Still getting to know Me.

In his most recent Satsang Mooji Baba talked about how problems are perceived and relationship of the one who perceives and the problem itself. On listening to the video I had a deeper understanding of what i was going through as I had just walked into the house from having failed to pick up my daughter from work. Long story, but the gist of it was that i I failed to locate her new office in the dark and rainy evening. I can blame it on my getting worse night vision or my failure to stay focus or whatever but eh fact remained that I was on the verge of loosing it on the wet and dark road  to a point where I found myself driving into an oncoming traffic on a one way street. I ended up calling her and told her to take a Grab home. I stopped by the roadside and took a breather before i started on my way home which was about a five minutes drive away; Yes! Shit definitely happens to the best of us. Even the best of Yogis sometime, someday, somewhere, steps on his own crap. But this stepping on one's own crap with a sense of realization at what is happening, one starts to see through the problem and on seeing through the nature of its origin or the cause of it, one moves on into a more positive mode of dealing with it, like shifting on to a lower gear and slowing down.

Though a minor and boring an episode that happens to crop up like every other minor and boring episodes in the past, it was none the less a vert valuable lesson to be learned. I came home after my ordeal and immediately decided to listen to someone hoping to calm myself down out of some wise words and the first video that attracted my attention was Mooji Baba's Satsang talk and from it I found myself learning my lesson for the evening and prepared a good dinner for my daughter and I. Nothing was mentioned about how of why I got lost until this morning when i apologized to my daughter about not being able to pick her up and she just shrugged it off as something not to worry about. I relate this simply because in the past my reaction would have been worse than my loosing my way in the rain. I realize that it is a minor step towards learning something so trivial about myself and hardly worth making a note about it, however, this trivial episode brought me to listen to one of the best talks given by Mooji Baba as it hits me right on target, it resonates right into the core of my  being, like a Zen wake up call, the stick that hacks the monk on his back to keep him from falling asleep.

Anyone foolish enough to have been following this Blog since the beginning over ten years ago would realize a long time ago that I have issue and one of the most critical of which is anger management. I have been dubbed by my family, relatives and friends as having a rage in me or as the Malay would call it 'panas baran'. I explode and have done damage to relationships and properties, I have incurred numerous frowning from others due to my temper and recklessness. I vowed to expel this weakness I have through understanding in the Buddha's way of dealing with life and this Blog is my  notes to myself of my progress or regress as the case may be; at seventy, I am still crawling in the my own crap in order to discover the truth about my own Buddha Nature. Hence it is for me, not a small matter if and when you have learned a lesson through having experienced getting lost while trying to pick up your daughter whose office is about five minutes away from your home and live to write about it. 

My daughter is now cycling to work and is enjoying it, that's how close her work place is to our home, but here I am not being able to locate her place of work after having driven there twice in the day time; such is! One of my excuses for having failed in my mission was because I was and perhaps still am going through a mental block, whatever that entails. I am not  able to paint as freely as I wish, like a creative block. Then I have adopted a kitten in addition to our Furby, the cat that survived a twelve floors fall and is going through her sexual need time of the month where she would howl like a sick dog looking for a male. Keeps me pretty much in tension  and not good on focusing my attention in order to create or even meditate. Then, these are just my lame excuses of which I have to look at more closely and find the cause and cure in time. Mooji's Satsang talk helped in pointing to the direction of the cause in no small way and for this I am very grateful. The Video is entitled, "I will not start with your problem, I will start with you."  # Mooji,