writing to myself now may be the last few advice I might have for myself when the eventual event happens; at least to make some sense out of the nonsense of my life. Like a broken record I will keep repeating myself telling stories of my past and future.
"Nirvana Is, but none who attains it." this is climax of every soul that has arrived at the peak of enlightened understanding and transcended completely the circle of life, death and rebirth, it is Nirvana. The Complete and perfect liberation of the spirit from the bonds of ignorance and delusion, from attachment to the external material realm taking it to be the complete truth about existence thus causing yet more suffering, in our own minds. To attain enlightenment is to become at one with the complete whole, the Universe, the source of the origin and so forth, one merges into the One leaving no trace of one's former existence, thus the self is said annihilated that which is the Buddha is born; all beings, in the 6th realms, in the ten directions, past present and future, has the potential to become a Buddha in this lifetime; to attain enlightenment through being awakened completely to the realization of one's true Being, That which was there before your parents ever met. That original state of my existence I call my primordial soul, the Divine Spark, before I was conceived I was place among other similar entities of light flitting around waiting for our turns to evolve. This space to me is like being in the womb of the Universe. Here The Al Mighty had made a covenant with all the souls of man to worship or bow to only the One True God...Lord of the Universe; Al Hak the Owner (of Souls.)
The experiment began once one is placed into a body a form, human or otherwise and down we come into our mother's womb to hang out swimming in water like a fish. Our destiny begins as soon as we left the refuge of our mother's womb, out into the external realm screaming, rarely does a child comes out laughing and cheerful; the path of suffering begins, or so we accept. From the days when you were a toddler to the days when you can think like an adult, you go through life's education through your parents and peers, you become, a member of the whole; you join the Collective Consciousness of the tribe, the race, the nation. To most the 'Covenant we had with the Creator and Owner of who we are is forgotten and we created other Gods to worship, money being the most worshiped.Some of us succumbs to drinking and smoking while others to gambling and worse of all corruption these becomes our deities. But there also are those whose commitment and discipline has kept alive the covenant as the Judaic Christian, Islamic religions do. It is all a matter of faith off course, faith in the One True God, The Owner and Sustain-er of all Beings seen and unseen. He goes by many Names and in Islam He is known as Allah (SWT).
In my opinion, the Lord Buddha was and is still the Greatest Scientist of all Time in Human History from the suffering, Spiritually as Scientifically speaking. For the sake of all sentient being He chose not to acknowledge nor reject the existence of a Creator or God; He neither accept nor deny, the freedom of choice from a free thinking mind. As a Muslim I would say that God greatest gift to man is the freedom to think as you wish, God does not require one to accept with blind faith in Him; he is the Tester of Faith. Buddha taught for man to have faith in himself to set your self free from the this illusion we call life; Life Death and Rebirth, a vicious circle that we are tagged to, stuck in a rut of ignorance. The Shakyamuni Buddha's journey was one of a Liberation from the Life of Suffering; the Historical Buddha did not found a Religion, He introduced aa Way of Life out of this vicious circle that we are currently attached to; first 'With Right Understanding'.
Throughout our human history we have been searching for answers for what life is all about with a major interest in if the is or there is no God. What if we at the end of our Days discover one way or the other, would it really make any great difference in our life, fatted to live out life in pain and suffering. Scientists in my opinion should spend more of their time in research for a sustainable Planet in its entire aspect of a Utopian status, a Complete and Perfect World for the existence of all sentient beings on this Planet. Not just to solve the problems we face but to help transcend these problems Other than this all research in any form, is just a training of the mind, education to the Spirit, gathering information and knowledge towards Right Understanding. Is there a Divine entity, Is there an ultimate consciousness of a Being, All Encompassing, Omnipotent Spirit the religious calls God? Is there a meaning to Life? Where or what do I come from? Who Am I?
God's finest gift to man is 'Free Will', the ability to think independently nd come to your own conclusion as to what you think if the Right Understanding of your life, of what the ultimate truth of reality is, if there is or there is no God. For this reason alone I chose to follow the Buddha's path towards Liberation in practical day to day existence.' If not now, when?', if not here, where? One has to wake up to what is it that one is seeking, to be able to come o a complete understanding that none of these questions are relevant and leads to the cessation of human suffering, humanity, man has to live out his life in a complete ignorance of his original Buddha Nature, his God given soul his, strength and ower his, Godly attributes, that he is far greater than who or what he could think of himself; with Right Understanding he opens the gate towards the liberation of his spirit from the influences of forms or emptiness. Scientist keeps on splitting the atom till there is none to split, and all to Emptiness, while the religious keeps on adding forms to their practice. Perhaps are equally right in the methods or are equally wrong, the path has to be take either way, the research and the seeking for answers cannot and will not stop; this is the anture of the Mind, the free Will.Like any other gifts, divine or otherwise, you can either use it or abuse it, and it is entirely up to your whim or understanding. Again is a matter of your personal choice hoe to interpret life according your 'Right Understanding'.
