My trip to the East Coast. - part 1

 I had taken a week off to attend a wedding and visit my siblings in the East Coast state of Terengganu and the bus ride both ways to and from was brutal on this aging body. However it was well worth it even though with no transportation of my own while being there  was a handicap I was able to cover all bases as far getting all that I had intended fulfilled. I mostly stayed home with my nephew and his children at the bakery shop. Mohammad Rafi bin Israil, my nephew and his wife were most accommodating towards my being a guest a their home despite the daily routine they themselves has to go through with their daily lives with taking care of their children and running a bakery / mini market. I got to experience what it was like being a part of their lives for a week and it was no Sunday picnic. My nephew as I might have written  in the past is the one who suffers from a a gangrene type of wound on both sides of his legs at the ankle that never seems to heal for over thirty years of his adult life. He has been to all kinds of hospitals and traditional healing places even to India to find a cure but no such luck. Being a very devoted Muslim and having a great intellectual mind perhaps kept him going and not loose hope. Every night i watched him remove the bandages and wash his wounds that looked like some monstrous virus had eaten away most of the flesh and expose the bone on his leg, and it is beyond me to imagine his suffering after all these years. Rafi is the oldest among all my nephews and nieces and I used to carry him around when he was a baby.

Perhaps it was destined that i was to stay with this family whose father, my brother in law died practically under my watch and the third son died in the most sorry state from drug addiction and the youngest boy died from a motorcycle accident and I was at the hospital on both occasions to claim their deceased bodies. Yes on looking back I did have a very close psycho/emotional ties with my nephew's family and circumstances would have it, am still forced to bear witness as to how they have faired over the years. Rafi and his wife has six children, two boys and four girls. The eldest girls is now an architect while the next boy will inherit the bakery business, one of the older girls is on the way to becoming a lawyer while the next boy is jumping from one job to another and the last two girls are still in school. Briefly speaking Rafi has a close knit family from what i experience having spent a week at their home and closely observing their lives from morning till time for bed. The odd thing about the family is that they are very healthy when it comes to the spiritual side of life but almost all suffer from one form of ailment or another that warrant visits to the hospital every so often. With Rafi and his gangrenous legs and lately affections in his eyes, to his wife who had abdominal operations for one reason or another and their son Farouq who has abdominal problem including stomach bleeding, and the then there is the eldest daughter with a torn ligament in her leg and the list goes on. 

I spent most of my time listening to Rafi's wife Rubina who loves to talk about anything and everything and cared for me like I am her own father. I followed her to the market where just about everyone of the sellers would greet her like she is one of their relative giving her special attention more so than other customers. Rubina was originally from Islamabad and was married to Rafi at a young age and she is a very beautiful lady with a charm and wit about her that is genuine and sincere. The most attractive character about her is that she is a great chef especially cooking the Indian dishes that is my favorite and she is obsessed with making sure that I eat well when I am living under her roof. Despite their shortcomings when it comes to physical ailments, Rubina exudes a life of love and care that makes it all natural, the good and the bad that life has to offer. As for my nephew, Allah {awj} has given him a jewel of a lady for a wife whether he realize it or not and this gift I feel almost makes up for his suffering in this life. Along with this bounty Rafi also inherited from his father the bakery among other properties that helps to keep the family afloat. Adding to this is the fact that Rafi has a younger brother who is very well to do financially as he has a successful career and is ever ready to help his elder brother out in times of need.

Almost every time i visited Kuala Terengganu if only by myself i would stay with Rafi's family even though I have many other places that i could choose to stay with among my siblings. I would sleep on a narrow sofa not the most comfortable and i would sit and meditate almost throughout the night which was fine with me. I find peace amidst all the discord of life that revolves around me and allow myself to intervene only if and when I felt the need to with what is happening around me. When you sleep in some one's living room you learn to create your own privacy by submerging within and finding that space within where no one can impose their presence upon you; this is when meditation comes in handy.      

JJ Security Services Inc. Green Bay, Wisc.

