With a new car my ...I celebrate Aidil Fitri...The last day of the Fasting Month.. The Eve of Hari Raya Posa!

Forgot to suck my tummy in! What would Ben Rongen say!

On the 27th. day of the Fasting Month I visited the Museum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah,(MGTF) - University Sains Malaysia,(USM) driving my new car that was two days old to get there. It has been a long time since I visited the Galleri and I was pleasantly surprised to find a printmaking exhibition was going on and two of my works were selected for the show. While I was there I was also introduced to a group intern students by my friend the Director, Hasnol J. Saidon who asked me to give them brief talk about art and I did. I talked about,  'What is 'originality' entails in the creative process of creating an art piece and how to attain this 'original idea.' I introduced them to the art of 'Meditation'.

Two pieces of my Monoprints which donated to the Museum years ago was selected to be among the collective works of printmaking techniques represented at the exhibition. Monoprint technique has always been my favorite medium of epression as an artist apart from sketching and drawing. I preferred it more so than painting, however to do it one has to have a printing press or a printmaking studio.

One of my watercolor and ink sketches of random faces which I entitled,'Faces of Destiny'  was well received when I posted it on Facebook. It is interesting to note that most of those who like or commented my art posts on fb are not artists themselves. Overtime I noticed this trend and removed most of the so called artist fb friends I have as I was supporting them through my like and comments but not getting any reciprocal from them at all when I post my works; I decided to clean up my fb space to allow for more space and less distractions.

This sketch I did a portrait of one of my Chinese artist friends 'Ip Seng' was done in Balik Pulau during the Fasting of 7/2012 and I posted it on fb a few days ago just to share my style of sketching a portrait when I felt like doing so and this sketch captured the character well. I have no idea why this sketch insist on appearing on this post, it was not planned in other words, it appeared by mistake, my inability to work with the computer after all these years and after over 2000 blog entries made...I still type with one finger.

A sketch done the same time in the same sketchbook of  7/2012 of the Malay fisherman's jetty which I also posted on fb which was also well received by my non artist fb friends. This sketching reminded me of my dear friend who passed away a few months back. This evening on the final day of the fasting month I visited the Malay Fishermen's Jetty and celebrated the Raya Eve mostly listening to Mamu Non,.. berating over the poor handling of the announcing the actual Raya date throwing the whole Malay Muslim nation into a very traumatic and chaotic state of minds....,who to blame! in these day and age of modern technologies ...Salam Aidil Fitri...Selamat hari Raya! We talked about our departed frind, Arwah Lee Bakoi.

#hariraya,#aidilfitri,#fastingmonth,#printmaking,#mgtfusm#

Ramadan Confessions and revelations.

 And when it all comes to a peaceful stand off this early in the morning, listening to ,'Last of the Mohicans,' theme songs on You Tube played by different orchestras and styles helps to raise the spirit. There is a 3 hour long repetitious video of the tune which I often use as my background music when I write. The tune has a melancholic sway to it that moves my heart into its rhythm keeping my mind floating upon the waves of consciousness not attached to anything in particular except my fingers dancing upon the keys creating thoughts as they flow out into forms of expression to how I am feeling...and the morning has broken... the sky is turning from darkness to hues of purple to crimson red...outside my window. I overslept this morning however and was unable to prepare the 'Saur' food for my son and I and so we just drank water and milk and I ate two pieces of Kurma (dates) just before the 'Subuh azan' came from the mosques all around our apartment starting the fasting for the day; no more eating or drinking for the rest of the day. This is the eleventh day of the Fasting Month of Ramadan and the war in the Ukraine is still raging just as the genocide in the Gaza and the rest of Palestine has become and endemic of human brutality towards the oppressed and Yemen is dying day by day of hunger and starvation while Syria lay in ruins; I am fasting.

 I, (now every time I say I) there is a pause in my mind, like which I am I using in addressing myself. If it makes any sense what I am trying to say is the I that I am used to go by in the past seem 'shallow', not truly the I that I am. Not the infinite eternal I, the I of supreme consciousness, the Atman, or the unborn Buddha nature, the I that is awakened, enlightened, the I of my higher consciousness, of being.... the Divine I. It's just a pause, like I have another higher immortal self that I am addressing myself through. Not that it means much more than the fact that it is just another added dimension to my understanding of who I truly am and am still dealing with a full acceptance of this fact. It is sadi that there things that cannot be shared especially through words no matter how much one wishes to share these thoughts for clarity before final acceptance as a fact of life. It is a giant step to take what the God within has to offer, that Divine partnership of omniscience and omnipotent, of immortality and infinite wisdom, of supreme being and consciousness; it is indeed beyond my capability to bear the ramification not to mention the burden of responsibility for such a station in this life at this moment; it would be like the acceptance of becoming an enlightened being or a prophet. Hence which I am I using when saying I in my daily communication as in this writing itself; am I the personality or the Divine I?

