Rambling on.

In my younger days i looked to the future with great expectations and a whole lot of trepidations, now as I am descending towards my final resting place, at least in the physical sense i look more and more into my past with nostalgic longing and a whole lot of regrets. However with this realization the lessons of being in the here and now has become more and more crucial and makes more and more sense. Where i have failed and what i have achieved thus far is of no consequences except that i have a good handle on what it was all about and why or how it had affected my as a person for through my mind and mental formations I have laid the path for my life upto where I am at, like it or not. I like it. I have enjoyed my life tough at times but mostly it has been a challenge and often an accomplishment that most of my peers has not and will never experience in this lifetime. 

Financially I am a failure but I have a wealth of experience having taken more than my share of paths and roads less traveled most of which were considered foolish and fraught with risks.  In these there were lessons to be learned and unlearned, I allowed for my imagination and my stubborness to persist despite warnings and advices from the more wise among my friends and family. but I am satisfied that i had made my own choices in facing my destiny in the past and now as i head further into the future. In the past it was more of a physical and mental challenges that i had for faced often with no looking back and disregard for the outcome, but now as i move towards the end I am looking more and more within, my spiritual inner being. As much as i having failed in my financial state how bad or how better off am I spiritually? From the perspective of a 'good Muslim', I am most assuredly off the target towards reaching heaven as i had committed many a cardinal sin in my past that by ant Muslim standard is tantamount to, future the hell realm. However even in Islam, God is all forgiving and merciful and in this I have to take refuge and faith.

What is of greater importance is what am i up to now, in this present moment. Time and space is revolving and evolving within and without and impermanence nature of existence is slowly taking it toll upon my consciousness as i watch my peers and even those much younger than me drop into oblivion. I have witnessed the suffering in others throughout my life and i have had my share of it sometimes too painful to bear and often swept away buried under the carpet of denial. I have and still am watching the decadence of societies and the planet itself and often felt hopeless not being able to make any difference towards alleviating this sorrow in myself and in the world. What a waste! How have humanity come to so much discord and chaos in the course of time, as in less than a century we are on the verge of wiping ourselves out of existence itself and for what?

Will I ever awaken from this sleep of ignorant that I am in? Will humanity come to its realization of the futility of its course of actions towards gaining the the world and loosing its soul. Mother Nature is already shaking her finger and flexing her muscles telling us to watch out and be mindful in what we are doing that is detriment to our coexistence and more and more insane violence is being perpetrated all over the world resulting in human suffering of  unprecedented horror; if God is Merciful He would have ended it all before it gets any worse. But i believe there is hope yet for us and for the Planet and all the other creatures around us. I believe that for so long as there are those who believe in themselves and makes it their journey towards self understanding and self discovery, there is still a chance that we as the human specie will continue to exist into the future preserving whatever will be left to preserve if not our dignity and pride as a specie among other species. Sadly enough when the preservative has lost its quality of preserving, what is there that can be depended on; we are the salt of the earth or so we are supposed to be. We are the guardians, the protectors and preservers but we have lost our sense of priorities and we have become self serving entities that are no better than parasites living off the host we are supposed to care for.

It is way past the time for awakening, individually or collectively we as humans have to get back on track towards being involved in making this a better world to live in if not for us, for those we have brought into this life; our future generation. Your children and mine, teach them to not make the same errors we have been making. To look within more so than to expect from without the things that can make the changes needed to heal this planet and ourselves in the long run. The transformation can only happen from within each and everyone of us and collectively we can make the necessary shifts needed to avoid future consequences that has already been set in motion by us and our predecessors.  I can look to the past and learn and to the future with hope but i can make the difference in this present moment and it begins from within me.