"To see God is to Be God." Ramana Maharshi.
"Tao is the single principle underlining all Creation.
Tao is the principle, Creation is the process,
Tao is God." - Tao in Everyday Life. (You Tube).
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand,
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the Palm of Your Hand,
And Eternity in an Hour."- William Blake.
"In the Beginning was the Logos, the primordial Om,
The Big Bang!" - Inner Worlds - Outer World, a Spiritual Doc.
In these days and age knowledge comes at the fingertips if one so desire to know, to learn to understand what is that one seeks. From the ancient Rishis and Spiritual Grand Masters of today, knowledge is available for one who wishes to seek out the truth behind all the veils of our existence. Yet not too many of us takes advantage of this miracle of knowledge that lies in abundance before us from the most ancient and obtrusive to the most modern and scientific, from the most insignificant and mundane to the most profound and invaluable, it is all there and all one has to do is ask the right question. The desire to seek out the truth about anything and everything that crosses our mind is not being fully embedded into our psyche, at least in most of us, we squander our existence in mediocrity and the endless pursuit of the transient and ephemeral, the insignificant and the illusory; often without consciousness of doing it. If I were to read out loud the above quotes to the general public, my relatives and friends I would be looked upon like I have been smoking the wacky tobacky that has recently been legalized in the country. ( Not this country where I am unfortunately).
"Among all Kings of Killers.
Time is the ultime,
Because it kills everything." - Lord Krishna.
As my time is running its course out, I am as unsure nor prepared to meet up with the inevitable; I cannot say to myself that i am ready to accept death as yet. I cannot at the end of my days truly say that I have the answers like the Buddha did. I am as blind as I ever was in the understanding of my spiritual nature, who am I? How far or how near am I to the truth that I seek, or if there is even such a thing as 'the truth'. All i have is accumulated knowledge, years of meditaiton and tons of books read and now with the modern aid of the Internet, I am still groping in the dark with no light at the end of the tunnel. But I have made the commitment, taken the vows and put the ball of fire in my belly, I have sworn to attain enlightenment as complete as the historical Buddha did in his lifetime. As I have repeatedly mentioned in the past, in the words of Pink Floyd; The Show must go on.
" We used to wonder where war lived,
what it was that made it so vile.
And now we know where it lives,
That it is inside of our selves." - Albert Camus.
I was moved by this quote that i got at the end of a movie called, The Stick (1987) about a war that took place in South Africa.
Directed by Darrell Roodt
Writing Credits Darrell Roodt ... (writer) and
Carole Shore ... (writer)
Anant Singh ... producer. I am writing about the movie but about the quote which appeared as the movie came to an end. The quote reminded me of the saying of the Prophet of Allah, (PBUH) when he mentioned Jihad, that after winning a battle at Uhud if I amnot mistaken, the Prophet was said to have said that, " You may have won won a battle, but the greater war is raging within you and this is the was you have to win." or something like that. I am sure Camus was not alluding to this saying of The Prophet, but his words resonates the truth about humanity as we are so attached to the external that we fail to see the reality behind our actions. That carry within us the potential to commit atrocities within our hearts and minds, the our subconscious mind is a pressure cooker of suppressed anger and negative energies. If not checked these energies will manifest into a reality in the form of a middle finger pointing at a driver of another vehicle that had overtaken you or it will take the form of an uncontrolled snap at someone you love over a minor issue.
This battle is waged by the splintered soul that functions through a dual thinking mind. The right and wrong, black and white thinking process of a stoic ego dominated mental formations of thoughts and ideas that are mostly self centered. In Islam it is called the 'Nafs', the never satiated entity that will always crave for more and brays like a donkey when its needs are being obstructed. The true essence of the fasting month of Ramadan is to bring forth the realization of this entity that we call the ego. Thirst and hunger are a few of the means that an ego or the nafs can be bent or made to become more humble and less demanding. When the ego is well fed, well clothed and well entertained, it demands for more power, more authority, more domination over others including, to becoming masters of the universe at whatever cost. Humanity today is ruled by collective ego, that looks upon itself as the master race, the advanced civilized nation, the superior and will do all it can collectively to maintain a staus quo over the rest of humanity. When two opposing collective ego meets, war happens, just as fist fights breaks out when two drunks have a difference of opinions.