Somewhere a long time ago I have posted something about the Book called, The Master Key by Charles F. Haanel., a book I had brought along with me when I left Malaysia for the first time to settle down in the United States, I was 25 years of age then. The few lines that I had stuck in my mind from the book is a form of auto suggestion that I was instructed to keep repeating to myself daily;

"I am Whole, Perfect abd Complete, Strong and Powerful, 

Loving and Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy.

And I ca do what I wish to do, Insha'Allah or so help me God."

Till this day I still recite these words to my self every now and then especially in time of dire need and today I feel like these words of self assertion are beginning to come to fruition in my daily life. I am and never was a religious person in the sense that I could never pray like the devout Muslim of my brothers and sister do nor can I fully surrender myself without doubt to the Lord's Will much as I claim myself to, but I am very conscious of these my short comings an have most of my adult life spent great amount of time and energy in trying to understand why I am the way I am. This lengthy Blogging of my life is my way of trying to make some sense out of all the non-sense that I have accumulated, manifested and thought of as who or what I am or think myself to be, but after all these years of dedicating myself towards my spiritual studies I am still at a lost; I still feel I am lost. It seems like whatever truth that I am seeking or hope to find is not out there and it never has been. All the teachers and books, practices and belief  I have had seems are just partial truths and never the whole truth. I have felt the despair and a sense of being lost in a limbo and being not a religious person I find no comfort in the prayers and scriptures like a devout Muslim or Christian would in their religious faith; I find God within me and am not able to fully surrender to the fact that He is truly there in my heart of heart.

 

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Addressing God in the Month of Ramadan

  In silence, God speaks. The silence of pure consciousness with no thought formations and fabrications, perceptions and impulses, 'the silence of the lambs.' So God has spoken, (again), this time in the writings of Joseph Benner and as always God made perfect sense and no matter how one look at it, God in all His infinite Mercy and Compassion spoke with the voice from within me, my Higher Self, my Divine Self and God resides in the Heart of my heart; like the teachings of the ancient Hindu, God is Me. I am That I am...Tat tvam asi. God spoke as the Unborn Buddha Nature, that which is before my parents met. I Am That and I will remain as I am no matter how or where this life will take me, no matter how much I have experienced all it has to offer and learned all it has to teach albeit good or evil: I Am That. Now the question has always been, how do I stay in that state of my divine nature and stop flapping back and forth like a torn flag at the mercy of the wind of change, how do I stay in this state of infinity and in complete consciousness. How do I desist from drifting here and there like a cork floating down the rapids of consciousness itself? Silence! It is in silence God speaks.

"Silence is both the Way and the goal of meditation. The Silence that is being referred to is the silence of wakeful consciousness, aware of itself, as it really is. Not projecting out fantasies and affects and mental objects, not deluding oneself, not being filled with chatter, not being sleepy and spaced out...not being the desire or fear..."  - Shuniamurti Satsang. 

The great minds of both East and West has long persuaded the act of 'surrendering', of giving in or giving up to the inevitable and 'go with the flow', Surrendering to one's inner Higher Consciousness or Divine Nature if one has come into its realization through the journey of self discovery, knowing who you are or your true nature like what I have been wasting much of my time on for the past decades, sometimes consciously sometimes not. God has spoken and among the things He pointed out is to give it up all these run around seeking and searching and know that I am Him and He is Me and we are in this game of life together like it or not and I totally agree, He knows it and I know it, however He is definitely in control and I am still flip flopping. I need to surrender all my thoughts and perceptions, my past and my future expectations, I need to pull the hand brake all the way and seize all mental activities. If I am a car it would be a overhaul time of the whole system inside out, from engine oil change to wheel alignments, from battery water to windshield wipers, making sure that all is in optimal condition for a good driving condition, where one has no thought or worries about the car functioning its best. When your physical body is free of ailments of any kind and the mind is aligned with its capacity to function at its maximum, then the spirit can express its being-ness, unobstructed at the highest divine level. This is my shallow take on how far or near I am from beginning to full comprehend who or what I am in the cosmic scheme of things; what is impeccable is my Lord's plan and what is fallible is mine to still work on. 

Acceptance is the like the final ac of surrendering, giving up or giving in to whatever fate or dtiny that lay in store for me. After all the years of studying and practicing, experiencing and participating after all the blood, sweat and tears, of sleepless nights and self denigration, I find myself at the end of my journey and I accept it all and hand it over to The All Mighty, Allah (SHWT) the Lord of the Universe, the Divine within me; the Voice of Silence.  I am no more. My will is Hiis Will, my actions are His actions, my thoughts are His thoughts. I can keep writing this on and on till the day I die and mostly probably still not convince myself that I am truly transcended in my realization towards being liberated from my ego self, the me that I have been thinking and assuming as who I am and through which falsehood I have squandered all my resistance and became  an incorrigible sinner. However write on I shall and keep on exposing myself and my errors of the past I will till my confessions is heard and answered from within. I shall keep on chipping away at my soul so as to cleanse myself, purify and sanctify myself and placing myself before His presence to be heard and accepted with the blessings of His infinite Mercy and Compassion if not His Love.