Sometime in 1980 while a student at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay I had a part time job as a security guard for a firm called JJ Security Services Inc. and was stationed at several location in and around the GB area including a crane construction facility called Northwest Engineering where they built cranes from A-Z. I found out that they used to build Sherman Tanks at this facility during the second world war.  Part of my responsibility was to walk the rounds every two hours punching the clock at every single station where a key is located throughout the facility which took two hours as the facility was vast and wide spread, for every round. It was a very tedious job but i loved it as I had the whole place to myself and my partner who was an elderly Canadian originally by the name of Vincent Kehoe. Vincent was in his fifties and except for his uniform was like a homeless person or even a drunk as he was always unkempt and looked like he never had a bath. But I enjoyed his company even though we kept to ourselves pretty much as he knew i was student and always buried my face in my books when I was not making my rounds.

While working at this site i had kept an on going journal which I am now sharing here because it seemed to call out to me from the shelf to be made open to the public for whatever it is worth. This sketchbook that is over thirty years old evoke memories of a time when I was living in what i called 'basements and boxes', almost but not quite a homeless person.

Here from the pages of the journal I have shared what i had written at times  in the dead of the Wisconsin winter nights. My intention is to show that i had been on the journey to find out most of my life and what i have been sharing in this Blog is not the fruit of yesterday's thoughts but a long progression since i was in college; since i had a realization that I needed change in my life. 

" What is beyond pain and pleasure, good and evil. The dreams are but the same. The solitary Japanese house by the eternal ocean of peace and tranquility - or the slick Corvette driven by a beautiful chick- a clumps of bamboo poetries or walking down Pearl Street, semi-dazed in deep revery with a Time Clock hanging round your neck - cloud filled sky and mornings bone by - we pursue this dream among dreams - this thirst for life endless eternal life - 

What does it matter where or when you came to be - or how and what you should have been - I am here, I am as you read me - we come to be -

What does it matter if we were of long ago distant friends whose path had greeted each other on a busy junction - We have never parted and never will - we are each other's keepers in this fabulous dream world of Maya -

I am your guide as much as you are mine - hand in hand we grope through the slick and slime of life - Hand in hand we will approach the throne of Nirvana - 

So on we go - heavy footed dragging behind us the wheel of life - loaded with a wagon full of mirth and laughter, anger and pain - our bodies once young and vigorous festered with arthritis and migraine headaches - older but perhaps a little wiser - we sing old songs to comfort those that come after us - that they who have just arrived after us may come to know the wisdom that is eternal - like those before us whose martyrdom had brought us here - we will serve with little miracles as those that were before them  -Like scattered clouds all of us passes through this ever changing life - yet knowing somewhere in the recesses of our dreams everything is the 'Unchange' - everything is but a mirror of itself - for the clouds though scattered are but of one element and the blue sky is but empty space - for all we know we are but passing clouds while clouds and and blue skies are a permanent scene - like an old church in the middle of a desert - its priest screaming bloody murder for rain to come all in the name of belief and faith - so let us dream my brothers - you of your corvettes and beautiful garbage carts - me and my idiotic crave for wisdom - together we will outshine the Universe in perfect unity." -  Written sometime in August of 1980 at the Northwest Engineering facility in Green Bay, Wisc.

"The minute we apply a glimmer of consciousness to a mechanical gesture, or practice a piece of phenomenology while polishing a piece of old furniture, we sense a new impression comes into being beneath the familiar domestic duty. For consciousness rejuvenates everything, giving a quality of beginning to the most everyday actions. It even dominates memory. How wonderful it is to really become once more the inventor of a mechanical action."

                                                                                        Poetics of Space - Gaston Bachilard.

                                                                                        8/1/80 -GB, Wisc.

