Remember Who You Are....

"Remember who you are! This life is but a dream, Shower of grace...River of Love, Ocean of Peace and Truth, this joyous world a divine Play All these we are! Aum!"... Mooji - River of Love- You Tube.Swami

In Moments of being in a state of limbo with no intentions or decisions, No sense of directions, lost in emptiness of being, I often turn to the presence of great teachers and listen to their wisdom while being inspired by their actions. Mooji Baba is one such Guru i often turn my attention to  albeit on YouTube.

"This the great opportunity of having the human form because in this form you may come to know the formless go beyond the sorrows of this world you are freedom itself, your nature in eternal nkow this and b happy."...Shower of grace...Mooji Baba

It is my dream that one day i can visit the ashrams in India where the great masters such as Sri Ramana Maharshi and Swami Vivekananda used to walk. It is my dream to be able to visit the birthplace of the Shakyamuni Buddha, before i die. It might never happen but I hope too to be able to visit my ancestral home of Sri Lanka in order that i might end this Blogging, this on going life long journal with a befitting end. If the mind is such that i can create the events and circumstances of the future, then I set in motion this final desire; my journey towards the final awakening if not enlightenment itself.
I call upon the saints and sages of old that they come to my assistance in fulfilling this journey of self discovery and purification; a journey of liberation from ignorance and delusions. I call upon all the i have held to be holy and sacred to make it possible for me to touch the holy sanctums of the ancient Ones, that I may absorbed their blessings and grace, their Love and Compassion towards one who have walked this life in sin and bondage. I call upon my ancestors from the lineage of my Sri Lankan grandfather and Sumatran Grandmother to allow me a safe passage towards my Lord with full consciousness of being one who has crossed over to the other shore. I surrender myself before the All Mighty Allah that He will forgive me and accept the path I have chosen for myself in the effort to present myself before Him in the afterlife.
Om! Ameen!

Rambling on...

Listen to the lyrics of a song sung by a great artist India Arie on the Oprah Winfrey network, "I Am Light," perhaps you can figure out where I am coming from or headed towards in my life.
"I Am Light, I Am Light...I am not the things my family did,
I am not the voices in my head,
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside,
I Am Light. I'm light...my soul inside is all light."...
From - YouTube
If you listen to the whole song you will understand how far or how near we are collectively  headed towards empowering ourselves with the understanding that we are in essence truly of the Divine Light and as such we are a sparkle off the old block - The Lord of Creation whose very breath we are breathing and whose very consciousness we are manifesting. God is the Matrix of all Creation. God is not a Christian, but what Christianity is expounding, God is not Islam but what is the essence of what is being a Muslim. God is not Hindu or Buddhist nor is He whatever that is definable or explainable, God  simply Is...I Am, That, I am. God is neither Light nor Darkness, god is both in one for he is not dual He is whole, complete and all encompassing. If you wish to find Him look within as His essence resides within you and you are a manifestation of this essence; you have only to awaken to this realization.
We feel small and insignificant, depressed with low self esteem, hopeless and apathetic in feelings because we have lost touch with our true nature, our divine essence; we think so hard on how to become an amoeba instead of a homo sapien, we want to so badly prove to ourselves the meaninglessness of our life rather than the miracles we are capable of. We have mistaken humbleness for a weakness,  servitude and devotion for slavery, we have embraced the ego rather than the spirit. We are never satisfied and insatiable in our desires for more and what we have we cling on to miserably not able to share or let go. And if we do share it is for our own self serving interest and benefit. In our zest for accumulation of wealth we even forgot how to be grateful and thankful. When we have forgotten who we truly are, we become the man who had gained the world and lost his soul, we become small even if we think we are big, become worse than a pauper even if we be millionaires.And if we are spiritually inclined, this is the dark night of our souls, where lighter is being overcome by the darkness of ignorance.    

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Ward C6 - Penang General Hospital.

They were skin and bones these victims of paralysis of one form or another and as i massage these forms i felt tenderness and how fragile we truly are in this human form. I felt anguish and pain within their hearts and minds, the silent scream, the horror of not being able to let it all out about how they truly felt; like they were trapped in a bottle, Their eyes were the only signs that registered any life as they stared at me darting every now and then as though not knowing where they were r trying to tell me what needed to be done. I just stood by their bedside holding their hands in mine in silent communication trying my best to feel and share their fears and sorrows. i tried to share the warmth from my body and the energy from my inner being the force that is keeping me alive and healthy, that which is keeping the whole universe alive; I shared God's presence within me in the hope that it will help to elevate their suffering.
They were Malays Muslims, Chinese, Indians, the young and the elderly and they all looked and felt like they were clinging on to dear life if not wishing they were dead. I was situated right in the middle of it all and my three days and nights in the ward C6 was like a lifetime of rude awakening; this could be me in the not too distant future. Then there were the doctors and the nurses, the care givers and the relatives and friends who each and everyone had their role to play in moments like these. In this ward human frailties and strength were exposed to the raw as wives and children stood over the patient's bed not knowing how to react towards the tragedy that has befallen their loved ones or worse their bread winner and the pillar of their lives. Most walked around like zombies themselves until they settled down and accept the fact of what they were going through and the fact of their future being in jeopardy as a family. 
The nurses who ran the ward from cleaning and washing the bodies and making sure the routine supply of medication and food is being taken from morning till night, never ceases to amaze me. To me they were the epitome of human compassion as one human being cared fro another; even if it is their job to do so. It is to one of the hardest vocation that one can undertake for it is not only physically demanding but it drains one off the very energy that keeps us alive. It is no doubt a very depressing place to work but to me these young ladies seemed not touched by all the negative or bad vibes and sometime i felt like they enjoyed the taxing challenges. These are the very manifestations of the Bodhisattva virtues in human forms. I bow my head to these selfless serving Florence Nightingales for many lives were trusted into their care and they treated each and every patient with dignity and integrity of a     caregiver. 
One  of the patient who was admitted to the ward was from my village, he was 85yrs. of age and I knew one or two of his children who greeted me and had a chat with me. This morning i was informed by my cousin that a close friend had died in Sungai Pinang, a guy one yer older than me and so i went to pay him my last respect. As i was hatting away with my childhood friends who was at the funeral I found out the the 85 yr. old patient had died yesterday night and was buried in the afternoon. Coincidences? I was told that usually the ripper would claim three at a time from a community, perhaps i am not off the hook yet.  

Being in the here and Now

Be careful what you wish for! I talked of becoming a healer, a Bodhisatva , of helping out those in pain and suffering and the Lord thought I should have a taste of what it would like to be right in the middle of it all. I cannot remember when i was last hospitalized but this time I turned myself in in the nick of time and was diagnosed have a mild stroke. For the past three days i found myself laying in bed among the invalids and vegetating men. 

 Almost all night long i stayed up not able to sleep from having to listen to loud screams and moans and groans from men in one kind of pain or another. I was about the healthiest guy in the ward and i felt like a prisoner kept to become a witness to what is really human anguish and suffering.

This young man of 28 is suffering from cancer and he was my next bed neighbor. As it turned out I knew his father who was from the same village where i grew up. His father was two years old or so and the older brother to his father was my closest childhood friend.  With the permission from his mother I massaged his legs and woke him up from his coma like sleep and it brought tears to her eyes on seeing this. A night later i massaged his whole body and I thought I saw a smile but kept quiet until his mother bursted out in tears and i felt tears n my eyes when she turned to me and said, I have not seen him smile for so long. She grabbed my hand and kissed, thank you she said.   

