My Jihad with the Nafs; Lesson from the Unseen

 

My Jihad with the Nafs
Lesson from the Unseen

There are corners of the ego I have wrestled with for most of my adult life. Some I can speak of openly, others I would rather hide. But today I want to be honest, because I know I am not the only one who has walked this road in silence.

The struggle I speak of is sex and masturbation. It has been my private battlefield — sometimes conquered, sometimes surrendered. For years, I carried shame around it, as though I were alone in this weakness. Yet the truth is, desire is part of being human. The Sufis call it nafs al-ammara — the commanding self. The yogis speak of it as raw life-force. It is not evil in itself, but a fire that must be guided, or it consumes.

Why does this struggle persist? Because desire is one of the strongest currents in the body. It will not disappear by willpower alone. Shame and guilt only tighten its grip. What is needed is patience, compassion, and the art of transforming the fire into light.

Over time, I have learned small practices that help me turn the current instead of drowning in it. Here is one I return to when the urge rises:

A Sufi Visualization & Dhikr

• Sit quietly, breathe deeply.

• Feel the energy where it burns in the belly. Inhale, whisper inwardly: “Lā ilāha…” and imagine the fire rising toward the heart.

• Exhale: “…illa’Llāh.” See it spread as golden light in the chest.

• Repeat slowly 7, 11, or 33 times.

• Then soften into “Yā Wadūd” (O Loving One), letting the fire turn into compassion.

• End with: “Allāh, this energy is Yours. Make it Light upon Light.”

Sometimes it cools the fire immediately. Sometimes it only buys me a pause before I stumble again. But even a pause is a victory, because it breaks the old chain.

At night, I have begun a small routine before sleep: a little dhikr, a visualization of light rising, and a short prayer of surrender. And I keep a gentle journal — not to judge myself, but to notice what stirred, how I responded, and where grace appeared. Even on nights of failure, there is always some small mercy: a few moments of calm, a dream of light, or simply the chance to try again tomorrow.

I share this not as a teacher but as a fellow traveler. If you wrestle with the same shadows, know this: you are not alone, you are not broken, and even in your struggle, the Divine is near. The same fire that once bound us can, with patience and remembrance, become the very fuel that lifts us closer to God.

Ya Allah, help us all to turn our hidden battles into light.

#LessonFromTheUnseen