As I approach my destination...

As each day passes by I feel less and less energetic, fulfilling or productive and it is beginning to become a bother. Although i fill up my time with a routine more or less, like waking up and sitting in meditation and reflection on what i had dreamed, if I had any dreams worth remembering and seeing if i could make any sense as to the significance of these dreams. Most lucid of my dreams just before i woke up was seeing a figure standing at the end of a tunnel before me, his or her silhouette, but i could not tell who it was. I dreamed about being on a sort of house boat where a couple was living with their children. The details are fuzzy now but it was a very entertaining dream of something i had never experienced  before in reality or in dreams. There was no negative take to the dream but just mysterious and out of this world phenomena which I felt intrigued by. Yes, what is my mind or subconscious trying to tell me as i drift along in this physical realm not knowing where or what to do with myself. 

Perhaps being here itself is where i need to be as i have again and again been reminded of by the great teachers like Eckhart Tolle and Mooji Baba. Nothing to do and nowhere to go, just sit and watch the grass grow, be at home in the heart and in the mind; knowing and this too will pass. Nothing last forever, not this time or space, not this feeling or perceptions, it will all pass on to the next and to the next and it is in the now that i can experience the permanent nature of time and space and the true nature of who i am; it may last a moment of a flash of lightning, but it is worth a thousand lifetimes. As much as I am attached to this physical realm of existence, I strongly believe that I am more attached to the realm of the metaphysical and the mystical where nothing is set in concrete and the mind is dealt with wild cards to play with, Perhaps it has to do with being older now and there is a lesser hold of external over my interest and choices of being. I am procrastinating myself from making the major leap of faith towards the ultimate cessation of all attachments towards this physical and mental realm of existence once and for all.

How to die without committing suicide. How to consciously will this body to die and become liberated from this realm of physical existence? How to step out of this form and become free in the emptiness of the void? Perhaps no one can tell me how as those who could are no more around to do so, on this I have to find my own way. Just as I had been seeking my way towards self discovery most of my young and adult life, now I have to seek the way towards coming to an end from this phenomenal realm without too much distractions in the physical or mental forms of decay and disease. I can never know when my life will come to an end but i surely can prepare myself to make it the best of my physical experience before my final breath; I aim to die with full consciousness of the process of death and dying.

" Natural life is the nourishing soil of the soul. Anyone who fails to go along with life remains suspended, stiff and rigid in mid air. That is why so many people get wooden in old age; they look back and cling to the past with a secret fear of death in their hearts. They withdraw from the life process at least psychologically, and consequently remain fixed like nostalgic pillars of salt, with vivid reflections of youth but no living relation to the present. From the middle of life onward, only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life."  C.G. Jung.