 This gentleman in the next bed was paralyzed after being stung by a jelly fish; he was a fisherman. He is being looked after by his brother who was very committed to his task that he too gave up his job to care for his brother. Upon being discharges as I was leaving with my daughter he asked for ten ringgit and i cold see the pain of humiliation in his eyes in having to do this.

For threes days and nights I witnessed two young adults wheeled in with paralyzing strokes and a convict escorted by policemen as he wa suffering from some kind of seizures. I asked the of the Chines patient to touch their father and grand father instead of standing around looking down at him. On my bed i sat in meditation and performed my Yoga stretching disregarding all those around me, the nurses, the doctors, the visitors, I put on a show for everyone in an effort to turn their attention from all the suffering around them Yes, I felt like a Bodhisattva! And i enjoyed my stay after making so many new friends and getting to know myself better.

Help! - Who do we call?

Who knows where God is at the present moment, but I know for sure that He, She or It, is somewhere out there, in here and everywhere that the human heart is moved to receive Him.  To deny the very existence of a power that is the prime mover of all that is and that will ever be is like denying humanity the very if not only thing that has kept mass insanity in check. It is also the greatest egotistical denial man can commit on account of his own ignorance and self aggrandizement. God does not have any need, much less the need for any recognition or denial from His pet creation, however man in all his infinite frailties and still groping in darkness for the answers to the mysteries of Creation, needs God. man needs to have his ego in check before he allows his drinking and smoking habits gets the better of him.When a child stands up and says "I believe in Miracles!" it is not not for nothing, it is not the product of evolution of the specie, it is a strong faith that there is a 'Force' beyond our comprehension at work in fulfilling our very dreams and visions when all else fails. When a goal is shot into the net or a home run is hit when it is most needed, the man who executed these shots would look up into the heavens with raised arms or when a contestant against all odds gets the Golden Buzzer on talent shows. we applaud with him/her, deep within our hearts, we are One; in pain and pleasure if we are in tune with the Universal Consciousness that unites us all.
Do not make the God issue a cancer case in our lives, love Him, hate him, but know that he is ever present and His infinite Love and Compassion is boundless if you only allow your hearts to receive His light that is already within all your hearts and let it shine to enlighten the Universe. What is in essence the the difference between us and the rest of Sentient beings. for one, it is that we are endowed with this divine light within, a light that comes from on high and will return to its rightful Source when the day is done. " Unto Thy hands i commend my Spirit,  O Lord." Christ's final words on the cross. The shape and form that the divine essence will be when it returns to the Source is indicative of how we have spent our allotted time on this Planet; heaven and hell is just a car wash. Had you been caring for your vehicle all your life you don't need the services in the hereafter, however if you still are figuring out what makes your vehicle run after all these years, you need a wake up call, a rude awakening and if these don't jar you head into what is, then Hell is not a fiction of your imagination. 
If it is true that your thoughts creates what is, then it is more than just wisdom to think or what you are thinking about God, the Universe and the whole mystery of what we call life and existence itself. You can always start to think of who the thinker really is if you have not already know who you are.
If our thoughts really creates our existence as it is at the very least we know why we are screwing up so bad where the environment and the state of humanity is; we as a species needs help, who do we call?



  

The Buddha was no Atheist.

Where does the word 'God' originated from? Google it and you might find and interesting study being made just to discover the origin of this word, and if held against a mirror the image would read Dog. It is not my place or intention to belittle this word but it has always been an intrigue to me. Did Jesus ever use this word in his time? The word Allah i can accept simply because it is an Arabic word meaning simply 'The God', Not that it is better or worse or that it reflects the truth any better, it is not hard to accept - The God. Jesus in the movies called his Lord by the Jewish name Elohim if I am not mistaken and Rabi should know better. Jehovah as the Jewish faith refers to God in Hebrew is again acceptable as it means God too. Hence even in the name itself man has an issue to settle with about "God'.
Allah has ninety nine names in all and one is a secret or never uttered? These 99 names does not mean that there are 99 Gods or type of gods, it is His 99 different attributes  Like Ar Rahman the Merciful or Al Khalid or the Immortal or Eternal and so forth. These divine attributes are for man to emulate and put to practice as having been created in His image, man is to emulate these beautiful attributes of Allah. As Sabur or The Patient is often used as a 'mantra' to ward off anger and instill patience in times of being under pressure. Al Amin or 'The Trust Worthy is invoked when in dealing with money or property or trust. Again I find among Muslims that i have come in contact with, the reciting of the Names is more emphasized upon rather than putting them to practice in everyday life.
In Hinduism there are numerous names of Gods and Goddesses with just as many attributes each is endowed with and yet even in Hinduism there is only One Divine Reality or God Head in essence.

Ātman (/ˈɑːtmən/) is a Sanskrit word that means inner self or soul. ... In order to attain liberation (moksha), a human being must acquire self-knowledge (atmajnana), which is to realize that one's true self (Ātman) is identical with the transcendent self Brahman

In short, to look for God one must become free of all preconceived ideas and thoughts, of conditionings and so forth and become empty; one has to cease to be, one has to die. impeccable and If there is any one to blame for on this whole issue about God it is God Himself. For One so omni -this and omni -that, He sure did a lousy job in getting His story straight. From the Big bang to the crucifixion of Christ, from the Hare Krishna to the Quantum physics, God has got man running in circles like headless chickens trying to prove if the egg or the chicken came first. God is all His Infinite Glory has created man for His entertainment, only man has come to realize that it is not funny anymore. For the atheist at least God if he really exist has created a whole lot of worm holes in time and space where man is like a hamster or a rabbit that runs in and out trying to figure out why. 
There comes every once in a while someone like Gautama the Buddha and decided that he will not play this game for God's sake anymore as there is too much unnecessary suffering involved. The Buddha in His enlightenment broke the chain of illusion and set Himself free from the cycle of life death and rebirth. 
"I Am, No More!" 
No I, No God; not even the concept of I and God.
Ga-tay! Gate, Parasam- Gate, Bodhisvaha!

These core tenets of Buddhism are expressed in the teaching known as the Heart of the Great Wisdom Sutra.  

Although it is the shortest of all the sutras, containing only 632 characters in the traditional Chinese translation, it explains the essence of Buddhism, which is KU, or Emptiness.  The meaning is essentially that by letting go of your preconceived notions, opinions, and attachments, you can become open to all the wonders of our life.  

All things are empty. This is the realization of nothingness. But, emptiness or nothingness does not just mean nothing. It means not being attached to anything; especially your own perceptions and ideas so that you can see your life clearly.

And the Buddha never once in His lifetime declared Himself an atheist.        

  

Where is God Now?

A man asked the Master, "Pray tell, where is God now?"
The master without loosing his balance answered him. " Oh! Last i saw him, he was busy making Seafood Tom Yam at the Nusantara food court, along Sungai Pinang Road, why do you ask?"

