Tuesday, September 19, 2017

As life goes on...

I must admit a little sense of pride in me when I see the number of hits for this Blog was more than five hundred thousand. The ego has its need too. Now if i had been making a dime for every hit I would have been well off by now. But that's was not the original intention for having the Blog. My original intention was to share my journey and experiences to those who enjoy reading and expanding their minds towards right understanding of who they are; those who work themselves towards awakening from this sleep walking in life. I am assuming off course but I hope I am correct in this assumption and that as I keep sharing it will also become a process of healing, for myself as well as others.
It is said that if you do something often enough you will one day master it; I hope I have about mastered the ability to write and share my personal thoughts, views and ideas worldwide. What started off as journal of self discovery has now evolved into a documentation of a 'Way of Life'; the Art of Living. Watch out for the small miracles, they do happen, trust in who you are and have the will to make things happen. Will yourself often enough and sooner than later your intention comes to be. "Kun faya kun!" or say be and it is. This is the divine power within all of us, we can make things happen if we can quiet the mind and allow for the subconscious to deliver whatever is most appropriate in answer to our immediate need. Trust in our own inner feelings and intuitions is paramount in making decisions that would affect relationships, step back and allow for things to happen without too much attachment or detachment, observe with bare attentions and tackle with skilfull means the phenomenon of the world.
Do not turn problems you have in life into a cancer case and don't sweat the little things in life, it is too short and by the time you have understood the whole mystery you would be too old to enjoy it or discover that others have done a whole lot better and earlier than you anyways. I am letting my mind ramble on and so if my thoughts are unconnected it is simply because...I m presently listening to The Best native Music Ever on You Tube it has Native Americans chant in it and is played over and over for an hour; it is a healing music. The sceneries of the American wilderness is awe inspiring and mesmerizing, it reminds me of my travels through the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. All I can say is i am blessed to have been able to witness these scenes up close and personal. My "South West trip took me to many great national monuments that moved me body,mind and spirit in more than one way. So as i listen to this haunting, spiritual chant and the o the drums rising and falling like waves, I allow my mind to keep itself busy.
On a personal note, went for an eye check and was told i have catarracts and need an operation. Wnet to consult a specialist and was told that my eyes are in deed at a developed stage of catarract and the operation would cost RM3700 per eye! Such Is.


Monday, September 18, 2017

Where are You at?

I am sailing on uncharted waters in my journey, I am walking on thin ice, I am pushing it so to speak. Instead of writiting to remind myself, of who or what I am, I am beginning to preach, like become a Guru; yes that is alright too! What good is all the writing if nothing worthwhile comes of it at the end of the day? There is always good soft music going on in your head, thanks to You Tube, your choice is limitless. what else do you need to occupy the space and time you have on you hand because you cannot sleep. Perhaps sitting too much? One who practices 'sitting meditation' or as the Zen Buddhist calls Za Zen, has a mind that is most loud and restless, the mind like the four horse pulling a chariot in four directions, also known ans 'the Monkey Mind.' This busy mind is not who I am, I am the observer for lack of a better description, the oIne who reflects upon what is going on with the busy mind. I am also not the body, this that is making thoughts appear and making as much sense as Woody WoodPecker on a slow day.
So I stop acting, I become, I am, That, I AM! I sit Za Zen every chance I get and now my lower back pains is acting up and why I also cannot sleep. So what to do? I could act like I am sleeping and dreaming even, but I can also share my thoughts or the insights that came to me when I sat, Za Zen. You sit with your spine erect to its most vertical posture without too much force just comfortable enpugh to almost feel pain or discomfort and this you achieve through breathing. 
The spinal column is the central pillar of the human form that holds it all together and through it flows the vital energy, the mattow is the conduit. A vertical line, 'Alif', the first of the Arabic letters, the letter 'I' is the vertical and so is Coit Tower in Downtown, San Francisco. When you have found your most comfortable position, it takes time, your mind too will slow down, the four horses starts to gallop as a whole till they finally run as one. Some calls it Samadhi, some calls it Satori, You are at peace within and without, In the silence of the mind, when the chariot runs smoothly like one is riding on air, then you will start hearing music and birds singing in the background; you are home. this is where you rest, that silent space between two thoughts is worth more than any sleep that I think the body needs. In this interval between two thoughts is the window into eternity even if it lasts as brief as a lightning on a sunny day, if and when your mind and consciousness is present completely at a point time, you become whole, you merge with the Universe, the Force, the One call it by what Name you will.

Lines drawn in the soil. 
To be or not to be, stop acting and start becoming. Your acting days are over it is time you recognize and accept your role and play it to the best of your ability, worthy being called a man. 

My Latest Studio 1

This is where it is all happening.

Have Breath will Live!

This is my craft, my choice of expertise, I hope that when I leave I would leave a legacy for the younger generation of my life's experiences almost day to day as it happens. This is a lengthy Blog that pans over ten years and hopefully will go on for a few more, Insha'Allah. Life is about looking within and sharing it out there. Its is about being able to turn what could have been a long boring life into one that is worth reading about. It is my wish that my endeavor as a Blogger is in some small way a contribution towards the understanding of the human mind,;mine.  Making this Blog entries have become an addiction, just another among the many that I suffer from; not all are bad, some help me to see beyond the veils of reality, to break through the illusions, to see what Is.
To strike a balance between all the elements of the Yin and Yang in  the body as well as the mind and the spirit  is the key to a healthy living. I wish I can keep to this diet but I am still a novice in this game of life: but I do my best. Moderation is the key to balance, the Buddha taught of the Middle Path, as I am sure almost all religions in one form or another preach the same. Any form of extremism will offset the balance within and without and cause discomfort of 
one form or another throughout the body mind and spirit. To be in close contact wiht all the energies that runs all over your form is crucial to your energy management. Sit and watch your mind, body and spirit at least once and day to revue what what has transpired in the course of a day in existence. You can call it rewind or unwinding your day or night if you also do the same when you wake up in the morning; SIT! Be still and just watch and breath- in and -out. Sit fifteen minutes or half an hour, sit before you make your next move, or begin a new day. This is one practice that i have been doing for many years now; just Sit.
I do not teach but merely sharing that which I have leaned throughout my adult life all over the world wherever I have lived my life,  worked and put myself through college, raised a family and did it in manners in which many envied. For better or worse I have arrived here, where I am at looking at life through the prism of my heart and sharing it many of my friends all over the world; thanks to this Miracle of the Internet. You will never know the whole truth, but what is worth sharing I share what is is not I will take it with me to the grave to be recycled. Fpr so long as i am still following my breath in this life i will strive to become that perfectly enlightened being, fully awakened and liberated from this life of Maya; Illusions. When you sit you breath, and feel that you are breathing in -out -in and out. Breath is the bridge that connects between the living and the dead, the body and the mind, the herein is the beginning of the dual thinking mind, the opposites, in and out. For so long as you are breathing you are attached to this world like it or not. How often do we remind ourselves in the course of a say, "Hey! I am breathing!,How incredible can that be?" 
Have breath will live!