The Poetics of Space (French: La Poétique de l'Espace) is a 1958 book about architecture by the French philosopher Gaston Bachelard. The book is considered an important work about art. Commentators have compared Bachelard's views to those of the philosopher Martin Heidegger. - Wikipediae

I realize today that most of what i had written back then makes little if no sense at all, however what I am sharing with is the fact that my thoughts were aimed at looking for spiritual truths whatever that entails even way back when. I was back then having been divorced and lost the custody of my first born son, was on the way to becoming a drug addict and a drunk if it had not been for the chance to go to college. 

"Wisdom begins with the dawn of Reason and reason is but an understanding of the Knowledge and Principles whereby we may know the true meaning of things. Wisdom is then the Illuminated Reason and this wisdom leads to Humility for Humility is a large part of Wisdom." -

 "The Master Key," by Charles F. Haanel.

A quote found on the last page of the Journal. -8/8/80.

 

  

Reflections at a gravesite.

 Two nights ago I was at the Muslim cemetery at Dato' Keramat where most of my ancestors were laid to rest and if i am lucky i might just join them there squeezed one on top of another for lack of space. I was there at about 9;30pam till about eleven waiting for the deceased to be laid to rest and it rained after a while. I was there to pay my last respect to a 98 years old lady who happened to be the mother of the first childhood love of my life. Till this day I still am not sure if I am fortunate or otherwise that things did not work out between us. The only sad thing out of this is that till this day she has not married and had lived a life of servitude to the family who had adopted her but i am glad that she had live a good life as far as the material is concern. I have rarely if not ever written this most beautiful and often amorous side of my childhood life and would rather leave it at that, something only the two of us share an unforgettable memory of what an innocent and pure love was like. 

I stood on the rain holding and umbrella over the young Imam who was reciting the 'Talkin' or the final instructions to the dead and reminder to the living present at the grave site. I absorbed every word that the Imam was saying out loud in my ears and reflected my circumstances, like what would happen when I die. Where would they squeeze my dead body into, would I be laid to rest on top of a total stranger among people who I had never known before? Does it matter? I am dead anyway! I looked around me in the dark and noticed that most of the graves in the vicinity were well cared for with concrete walls and proper if not expensive gravestones. While waiting for the deceased to arrive at the grave site I had sat and listened to the grave diggers' stories about the state of the burial site and the whole religious thing about the difference between and the Shia and the rest of the Muslim sect when it comes to the burial of the dead. It was most fascinating if not thought provoking to hear it from the horse's mouth. The Shia sect has their own separate grave site from the rest of the other Muslim sects and no one that is not a Shia follower is allowed to perform the final burial rite. The Caretaker can only prepare the ground and later add to the finishing touches; This is Islam! My naive question has always been how could Allah {awj} has allowed this to happen and how come the Prophet of Allah {Peace be upon Him} failed to foresee this before His death. The essence of the Religion of Islam is in Unity and yet the irony prevails that the Shia and the rest of the Muslims are still killing each other at the slightest friction. From the days of the Prophet of Allah till today no significant attempt has been made to reconcile the differences between the 'Mazhabs' or sects in the religion. Do we who professes ourselves to be Muslims have to answer before Allah {awj} on Judgement Day? Like do we have to answer why we allowed the children of Gaza to perish by the thousands right before our eyes? Our excuse is that we are afraid of the nuclear bombs that would eventually be used against us if push comes to shove; we are not afraid of the wrath of Allah in the afterlife?

WallahuAllam, only God knows and the Devil is in the details.

" Some said, one person can't change the world, A person with a message is capable of changing the world" - Willie Nelson, on 'Letting Go'.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of my favorites, Willie Nelson is not only a great musician but also pretty out there when it comes to a more spiritual take on life. Like most of the ideas and thoughts that i relate to in my writing, I stumbled upon this fact when I was browsing the You Tube and came upon the podcast where Willie was interviewed about his philosophy on life. In essence 'Be here Now' is the core of Willie's take on his life, letting go of the past and not entertaining the future. Willie nelson has always been one of my favorite musician with a character of his own.

Nothing last forever- keep it well while it last.- Maintain.