As a student of the Buddhist teachings I am inclined to give all the credits to the Atheist who denies the existence of a Creator or Master Planner. That the homo sapiens are the result of an evolutionary.  process just as the rest of Nature is, only man is a little more sophisticated and out of the ordinary from the rest of nature, man has evolved to the point of being able to think for himself, to have
dreams and imaginations and this must have taken eons, to evolve from the amoeba state to Albert Einstein. But the scientists of today in their quantum kind of way will one day tell us exactly how long it took at least through calculations and deductions.The Buddha taught  by negation too as He denied whatever was claimed to be Nirvana, not this, not this, Nah tay, nate! nate! Just as Lao Tzu pointed out in the Tao Te Ching,"The Tao that can be explained is not the Tao."
 I am who I am, the first man said and then the rest was history. The theologians will dig and pry out from the crevices of ancient tombs to declare their stand that without an act of Divinity, without the grace of God, without Divine intervention  there would not be any Universe to speak of, much less man. 
Many a great mind today will tell you that, God has no religion and that man creates religion in order to recognize or make sense out of God. Whether he is called 'The great Spirit," "Atma Brahman", Yaweh or Jehovah, whether He is the Cosmic Energy or the Source,  The Force, God or Allah, He will always be that which Is...I Am, That, I Am.The question is and will always remain, for man, Who are you? or Who am I? Know thyself as is written at the entrance to the Delphi and as the Prophet of Allah is said to have said, "He who knows himself, truly knows himself, will know his Maker." In short we have to do our homework, our footwork and our mental and not to mention spiritual work in order to get to know if He is indeed Who He Is. Blind faith will lead into blind alleys, for faith without reason and wisdom is as good as taking the reflection in the water for the real moon. In not having a good grasp of our 'Dharma position', that primordial ground we stand upon and from which we state our principles, we are still floating in a world of self deluded, self serving and self aggrandizing realm of Maya, the realm of the egocentric mental formations. 
It is human nature that we so very often mistake the container for the content. We idolize the names and the cultural origins, the symbols and the systematic dogmas for the teachings. The Christians would gladly lay down their lives for the 'Son of God' and the Muslims would do like wise in defence of the Prophet of Allah. The Hindus have practically wiped out the teachings of the Buddha in India and the Chinese did the same in China and Tibet. Marxism and Capitalism has become the demigods of modern man and atheism is the antidote towards all deified religious systems. Just as we shun Rajneesh  or Osho's teachings, for his personal ways or Baba Ram Dass for his or Alan watts for his and J,krishnamurti and a host of other great teachers of our times, we miss out on their wisdom. We miss out on what they has to offer. Likewise we pigeon hole God under different guises according to our religious and cultural conditioning that we miss the true nature of His Being so much so that God has become a contention among differing religions and the non religious alike. God will be on my side and not yours is the rallying call of the faithful of all religious except perhaps Buddhism. The Buddha politely refused to entertain the God issue . 
Man has to learn how to let go of himself if he is to find God; God and man cannot exist on the same plane. Immortality is the merging of the human consciousness into the Divine; He is One and has no partner, He alone is Eternal.
Where is God Now?
He resides within, and manifest without and he is an all encompassing presence. In the silence of your mind you might hear Him and with the innocence of a child you might see Him playing in a puddle of water in the middle of the dirt road somewhere in the Andes Mountains of Colombia.God is playing hide and seek, now you see Hm now you don't; not seeing Him does not mean He is not there or look within and see if He is home. 
And if by chance you are right that he does not exist, you don't have much to loose, however if He does, you might have hell to pay for denying Him His place in your heart. Incidentally, hellfire is said hot enough to burn away the heart of stone to retrieve the diamond within. In this life it is not a bad idea to keep your options open and do not mistake God for religion. A truly spiritual man wears no garb or robes, nor does he profess his belief in this or that. A spiritual man merely acknowledges his limitations and strive to overcome his ignorance and he seeks not heaven or hell but simply to return to 'The Source' of all things. Having found his unborn 'Buddha nature', his true Beingness he simply is able to let go of his mind created 'self' and merge into the reality of the Oneness of his Higher Being. Man is different from other creatures in the fact that he has 'spirituality' in his genome. Science if it hasn't already will soon prove this.  

Does God Exist - arguments.

I am sucked into listening to all the contemporary great minds debate about the existence of God, The Creator, Lord of the Universe...and so forth and I am stumped on who or what to accept. Steven Hawkings, Christopher Hitchens, Steven Dawkins, William Lane Craig, Michio Kaku and a host of other scientists, theologians and philosophers have their take on the existence of God. It is not that it has any effect on God for better or worse if man believe or not in Him; it does not hurt God. It is not God that has a problem about life or living it is you and me, we are here and for so long as we are here breathing in the air, we got a problem and the problem is not God created but our own self manifested ignorance as we grope around day in day out in seeking that which is impermanent, transient and fleeting rather than what is the eternal, everlasting and divine. We insist upon bringing ourselves down to the level of a surviving species among other species rather than the specie that manages other species. We sit at the top of the food chain and yet we suffer from famine and starvation, we have the most developed brain and yet are capable of self destruction simply because of a system, an idea or a dogma. Yet we have the audacity to question if God does exist when is actuality we could not even bring a blade of grass to life. 
Religion is not something to fight over but to live by. We each and everyone of us has some form of belief and faith in something or someone, even the most jaded of us. Religion or the communion between man and his God is a sacred and personal relationship between the two, it is a covenant that is unwritten and yet etched in the very heart of each and every soul. There are those who are awaken to this and there are those forever ignorant of it; that man is more than what he thinks. Thoughts are merely mental formations just as the body is the physical manifestation of the spirit within. The Divine Spark, the dynamo that is firing up our electrical energies to run this body and mind is within us, "The Temple of the Living God is within me," remove this spark and what have we? How we insist in belittling our divinity and place it among the trash of the decadent is a wonder; we do our utmost to squander our very own Buddha Nature. 
Today we have become so egocentric that we assume we have all the answers even to the questions of the origin of our own being. Yet we claim to have hardly use 10% of our brain matter to be considered among the genius. We try to unravel the mysteries of the Universe simple by calculating numbers and writing down hypothesis, making random assumptions and claiming our way is the way and the only way there is and what is even more sad is the fact that we are willing to kill and be killed for these assumptions. There is whole lot preaching and not so much practicing when it comes to faith and belief systems and as such Love is just another concept like Compassion and Mindfulness, but to Love in the true sense of the word unconditionally is not attainable in practice. 
The Atheists and agnostics may doubt the existence of a Creator a Cosmic Entity governing the whole package we call existence and the religious may defend to their last breadth of an existing Divinity that Lords over us; both are equally in error. For so long as we argue with our mental faculty or thoughts and ideas, we are destined to fail for thoughts and ideas are a product of the mind and the mind is never permanent, ever fleeting and changing in nature and thus incapable of comprehending the eternal and unchanging. 
If the human mind is capable of becoming still for long enough to witness the awesomeness of Being itself, it might catch a glimpse of God.

"A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell."  C.S.Lewis.

      

Getting closer to the truth.