Sunday, September 17, 2017

Looking out from my apartment building.

Woke up this morning to a shocker discovery.

Sleeping comfortably all night long to the sound of the falling rain  and then this!

Ye sit reminds one of the monsoon season  along the East Coast, but this is Georgetown.

This i sadi to be the result of  the sea being at high tide and the  spin off from the Typhoon that hits Vietnam. a few days ago.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Recognizing the Source.

In the last few days i have pretty much written my heart out about anything and everything that my mind has been hankering about, it is like a belated spring cleaning of my conscious mind as well as insights into what my subconscious has to say about my stand on issues. I am about fully recuperated from my physical ailments and my itches in between my legs has fully healed and cleared. I have been keeping a more or less balanced diet and taking my medications for my high blood pressure on top of practicing my self healing routines, through meditation and auto suggestions, through awareness as well as silent prayers. I'm feeling better now as a whole and am ready to take on the next event that lay ahead of me, whatever that might be. I look forward to engaging myself with a more challenging and creatively rewarding venture.
Spent the afternoon with Lee Khai where we went to his optometrist to take a look at my eyesight, After the look and see i was told that it is useless for me to get a pair of glasses as I have cataracts in them and needs for an operation of sorts. So the next medical odyssey begins, like it would cost in the thousands for an operation in a private hospital a a wait of eternity if one is to go to the General Hospital, it looks like a long wait is the choice or a slow process of blindness before my time. As one gets up there in age one after another one is confronted with ailments, illnesses and all kinds of other wonders of the impermanence of life. All that exist will eventually cease to be and the process began the moment you were born.
But no regrets, however having had such good visions for so many years that has allowed me to draw and paint, to reads hundreds if not thousands of novels and hours of You Tube and Face Book, to have stared at women and to have witnessed amazing sights and scenes all over the world; if I loose my sights now it would be a blessing in disguise. i might create a whole new experience of living in a formless and colorless world and to have greater faith on the sense of hearing touch and taste to live by. One of my discovery about having blurry vision is that I pay allot less attention to my external surroundings. figures and faces does not register much more into my vision and my mind. For one who is trying to detach himself  as much as he can from the external circumstances and environment, loosing the eyesight at least partially would not be such a bad idea.
A few minutes ago  I was informed that the cost towards having an operation for my eyes would be born by my first son   
, the Captain who was informed of my status and decided what he would.do. My daughter is in touch with all three of her brothers keeping them updated on how their dad is doing and what he needs. I must admit I am moved by such care and help from my children and can't help but feel blessed despite my doubts; Such Is. It is yet another prove of my own doubts about myself, my conscious mind assuming and accepting the worse in my life only to realize that I am more than I can imagine and help is always readily available if I can allow for it to happen. 
The most crucial help that I often tend to overlook is that help that is inherent within me, my subconscious mind. This mind within the mind, the subjective mind has always been there throughout my life and  whenever I have exhausted my dual thinking conscious mind my subconscious mind would intervene and provide the solution to my problems especially if it involves the inner workings of the physical body. The subconscious mind is like the archive of all my possibilities and is readily available to serve my conscious demands. It serves subjectively without discrimination of right or wrong, it serves according to the demands of the conscious mind, Hence a positive demand results in positive response, and if it done repetitiously every day before you sleep and when you wake up, something is bound to happen in you life. How dedicated are  we towards becoming an independent entity capable of self sustenance and self healing? Or are we still too busy in our daily quest for fame and fortune or the security of our creature comfort, our secured future.
In healing we need not worry as the medical services today is much up  to date with whatever that is the you have and there is pill or two for every ailment to help you bear the pain. We have become dependent upon the doctors and medical specialists for our well being so much so that healthcare has become one of the most lucrative business in the world next to arms sales and human and drug trafficking.

"I am now writing in my subconscious mind, the idea of God's wealth. God is the source of my supply and all my needs are met   at every moment of time and point in space, God's wealth flows freely, joyously and ceaselessly into my experience and I give thanks for God's riches forever circulating in my experiences." 
Joseph Murphy - Repeated affirmation - meditation - mantra.


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

List of a few of my Missing Art works.

This large piece has has disappeared and i wonder who has it in their collections . It took me a few years to  be satisfied with the end product ubt it still needs that elusive magic that makes a apinting such as this  awesome.

One of my missing paintings Acrylic & oil on Board. 4x 4 feet??

One of the larger pieces i did that i felt somewhat attached to has been missing for a while now along with a few other larger pieces. I hope they find good walls to hang on. Whoever owns this piece know that it was never sold or given away to anyone. Last seen at the MGTF USM. storage area by the exit door in the rear of the building.
This is another missing piece of artwork, it just disappeared after an exhibition at the Alpha Utara Gallery . It is of two panels and measure four feet by five roughly. It is acrylic and oil on hard board.

