Looking for the Divine in me.

Back to the subject of whether is is laziness or simply being in an inactive mode of consciousness experience, i have come realize that it is a decision one of choice that I have to make and it hinges upon if I am making it from the personality or individual point of view or the collective universal stand point of view.OH ya i have thought about it over and it is not like i am trying to spin off another story about who i am or what i aught to be or where i am at and crap like that it is just that sometimes it just happens that I am reminded that i really don't give two hoots about it one way or the other. I am lazy, I am lazy or if i am not i am not, but i do not have to crack my brains about why or how. No one is putting a gun to my head and i am just about as ready as i can be in facing life or death about anything that can come up at the present moment. That is probably as personal a decision or choice i can make over the matter, I will remain as I am in a state of neither this nor that and watch as things arise and falls like catching the next wave when the right one comes along.
In my collective consciousness mode i am doing what i am doing that is sharing this insignificant knowledge with all who stumble upon this entry in my blog, i owe it to myself to make this a form of lesson to myself as well as to others. I have to trust in my connectivity with the vast emptiness of space in the universal spirit where events happens out of that which has no time or forms or as we say out of the blue. Spiritually i would yes, i am waiting for the next revelation, how big or small crucial or insignificant, it is what I have come to trust in. I will no move until such a moment where my heart feels the touch of the universal spirit while in the meantime i will eat when i am hungry and sleep when i am sleepy and I will sit and watch the grass grow.
My days still passes like it has bee for a while now and I am working on getting my art ready for possible exhibitions as my daughter is gearing up with her new job at a new hotel, downtown. As part of her stipulation for accepting the job she had asked me to be included in having my works displayed at  the hotel for sale and there might even be a possibility that the hotel might create a studio for me to do my work there. it would be an ideal situation if it does materialize, something to look forward to. And by the way, I am a grandfather now as my son Timo in Switzerland said the he and his girlfriend is expecting a child; nothing about my life is perfect but I cannot deny that it is never dull either.
All three of my sons were conceived out of wedlock. It is mot something to brag about and being a converted Muslim living in a Muslim community it is not something one would let it be known publicly either. However, i hae been frowned upon by my family relatives and friends for one thing or one way of lifestyle of another that at this juncture in my life it does not really matter any more what others think of how or why i am the way I am. The fingers that have often pointed at me are not all the perfect as i have found out in time for most each and everyone has a skeleton to hide or are too deeply buried in their self righteousness that they cannot see the elephant dead in their path and to entertain these as my judges, juries and executioners of how i choose to live or how fate and fortune has chosen to shape my life is short of a waste of precious energy. I stopped envying others a long time ago and those that i hold dear in my life are those who have shown me compassion selflessly in my hours of need, a smile, a helping hand a word of comfort; these are getting far less fewer as it is as I grow in my age. I will never be perfect by all standards religious or otherwise but, deep down i know who i am and strive to be true to what i put my faith into. I am a believer and not because I fear but because i have come to realize in all my seeking and searching for that which is the Ultimate I have arrived at the feet of the One Lord and call Him what you may, I call Him, Allah',.the Oft Forgiving Merciful Lord of the Universe.
It is 3:11 AM

This too will pass....