Still Asking Questions

What would i do if this is the last question i have to answer...what would my bucket list be like if I am given a time limit to live? What would i wish for to happen before i die. Can't think of a thing I would want for myself for i have done most of what i had set out to do intentionally or otherwise and to ask for more to happen at my age would be like asking for the moon. If there should be anything worth my asking for it would be to die without too much complication health wise or physically.
It would be nice to be able to be with all my children in one place for once and be able to close my book with them for whatever it is worth. The rest would just be wishful thinking and not essential; like visiting the Holy Land and do my pilgrimage or Haj.
I came into this world with my twin brother and will return alone into that hole where i came from as it is doubtful that my twin will accompany.However in essence i came alone and will return alone and hence the need for any relationship other than those that I have manifested throughout my life henceforth is of no significance. The question, Why was I born in the first place has always haunted me although not so intensely in the beginning but as i got into my old age it has become more and more critical demanding for and answer. "I", why was I born? And the answer too will begin with "I", I was born because of 'Desire' as most of the Great masters and Rishis would reminds one. For so longas the 'I' exist in body speech and mind, the 'I' am alive. I am that I am is a very profound utterance of the ancient and today it still is the key to discovering 'Who am I'.
If there is reason at all as to why i was born in the first place it would be in the discovering of the nature of the 'I', or as the Buddha would have it,; the original Buddha Nature, that which was before I was even conceived by my parents. It is said that 'I' am eternal, never ending nor beginning, nor have I any connection to what is in the manifested world that is called the external or physical world. The I is not even in essence connected to the physical body except in temporal form for when death occurs the 'I' is no more related to its cage, it is liberated from this physical realm if not from the mind or mental realm as some science would have you believe, the residue of who you have created yourself to be through thought processes since the day you were born into this realm stay on with you after you demise. This is the result of your ability to cling on to who you think you are or have been throughout your life; it is the result of desire and not being able to let go or be liberated completely.
The fear of loosing your identity of who you are or what you have become, the fear of loosing the security that you have created all around yo throughout you life is as real as it is when you are alive and so when you die; hence most of us will traverse the realms of the afterlife in search of freedom from this fear and most of us will find no respite until we are ale to let go. It is like clinging to a slippery marbled pillar while drifting along in the skies with nothing to catch on to and the earth is way far below, only in letting go of the pillar and take the plunge (leap of faith) can you be free of this fear of falling. I have experienced this feeling many times in my vivid dreams throughout my life and it came to a point where i looked forward to this fearful moment as I have discovered for myself that when I let do i did no fall splat to the ground but I flew like a bird; a free spirit.
Kabir was said to have visited the houses from door to door a torch brand in his hand offering to liberate the owners from bondage but none would take him on his offer.Everyone was afraid to give up their cages and remained captives. On another incident Kabir's daughter ask her father why so many people cam to listen to him and he told her that they were seeking the way to liberation. The nxt day she stood by the gate and as the people approached she told them that father would allow only those genuinely interested to be liberated and has asked that they be tested before entering. She held a very sharp ax in her hand told the people to lie down so she can cut off their heads and present it ot her father to be interviewed and naturally everyone declined giving one excuse after another as to why they were there..When her father asked her what she was doing she told him that not one of the people were really there to be liberated as they were afraid to even give up their heads.(Their Ego)

"The Ego cannot smell its own breath, but the one who is somehow free from his own egoic concern or self defense easily detects what is not in service to the truth much more..obviously if you identify, 'I am this thing, then there is a kind of vulnerability there and you will shelter it, you will defend it becomes part of your house. But when you see. 'But this is still appearing and it is not really welcome here. Why should i be sheltering the Devil?...
There is a feeling to merge now. But finally as we are turning the key some fear comes - the fear that i am going to loose my old identity. There is an attachment to this identity and it is this identity that is suffocating your chance. You are believing in it but it turns out to be fool's gold."..Wherever you find yourself, right there is a door to your inmost Being. There is a crowd around this door. They have set up a fish market at the gate of heaven, "we have a nice fish for you, the best you will taste..." and instead of going through you will smell the fish, and you are smelling of fish! And when the moment of Truth comes, the mind is making excuses."... One day you have to give up your stories and admit ; I Am That!"..Mooji