Justifications is not an excuse.

To understand who I truly am I have to stop justifying, not even to myself all the truth that is who I truly am. And when I keep quoting the Buddha of what right and wrong is in my past still holds true in my consciousness; "right and wrong is a sickness of my own mined." 
"A man who justifies, does not convince.
Not even to himself.!" Lao Tzu said.
Am I trying too hard to imitate the bygone Masters? Perhaps i am and not doing to good at it. I am still burrowed into this dichotomy of right and wrong, good and bad and so forth. I keep reminding myself  of who I am, I shake my body and rattle my bones to stay awake and alive in every situation and every moment in time. I am to say the least ;adrift. While having some sense of understanding of the nature of attachment  Having a glimpse of the nature of consciousness and the dual thinking mind itself, I am still often adrift down the river like all else around me; am i ever going to be able to cross this river and attain liberation or am i no more than another piece of drifting flotsam of the ocean of consciousness, when will I ever feel the freedom that is being who i truly am; awakened forever amidst the ocean of Maya.
Listening to Anoushka Shankar' " Land of Gold" full album on You Tube.  Life is much more than sitting and making excuses for my self why or why not, It could have or not, I try to live from moment to moment with every breath I take i know i getting nearer to the grave; i have to make very breath of mine counts like raindrops falling from the sky to nourish the thirst of humanity. The rain that showers eacj and every soul on this planet with a touch of the Divine Love and Compassion, manifested through me in my form of presentation as an artist and a writer. As a friend and partner in life to all those whose life I have touched for better or for worse. I am again making a justification for my existence as who I have since become. 
" May your kind heart find the Land of Gold...Tell them I walked your Way." ...Land Of Gold, Anoushka Shankar, You Tube. 
I am a Bodhisatva as I sworn to be and in the lineage of the Bodhisatva Manjushri, The Bodhisatva of Infinite Wisdom. I made my salutations and took my vows before the Altar of the Great Guru Rinpoce, I took the vow to live my life as a Bodhisatva and i did this three consecutive Full Moon Ceremony at The green Dragon Temple, of the Green Gulch Center on Star Route 1, Sau Sausalito, Marin County, California.  
Careful with what you make your vows on! The Universe in its infinite Wisdom watches every thought you think and calibrate your standing accordingly. With the understanding of its virtues, I have to live my life for others, in servitude in my own ways and by skillful means.  The truth is that i very often forgot my vows made and live my life as though I deserve all its comforts and pain. IIII...I...I become immersed or sucked into this what we call life and not fully anchored in my practice i am drifting  Floating down the stream to Sitar music fo one of The contemporary Masters like her father the Late Ravi Shankar. This to me is immortality, leaving behind a legacy that some will follow by. Everything i dream of thought of envisioned in my life i see them materializing before my eyes: I have to make the  Right Choice and it is for the benefit of all Santient beings. in the six realms, the ten directions, past present and future; may they awaken even if for a moment. May they become more aware of their true nature and develop greater understanding how great a role each man plays in the Whole Scheme of Things that we call Life.
Who or what a Boddhisatva is, you can always Google it and perhaps comes to your own slice of understanding.