 

When you can lug a 5lb. bag or rice and walk around town like a Mafia Don at 75, I think you are doing fine.

The world may be falling apart all around you but you have to stay focus and true to your calling and grocery shopping is part of the plan.

Your closest and loyal friend will always be your cat or whatever pet you have, treat them well.

My mother's only advice to me was never to save money when it comes to eating. I love my lambchops! 

I was rarely a tourist in my life, I lived life wherever i was. 3 years in Sendai.

 

The Warlord or Daimyo Date Masamune was also known as the One Eyed Lord who lost his eye to an arrow while in battle. His residence while Sendai was the Aoba Castle the site from which this drawing was done, now overlooking the City of Sendai from across the Hirose river.  

Date Masamune (伊達 政宗, September 5, 1567 – June 27, 1636) was a regional ruler of Japan's Azuchi–Momoyama period through early Edo period. Heir to a long line of powerful daimyō in the Tōhoku region, he went on to found the modern-day city of Sendai. An outstanding tactician, he was made all the more iconic for his missing eye, as Masamune was often called dokuganryū (独眼竜), or the "One-Eyed Dragon of Ōshū".^[1] As a legendary warrior and leader, Masamune is a character in a number of Japanese period dramas.

The dragon is a mystical creature that is commonly found flying around in the imaginations of most rural Japanese folks especially those living in the mountain temples of the Dewa Sanzen or the Thrree mountains of Haguro. This drawing was done from a 400 year old wooden sculpture hidden in the wall of a temple door. 

Have you ever heard of Matsu Basho, the Japanese Poet a Haiku master, Mystique and Traveler monk who roamed the countryside of Japan visiting the most talked about exciting places in the Tohoku Region of Honshu Island of Japan. I tried to follow in his footsteps when I had the chance to visit places while living for three years in Sendai, Japan. Basho was here at one time standing on these footsteps and uttering his haiku and written down by his travelling companion, of the Mystical Mount Haguro.

Matsuo Basho* in 1694 described Haguro as filled with miraculous inspiration and sacred awe. We can add to this the feeling of a strong sense of history, rooted in spiritual and religious beliefs lasting well over 1,000 years. Little can beat walking on steps constructed in 1648 that took 13 years to complete.

                                               Spring Sakura Festival at local parks.

We are all waiting for that moment of Satori to happen just to lighten up what is otherwise a mundane existence. There is no glory nor defeat there is only doing or not doing, being or not being, there is only an act. Choose your poison or your elixir and  live this life a moment at a time if you cannot live a breath at a time. Kampai!!! Cheers! 

IN Honor of two Great Artists.

 

John Marcellus Huston was an American film director, screenwriter and actor. He wrote the screenplays for most of the 37 feature films he directed, many of which are today considered classics. 

Wikipedia

" I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk."

He reminds me of my grandfather in all his appetence and manners and even his appearance is somewhat similar to that of my late grandfather, Paul Mariano aka Abu Talib bin Abdullah after his conversion to Islam after marrying my late grandmother, Zainab Benti Hussein in Deli, Sumatra, Indonesia. To me he was a Great Artist my idol, ever since   I was made to clean his spittoon. a large can filled with red spittle and whatever else that is disgusting to even look at, almost every day, I was his masseuse and i had to make sure his rabbits gets their food...yes the devil is indeed in the details. Be as it may, he to me is was one hell of an artist and has landmark legacy to his memory. I have related this story in the past but if you are following the dotted line then you can search the backlogs of this Blog. You might be curious enough to know what ethnic name is Paul Mariano? Portuguese? Spanish? Italian, perhaps?  That is if it matters to you - it's Ceylonese, or Sri Lankan that was where my grand father was from and that is all i know. 