The question is, how can and can we, ever subjugate the egoic mind that has become innate in our own being, or can we remove it from our genetic equation? This is the question that has plagued man for as long as when he started thinking for himself. The President of the United States is considered the most egotistical maniac to sit in the oval office by most Americans and those who rooted for him believes that he is what is needed to carry the country forward in this era. His counterparts, both in Russia and China are no less in virtues but they are not as brazen and over confident as the American President is. But all three are in a collision course one way or another as they carry on their rhetoric and foreign policies according to their egotistical cravings and attachments. Every one wants to become ahead, a leader, and plays the one up game without restraint and the ego like to be complemented and suckered up to. Thus we have lesser countries taking advantage of this egotistical flaws to get their agenda worked out. Thus in the name of a system, democracy and communism, religious or economic, war is ever ready to be waged one agains another at all levels and it is not getting any easier.
Even though some rocks are best left un-turned, the past experiences bitter as some may have seemed needs to be looked into with an open mind so as to understand what went wrong and why. It may not benefit myself personally in the effort to heal our relationship, I feel it is most important to have a thorough understanding of what had transpired over the years as both my brother an I grew up and went our separate ways. Both of us i would consider to be highly intelligent and productive individuals capable of rational and positive thinking. As we grew into adulthood i found out that our misunderstanding has grown into that of intellectual as well as spiritual in nature; we see and accept things differently through the influences of external stimulus and relationships, our studies and research into life from two different perspectives; we never gave ourselves for deliberations and discussions as two adults but more like two children ill at ease with one another to even carry out a decent conversation. much less discuss anything deeper and more meaningful like faith and religion. We still carried with us the past painful experiences we had in childhood and th scars seemed to highlight themselves every time we got closer to each other, however I feel the scars are now pretty much faded and the healing process is taking affect,; I hope so. At the risk of dragging upon this topic I am going to give it a rest and watch for the development as i have been doing all these years.
Today is the first day of the fasting Month of Ramadan and today i have had a bad day thus far on top being hungry and a migraine headache, I had also lost Rm30 which i had wanted to filled up my car with but which I totally forgot after i had driven off. I swore out lud in the car fasting or not and I hope Allah is merciful and understanding enough o forgive me. Then I went to have my ear worked on by an ear doctor and it cost me RM260, I felt like being fleeced, it cost so much to have your ear cleaned! I walked away again pissed forgetting the medication that came with it. I still owe the clinic RM110 which I have to pay tomorrow. When I left the place it was pouring rain and I had left the car window slightly lowered and so the passenger seat was soaked. Hence my first day of Ramadan begins with a more than a sour note.
Such is, the Buddha said, life is a bitch and then you die, or was it Alan Watts who said it no matter close enough. I find it hard to keep my head bowed like a servant although I had made the vows to do so as a Bodhisattva, serving others while working on myself. It is getting harder and harder as I see so much crap around me, the greed hate and delusion that seems never to abate but keeps on rising in the forms of sorrow and pain which is inflicted by one man onto another. The arrogance and the insensitivity of human nature in everyday walk of life, it is sad, it has become pathetic. But I know I simply have to keep on fine tuning my practice at self discovery if not self discipline or at least not to loose my patience and create more negative karma while dealing with others. For so long as I am breathing and in this body, I will have to go on, end of story.
The Month of Ramadan has always spelled hard times for me in the past in more than one way but it has also been one of the toughest practice to follow and had kept me resolved in taking further steps into self discovery especially my relationship with my Maker. It would sound insane for someone who holds no believe or much less any form of personal practice towards having a realization into the nature of the human mind and spirit; it is allot of hard work and most makes as little sens. My error perhaps was because i had decided to take upon myself to embark upon this long and tedious journey simply because i have too many unanswered questions about who I am and where I belong, if I had ever belonged. It might all end up into nothing worthwhile for all I know but i sure hope at the very least it will help me to lighten my burden before I cross over to the other shore even as my time is getting to be very near to the end. I am not looking for forgiveness, or doing it out of guilt or even fear, I am on this path as the Buddha did, to find out the truth behind this delusion I call life, to tera away all the layers of the veils that has hidden from me what is reality and how I can liberate myself from this cycle of life, death and rebirth. All I want to do is go home, merge with the One that had created it all, the One essence in whose image I have been forged, in Whose virtues I have been dressed up with to play my role in this life He has created for me.
How does one put nto practice the practice of Karuna or Compassion, which irony that my twin brother's Singhalese name which was Karuna Nanda, while mine was Nanda Sena, both s/o Simone Bartholomuze. My faher came from Ceylon as we knew it back then or Sri Lanka as it is known today. I have never been there but hope to spend a week or two with my daughter there one day still in the planning. I can say it is out of Compassion I have for myself that I have made every effort to try not to loose or severe our bond as brothers. In Islam, it is a cardinal sin for one to severe the bond or "Siratul Rahim", of blood siblings. It is out of compassion for both of us that I still will pursue towards a closer ties towards attaining unconditional Love between us as we were in our mother's womb. Whatever bitter conflicts that he had between us for the past seventy years; they are a thing of the past, grill for the mill, water under the bridge.