All these while I have been moaning and groaning over my lot all really for nothing as the very thing that i sought is right before me or more like right within me, staring back at me. The pains the pleasures, the dramas the episodes, the thirst and the denial of life is all part and parcel of this moment of seeing myself staring back at me; this is who i am or what i have thus far become, at least for now. The question now is where or what do i intend to do with what I have come to realize about my self, how far or how near do i want to explore this time and space now that i am in touch with my inner nature; create my own reality? I can sit and watch the grass grow or i can scale greater heights into the mysteries of the Universe and behold my Lord's Creation with greater clarity. I can hone my mind and body to such a degree that i can welcome death itself with Love and Right Understanding and not through fear and confusion. Perhaps in the end i can enter the void, (Fana' as in Islam) and merge at one with the Lord of Creation; InnaLillahi Wa'inna Lillahi Ra'jiun. From Him I came to Him I will return. 
Islam in my understanding is Monotheistic religion that professes the Unity of the One Creator and Lord of the Universe...Only The Lord Exist (Yang Maha Wujud), the rest including myself are ephemeral manifestations of His beingness. As soon as my purpose is served as soon the purpose of this existence itself is fulfilled all returns into Him. For as long as i cling on to this idea of I, me and mine I am still lost in duality and thus the cause of my suffering in this life. As long as i cling on to this physical and material realm i am anchored to the floor struggling to attain liberation from my own self created bondage. There are no walls, no cage no chains that is holding me down except my own blind ignorance of who I truly am.
I am no larger or smaller than the next guy, but I am slowly but surely awakening to realizing my own true being as i was created and meant to be; a vessel of the divine, a tool of the Master of All Creations, I am a servant and I serve His Divine Will. Loaded words, yes, but with full conviction as i am through with pussy footing on the matter of my very being who I am and what are my potentials and possibilities inherent within me. Insha'Allah by His Will I will manifest all that has been rightfully empowered within me and that has thus far laid hidden through my own blindness and ignorance. I may not cure the sick and the blind nor may i create wine out of water, but I am ready to take on the mantle of a Bodhisatva in this life and fulfill my vows to help awaken sentient beings through self realization and self healing. 
I call upon all my Gurus, Teachers and Mentors, my Friends and Loved Ones to bear witness that this soul has taken the vows and will walk the life of servitude towards all sentient beings  in the six realms, the ten directions, past present and future. In the name of the All Mighty Allah Subhana Huwata'ala, in all His Beautiful Names and Attributes, I take my refuge. Within this form I call my body is the 'Temple of the Living God', He is closer to me than the jugular vein in my neck . There is nothing that I perform that is not from His Bleesings and His Grace and he is Oft, Forgiving and Merciful, All Loving Lord of the Universe. 
Ameen!   

So round and round we go....

Time and again I have quoted the Buddha as having said that, "Life is suffering, but suffering is, none who suffers. Just as Nirvana Is, none who attains it." What does he meant by this? I think, yes I think, i have an understanding of it somewhat but not entirely. The best i can do is not to identify with your suffering as 'I am suffering', me this entity this self, this that does not really exist. Suffering Is, yes, so long as i exist as my thought projects me to be, I suffer other wise suffering is just a phenomena of existence. If this is too hard to grasp it is alright, I am still as i said figuring it out myself. I am perhaps much closer towards understanding and manifesting this understanding in my daily life just as i have come to understand how my own ignorance has cost me years of wasted energy, not to mention interpersonal relationships, through anger and various other negative emotions expressed, accusing and blaming and judging others and myself? I have always been hard on myself when it comes to feeling guilty and I am my worse executioner. 
Well, not anymore and i refuse to become a victim of my own self deluded, understanding of who I truly am. Even if i have crap in between my legs and up my crotch, I am no more going to sit and suffer from all these negative manifestation but grow from them as the compost towards my own enlightenment or spiritual awakening. I will much greater and stronger from knowing the fat that i am the master of my own destiny, my own environment and circumstances, I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness, my own body speech and mind and i can do what i will to do; so help me God, Insha'Allah! These may sound like empty words but they are my words, my commitment towards this existence, this life. As i keep professing these words time and again, I am reinforcing my inner commitment towards becoming the awakened spirit, the enlightened Buddha Mind or simply making sense out of all the nonsense and remaining sane at the end of the day. yes, most of us live and insane life and not even realize it or care to admit  until it is too late. 
Wake up Bahari! Stay Awake! Don't let it fool you!
Perhaps it will make sense someday, for now just try to stay awake and not slip into the slumber of ignorance, of pride and passion of not knowing your true nature, that which was before you were conceived and living like a cattle destined for the slaughter house. There is too much to loose in this human form if you do not put your priority straight as as the saying goes.. you might gain the world but loose your soul. You got too caught up with the material and somehow neglected  to enlighten your soul. 
" In this human form is enlightenment most attainable,don't waste time." ...the Buddha.
  

An old karma playing itself out....

"And the meek shall inherit the earth..." 
As i was applying some salve in between my legs that has been inflamed by fungal infection I felt a tremendous amount of anguish and tears started pouring out of me; this has been one of the horrors of my life since I was a teenager. I suffered from this most uncomfortable and painful foul smelling itch when i was about thirteen and it tormented me mentally as i was ashamed of it every time i went to school. I used to sit up at night crying on the front steps of y house cause there was no one i could turn to for help, not even my parents and God did i hated life and even God! I used all kinds of ointments to the point of applying stuff that burnt my skin like acid and i would scream in pain, it was my darkest moment in life which for the first time i am sharing about in my Blog. The dark scars still remained all these years and now it has returned to haunt me again in my old age!
It is like a curse and perhaps it is as i am perversely attracted to sex and women for as long as i can remember. There were times during my torment moments i would ask the Lord to take away my sexual desires,but this was unanswered. Today as i apply again the stinging salve all over my crotch and as tears kept popping out my eyes i felt a sense of relief as I realized that i am going through my self healing process and now has arrived at one of my deep rooted fears of going through this painful experience and how i hated life and God for it when i was young; now i accept it and I say thank you my Lord for making me taste again this bitterness. It is the most humbling experience as I feel so vulnerable and hurtful. I know now that i am going through a purification stage to resolve old untidy issues and at the very least I am no more intimidated nor angered by it; I am embracing this most painful episode in my life like an old friend.
I even feel better now that i am able to express it in words, this demon that has been tormenting me all these years in the form of anger and very low self esteem. My disregard for the sanctity of sexual behaviours and my relationship with women. What has happened in the past I cannot change but at least in the future i know better. I am still coughing up a storm spitting out phlegm till my chest seems like it is reaping apart and now with this aggravating itch in my crotch; I am still groping in the dark night of my soul. As for sex, it is safe to say that i have not had sex for the past few years and doubt that i ever will in the near future; I am a  self imposed celibate. The only way to clean up my self inflicted causes of pain and suffering is to become aware of their existence and their causes. I will endure and persevere until I have turned all these past craps into the very compost that will help to heal my soul; this is my vow put down in writing. I will expose each and every nerve and cell if needed be and look into every thought and experiences of my past, present and future like a scientist would in the lab of my consciousness and this will be my game plan on how to heal myself, physically, mentally as well as spiritually. In the meantime i will resist from the urge to scratch my balls.
And this too shall pass...  

     

Let these fingers become a source of healing.