Who was my Grandmother? this is what i have always wanted to find out but i know today it is too late to make anymore trips to find out and it is not cheap and easy as it used to be. I did try however and i got as far as the Palace  it was said that my grandfather spent allot of his time with the the then Sultan who was his drinking buddy. I was sure not to ask this when I talked to the palace man at the counter but I felt the air where my Grandfather must have walked or wobbled his way to and fro. Only a great artist would have pulled it off especially in Medan, Sumatra, Indonesia, a very Muslim country. My grandfather charmed his way into the Royal court when he married my grandmother, said to be a cousin of the Sultan in Medan. My grandmother was from  a small province called Deli and it it said that the purest of Malay Muslims were from Deli compared to the rest of the Nusantara or Malay Archipelago.

She was tall and very fair, soft and elegant was my memory of her and she was very pious. 

My grandma was the central pillar in the home I grew up in and everyone served her with love and respect, all young and old, they say she something about her, from the old country. My late Auntie once told of her experience in being tested by my grandmother with having a tiger laying on the doorsteps of the house to stop my auntie in her tracks and leave the house. I definitely believed in just about every story when it came to the supernatural, the myth and the magic, as a kid I was always all ears, I would cling on to every word and often fell asleep while at it; my mind as a child was already asking and wanting to know what is beyond, what is the unseen. I must say that in my entire life thus far i have had my share of the super and no so super natural phenomenon, a few of which still confounds me and my intelligence. 

My ancestorial past I think can be very deep rooted heritage of two Cultures and Religious strains of human genetics, two Royal Blood lineage that has run through the history of both Indonesia and Sri Lanka and I am the unfortunate end product, Such Is! Am i making all these up? Perhaps, then again what have I to gain or loose at coloring my ancestorial history tree a little more flair and sophistication, no Sir! I am envious of my own lineage, couldn't ask for better, I am a prince of the house of Deli by the Birthright of my Grandmother. I claim my title what the heck! Why not?! I know i have deep roots, rich in culture and religion, I have been born into a household of infinite possibilities, where anything and everything was and perhaps still is possible. If my ego has anything to say about this I will surely take actions towards claiming my share of the present throne of of Deli, why not? It would make for a hell of a long running series would it not? Yeah right! Anything is Possible when you think you got it all together even if it were not true in essence . what is truth you say, but what my mind thinks it to be, what my mind perceives and manifest according to its taste and style. There comes a moment when truth blends into the untruth overlapping one another and in the end becomes one whole new truth. This is not unlike the Ying and yang or Cosmic Symbol of evolution from one extreme into another and the seed of each opposite is eternally planted within each opposite, I don't know if it makes sense to you you but I feel best not to get dragged into what i don't any idea about and regret. For those who are still in essence 'seeking' all i can say is keep connecting those dots and find your way to the truth, or what is the Real.

Most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place they're capable of anything.

John Huston. 

Your Way is my way is your Way and we will get there.

 According to the Stats that keeps count on my performance as a a Blogger, which i never failed to look up first thing when I log on to my Blog; yes it is all an ego trip! I realized this a long time ago but felt the effort is well worth it even if only five reads from yesterday and 0 from the day before. Well which way shall i take off, the Muslim, Islam way or the Buddhist, Buddha's way? Or shall I view the answer from the perspective of the Advaita Vendanta teachings from the Vedic Scriptures; Tat Tvam Asi or That I Am. I, who am I? Who is making this attempt at telling yet another tale from the attic or the crypt or from Green Bay , Wisconsin or the Tales from Aleutian Chains, How do I see myself thus far in my life and this is the real moment of truth in revelation of who or what is this entity that is making these comments on to the open book of life itself; I am That I Am! Upon His Enlightenment the Buddha, is said to have said, "I Am Awakened! and The Universe Awakens with me!" and pointing His right  He said, " None above nor below, I Am the Awakened One.": Remember the Historical Buddha was just an ordinary man, a prince maybe but still just a man and He set about the turning of the Wheel of Dharma in this Realm of our human existence in the Nirmanakaya Loka, this realm of mental formations of forms and emptiness, light and darkness, Good and Bad and so on, this what is commonly known as the Dual Thinking Mind. The Historical Buddha, Shakyamuni Buddha broke the chains of Karma and liberated Himself from the claws of Ignorance and being trapped in the life of a mind created/projected illusion.