#loveandcompassion,#ramadan,#acceptance,#shuniamurtisatsang,#tatvamasi,#pureconsciousness,#iamthat

 

   

The Ramadan confessions - Revelations

 It seems like there is a constant pressure applying itself upon my mind and body fro without especially in the form of thoughts, sometimes heavy thoughts of sins and past faults and transgressions causing guilt if not fear a s a result. Part of ageing? Growing old and expecting imminent death at any time is causing the mind to regurgitate past issues that were not resolved and keeps one in constant depression wondering if one is destined for hell in the after life. Many an enlightened being would laugh if not frown over this mental/emotional state of being. What's is the use or what good is all the years of soul searching, spiritual practices and disciplines when it all boils down to this; I should have gotten use to bowing five times a day like the rest of my fellow Muslims. Perhaps my inability to do so, to perform this second pillar of Islam is causing the discomfort that I am experiencing in my heart. I can keep going down this path and accumulate much more heavy duty guilt upon myself the things I should do or have been doing in order to secure a peace of mind if not a place in heaven when I die, but it is not an easy solution as I have chosen the path of a seeker of truth in spirituality, in faith and in surrendering my soul at the end of the day.

Like a broken record i will keep telling myself that I have place my faith in The Lord and being a converted Muslim I call Him by His Arabic Name, Allah Subhana huwaTaala, or Lord of the Universe. In this nothing in this or the afterlife can deter me unless it is done with the shrewdest form of manipulation that beguiles my mind at the last moment of my breath. I write this down, again, as a testimony and a plea to the All Mighty that I be savd from being swayed in my standing in the profess that, Laillahaillalah! Muhammad ul  Rasullalah." There no God, only Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger. May I go to the grave with this final declaration in my heart; I am always with my Lord and HE IS WITH ME! 

And as it is said, the Devil is in the details.

I am a sinner, no doubt about it. I have sinned on numerous occasions and in numerous ways a man could in my past and perhaps still am committing them in my present. I ask myself the same question my entire adult lffe, Why? No matter how I try to justify I can never come up with an answer but only to vilify myself over and over with doubts and regrets. From a song by Peter, Paul and Marry, "I am a man of constant sorrow and I've seen troubles all my days...For in this world, I'm bound to ramble..." For some odd reason this song had stuck in my mind among others like the stacks in the jukebox of collected favorites since I was thirteen or fourteen. My teenage years were the years of tumultuous reckoning, of anger and pain of rejection and abuse; I was drowned in self pity and the only way out of this pit was to embrace the very anger and hate I had and become the one to inflict the pain; I became the sinner with no recourse or remorse. Yes, indeed, the Devil is in the details! I knew no shame or guilt nor did I care who I hurt or the damage I caused; I was beyond redemption and perhaps still is nonredeemable in the eyes of my Lord...for in my anger sorrow and pain, I pointed finder up to the dark sky one night and cursed His Name for having given me this life of pain and suffering; I was thirteen.

I threw caution and conscience to the wind and thumping my chest like an angry gorilla I set out to satisfy myself in every way I could I allowed my ego free reign and this ego laid to waste many great relationships and brought upon itself curses from those who I betrayed and those I had disappointed. I can never ask for forgiveness for my transgressions from each and every person or sentient beings I had been wrong to but I feel deeply that only my Lord can find the means for this forgiveness. Hence I accept my fate and surrender myself fully to His Mercy and hope that I can be forgiven through His Blessing. 

Yesterday evening while listening to a few Videos on You Tube on talks given by Alan Watts and Suniamutrti I stumbled upon a video that sent chills down my spine as it was as though my higher consciousness or as the video implied, God talked to me directly.The Video called, 'The Impersonal Life' by Joseph Benner sent shock waves through my mind as I listened to God addressing me and laying out His Plans and where I stand in the Divine scheme of things. Never have I heard such powerful and complete talk that addressed just about every issue I had written on this post prior to this last paragraph. My repeating the thought provoking words of this Audiobook produced by "Learn-out-loud" on You Tube hit at the core of my being and I felt like I was listening to my Higher Self or God explaining in detail all that I needed to hear and ironically in this case God is in the details. Doubtless to say I felt an ease in my soul, like a lead shroud has been lifted from my consciousness revealing the unseen truth meant for healing this splintered soul of who I have been thinking to be me. This experience, this revelation is like the blessing/redemption of the Fasting Month of Ramadan thus far from my Higher Consciousness/God. #ramadan,#revelations,

In response to 'God' of Joseph Benner's, 'The Impersonal Life,' I was led to listen to a Video on the Philosophy of Spinoza simply by chance or out of curiosity or perhaps, God's will...