Where is this painting today? This piece too went missing after a show somewhere. It seems like I lost a piece or two of my works everytime i had an exhibition here in Georgetown. Herein lies my lack of enthusiasm in doing anymore art for art's sake. My fault, what cn i say, i trust others to act accordingly but the need to make money outweighs right and wrong in my experience. Yes, i aught to have been more careful and keep an account of my works.

I am a good artist but a poor businessman, I am hopeless when it comes to selling my works  and not having a proper storage place my works tends to float around here and there until they vanish for good. My bad!


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Chop wood, carry water..

Humanity needs healing the last century ago. We can ignore the fact an d continue on living in denial, in imagination or in dreams , sleep walking our way towards oblivion, or we can each and every one can help another to awaken. Give that tap on the shoulder, or say hello on the phone, keep a facebook account, keep in touch with reality. Only through mass communication and mass education can man stand a chance to bring back coherence in our collective human consciousness today or loose it all to chaos and insanity of yet another Mother of Wars. Mankind is on the brink of self destruction as we let alone the proliferation of our insatiable thirst for Greed, Hate and Ignorance; it has become a cancer in our blood and tainted our DNA  forever setting back the human evolution genome from evolving further into a specie of light. We are wrapping ourselves in a cocoon of darkness of ignorance, of cravings and wantings, clinging on to and hoarding what we don't need. we ignore the fact that this life is impermanent and everything that exist will cease to exist and nothing not a state mind can be taken with when we die.
We need to heal. Each and every man is responsible to his brother in sharing information, of wisdom, of spirituality of the sciences and the life hereafter, it is our duty to our fellow man to share our understanding limited as it may be. To become Masters in our own fields is a goal worth pursuing, this is who we are, we are a specie that strives for Perfection and Beauty, Pride and Nobility, we are a specie that can also evolve into Despair and Insanity, Decadence and Destruction. We are a specie capable of killing another for no apparent reason or to make a point. We have in the course of our history, created the best of the best in the Arts and the sciences, in Sports and in the Business World, We have evolved into a competitive society rather than a collective one. Man has over developed his competitive nature and it has made the ability to sharing obsolete; Nothing is for free in this land of freedom.
The Internet is the miracle of this century, The Lord has given man his final instrument of  collective salvation. The ability to share knowledge and eradicate ignorance as world wide we possibly can. Awake! Awake! Stay Awake! Don't let them fool you! Do not be afraid to ask, who are you? or answer who am I, when in the course of an everyday chit chat at the coffee shop. What is existence all about, Is there God if there is how come He is hiding? Share all about quantum physics with the cab driver or the fisherman, they may look at you like you are a fool or lost a marble or two or they might turn on you and become the Zen Master, taking you for a walk. The very tool that can decimate the entire planet from the face of the earth can also become its saving grace. The computer is our miracle if we use it like the Masters that we claim ourselves to be and help to propagate collective healing effort from around the globe. To simply bring the information into the consciousness of the next person is a good start. Don't be afraid to ask your mom at breakfast table, "Mom! Why are we prejudice against others?" It  might throw her into a mental loop or it might make her stop to ponder if she is feeding you enough oats for breakfast. Whatever the reaction, it will;be the time stopper, the shakedown of the consciousness factor and might even be that split second moment of Satori, a moment of enlightenment, from heightened mental jugglings that was brought to  a stand still by a simple question such as .Who are you? ; the tap on the shoulder.
Who are you? Who Am I? Who is asking? Who is making this observation of the observer of asking this question...who am I? Did i evolve from a frog or did my ancestors came from Abraham and Adam. What is my purpose of my being here other than to occupy space and suck in air.  When it is all said and done and my allotted time has played itself out what happens when i die? Do not hide behind religions for you answers, leave God out of the equation and find out the truth through your own volition, with your own mind and feel it within your own heart, that this is indeed the truth I have been missing; ah, so simple...so ordinary, how did I miss it. 
Before awakening,
chop wood and carry water.
After awakening, 
carry water, chop wood.


Monday, September 11, 2017

Life Sahring is not a myth.

We are here together, gathered in a collective spirit in order to learn and and to share.

There is a hidden beauty all each and everyone of us and it shows in our smil; smile more often.

If there is anything worth saving it is the family, your immediate family may not be the one you save as the Universe is your family.

Even for the brief moment like the shutter speed of the camera, as brief as lightning, one catches a  glimpse of the Divine in all of us. 

Our path may never cross again in this life  after this meal, but I would like you to know that  you will always be in my heart, Spaniard!

He is on the way to becoming a shaman.

Expressing  who I am through Art.

What is Unconditional Love? The  Christ Love..

They are a reflection of your own consciousness...

Who can tell what the heart is contemplating.

Shaing with the future the wisdom of the elders is education.r

There must be at least one Unconditional Love in your life other than God.

From dwon under at the edge of the forests we mee; the Three Wise men.

Your soul mates are those who you have touched  and they have touched you.

The Heart is indeed a lonely hu.
Then, time to chill, what better way than a llarge cheese and pepperonni Ney York Pizza with the grand kids.