Nirmāṇakāya (Chinese: 應身; pinyin: yīngshēn; Tibetan: སྤྲུལ་སྐུ་, tulku, Wylie: sprul sku) is the third aspect of the trikāya and the physical manifestation of a Buddha in time and space. In Vajrayāna it is described as "the dimension of ceaseless manifestation." 

Wikipedia.

But, I have joined one club too many in my life and one or two demands that i see through my vows and promises made in a form of prayers made, and one of these is the Bodhisattva Vows ; something I intend to keep as my personal practice in this life. My very lifestyle will be a testimony to how i have chosen to navigate through these waters, I surrender my every move to that which governs the whole realm of this existence, to God, to Allah{AWJ} or to the Supreme Unbounded State of Consciousness. I can understand all that it takes to make it happen in the cause of this lifetime, but I am still a man lost in his own shadows sometimes and not having a clue as to the where or what is at stake here in this cycle of life, death and rebirth: all these Buddhist stuff sometimes gets to me and I have to slow down and rewind so that I am not attached to any one 'Way". The Ways are as many as there are those who walk them and everyone ends up at the same destination in the end. The best Way is to is 'your way', whatever or however you manage it, find your own way and and perhaps be able to sing Frank Sinatra's version of "I did It My Way..." To touch life without getting attached to it, to taste wine without getting drunk, to feel love and not feel sad about it, all these are feelings and perceptions that the mind manifest from itself. Yet, I am Not the mind, nor am I the body. I am perhaps what is called the formless form, the real behind the false, I am That, I Am. The eternal, the never ending nor beginning, the timeless spaceless Supreme Undifferentiated Consciousness ; I can dream can't I? 

Words! More words as you get older to describe the simplest of things, just to keep the mind from getting bored and falling asleep, how many naps can one take in a day without making it official that it is time for you to take that final nap and never to wake up. However life goes on with or without me, I know this cause i have lived long enough to see my friends gone and new babies arriving from all round me and the world is rolling freely towards its self destruction gathering momentum thanks to humans who see life as an asset worth the price of a bullet or even less. Yes life goes on within and without me too and I notice the details growing more and more clearly as there is much else to do except to watch for the Devils in the details.  I am guilty of being lost in words and addicted to writing and I am feeling quite content to be staying up till the early morning lights while i keep letting my fingers tap on the key board and while I am listening to Enigma MCMXD a.d. on the earphones. This is one way I entertain myself especially when I cannot fall asleep tried as I had. And so I am now "Taking it back to the Rivers of Belief..."  

Wounded Hearts Club Band - Shunyamurti.

 The past few days have been a bit strange for me, mentally and physically. I have been feeling sluggish and easily tired out and wanting to hit the bed for naps. Nothing wrong except I do not feel one hundred percent me, I felt like being under the negative external influence has attached itself to me, perhaps with not ill intention or perhaps with all the intention of shifting my attention away from my spiritual path. I am aware of this shift and am mindful that i do not succumb to its negative energy and loose my footing and find myself right where i began, slip sliding on my ass down the muddy road towards damnation. Call it paranoia, call it obsession, call it ignorance, call it what you may, I like my path, I enjoy taking these strolls down and up the highway of life and find myself sometimes in the most sad of situations and yet at other time the best of times life can afford to offer. I am grateful for all that I have been offered, the grace that I have been showered now and again by my Lord, I am grateful for all the cures and protections I have felt along the way, for only the Divine in me could have written this, the story of my life. It may not be much of a story compared to many, none the less, it has a beginning and will have an end sooner than later. If it had not been for That which is my Savior and my Lord and Creator, I would have perished many times allowing my 'nafs' or my ego to have the better of me.  

