My own Jihad.

About a year and a half ago when I decided to move in with my daughter into this apartment, I had made a decision not to work for a wage anymore and as a matter of fact to do nothing except whatever chores that needs to be done in and around the house. I cut off most of my relationship outside by not frequenting the places that I would normally visit and hang out and and a few simply fell apart for no apparent reason which I look at as part of the process of what i called non- doing. I realize it sounds lame to most people, an excuse or a cop out from being involved or worse yet earning a livelihood and yes I am being accused by a few who think they have me figured out. But I have persisted and now it has been more than a year as i sit here trying to make some sense out of my experiment;; the Art of Doing Nothing or the lazy man's path to enlightenment.

What i have accomplished can only be testified through my Blogging which is like my report of what had transpired day in day out. Most of what I have written are not worth the time of day but they still reflects my mental state while in dealing with such emotions like loneliness and boredom, guilt feelings and anger leading to depression. The Blog tells of days when I felt like i was losing control over my sanity and how much I wished to leave this comfort zone and become the wandering soul on the road again. On the other hand being in this state also has opened my eyes to my own strength and weaknesses and how I have overcome most without too much difficulty   through continuing my spiritual practice of looking deeper and deeper into my being, Who am I? Who or what are my enemies that stands in my path or threatened to dislodge me from my ground of  being and how do I remove these vexations. Bit by bit I am beginning to recognize the demons and the angels from within me as they play out their roles of building me up or tearing me down. I am beginning to feel a little more lighter as i realize that I am free to be who I chose to be or to become what I chose to become as i allowed for more and more of the garbage that I have accumulated throughout my life to slip away from holding me down. I am beginning to feel a small sense of being able to see through beyond this realm of illusion that my mind has been attached to and making it a reality.

I realize too most importantly that it takes time for an everlasting awakening to happen, at least for me; it happens bit by bit and often without my being aware it is happening. I learn that I have to clarify my expectations and not become greedy for the outcome of my practices. Sitting up straight and breathing is all it is and it is called meditation, nothing special; it helps to watch the mind better, is all it does. Mental formations are the major distraction that one encounters especially when the body is not being fully put to use and so doing a routine of Yoga exercises and working out with the stick and the dumbells, helps to compensate this. It does not only keeps your body in good shape but also keeps the mind from occupying your consciousness for that amount of time taken. The thing is you have to do it and do it without giving in to laziness or distractions. This is the battle you have to wage against your mind, not to give in to negative thoughts and emotions that the mind is ever setting into motion from your subconscious to your external stimuli; anything and everything that arises in your consciousness the mind will attach to it and turn it into a negativity. Being aware of this bit by bit, slowly, one becomes free from mental formations as they arises.

One day I am God and the next, I am the Devil, this is how the mind operates and I just have to be aware of what it is that I am being fed by the mind every single thought of the day. This is the battle that the Prophet of Allah talked about after having won a major battle,"The war that you have to win is the one that is within you, this is your Jihad," something to that effect.

"The best jihad is [by] the one who strives against his own self for Allah, The Mighty and Majestic."