I visited my cousin in the hospital this afternoon who has been bed ridden due to several complications including failed kidney functions, heart problem and a host of other funs stuff according to the doctors at Lam Wa Ee medical center. He is my uncle's youngest child and had grown up in an orphanage during his childhood years. My late uncle was the man who adopted me and raised me for twelve years of my life until I was returned to my immediate family at the age of twelve and so i feel like an elder brother to this cousin. Johan Hamid has always been a very happy go lucky kind of guy who was full of life and entertaining, at least until now. Now he lays there in bed sweating and his hands shaking with pain and fear written on his face when i first walked into the room. 
I sat beside the bed and took a hold of his hand in both of mine and fell into deep meditative state which actually caught me by surprise. I kept staying in this state of mind for a while and felt him relax as his breathing became normal and his hands stop shaking. After a few minutes he was fast asleep and even snoring occasionally. There were two other persons in the room and they were silent watching what was transpiring and after a while one of them came over and tapped me on my shoulder and woke me from my deep 'sleep'. Later in the afternoon I noticed my cousin was more active as more people came into the room and he was able to eat. A nurse came and checked his status and she told him that he had no more fever.
Perhaps i am reading too much into what had happened at the time but deep in me i know i have helped my cousin to ease his fear and pain, at least for the time being. I am beginning to believe in my ability to calm a person down by mindfully focussing on my breathing and bringing myself to a centered state and form this to transfer this soothing energy to another person who is having  mental difficulties in one form or another through an illness. I am not sure if I am even making any sense as i am writing, but hell I am only trying to understand it myself. I have done this several times before but thought nothing of it and also not to kid myself into believing something I am not. But after my last entry about becoming a healer of sorts, this episode with my cousin seems to nail my coffin; perhaps i am becoming a healer. If I am truly, I have no problem with it except i will have to start practicing my own art of healing to better serve those who might be in need and can benefit from it.
I realize that I am not a miracle worker far from it, but I know there is higher power I feel working from within me every time i am in this kind of situation and often enough i would remove myself from being there out of fear of getting involved. However this time it involved someone close to me and to whose father I  owe a debt, I just had to become present and do what needed to be done. I will from now on make it my effort to understand better what i have and hone my ability to perfection. This is perhaps how i can serve my fellow man when I claim to be a Bodhisatva; it it is, so be it. 

" What does God look like, when He wants to look like something, He looks like you without an ego." ... Mooji Baba.

Massaging their ills away...

Taking a journey of music, love and meditation through Enigma, an escape into the realm of spiritual music, a realm of vibration and sound a realm of emotional comfort and peace; The greatest hits of Enigma, on You Tube. The music has stopped suddenly now may due to a Network glitch, it happens all the time on this server, but... such Is, If you want a perfect service you have to learn to serve better or should I say surf better. It is appropriate as it is meant to be i could use the silence right now making this entry.
I had just return after giving three gentlemen their back or spinal column massage. Two were my friends at the fisherman's jetty and the third was my cousin brother who had a by pass recently, I give him a massage at least once a week ever since he came out of the hospital. It is my way of spiritual serving or as the Muslim calls it 'Amal Jariah' in the srvice of Allah. Then again I have taken the Bodhisatva vows as i alwus kept reminding myself every so often; my service towards humanity is healing. I cannot walk away from the suffering of others and by just being able to ease them physically is my small way of sharing my energy in order to help  by healing. I am no expert masseuse but I am getting better as i have been doing this for a few years now. Massaging has become an art and as i massage I meditate upon every move and motion with every breath and sense of feeling I untie the knots that my friends have developed and causing then discomfort. Almost all human forms is in essence the same and my fingers have become very familiar with each and ever muscle on the back of a human form from the neck on downwards, every arm and legs and those that holds up the skull,  I am healing my own form while i work on others.
I close my eyes and become Zatoichi, The Blind Swords Man working the muscles while at the same time quieting my mind through the act of concentration. When I arrive at being single minded with my actions I becomes a musician fine tuning an instrument, a mechanic working on the alignment of a car or a potter moulding his clay for the perfect pottery. For an artist it is the best way to study the human form...through feeling, Love and Compassion for those who could use it in the form of healing. As I massage i often invoke my Lord's names, As Salam. Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim in the silence of my heart and this is not only to help with the healing process but also the help in protecting my self from taking on the pains of others as i often felt in the past. Most great teachers have strongly advised against the effort of healing other if one is not equipped to, but I have taken it on for quite sometime in my life now and so I am becoming more and more acquainted with the negative effects of massaging others. I strongly believe in the fact that the hands merely become an instrument in the hands of a higher mind; if I say the Divine works through my hands it would be a tall claim but it is not too far from the truth and I would like to believe so.
"Mea culpa"...my fault...Enigma.

Happy Birthday Bahari!

I was invited to visit my niece Johana and her children who are leaving for the United States in a weeks time. Their eldest son Adam will be going his higher studies in Madison, Wisconsin..I was to share a little bit of my wisdom with Adam about survivng the Wisconsin Winter having lived there myself for eight years.

I last saw these kids a few years ago when i visited them in Kuwait where their father was working. I cannot remember when I last visited KL and don't care to much to either.

M y birthday present was a large Cheese and peperoni New York Pizza, my kind of Pizza.

My sister was there too and the [izza was good!

Guys, Just leave the cheese and peperoni alone!

That empty feeling inside.

This morning I had an early call from my debt collectors wanting to meet me at my place of residence to carry out their investigation on my financial status; at least some agencies are working. And then a little later the TNB man turned up at the door to cut off my daughter's electricity supply for unpaid bills;Wahr a way to start the day after coughing up a storm all night long and not being able to have a decent sleep. Yes my mother would have said that there would be days like this had she even talked to me and so here I am trying to keep an open mind about it all and make the best out of what lies ahead. 
My mind off course has already been at it that this life is not worth living any longer as it has become a waste of time and effort, like yada!, yada! Body and mind are not in the best of health as a matter of fact and not so much due to these minor setbacks but as a whole, I find it truly indeed is a long process of decay from the day I was born. All the experiences and wisdoms gained throughout my life were just like an added insult to an injury and this longing for truth and getting to know who I am truly am journey is nothing more than a farce, a justification of a failed attempt at living a cool comfortable life like my siblings wallowing in their wealth and success in old age. It is an admission I hate to declare to myself but yes, they were right and I am wrong, my chosen path sucks! 
So, i got about an hour to go face my defeat and humiliation where i will meet my debt collectors, but before i drive there I thought I would let it all out abit so i do not loose my cool in dealing with the situation. I called the lawyer in charge of my file but no answer as I thought I might talk him into letting me make some kind of arrangement, no such luck. My daughter has paid all her electric bills on line and so the issue has been settled and TNB has jumped the gun. Still it is not a great feeling to say the least and after celebrating my 68th. birthday a few days ago it does leaves my heart with an empty feeling; have I really squandered my life away?

Wisconsin in a Bahari's nutshell.