I do feel tired even as I am writing it down I am forcing it, I get the urge to say enough is enough, at least for today. Give up , go to bed, take a nap! However here I am still trying to make sense out of non-sense. Here I am listening to soft jazz piano music on the headphones and telling stories in order to justify why i have to stay awake and tell my story to myself and and calling it a 'Practice', Tomorrow, my Ausie Brother, Ben will be flying home to Australia to be with his mother for three weeks. I am gonna miss him.  Oh well the guy misses his Mom, what can you say. Yes i am getting tired of making these Blog Entries, it is a shame to simply give up when I am about to reach the end of my long narration of what has been and what will be and what is going on in and around my life. I am getting tired of telling and retelling my stories as thought i all really matters, that i am fulfilling a prescription for some illness that have been plaguing me for the most of my existence, like lust and anger, like hate and delusion, these illnesses which had very often got me into all manners of downfall and degradation, in the form of drug addiction and drunkenness, womanizer and abuser of trust, yes i have been all that and more in the past and by ingesting more drugs it will cure all these long time karmic accumulations and make them disappear. I am tired simply of fooling myself over and over that there is much greater meaning to this life when all I find having lived for the past seventy odd years is that life is one long boring repetitious haul of a load of nothing from out of one hole into another, as it is commonly called in the environmental language, from cradle to grave. Hence I have decided to join the Shunyamurti - Sat yoga, 'Wounded Hearts Club Band." I was a member of the 'Sargent Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band at one time when the Beatles were wild in the sixties and seventies.

I feel most fortunate to have been born in the fifties just after the War when the Japanese were kicked out of South East Asia and the British had decided they had sucked dry the natural resources of the country and left it in the hands of their staunch ass kissers to rule the people. I was born when the history of my country was going through major changes and the world was recovering from the post war traumas getting things up and running again with new ideas on how to run the countries better. But history as is said repeats itself, in the sixties the Vietnam War kept the war narrative moving along and the United States became the sheriff that ran the show or so it seemed. Then came the Hippies and the Power of Love that shook the masses all over the world with an awakening of sorts. Then came the Gulf Wars that the Bush family decided to take on under false pretentions, with the main cause was to eradicate Sadam Hussein and His Regime and to secure the Iraqi Oil production. I am not a historian but it was the way I felt it happened and I may be wrong. Muammar Gadhafi the Libyan Leader was next eliminated in the most heinous way by the NATO Alliances led by the United States simply because He was too smart for his own good. With his demise the country fell from one of the most prosperous to one that is broiled in civil wars. Syria, Lebanon, Palestine, Israel and a host of other nations fell to the scourge of war  mostly propagated by the United States. This is the History that I have grown old with much or less. Here at home, the Malaysian Politics is in a class of its own with never a dull moment especially in the change of governments over a short period of time. Accused to be one of the most corrupted nation and complicit in the biggest financial scandal in the world, Malaysia since the Independence Days,{1957} is today still a blessed country to live in. This is why I returned to live in this country after having lived abroad for the past 25 years of my life. The United States, Japan and for a short time in Dubai, not bad countries to live in if one is looking to become rich and famous and they asked me why do you come back to this 'shit hole' after living in such far out places? I would answer them in my Zen like manner like, I would not be talking to you right now if I had decided to not come back would I? 

The longer version of the answer is more like, I return to live the rest of my life in this country of my birth because I would like to be able to experience having lived a full circle of life of both East and West and the in between. The opportunity to have lived in Sendai, Japan was like a transitional or transit zone for my family and I from having lived in the US for 21 years to moving back East ending up in Malaysia,  the prodigal son arriving home. The three years in Japan where my two children spent their Kindergarten education and my late wife teaching ESL all over Japan and me being the Baby Sitter, was a lesson for me to become more of a Zen practitioner than a stiff necked moron when i am confronted with tedious, monotonous and despicable task that comes my way. If ad when someone ask me again why I am doing what I am doing, I would say that it is my vow as a Bodhisattva to be the best that i can be in serving my fellow man.

"Beings are numberless, I Vow to Awaken with Them!"

And so i keep on writing...and no one has to read.