Or simply chilling in Balik Pulau and  I am Tok Ki to them...Grandpa.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

In the name of Christ -do something, anything

Now to share what is even closer to my heart causing a great pain in my soul, it is a subject that I have avoided thus far as it hurts deep and I am afraid i might loose my balance and pass partial judgments. The inhuman acts going on in Myanmar, a predominantly Buddhist state is as black a mark in our history as ever happened before.It is sad and it is beyond an imagination of how low we as humans has stooped to. We again are proving how inhuman and animal like our nature is in the course of our existence. The Rohingya plight is the plight of humanity, just as the Palestinians and the Syrians and so forth. I am ashamed to be included among the human race, the so called civilized and God fearing specie. The Third World War is in the making and human trafficking is part of survival, how much lower can we stoop.
The Pope made a special plea in His speech to the Catholic world on behalf of the Rohingya, but what is Christian stand on this? What can the Christian all over the world do about making it right instead of making speeches and looking for blames and protocols, The United Nations is again playing the lame duck not willing to exert its powers due to the influences of the Powers that be. So, my question is where is the Love of Christ when Humanity needs it most? It is in your hands, you who claims to be His followers, you the Christians. This is a global conflict, a conflict of Human Conscience, a conflict that will go down in history in infamy.
It breaks my heart whenever i see riots and images of war and starvation all over the globe, but what hurts me most is the fact that they are results of human-Greed-Hate and Ignorance.
The Asean nations are too wrapped up in their own internal political conflicts that they cannot come to address this issue at length. 
If the Christian world would stand up and deliver a collective message to the people of Myanmar and the ruling party, it might be listened to. Christians can play the needed neutral party to be involve, to pursuade any further slaughtering of the innocents. This is when the Vatican could lead by example in brokering a peace treaty or at the very least bring the carnage to a halt. The Military regime in Miyanmar will be reluctant to accept visits from the leaders on the Christian faith. Look for yourselves and ask where is my Lord? Why have You allowed for this to happen? What can i do to help You? O'Christ, Thou art in Heaven shed upon us Your Divine Compassion, Your Saving Grace, bring some sanity back to this holocaust. This is as good as anytime to pull strings and spread the wealth that the Church has amassed all over the Christendom, now is the time to look deep within each and every Christian Hearts and ask, what would Christ have me do?
Minyamar should be turned into a pilgrimage visit to an unholy site for all God fearing Christians worthy of their salt to embark upon, become a witness up front not from the distance on your TV sets.
One cannot ask the dalai lama to make a special trip to appeal to the Buddhist there as it would be a conflict of interest; is it?  H.H. The Dalai could go there and communicate with  His fellow Nobel Prize Award winner, Aung San Suk Yi to let it be known where he stands as a world Buddhist Leader. We cannot hope for United States or Britain or other European Nations to be involved as it would upset the the other guys like China and Russia, but even if they can they will be stupid to. 
One of the possible long shot way is to rally all Christians from all over the world, rich or poor and in one voice and action declare, "Enough is Enough!" This is what would be expected of the followers of Christ in His absence. From the Pope on down, from the great cathedrals and differing Christian sects, in one voice , ' go on the mountain and shout it out...'Let my People Go! I would have called upon the Jews but it would not work for obvious reasons even if they are among the most powerful nation today; the jews have their own karmic consequences to work out. I cannot call upon the muslim nations like Saudi Arabia or the Emirates or Indonesia to take the lead as these nations are under the axis of the super powers. So who can we call upon? Only Turkey shows any will of power in seeing to it that this mass murder does not continue, but far will Turkey  can or is willing to go?
In the meantime the Rohingyas are being hunted  worse than dogs and the Military and Buddhist are becoming more and more obsessed with slaughter like what the Pol Pot regime did in Cambodia. How the monks, bhikkhus and bhikkhunis could justify wearing the Buddha's Robes 
Enough said, lest I become overly judgemental and start taking sides and only add on to the mess. I am not well verse in the political arena that has deeper causes behind the scene, but i do feel that I have to voice my thoughts and feelings with the hope that it will fall on compassionate ears especially my fellow Christians all over the world; Do what you can in the name of Christ. You are not only saving the Rohingyas lives but also save the sanctity Christianity itself. Do not look upon this mission as an expectation for a conversion to Christianity but as a selfless Christian act in line with Christ Consciousness. Inundate the country with tourists and travellers making the country their destination our of curiousity. As tourists learn what you see and come to your own conclusion on how help can be offered to ease the tension. Become silent observers spending your wealth on a vacation, let your money do the talking without being too obvious. Talk of no politics but of how life is or has been for the people. Share yourselves and become acquainted with the whole situation and then return home and make your efforts in neutralizing the volatility of the situation.


Note to myslef.

God has no religion nor does he subscribe to any philosophy of scientific formula, God is Omni, All encompassing, call Him by whatever name you will, He Is still God, the One and only One. Everytime you say I, you have made it two, I and Him, me and my God. In short you have to die and return to the One, merge with His essence, For so long as the I recognizes the I to be who he is, for so long as he identifies with the I he is lost in delusion and subject himself to suffering; for as long as you have the 'I', you suffer. How to get rid of this I?  The demise of the physical form does not guaranty the disappearance of consciousness and science is on the verge of making this discovery a fact. 

I am not in the market to sell Islam to anyone or Buddhism for that matter and as i mentioned earlier, your faith, your religious belief or non-believe, is not really my concern, however i put down my thoughts to advise myself and find out is I am off or on the course towards my own salvation: what do I do when my time is up? No matter what i have learned of accumulated in terms of virtues or transgression in the course of my life, at the end of the day I will have to lay it all down and walk alone and empty before my Lord to be debriefed. Not a thing escapes this final hundred yards, for as long as there is life, there is death and all life has been is in preparation for death . The question arises as who dies or what dies? Can a man die with full consciousness as an observer of yet another phenomena of the life and death process without the loss his mind?  Ah! So! This is what it is like!?

The Ancients of every nation on earth has in one form or another handed down a form of practice for man to at least learn of himself and thus bring a greater understanding of we face the moments of our ending. This is what truly gives meaning to the question of life, to make your own self discovery and your relation to the Whole. 

"I am Whole, Perfect, Strong and Powerful,
  Loving, Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy!.
I can do what I Will to do!
Insha'Allah - God willing.  
From "The Master Key" by Frank Haarnell.

This has been my 'Mantra' since i was twenty years of age and was loaned this book by my mentor, Cikgu Yusof Ali, before i left for the United States and i took it along with me for the trip. When i first using the mantra i did not realize its implication or powers until I made further discoveries of who I am throughout my life. This 'auto suggestion', I recite to myself every night before i sleep and every morning i wake up, subject to forgetfulness and other such similar distractions. Today it has become a piece of my consciousness that has brought me down this path. 
If I am to exist as an entity on this realm of existence, I chose to be the best among the best to carry my service towards self realization among my fellow man especially children, friends and relatives and my fellow countrymen and the rest of humanity.

