Making the Tough Decision.

I have the feeling that it is high time I boogie out of this place before it becomes an attachment and hard to say goodbye to. It has been a very good experience and I have gained a whole lot of insight into the nature of living in the remote area where farming and rubber tapping is a way of life. It is hard work physically no doubt and I am sure i have lost a few pounds in the process. I have also been able to observe how my mind has been putting on a great fight to impose thoughts of everything and anything to sway me from being a part of this community and move on with my life of my journey; an indication of not wanting to be in the Here Now. A good example is my camera not being able to upload the pictures like it used to at this Cyber Cafe; very frustrating. The farm is moving along with greater support from all around more than when I first arrived and the place is coming to life by the day. I feel like my being here is no more relevant and it is time to move on.
It is time to move on, where to who knows and who cares. I am a drifter and my home is on the road, which reminds me of the TV series, The Fugitive, only I am a drifter by choice. It is scary come to think of it and at times I feel so lonely missing the ones i love, but I know being where I was was not exactly something I cherish as a way of life either. I was feeling stagnant and my mind was getting corrupted from not having any challenges to face as i woke up to the same scene and the same routine of not being productive. I felt my existence was lacking something worthwhile to call being alive and so here I am among strangers while evaluating my own state of consciousness. Here I am sleeping in a leaky hut with bugs and frogs for company, here I am trying to understand life as lived by those who I perceived as living their lives with full convictions, raising their children and making ends meet day to day in a remote village.
The one incentive i found was having met and become a 'student' to an ex-army major and sea captain who now is aspiring to become and organic rice farmer. He is a born leader without doubt and have a highly developed intelligence worthy of his former ranks. He knows how to lead others into doing what is right and his intuition of others' needs and feelings is sharp. Perhaps he is someone I can learn more about life from as through him I have also come to meet many special individuals who have in the lives excelled in their careers and vocations. Through being with him too I have come to be able to continue my own personal practice of self discovery and what it is that I lack as a man who is past his prime.
Whatever it is that i need to help me become more complete or whole I have yet to feel, but in the meantime I have to come to a decision as to whether this is where it is that I will find my answers. I am afraid that I will leave this place before it is time for me to and missing what it is that I have come to find. But how can I tell when or how, and my financial state is slowly making it more of an issue to content with. It is a matter of making a leap of faith either way and in making the decision whether to leave or stay I have to be fair to all concerned which includes making it worthwhile for those who sponsored me on this journey, and not to mention to my children.
Well not to make any hasty decision and regret i will wait and see what gives in the next few days. If I am still feeling the itch to keep moving and there is nothing that more that is worth while to keep me here than I will weigh my anchor and set my course into the next destination. I am thinking of going where the sea is next and it could be in the area of Lumut or Manjung, in Perak. Perhaps there I will do my art from all the pictures I have taken here. If OK with my sister I will stay att my niece's house which is presently unoccupied. It will be a good place to recuperate from my aches and pains after all these hard physical labour of love here on the farm at SRI LOVELY, Kg. Lintang, Blantik, Kedah.