My mind is saturated with endless thoughts , inundated by ceaseless imaginations and fed never ending by myriads of distractions from within and without and I sometimes feels like drowning into insanity. It is my fault none the less for being ignorant and lacking in the will to eradicate and eliminate my habitual tendencines, fro not being able to uproot my ancient twisted karma from the fields of my consciousness. As I get older it seems it gets worse instead of better despite the fact that i do my meditations and more so and often with deeper intensity. There is however noticeable changes as I find it easier to slip into silence more easily when I sit. My mind drops all its rattlings much more readily and I find myself in a state of peaceful contemplation and often in silent prayers especially in asking for forgiveness and protection from my Lord. Forgiveness for my weaknesses and transgressions committed in the past present and future and protection from my own selfish desires that I am not able to remove even at this later stage in my life.
When in doubt or overcome by excessive mental cluttering I would almost automatically find myself uttering, Astaghfirullah al Azim or Ar GafuruRohim, begging for the mercy of the All Merciful and Oftorgivng. And when I do this i find my mind immediately settling down in to silence and a more clear state of consciousness pervades in me. The Prophet of Allah is said to have said that uttering this yearning for forgiveness from the Lord of Mercy is the most potent of all recitatitons for a sinner; of which I am one. My mind would forever be on hand to confirm my errors and transgressions in the past , present and perhaps into the future, it is like I am trapped into this state of self created bondage. It is no doubt that I am trapped into this state by my own ignorance in not being able to free myself from the delusion that my mind has set up for me. I have become a victim of my own stupidity in not being able to see the mind for what it is; a parasite that feeds on my guilt and habitual tendencies.
My self identity, like being attached to who I have assumed my self to be has become an almost fixed state that I have accept to be the true me and thus I ramble on and on like an idiot lost in my own self created maze. Get off the roller coaster you fool, stop entertaining this madness that has got you trapped like hamster in a cage running in circles. You are not who you think you are and that you have established some two thousand five hundred years ago when you were enlightened! Wake up you fool! Stay awake! Don't let the monkey mind fool you! Is this not what you have learned at the Zen monastery where you have sat on your butt facing the Dharma wall for two years! What a bloody waste of time for here you are still masturbating yourself to fall asleep! Wake Up! before the wake up call is laid on your miserable back like it has often happened in the past. You get lazy and complacent after making a small achievement, slip sliding back into the old, fuck if I care, attitude like you own this Dharma realm. Fuck what others think, if they read or not what you are rambling about, this is your verbal diarrhea, your regurgitation, nothing to do with anyone else. The sooner you make this distinction the better off you are, there is no one out there giving you moral support or making sure you are on the right path, no one but hungry ghosts waiting to devour you as soon as you slip! So Wake Up! Stay Awake! You are on your own in this Dharma ending age.
# Dharma, Wake up
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