"Beings are numberless, I Vow to Awaken with them."
First of the Bodhisattva vows.

My God! Am I Dead

In the Muslim tradition the body of the deceased is laid to rest as soon as possible without unnecessary delays like is some cases waiting for a son or daughter to arrive from Moscow or Luxembourg or Beijing, China to have their last viewing. The body is prepared and put on display just  the face showing for friends and relatives to view and on the same day after the hour of prayer, be it, Zohor in the afternoon or Asar in the evening, the boy of the deceased is take to the mosque closest to the cemetery whee it is given its last prayer by the community of men. Next off to the hole in the graveyard dug and ready to receive the empty shell that was once you and me . in the ground where layers upon layers of bodies has occupied the very same hole in the past, is buried after being shared the last rites. Islam discourages the Muslims from keeping the dead human form overnight or more than the circle of the sun, mostly for health reasons.
The hole in the ground is reasonably deep depending upon the location and the status of the ground and the coffin is laid with the head pointing in the direction of the Kaabah or the East. The coffin is constructed from the most softest and cheapest wood possible so the the body is exposed to the earth as much as possible.  After the grave is wrapped up and made presentable the 'Talkin' is recited by someone with religious authority to instruct the dead of what lay in store for them next. Two angels will appear and place the questions of faith to he dead and the first being ",who is the Lord thy God?" A faithful true to his human voluntary reaction to such a situation would be an automattic, "Allahu Akhbar!" not for the same reason but the answer comes from years of saying it especially as an expression of taking a refuge in Allah from fear. ome Muslims would blurt out SubhanAllah or God is Pure, or Masha'Allah! all these exclamations made in the life times as a Muslim becomes the answer to this first question. Allah Loves all those who does not forget Him at all times. Better or worse, good or bad. This proclamation announces your standing, your Dharma Position of who you are; this is my faith, I am tihs! AllahuAkhbar is my Lord.
He is the Lord of Creation and He is the lord of Power and when He desires something done all He says is Be, and It is.
 I take my refuge in Allah subhanauWata'ala -Lord of the Universe. I serve my Lord even in the worse of my times as a human being and I serve Him every for every breath i take. Even if my conscious mind forgets, my subconscious mind will always remind me every now and then of who I am and who I serve. My last experience of a mild stroke was my last waking up call from within me to be mindful of my practice in life.
And the angel will ask you who is you Prophet, whose Umah are you? Allahumma soli ala Muhammad wa'ala Ali Muhammad! This is another expression every Muslim even if he does not perform the Solat daily would utter again in times of need. The grace of Allah be upon Muhammad, the Prophet of Allah and may the grace of Allah be shed upon his followers. Muslims do this when they wash their bodies, bless a child or simply shaking the hands of another, while talking to a crowd, this profess is as natural as an involuntary expression, But not every Muslim will be able to even remember this in his fear and confused state of mind just upon dying, and so like faith and religion, it is a very personal experience and each person will have to deal it in the best of possible ways to be at least conscious of being alive or being dead; we live as if in between, neither alive nor dead. We exist blind like ghosts sleep walking  and scrounging daily to survive; we crave for the impermanence and neglect the eternal; our Divine Nature, or as in Buddhism, our Original Buddha Nature. We assume we are small and insignificant, whereas in us is the House of The Lord; is HE home?
Throughout human history, God has provided man with some form of guidance in the form Prophets, Saints and Sages, Yogis, Gurus, wise men, Philosophers and Poets, Scientists and Leaders in order that man will maintain some form of civility, the respect and honor of one another. Man is given the faculty to discern and to make wise choices that he may flourish on this planet in Peace and Harmony. Unfortunately somewhere along the path mankind has forgotten this and decides that he has free will and with this he can choose to create his own story often embellished with his sense of achievements and self aggrandizement; I am God!
God, E-God, Ego and thus man becomes more and more forgetful and arrogant towards his fellow creatures, even should I say most of all to his environment. Man has become a parasite, or a cancerous entity to this planet and the sooner we admit it to ourselves the better the chances of making a healing process to work. One of the practices of Zazen or sitting meditation is watch what arises in our minds as we sit and focused on our breath. We are addicted to our thoughts and we have never ending dramas and episodes to think about in the path of a day or even and hour, our mind is a dynamo that never stops. After a while of watching one finds the mind subsiding into quietness effortlessly, we watch what arises when it is all said and done. Is there a God? Will i be judged for all that I have committed in my life? Oh! My God! am I dead yet?

Saturday, September 09, 2017

Look to the Light within you to illuminate the Universe..