I cannot remember when was the last time that I had visited Kuala Lumpur much less celebrated a birthday, this year I was invited to visit my sister and her family as the children were leaving for the United States to further his studies. My grand nephew, Adam will be attending the University of Wisconsin at Madison and so I am to give him a few tips on how to survive the Wisconsin folks and cold winter.  Wisconsin I told is a very beautiful country full of beautiful  down to earth folks and all it takes is to in their hearts and it will all work out for him. The Wisconsin Dells is a good place to visit at this time of the year as the family can enjoy some of the most awesome fall colors in the Midwest. A visit to Door County in the Sturgeon Bay area is also another place that the family could drive to as they were renting a car upon their arrival there. It would be the fruit picking time especially the Bing Cherry famous in the area.
Wisconsin will always be my home away from home after having spent eight years of my adult life there. I was a meat packing plant employee and attended the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay and graduating with a degree in Fine Arts. I had a very close relationship with the community and was well accepted by most who I came in contact with. There are those that I have offended in one way or another and this too was part and parcel of living life in a balance. Green Bay was my first destination when I left Malaysia sometime in 1973 and it was here that i had my awakening experiences that had prepared me to survive 21 years of my life spent in the United States. It was here that I was divorced from my first marriage and my son and it was here that I redeemed myself by putting myself through school and graduating with a degree. It was here that I discovered that I was destined to live life like a rolling stone; that life was impermanent. That change was inevitable for the better or worse, letting go is never easy but to be able to let go means one can move on and not get bogged down by any situation or circumstances.
One of the few things I learned about the life in Wisconsin is that the people live their lives doing same thing almost their entire lives especially the farmers and those who ran the taverns and bars and those who teach and lectures; the people of the community. I envy their lives as it seem so stable and without much complications, however I could not accept the stagnancy that I noticed in their lives as they grow older with not much changes in their lives. The homes, the cars , the golf clubs, the boats all grow old with them and most ending up in the garage. I also noticed how the younger generation were eager to leave at the drop of a hat and venture off far from their homes as if escaping from being imprisoned by the tedium of a small town life where beer drinking and deer hunting is one of the hype of the daily activity. As for the parents, school basketball meet, baseball and football was the center of their excitement that kept their lives fulfilled. 
The four seasons had a very strong effect on my life in Wisconsin as it dictated where or how i was living at the time especially in winter. The Wisconsin winter can be brutal with the wind chill factor dipping the temperature way below zero and to be caught without a good warm cloths on out in the open could mean a disaster. In summer I suffer from real bad sinus infections as the rag weeds were in full bloom and the wind would transport the pollen everywhere. Then again, in winter it can be the most beautiful landscape one could ever witness on any given day as the land would be snow covered for as far as the eye could see like a pure white blanket and nothing could calm one's spirit more than this. The summer months would see so much excitement with all kinds of activities at the parks and along the lake sides, Wisconsin explodes with summer where baseball and football dominates the evenings and the nights are filled with BBQs and Toga parties.
The Green Bay Packers, The Milwaukee Brewers, the Wisconsin Badgers and a host of other High school and College teams has kept the community alive all summer long and Lake Michigan is never short of fishing boats and pleasure cruisers wind surfers and kayaks. And off course the women comes alive like nowhere else in the summer months; Wisconsin is a smogasboard of sun burnt skins in tank and halter tops with cutoffs and sandals. 
I will always cherish the life I spent in Wisconsin, it was an experience that had filled me with so much food for thought and liquor to drown in.  
  

Being Patient is a priceless virtue.

 Patience is one of my weaker attributes, has always been and probably incurable, will always be: I lack patience. I have been told time and again that I should have waited, persevered, allow for nature to take its course, do be in such a haste...I was a very impatient young man growing up. I most probably had missed out on many great opportunities in the course of my life by simple having lack of patience. I was once told by my Secondary School math teacher to slow down and take my time growing old. This happened when I told him that i was wasting his time and he mine as i had no hope of ever learning about maths. I had asked him if i could be excused from his class to spend my time in the Library instead, he agreed and later we had our talk where he told me to slow down. On the Lower Certificate of Examination (LCE) day, when the maths papers were handed out i simply wrote my name on it and walked out of the examination hall and the same I did when I sat for School Certificate (SC) exam. I do not look back on these events with pride, but i was a determined impatient young man growing up with no regard for the consequences of my actions.
While living in Wisconsin I went through many great changes in my life both for the better and the worse and one of the major events that changed my life was being accepted as a student at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. I was working at a meat packing plant in downtown Milwaukee at the time and was in the process of going through a divorce; my future then was bleak and I had ran out of options. Then i was invited by my friend and neighbor Alan Hautamaki who was then working as a Councillor at the University in Green Bay. Alan told my to put my mind to better use than being a butcher and i can do this by becoming a student at the University. I told Alan that i did not qualify to join the University as my School Certificate exam was below average. He asked me what SC was and when i told him he simply said ,never heard of it. He asked me if i was willing to go through a college lifefor a few years and i told most definitely but what would do i have to to qualify. Sit for the SAT test he said. Dos this include having to sit for a math paper? Yes for sure, he said. Then forget it, I told him and explained why. 
Alan later introduced me to Dr.Amstrong a Math Professor and Councillor who listened to my stories and later became my adviser and under his tutelage i scored three test papers with 100% correct answers and thus qualified to become a University student. I spent over four years of my life as a University student; some of the best times of my life and some of the worse, but i graduated with a Fine Arts Degree. Now upon looking back i come to realize that nothing was impossible given the time and the patience to endure and persevere. My meditation practice began as an effort towards developing patience in me as opposed to the impatience i had with me that often ended with serious anger problems. It was easier to blame my issues upon others but when i was exposed to the spiritual arts such as meditation and Yoga my life took on a whole new perspective and my priorities changed for the better. As I make my entries into this Blog, I still feel the residue of my impatience nagging at me, like why am i wasting my time when I am not making a dime at doing this.
One of the lessons i learned from my Maths experience in school was that i am my own stumbling block, i place the invisible walls around me and shut off any chances of a success in my life. I learn too that i can and able to master my own destiny if and when i put my mind to it with patience and perseverance,; the walls can be knocked down and i can transcend all odds given the right mind and patience is a virtue that every man with a desire to overcome his travails must develop  a right understanding of.


  

When I get older, ..

I ask myself, what is it that makes me, Me and the answer eludes me as i could never place my finger on the very exact nature of my self satisfaction. What do I live for. What do I hope to achieve in the course of my life. All these idealistic thoughts and ideas, all these spiritual and religious justifications all these writing about the past and hopes of the future, what am I looking for. My body is slowly loosing its vigor and one ailment after another seems to happen that leaves me less and less energetic and I attribute it to old age and bad habits, but I feel much worse than just aches and pains, I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle and I don't even know what war it is that I am fighting.   guess it boils down to what have I accomplished in this life  that I can say, that's my legacy. I have done something worthwhile with my life even if I depart this life a pauper. 
On the whole, I would not claim that my life had been a waste of space and time either as i have done and been to places more than most of my fellow man and i have touched many lives of others in the most intimate as well as casual ways worth looking back at. I have made my share of mistakes and failed at many relationships but I have not regrets over my past failures not even those that had cost in my relationship with others. I look upon these broken relationships as meant to be, in many cases it was meant for me to break away from the situation or circumstances I was in. In most cases i committed betrayals and trust of my friends without much thought which ended many close relationships in a negative manner. I felt bad about my wrong doings but I also felt it was meant to be just as it was time for a change from what was. I was never meant to stay too long in one relationship nor in one place and as such I never had a home I can call my own. Tonight while walking along a corridor after having dinner with my daughter, I noticed three homeless Chinese sleeping in makeshift bed surrounded by carton boxes; it could have been me at one time not too long ago.
In a few days I will celebrate my 68th birthday in Kuala Lumpur as I am being invited to visit my niece and her family there. Her eldest son will continue his higher education in the State of Wisconsin and she most probably wants me to talk to the kid about living there as I have spent over 8 years in Green Bay, Wisconsin. In a month or two winter will be setting in and the kid better have some warms cloths as his top priority. The trip to KL will be a good change of pace for me, to get away from this city for a few days and hang out with some grand kids celebrating my birthday.  