This healing process will take time and in time I hope we will come to know and respect each other's life and accomplishments as a rich experience for both of us.It would have been boring if we had grwon old looking identical and being identical doing the same identical things in life. Allah in His Infinite Wisdom must have wanted it to be so, that we both have a mirror of 'what if', you had been born an hour earlier? What a difference half an hour makes looking at both our lives, the path it had taken. In my quest for an answer as to who am I, I am also thrown the challenge that I have someone up close and personal to compare to whenever I need to appraise myself. Albeit in thoughts, words or deeds, I cannot avoid but wonder every now and then what my twin's reaction or understanding would be towards what I experience; not a good habit but still unavoidable.
to be contd.
There is saying in Malay, Air di cincang takkan terputus. or in English, no matter how much you chop up the water you can never split it in half, it will reconnect itself. I believe in this saying, the fact that my twin brother and will one day in our lives find peace and reconciliation at least before any one of us dies unexpectedly; it happens. We came into this world within half an hour of each other and he came out first and I became the seventh and the youngest in my family. I was given up for adoption to my mother's younger brother to be raised as his own son. My uncle was a Buddhist and had raised me as one while my brother was raised a Muslim by my immediate family. We were saperated at birth, this was primarily the cause of our not seeing eye to eye as we grew into adulthood. Forgiveness and reconciliation and unconditional acceptance in a relationship is a tough virtue to practice especially when the conflict has taken for so long to be resolved. This was what I felt when visiting my twin brother in Kuala Terengganu. Although born hardly half an hour apart, my brother and I never saw eye to eye and has always been at logger head with one another throughout our entire 70 years of life.It has been one my if not our conundrum that had haunted me often carrying with it sadness and a sense of loss..
I have grown up with this mirror image of myself which is almost the opposite in character as well as outlook in life and I have made the major error of comparing ourselves instead of cherishing our differences. However ihave also been emulating his stronger traits whenever I needed time to evaluate myself, not all of his ways are to my liking but most are worth emulating especially in ways of how one deals with life's more challenging situations; how would have my brother dealt with such an event or situation? I will not go into details of our past experiences as it is what it is a thing of the past, but I look forward to our relationship with greater hope for a healing process to develop and that we can become one whole and powerful individuals in facing our future from henceforth. As my daughter told me, one of the things my brother mentioned to her was that to let bygone be bygone and the two of us will look ahead to a better more healthy relationship. I am very glad that we visited and stayed with my twin brother and his wife last weekend, it was a significant change in both our lives for the better.
Exactly a week ago today we went to the mosque for the Friday prayed and i felt the bond between us being sealed as two souls that had occupied the same womb. I may not be as pious as he is but my heart felt like we it had been somewhat healed from the yearn for the love that I never felt for the past 70 years as brothers. It is a blessing and I hope and pray that nothing will stand in its way ever again as we head into our matured age. May Allah make us whole and complete again as we once were while in our mother's womb. It is with hope that i look into the future and the past while left behind will always be a great lesson for both of us in how we look at each other and from the opposite side of the mirror.
Kuala Terengganu, the capital city of Terengganu has change tremendously since i last visited it, it has evolved into a crowded but beautiful city with lots of its charms and beauties still can be experienced. My eldest brother asked that we drove along the river mouth or Kuala area so my daughter can see what was happening a sight which included the new drawbridge built across the Terengganu Rive mouth. It was too dark to see as the lighting was not ready yet but i enjoyed the sight and the unsightly as we wound our way through the narrow streets. I kept commenting to myself about how most cities like to built but they fail to maintain once they have built, garbage from the night's market was strewn haphazardly along the sidewalks like some attitudes never change. I grew up as a teen ager in this town for twelve years of my life, I was converted to Islam in this town. Getting my foreskin nipped at the Hospital was one of the most painful experience hard to forget. My teenage school buddies were among the most intelligent and gifted as today amny holds high ranking positions in the government and local industries. Our teachers including my eldest brother, were those who had returned from Kirby and Brmsford Lodge in England and thus we were fortunate to have had them as our role models. Among them were arists like the late Redza Piyadasa and Ibrhim Isamil, Chew Teng beng and Yeo Jin Leng and Christopher Lai, among others whose works are among the sought after in the Malaysian Art market, whose reputation as art teachers is well accepted by the locals and international art community.
The vast open sea and the stretches of sandy beaches, the thick rain forest of the hinterland and swaths of rice fields was my source of inspiration growing up as a teenager in the small town of Kuala Terengganu during the sixties and early seventies. Today it has joined the rat race among the other cities in the country with traffic as heavy and buildings sprouting all over; it has lost the nostalgic laid back fishing village ambiance of old. Hardly see a kite in the skies nor a fighting fish in the homes, the children have joined the high tech video dimension of existence.