If you are afraid to live life, you surely are afraid of death, to truly live life is to die every minute of the day with every breath taken; knowing the next might never come. Life is the way to death and dying just as death and dying is the process of living. Fearless as a lion, still you die, smart as a roadrunner you still die, pious as a hermit still you die; so long as you breath you die. In the practice of meditation, one of the techniques of stopping you mind's activities is to hold your breath. Like a pause button and you will find that the mind is brought to a halt.It is the surest way of reminding the mind of death, it goes on a safety mode, no more thoughts of random chaos and meaningless dramas, no more guilt trips and lustful cravings, no more false flags and mental exploitations, no more slave to the senses; the mind become more subdued and quiet.
What brought this subject about? It came up in the course of the day trying to justify existence while riding back up in the elevator I chanced upon a young Indian gentleman a Mr. Mahadevan who lives on the 4th. floor of this building. I asked him how long he had lived here and he said seven years. How does he like it, it is peaceful and quiet but it can also be lonely as you have no one to talk to. I invited him to my place at any time and he insisted i go visit him too. Perhaps begins a new relationship... together we stand, divided we fall.
   Wherever you are, from wherever I am, I wish you many happy returns and may the Divine Light of the Buddha's Wisdom and Compassion shine upon you and may your life as fruitful and in abundance InSha'Allah. .
Shine on you crazy diamond and awaken to the light of consciousness within you. you are the cause of Creation, you were created in the Image of the One, the Formless, the Source of Power, why do you still not claim you true nature, you are Buddha Nature, you were created the very elements that holds together the forms in this Universe.' The Temple of the Living God is within you,' you are the custodian of His Essence hidden in you. The Divine spark on loan to you for as long as it is kept alight and not blackened by corruption.   
Am I still making sense? I hope so. For my sake and for the sake of all those who seek the truth in this life, who is aware of their origin 
and walking towards enlightenment and liberation of the Spirit from the impermanence f this realm. I look to the infinite possibilities out there from within me as I am aware of being awaken from the sleep myself. I am still anchored to the floor, I am still wavering here to there not sure of myself at times and slip sliding away  as I tread on thin ice; I am still in the grips of delusions; but I have faith in who I am. 
Here is where i feel i have exhausted myself and my mind, there is not much more to say but, "The heart is a lonely hunter."   

Be Awaken or Be Taken!

Peace be unto you and yours. There slowly but surely comes a time in a man's life that stops acting and start becoming the character he has chosen for himself in this realm of existence. A time to pull the hand brake although not all the way, and bring this scene to  graduall stop for inspection, take a pit break, check the engines and recalibrate the senses and align the body, mind and spirit and take the next leap of faith. There is very little sense in living in this human form if in doing so one cannot transcend and become awakened if not enlightened, be free from this bondage of ignorance from beginningless times; Greed, Hate and Delusion. One can become rich or poor in this life but we are still in bondage of Maya, of Shaitan, of The Anti Christ, of the dark Forces, the Negative Energies that which is the Dark Matter; we have our ego to contend with. "You may have won the battle today, but you have a whole war ahead of you, within you: your nafs., the Prophet of Allah was quoted , more or less to the effect after he had won a battle.
Only this war will be fought with the banners of, Compassion, Love and Understanding, these will be humanities's Weapons of Mass  Salvation. Compassion is the way of the Buddha.  Love is the way of the Christ and Right Understanding is the way of the Prophet of Allah. "Thou Shalt not kill,' is our rallying call to battle. Where ever is need we shall assaulted injustice and put an end to man's beastly conduct towards his fellow creatures on the face of the Earth. Yes, we have become the worse of the worse of God's Creatures, a cancerous virus. and it is due time we take it for what it is and face it. We are enroute for self destruction, but we can still exit with our pride and dignity still intact and our humanity preserved.. We can still harness the most awesome force there is available to us, that of the Collective Consciousness and act as one in healing this planet; we have very very limited choice, Such Is.
So Peace be to you my fellow man and women, Be Awaken or Be Taken! 


My taste of Music.

Listening to Metallica S&M 1999 Full Concert on You Tube while making this entry with no subject matter in mind, only to share the moment in time and space with you who read this; I Love You. I hope this does not sound too corny, but I need to say it out loud at least for once how i feel about those who have been with me throughout this Blog from the beginning till now. I am too presumptuous or perhaps assuming that i do have a following of readers who frequent my Blog and is by now quite familiar as to who I am, or who i am trying to figure out for sure as to my true nature...yada! ...yada! One way to wrap up another eventful day.
Now switch over to Hans Zimmer 'Aurora' a drastic change in rhythm and vibes, from a hectic climactic wind down of the opening piece of Metallica to the awesome slow full blown orchestral meditational piece of Gregorian Chanting alongside angels' voices. It is said that music touches the soul and this souls is often touched whenever I listen to these master pieces played by the likes of Anoushka Shankar,Vangelis or Enigma, Kitaro and Pink Floyd or to Bob Dylan, and Arlo Guthrie, to Willy Nelson or Lionel Richie; most music moves my soul whether I know it or not. The theme from the 'Gladiator' by Hans Zimmer moves me to tears as 'The Last of the Mohicans', my all time favorite, does. I used to enjoy the classical like Chopin and Ravel, Stravinsky and Horowitz when I was in my college years living in Green Bay, Wisconsin. During the winter months when the whole farm house with its two leaning wooden silos all covered with snow outside, my Land Lord, Mr. Leon P. Lodl would lay in the bean bags facing facing the fireplace wine glasses in our hands we listen to classical music till the fire dies out, On some evenings it would be Jazz with the likes of Grover Washington and Hubert Laws, or George Benson or Bob James. these were our mutual collections during the late seventies and early eighties. Yes, music sooth the soul and warms your heart especially in the cold Wisconsin Winter nights.
I used to paint or sketch listening to Ravel's "Bolero" and there were times when my hand would take off on its own as it follows the  gradual crescendo of the tune building to its climax. The old farm house located on Humboldt Road was perhaps more than 100 years old being alone in it, was an experience in itself as the piles of snow all around it acted as a acoustic box and so the music bounces off the walls of ancient planks. Yes, I learn the value of being enrapt in the sound of awesome music as it was all that kept my mind from freaking out with 'cabin fever'  and or homesickness. The sound of good music became my comfort as the whole house seems to vibrate with it pulsating with live energy. The wine and the ganaja might have allot to do with the feelings too but it was what fed me emotionally and made me rich with the taste for good music. Now listening to Leo Rojas playing El Condor Pasa' a song that i grew up with and sang every so often in crowds or at a karaoke joint; it takes me on a journey of years gone by.
Music is the food of my soul when i am sad and lonely, when i am joyful and feeling great, music carries these feelings into the next level of consciousness; it changes my perceptions of reality at times and or take me on to next plane of consciousness; my corner of creativity. Life becomes a dance and the music of the Universal Mind vibrates from directions and a whole variety of forms and styles. Who was your favorite singer during the sixties? Cat Stevens, Jose Feliciano, The Beatles! or Joan Baez! Peter paul and Marry,; all the of the above and more.  The earlier Bee gees songs were also my choice and the likes of Paul Anka and Neil Diamond, Tom Jones and Johnny Cash, these were among my favorites in the sixties. OH! The mind can take me all the way back into my musical taste if allowed to. I will let the rest surface in my future entries or I will run out of things to ramble about.  

