Thinking of my late wife -Nancy

Listening to Enigma once more while sitting in meditation for a few minutes.before i decide whether to write or not to write, make this entry or simply spend another beautiful in quietude with my daughter being home, her off day. Then i decided, hell, this what I love to do, Like many i love to tell my story, the has no beginning nor and ending, it is on going and ever accumulating and letting go of. This my drama my  open secret of who I am; I too love to share my story..."I look inside my heart, I look inside my soul...to the rivers of belief... " Enigma. 
And this too will pass...I am sitting and being a witness to the sound of music and  the movement of my fingers as they dance upon the keyboard of this lap top! What more does one need to be entertained in life? Attend to the details and fulfill every obligations for the moment, cook the 'brunch' for my daughter and I and sat and ate outside overlooking the Race Course and the Hill surrounding the Batu Gantung Area . From where I sat eating I could see the skyline of the Gurney Drive area from the tall building. It is exceptionally beautiful day and got my linens washed and now I am still watching my fingers dancing as they express my insatiable thinking mind that wants to tell it as it is.
 "That's why we are here...!" Enigma. 
Switched to "Vangelis Gold" on You Tube. Stepped out for a cigarette while walking up and down the balcony viewing the scenery around as far as the eyes can see. My walking exercise, my 'Kinhin' as the Zen Buddhist school calls it. I swing my arms in a TaiChi motion with moves that I have developed over time. This helps to open the chest cavities and strengthen the lungs it is like doing the dance of the Wu Li Masters. Who were the Wu Li Masters? Google it, you might learn something new and exciting. I hope to hear from Gary Zukav or Al Huang on what they think of the Cern -LHC project. It is past the 23rd already and no demons out yet from the other dimension as foretold by many a religious groups and conspiracy theorists. What is going on at the Cern-complex! Are they all still there or have they all disappeared into the worm hole.
If you are with me on this then you would know by now that great things are happening in my life which are perhaps not too great if looked upon from a different angle. Careful what you wish for they say, and I wished for a little peace and quiet to do what I love best and that is ding nothing in particular. I have my Face Book under my name -Shamsul Bahari and I keep it pretty much alive just like the Blog; what else is there to do except to do it right and enjoy doing it; boredom can kill you. I uploaded some old pictures of my late wife on to my FB and got y bemanyautiful responses from hers and my friends all over the world. As for me the American saying about the wife is true, " You can't live with her and you can't live without her>" We gave each other two beautiful children and this kept us on track as to who we were to our kids and who we have become today. We gave them the best any parent can give; she spoilt them! As children they had her wrapped around their fingers especially when I was not around. 
My wife passed away in 2008 and was buried in Southern Illinois on the banks of the Mississippi, at St. Lois. I was not able to be there when she was buried and  before then when she spent almost four years at a nursing home. It was either be there or raise my two kids through school. I love my wife but I love my children more and that is the way we agreed, that I took care of the kids. It was way beyond my means to do both with no help from any family or friends. These were my trying years and I had to deal with the situation by making the choices that favors logic and sense than catering to my emotional attachments to my wife. I think she was very happy to have had spent at least twelve years of her adult life raising two children of her own. I was not a perfect husband but i did my best to be a good one.