A Very Happy Birthday to Me!

A Very Happy Birthday to me! 69 years it has been since i was delivered into this realm of existence under very dire and wanting circumstances that resulted in me having to be given up for adoption. I came into this life about half an hour after my twin brother who was fortunate to have been raised by my family and as a result of being seperated till this day we never see eye to eye; sad but true. It has been never easy to know that you have been an unwanted child of the family even by your own mother and this too was a fact as it was revealed to me by my Auntie who was also the midwife for the delivery. This is the result of a bad marriage and poverty that forced my family to take drastic measures in order to survive in the old days, but the seven of us in the family survived and as i am the youngest I feel that we have not done too bad.

My journey of self healing began sometime in 1978 when I started to keep my journals while I was at the university in Wisconsin and has now been transformed into this Blogging which I started to keep since 2005 while living on the East Coast of the state of Terengganu. In trying to seek the answer to the simple question of who I am  I have transported myself back and forth while dealing with deep rooted karma that had haunted my mind causing much anger and sadness in my life. I am still at it despite all the revelations that has emerged in all kinds of negative expressions and self mortifications through all kinds of studies and practices, but I feel a whole lot at peace now, more so than ever before. It is my hope that this long quest to divest myself of the negative impact of my childhood and young adult life as a lesson for those who are similarly undergoing the same trials and tribulations in their lives; that nothing, not a sickness, physical or emotional that has no cure. only you can cure your splintered soul and it takes a great deal of work and commitment and a whole lot of faith and trust if not courage to dive into the deepest levels of the our subconscious mind and root out the negativity  that is buried there.

Acceptance and forgiveness is the key to unlocking these deep rooted karmic consequences and letting go and moving forward is the key to unburdening the load of sorrow and pain that they have caused; easier said than done. Thus, at this age, when most of my childhood friends have departed one by one, I am still on the road towards self discovery enlightening myself from the baggage that i have been carrying a piece at a time until they are totally disposed off leaving no more traces to haunt me. It is like breaking the chain of bondage link by link towards liberating my soul from the bondage of self ignorance, self doubt and self low esteem. As I have often mentioned in the past, I am getting close to turning what is negative into the positive, what don't make sense to sensibility, what was destructive into creativity; this is my Art of Living.

"Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."- Rumi  

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