Friday, September 08, 2017

I too need to die before i die.

"Awareness is now, stay in the awareness, it is your saving grace."
Mooji - (Mu ji) Baba.

Awoken at 6am., sat in meditation and followed by some stretching exercising before i got up and took care of the itch between my legs, that which woke me up in the first place. Applied the itch powder and watched it stings and burns for a few minutes before it subsides. The sensation itself was like watching someone else feeling the sting I was just a witness to it. It felt like it was just a necessary episode that the body has to endure in order to heal. I was lying flat on my back and the energy flowed through my whole body realigning skin and muscles and bones till the tip if my coxis thar squeezed tightly shut and when the muscles were released my legs dropped off to the sides like surrendering, relaxed, I felt the whole body let go of all the tensions and the mind just quiet; I felt a sense of lightness of being.
Not wanting to continue sleeping i got up and decided to listen yo one of Mooji's satsang on You Tube. I first listened to a video entitled "Who is Mooji," thinking to myself . 'Oh no, not another revelation about who the real Mooji is, the corrupt, manipulating, egotistical blah, blah! :there goes my Guru! But instead I listened to a most revealing profile of yet another Great Master in the line of Sri Ramana Maharshi; I was relieved. What was also rewarding in listening to this video was the explanation on the difference 
between a Master and a Teacher. 
While sitting in meditation earlier one of the things that arose in my mind was about insanity and how I often felt like I often attract the attention of the mentally  unstable on the street. Like i would be sitting and enjoying a meal in a coffee shop by myself and suddenly be joined ny and insane man like i had invited him. In a crowd I would be picked out by a deranged man as though I carry a card on my chest that reads, 'This.is your insane brother.' I was almost attacked by a mentally unstable once and the only thing that kept him from harming me was a tall gate and fence. It happens so often enough in my life that it has became a phobia for me. For whatever reason I felt a complex if not a connection with these mental cases and it was for a while making me wonder if it is telling me of my state of mind. Am I deep down in me insane? 
Well not this morning, thank God, but often enough, I wondered at how much my mind can handle the myriads of thoughts in my head and still remain rational. Is there a breaking point, of being overload like a dam that can no longer hold back so much water; it is a scary issue. I sometimes feel like walking the tight rope of sanity and insanity and every so often I would find myself favoring insanity as it would help me to relieve the valve and ease the pressure that often builds up within me often out of sheer anger over something beyond my control. I used to have a violent prone mental state and was advised to seek psychiatric aid and i did while I was living in San Francisco, Ca. "Sam. you have an anger management issue, why don't you go and see my friend Doctor margolis in Marin County, maybe he can help you out." At the cost of $75USD and hour I was seeing a shrink.
This morning, I have let yet another cat out of the bag about who I am or was. It was like and answer for yet another silent cry for help that the second video I listened to of Mooji's Satsang was entitled, " Reaction to sexual abuse." The man who was being interviewed or talked to with Mooji had a similar issue that resonates my own; I too need to die before i die.

Thursday, September 07, 2017

How do I wake up wihtout having a migraine?

Woke up this morning and sat on the bed watching my mind running helter skelter with meaningless thoughts of unrelated events and images that pops out of You Tube; too much computer can do that tot you. I did my best to dismiss and discard, ignoring their imposition into my conscious mind. "I am not this body, nor am I this mind!" With every breath in and out i recited this mantra  of a yoga meditation technique, trying to remind myself of what I am not. I helps to a degree bu the mind is incorrigible, it will not give up as easily. So most of the time i just simply sit and watch what passes through my consciousness  and watch them disappear . To further remove these vexing thoughts I start my stretching exercises beginning the the neck rolling and forward and backward stretching to loosen the neck muscles. which usually deters migraine from happening. Then i work downwards by leaning over in my sitting position and lay flat with my face pressed against the mattress, followed by left and right over the thighs.
My stretching exercises can last somewhere forty five minutes to an hour ending with working with light weights for my arms. I do this almost every morning religiously unless I am unable to due to some engagements. Funny it seems when i fell ill, the doctors and my friends would advice me to do some exercise if i were to live longer. If i make it to seventy I would be grateful enough as i am not keen on living too long just for the sake of living out life. No, life is not that appealing to me not in this day and age, too much pain and suffering all around me if not in me. I have lived much of my life as I had wanted to doing what i chose to do. It may not be all for the right reasons, most of it i lived life to the fullest. Today i find myself weeding out my relationships and getting rid of all the baggage i deem no more of use. I am enlightening myself, so to speak. The way i see it, If i have become of no use to my fellow creatures in contributing towards their well being i am of no use to life. 
Hence it is servitude, not prayers that is of virtue to me as servitude means some form of movement, action,you can pray without batting an eyelid but you need to move in order to serve someone else unless in serving it is required that you remain absolutely still.
The point I am trying to make here is that one of the many ways of slowing down the 'dual thinking mind' is to do something that involves physical actions. To try to stop the mind through meditation or chanting or contemplation is often not effective as the mind is much smarter than we give it credit for; it learns much faster than we do. Much of the erratic thoughts that arises upon waking up is the result of the subconscious mind's activities during the sleep state where everything and anything can arise from the deep in the form of dreams and nightmares. What we experience upon waking up is the residue of the sleep state activities of the mind and this often can bring about the morning blues or depression for no reason. 
How to counter this 'hangover' of the night's mental activities is what most of us are looking into and albeit, yoga, meditation, morning exercises, morning hikes around the block or the park are a few of the ways and means and this includes for Muslims the fajr or the dawn prayer, which to me is one of the most sure fired way of cleansing the residue of the night's mental activities.