  

The lightness of being-Enlightened.

When we are able to remove the veils of our mental formations which are the results of mental conditioning since the day we breathed the first breath on this Planet, we might catch a glimpse of the reality that is behind all these. The Buddha called it Maya, this realm that we are existing in and he had set a course towards finding the way out of this strangle hold we are being held into and attain towards freedom and liberation from the ignorance that we have been blinded with by systems and societies. he has found the for humanity the way to exit from this round of life death and rebirth. Through His teaching the Buddha has set ways and means to remove all the veils that we are trapped with and allow us to see what lies in truth for those who can see, beyond the ordinary perception of the human mental faculties.
Scientists has began to predict that the human mind has evolved and is capable of infecting the outcome of our very physical existence if and when we have mastered its potentials, we become the very creators of our own plane and dimensions or realities. What is topping man from virtually become his own creator? it is his conditioning into thinking that he alone is responsible for it all, he alone is the master of the environment and circumstances of his existence. he discard the fact that he is is in part subjected to the laws of Nature and the Universe and eh has to abide by these laws in order to become the master himself. Man has to look outside of himself and see the consequences of having broken the covenant between the inner and the outer world , that is, he has to awaken to the truth of his own inner nature and act from this position called the Dharma Position in Buddhism. From the very essence, of heart of heart, man has to become the enlightened, the living truth that is his original Buddha Nature.
The path towards Enlightenment is the key towards our liberation from the bonds of this Mayavic realm of existence and for each and every individual that has taken the step towards this journey Humanity attains a step towards its own self healing. Every individual effort in the process makes a whole lot of difference as every effort in the opposite direction towards ignorance and suffering is just as consequential. Hence in it our very purpose in life to find our own true nature by any means that we have adopted to be "Our Way", as there is no one way but there is only one goal and that is to attain towards the liberation of our souls from the bonds og ignorance. To step out of the blindness of our every day existence and walk in the lightness of being; enlightened.

Speak from my heart.

If you take some time off to listen to the Satsang talks given by Shri Mooji, you might catch a glimpse of the truth about the nature of the human mind in its down to earth daily activities as well into its deeper dimensions. This is a good step towards self discovery as Mooji is one of those contemporary teachers who is in the position to deliver us from the ignorance of the 'psychological mind.' I have been listening to Mooji for quite sometime now and from these talks I am often reminded of how far or near i am drifting away from my source or to put it more specifically, from my Dharma Position, the point from which i stand and deliver myself. Mooji Baba delivers his Satsang teaching in an open and genuine interactions between 'Guru' and disciple where one can participate in these conversations through our own understanding Through his often off the cuff humor and at the same genuine transmitting of wisdom one can find the simple truth about how our mind functions. 
In his Satsang talk of 22 of March 2014, Mooji talked about the levels of understanding for each an every individual as we confront our daily states on mind. The power of detachment from perspective of a person, a personality compared to the ability to observe  without attachment to what is being observed, witnessing without suffering or identity, with no effort required. Transcending your psychological aspect of the mind you  become detach from its influences. It is the peeling of the onion layer upon layer until there is no more layers and tears to be felt from it. What is discovered at the end of  this act is the emptiness of the doing and the beginning of being, presence, is all there is.  
There are many talks, lectures, satsangs and various other presentations on the topic of "The Human Mind', of thoughts and thinking and so forth on You Tube and these were not readily available prior to the Internet. All one has to do is plug in to learn a little more of who you are or what you comprise of. To choose to know is never a waste of time for knowledge are wings by which we fly to heaven. Knowledge however much we accumulate will be of no value if it is not put to action and action when not in sync with your original intention will only go to waste; stick to your original motive; and make it of Universal Value. We live to serve and serve to live, when we serve we are the servants of the Lord and this is the virtue of being who we are. As a Bodhisatva, my purpose of being here is to serve and not so much as being served 

“Listen to your heart and not your ego. Your ego prompts you to boast of vain assertions to obtain the glory of this world. Turn away from vanity and seek Him in the recesses of your heart and soul.” 
― Hazrat Abdul Qadir Jilani

Become one within and without.

Never underestimate the power of your mind and this has been the rally call of most wise ones of today albeit of the sciences, philosophy or religions. We are a species endowed with this faculty more developed than any other on this Planet and we shall honor this endowment. The mind if not fully understood and utilized in a positive, creative and productive manner can turn upon  its owner and manifest unwanted causes for sorrow and pain needlessly. Thus with the help made available by the Internet it is not an excuse for any man wise enough to read and write to be able to learn about how our thoughts or mind functions and how it can be as it should be the tool that we can change the world.
It is never too late to start believing in yourself, in who you truly are and recognizing the Divine Nature that has been imbued in you by the Universe if you feel like calling it such. some cal it God, While other Brahma and I call Him Allah - or the Lord of the Universe. Without this strong belief or faith in the Higher Nature, it is easy for one to stray being led by the egoic nature inherent in all of us. Just as the Planet we call home is nor than the size of an atom when viewed from far off outer space how much smaller are we as individuals in the scheme of things. However collectively the human mind has the ability to move mountains and even affect the movement of the planets. It is in our power to do so if only we know how to harness this unique ability in all of us and point it in single pointedness towards achieving the impossible just as we have set man on the moon.  
It was not NASA alone that had landed man on the moon, it was the the collective desire of humanity itself that had made it possible. Just Marvel's Captain America is not the fruit of Stan Lee or Rip Kirby's endeavor alone to become a blockbuster movie, it is the collective creative consciousness of the whole of the comic and motion picture industries along with the entire comic readers and movie goers all over the globe. We as a whole make things happen, we help to cheer along all the productive and creative spirit of humanity. Just we cheer our favorite soccer teams and olympic athletes so we can collectively raise our consciousness towards healing ourselves and our planet. If nothing else, it gives us our sense of purpose in life and what have we got to loose by being aware, mindful and conscious about our very existence in relationship to the collective whole.
In order to be able to achieve this level of understanding one has to start by understanding one's own inner being, the workings of one's own body and mind and the ability to distinguish the difference between the true self or spirit and the ego. The more one realizes one's own divine nature the stronger one becomes connected to the whole; as one is the Whole. As J. Krishnamurti pointed out, " You are the World." 

“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.” 
J. Krishnamurti.


  

Truth is the thing that you look for when you run out of lies.