"The road to these things I have pointed out now seems very hard, but it can be found and off course something that is found so rarely is bound to be hard. For if salvation is ready to hand and can be found without great effort, how could it come about that almost everyone neglects it? But excellence is as difficult as it is rare." ... Ethics-Spinoza. 'A Complete Guide to Life.' -You Tube.

 #josephbenner,#higherself,#theimpersonallife,#spnoza,#ethics

Ode to The Holy Month of Ramadan.

A the Month of Ramadan is here! The holy month where the gates of heaven is flung open and that of hell is on lock down: I am still  trying to come to grip as to the meaning and ramification of this. It is the month where all sins of the past may be erased if the right offerings of prayers and devotion are being made and the right intention is being manifested towards the All Mighty, The Lord of Creation. This is the month whereby one's faith and devotion is being put to the grind, physically, mentally and spiritually. It is the Month of months whereby Islam came into being with the bestowing of the Holy Scripture of the Quran to humanity from the Lord of Mercy via His Prophet (PBH) Muhammad the Messenger. It is the Month where mankind is reminded of the suffering and transcendence of life, the beauty and frailty of life, the grandiose and impermanence of life that we live in this our allotted time on this plane of existence. It is during this month that mankind is asked to look deep within and discover for himself that which is real and that which is not, that which is everlasting and that which is not and that which is enlightening and that which is not; it is the Month where man is left to his own devices and free from any external influences good or evil in the performance of his spiritual path as the evil is under lock down.

For the faithful, the believers and the ignorant and non believers alike, the Month of Ramadan will have an effect in one way or another. It is not just a matter of whether you fast of you don't, not whether you perform your prayers or you don't, is is more of a wake up call towards the realization of what it is to be a human being, to be in the fellowship of man, to be chosen ones among the rest of sentient beings inhabiting this planet. To fully understand and accept this station of being a warden, a caretaker, a vicegerent, a Khalifah on this planet. To thos who often ask of themselves, what is the purpose of one's life or who am I or what a I, the answers is in how seriously one observe the obligations of this Holy Month, how one spend the time in introspection and deep meditation over the spiritual development and understanding of who one is in the over all scheme of existence. If half a billion Muslims devote themselves in the fulfillment of the rites of the Month of Ramadan, imagine how much spiritual energy and consciousness is being generated throughout the planet in the form of prayers and healing and there are more than half a billion of Muslims in this world; this in essence is the Beauty and Purpose of the Month of Ramadan...WallahuAlam! ... as the Muslim says, only The Lord knows...AllahuAkhbar!

It is not an easy thing to try to fully grasp the significance of a religious practice untill one has fully put it to practice. Whether it is Yoga or a Pooja ritual, a prayer performed five times a day, or the burning of paper money for the ancestors at the grave site or carrying a crucifix or a kavadi as a penance along a designated route. A religious practice is meant to create a collective discipline for a religious group or sect where everyone is required if not mandated to be participating in. To not be doing it would place a person as a non believer or one who is disobedient towards his religion and often subject to punishment or rejection, ostracized from the group. This is the nature of religions if you observe the precepts accordingly you are lifetime member and destined for the future awards if not in this life, in the afterlife and if you fail to than you are faced with the hell realms of one kind or another. In all these man is given the free will to choose his own destiny. He is said to make his own choice in living his life accordingly given with what he has been allotted with in a lifespan. This is my shallow understanding of the whole matter as I am sure much better explanations are out there from great religious minds. 

I am an eclectic  

1. PHILOSOPHY

   denoting or belonging to a class of ancient philosophers who did not belong to or found any recognized school of thought but selected doctrines from various schools of thought.

noun

1. a person who derives ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources.

    Throughout most of my life I have tried to live according to how or what I interpret life to be according to what I perceive, believe or have faith in. I was once told in a dream I had some 40 years ago while staying in Central City Colorado as a guest to an elderly artist Mr.Angelo Di Benedetto in his studio residence. I woke up while still hearing someone in my dream shouting in my ear, "You are an ecletic!" I wrote the word down immediately not knowing how it was spelt but simply ;Eklektik and at breakfast I showed it to Angelo and he explained the word to me. I will never forget this experience and I have written about it in the past in this Blog an so for a more detailed look at the story look back to my earlier postings. It was a wake up call for me as I pondered upon the significance of this dream and its implications; there was and is no doubt that I have lived my life as an eclectic; I picked and choose the best of all possibilities as my choice of believe or faith.