Just another day passing by.

The whole today has been wasted with little accomplished and not much learned that is worth mentioning, but this too i hope will pass. I have been stuck like this like being between the devil and the seep.On the one hand there si my mind playing out all its best cards on guilt and justifications while on the other there is the practice, the experiment that is telling me that there nothing right or wrong about being in the state of consciousness that i am right now; to accept and to not become attached to the thoughts and feelings that is transpiring, to simply watch with a bare attention. There will days like this and there is nothing right or wrong about not being able to be productive or creative about it, take it just as it is and let it play itself out. 
I can feel my body is going through changes as it is accepting much or less the aging factor of life, aches and pains, tiredness and lack of energy and so forth. With the constant irritation of the itch between my legs, the irregular sleep and the lack of physical activity, it is not surprising that i feel half the man i am. Where the mind is concern, thinking about my present condition and where it is leading me, is a favorite subject matter, the mind loves to dwell on uncertainties as it is a good source of anxieties and depression; yes, we are worry freaks. This is why we try to keep being busy doing something to occupy the mind, mountain climbing, or bungee jumping, getting drunk or stoned is just an excuse to get out of being trapped by the mind into  creating a depressing state of consciousness due to lack of anything better to do.. It is already almost 2am. now after a whole day of watching movies and surfing the internet, I am making this entry as a record as to how I have wasted hours of my time throughout the day.
So had my mother were were to talk to me when i was growing up, she might have said that there will days like this and nothing wrong with it, just accept and let it burn itself out without attachment or rejection. I did started out in the morning wanting to write about the Bhagavad Gita or The Song of God, a conversation carried between Lord Krishna and Arjuna one the eve of the great battle in the Epic story of the Mahabharata. It was an inspiration i got upon waking up this morning as a result of my sitting doing my meditation.I was going to try to understand the principle of selfless action that the Lord Krishna was expounding to Arjuna. After that i was looking forward to going for a swim in the sea with my friend who stood my up on it. Perhaps had i follow through with my intended actions the day would have turned up totally different; I might not be making this entry as it is. Such Is!

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Back to being a painter.

My daughter and I had lunch at the "Passion of Kerala," an Indian Restaurant owned by Dato' Gary Nair, an acquaintance and run by his son Roy, We had the vegetarian banana leaf order as it was a special the Hindus were celebrating a harvesting festival where and everyone eats vegetarian  dishes. I met Mr. Nair at the main entrance where he was entertaining his special guests of Indian who is who in Penang and was ushered into the restaurant by him and as i was about to sit at my table I spotted Mr. Lawrence Loh a prominent architect who is responsible for many of the renovations done of the Colonial buildings around the City of Georgetown. That was how the day began for me after doing the house chores like mopping the floor and doing the laundry, watering the plants and checking my Face Book. The lunch which also included a car wash was ex gratis -no charge. The Passion of Kerala is not a cheap place to have lunch and the food and services is excellent.  I also left an acrylic painting to be hung at the restaurant and will add a few more in the near future with the hope of selling them.
I take this as a small reward of sorts from the All Mighty for good behavior in the past few days, at least I like to believe so.   
On a different note, I have come to notice that my good friend Ah Huat has been distancing himself from me. Ever since i was ill and admitted to the hospital he has become a little cold not as entertaining as his former self even on the phone. Perhaps it is my subconscious mind that is playing out its plan of distancing from this relationship where i have become dependent on him a little to much and it is time for change. Yes, I have actually been questioning myself too over this matter for the past few months but never putting much into it. Now i feel the seed of concern has sprout into a reality that i think will become a reality one way or another; perhaps it is time to move away from this situation for now before it becomes stale.
It is still a gamble kind of situation when it comes to trusting the small voice from within over matters that can make or break in our everyday life, like a very close relationship. Can i trust my feelings in making the right move where this relationship is concern or make my choices based upon my own intuition or gut feeling, it is like tossing a coin in the air although with much more care and awareness of the reasons and the outcome. However from the way things has been happening in my life, it seems to point more accurately towards taking that leap of faith that it is high time that i  move on into a new venture in life; perhaps pick up where i left off in my artistic endeavors. Perhaps i have put on hold long enough with being an artist. Last night in looking in the trunk of my car i found my paints and brushes that I was looking for the past few weeks, perhaps this too is an indication.
Everything , every move, every thought happens for a reason and has a purpose, if we are only awaken enough to see it.

I am living here for a reason, ineed to paint this on to my 100 feet long art piece.

The image ineed to work with is right outside my window.

So, enough of this procrastination and time to jump back into getting some creative expression manifested; if not now, when? If not here, where? The Universe has provided all the necessities and the mind has at long last been subdued into cooperating with the whole and the call of the spirit, yes, it is time indeed for the artist to awaken. Moral of this entry is, leave yourself options that you can fall back on to keep on being creative.

Sunday, September 03, 2017

We are, who they are...awaken with them.

I asked myself the same question again upon getting out of bed this morning, what will today bring and decided to do something about it for answer; I decided to pay my niece and her children a visit in Balik Pulau. I have not seen them much lately and so today being a public holiday would be a great idea instead of waiting for events to unfold I will trigger one and go with the flow. It was raining all day long in Balik Pulau i was told when i arrived and the kids were playing badminton under the car porch and mom was on her way out to get the car cleaned on the inside as the family had just taken a vacation to the East Coast for a week and so the inside of the car was like the aftermath of a Basketball game.
I had a good rapport with my sister in law which in the past i found it not quite so easy  to listen to her as it has always been listening more than talking with her. I realized that that was what i was supposed to do with her, my late brother Gina's widow. She rambled on just about every detail of their trip bask to Terengganu, (the East Coast) and from the sound of it all she had a good time.
When the trials of life get a little heavy, I seek the innocence of the children

Whoever brought me here, must take me home...Rumi

Such Is, Such Is.

It is all there Is.