There are levels of understanding for each individual. How deep or how shallow, how far or how near is a matter of     accumulated knowledge cum wisdom. The lifetime of eclectic choices of myriads of experiences. the analytical scrutiny of what is the truth behind each and every experience, in contemplative as well as meditative practice; i try to untangle the tangle. Not too many would have the true meaning of my words but those who do will understand why I am doing this; sharing my self, my thoughts and my conscience. I seek for the Peace within, I seek for the Love of the Universe and the ability to justify myself to the best of my ability  in the form of my Blogging. I write to myself, to remind myself and to warn myself, it is my way of a catharsis. There is a whole lot of Love out there I know especially when i surf the Internet, there is a whole lot of Positivity manifesting in humanity. We are not a lost specie just just and the Planet will survive as we start to care more for ir.

I hope to help create a sense of Universal Consciousness that will be united in making a solemn oath to saving ourselves and the Planet. I can only start with myself and hopefully find one or two along the way with this sharing. I will call it The Great Silence Way or the Way of the Great Silence, whichever sounds better. The essence of this Way is to harness as much energy possible from all around the globe focused towards the attainment of Peace and Love on this Planet among all its beings. To develop Compassion towards all Sentient beings and become aware and 

become a warden of this Planet ensuring its survival. It will be in Silence that we act; Collectively. No one has to know your intentions, but everyone will benefit from it. The power of the human mind has yet to be understood by science and even religion, but by right understanding of its nature man can exert his presence upon any given situation and help to bring Love, Joy and Peace to his or her fellow humans

.We have to walk in a way that we only print peace and serenity on the Earth. Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.. ...Thich Naht Hahn

Justifications is not an excuse.

To understand who I truly am I have to stop justifying, not even to myself all the truth that is who I truly am. And when I keep quoting the Buddha of what right and wrong is in my past still holds true in my consciousness; "right and wrong is a sickness of my own mined." 
"A man who justifies, does not convince.
Not even to himself.!" Lao Tzu said.
Am I trying too hard to imitate the bygone Masters? Perhaps i am and not doing to good at it. I am still burrowed into this dichotomy of right and wrong, good and bad and so forth. I keep reminding myself  of who I am, I shake my body and rattle my bones to stay awake and alive in every situation and every moment in time. I am to say the least ;adrift. While having some sense of understanding of the nature of attachment  Having a glimpse of the nature of consciousness and the dual thinking mind itself, I am still often adrift down the river like all else around me; am i ever going to be able to cross this river and attain liberation or am i no more than another piece of drifting flotsam of the ocean of consciousness, when will I ever feel the freedom that is being who i truly am; awakened forever amidst the ocean of Maya.
Listening to Anoushka Shankar' " Land of Gold" full album on You Tube.  Life is much more than sitting and making excuses for my self why or why not, It could have or not, I try to live from moment to moment with every breath I take i know i getting nearer to the grave; i have to make very breath of mine counts like raindrops falling from the sky to nourish the thirst of humanity. The rain that showers eacj and every soul on this planet with a touch of the Divine Love and Compassion, manifested through me in my form of presentation as an artist and a writer. As a friend and partner in life to all those whose life I have touched for better or for worse. I am again making a justification for my existence as who I have since become. 
" May your kind heart find the Land of Gold...Tell them I walked your Way." ...Land Of Gold, Anoushka Shankar, You Tube. 
I am a Bodhisatva as I sworn to be and in the lineage of the Bodhisatva Manjushri, The Bodhisatva of Infinite Wisdom. I made my salutations and took my vows before the Altar of the Great Guru Rinpoce, I took the vow to live my life as a Bodhisatva and i did this three consecutive Full Moon Ceremony at The green Dragon Temple, of the Green Gulch Center on Star Route 1, Sau Sausalito, Marin County, California.  
Careful with what you make your vows on! The Universe in its infinite Wisdom watches every thought you think and calibrate your standing accordingly. With the understanding of its virtues, I have to live my life for others, in servitude in my own ways and by skillful means.  The truth is that i very often forgot my vows made and live my life as though I deserve all its comforts and pain. IIII...I...I become immersed or sucked into this what we call life and not fully anchored in my practice i am drifting  Floating down the stream to Sitar music fo one of The contemporary Masters like her father the Late Ravi Shankar. This to me is immortality, leaving behind a legacy that some will follow by. Everything i dream of thought of envisioned in my life i see them materializing before my eyes: I have to make the  Right Choice and it is for the benefit of all Santient beings. in the six realms, the ten directions, past present and future; may they awaken even if for a moment. May they become more aware of their true nature and develop greater understanding how great a role each man plays in the Whole Scheme of Things that we call Life.
Who or what a Boddhisatva is, you can always Google it and perhaps comes to your own slice of understanding.

Jerejak -3

If there is any conservation that aught to be looked into seriously on Jerejak it is the remnants of what used to be the living quarters of the former employees of the prison system there.

These dilapidated buildings hidden back from the main path and almost engulfed by thick foliage may seem a sore eye to most but to those with an eye for the natural aesthetic beauty that is man made and nature in synchronicity will find this spot worth their time and money.
The Japanese society took great pride in the preservation of such similar sites in Japan, such as old and broken down temples or farm huts with its natural surroundings, protecting such photogenic sitse from man dire need to 'development'.




What can be done with this site is to create a walkway for an easy and safe excess for tourists or visitors alike. This path may include a sand path and stones or pebbles path for the therapeutic meditation which alot of people seek in this day and age. Aesthetically and environmental friendly fencing.(bamboo), can be installed to keep people from wandering into the buildings and so forth. Provide all the pertinent infos including the historical, flora and fauna and the aesthetic values of the site at the entrance, this is very important as it should set the mood for the walk.

Or, of course you could bulldoze it all to the ground and build another SPA facility or a cafe. 'tepok dada tanya selera', it is all in who has the say off course after all money talks, bullshit walks, if there is money to be made by development why not. Who gives a hoot about preservation or heritage conservation of some old broken down buildings in the mosquito infested nowhere section of Pulau Jerejak.

Selling coal in Newcastle as the saying goes is what will be the outcome when you upgrade the Island environment and in the process destroying it ecosystems and environment and replace it with what is available everywhere else like an added SPS or swimming pool etc. The asset of this island is its natural beauty and the government and all those with vested interest should dwell into this matter with conservation and preservation in mind, at the end of the day Insha"Allah it will be what makes the money.

Old houses that have been left to nature to are like old bonsai or rock gardens in their sense of beauty. The scene in itself can evoke a sense of 'Aware" as the Japanese or Sabi and Wabi sense of the aesthetic. Nostalgic, the sense of impermanence in life,like viewing the autumn leaves or the fall of Sakura petals to the ground. Most of our children have or will never feel this is we keep getting rid of our natural landscapes.

The Malays are (were?) very sensitive to the spiritual context of nature just like the Japanese and most other Asian cultures, sites like these evokes more than mere natural beauties it preserves their sense of 'awesomeness in nature'. Spirits dwell in these kind of environments for them, and in our modern day society these are about the last sanctuaries left for these spirits to exist as man encroaches more and more into their domains.

Heritage preservation is not merely the preservation of old buildings made new but also that which is decadent through time bearing a wealth of historical as well as cultural investments. They preserve as testimonials towards the relationship between man an environment physically as well as spiritually.

To Those who are artistically inclined these sites are a source of knowledge in their search for artistic expression. For nature lovers the flora and fauna surrounding the area is a gold mine.

Penang island itself is slowly but surely running out of such spaces due to development or privately owned thus depriving excess to the general public, it is imperative that such sites should be placed among the sites that we strive to conserve for the future generation.