MONEY! -Buddha's Bowl.

I just left the Post office after paying one of my loan and the payment amount was RM50 a month. i have been hanging on to this Rm50 bill for the past few weeks just so i will not miss this month's payment. All went well at the counter until the lady looked at me and asked for the RM2 processing fee! my blood ran cold and I started to sweat down my back literally while digging into my pockets to find RM2 and thank goodness there one left over RM! and a few coins making up the rest! I was so scared of being embarrass with the place being almost full of curious faces waiting. But a lesson learned, make sure you have more than enough to cover what needs to be done, you will never know.
And so my daughter still is waiting for her RM1500 fess and housing money and where am I going to beg this time? I have completed five real good pieces of artworks but can I find a buyer? Will see and lifting up my eyes I ask the Man up there to be a little bit more compassionate so that i do not have to go through the motions time and again making sure that everything is paid up for. I used to joke about being an 'elegant beggar' like what Alan watts had once suggest in one of his lectures, but now i am beginning to have second thoughts, like maybe i should get a job! Making RM1500 a month as a security guard might not be a bad idea after all. Forget my dreams of seeing the country and expanding my consciousness trip and all, there wont be time for it and further more everyone else would fell a whole lot better about me being occupied with a decent job and not depending on being ans artist and never seem to be making it like the rest of them.

" Money! Get away, get a good job with a good pay and you're okay!
Money! It's a gas, Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."
Pink Floyd.

I used to listen to this song MONEY by the legendary Pink Floyd almost endlessly while i was living in Green bay, Wisconsin and going to college. it was my mantra music and in those days my mind was very far from making money and perhaps herein lies my fault. While others came home from the United States rich or famous, or both, here i am still looking for RM2 to pay for the service fees at the post office. It is no wonder my eldest brother told me i had disappointed him with my life and my children has distanced themselves from me and my relatives do not have a clue what to make of me and my closest friends looks at me like I am a parasite! I am all these. i admit and am not too proud of it, but this is who I am. I have stayed up all night till six am this morning painting, but who calls it work? I have a blog the has an average 7 to 800 readers a day of late and who calls it work? I wish very much I am out in the boonies where the organic farm is so i can do all these and not one person will call it work, that is not to happen just yet as i still have to take care of my daughter's needs and it is my pleasure to do so as it is at the moment that makes my life meaningful. Soon she will graduate, in two months to be precise and maybe for a while i can lean back and work for myself.
Oh I love money just like the rest of them guys and no two ways about it and don't get me wrong I fully respect those who 'Work' for a living, as a matter of fact i used to and when i sit back and count the number of jobs I have done it came to about thirty in my entire life including Medical research assistant to meat cutting to hazardous waste management to organic farming and produce buying among some of them and covering three countries like the United States, Japan and Malaysia. Butt...I am as it is said, a Jack of all trades and a master of none, perhaps, i am damn good artist, if i may say so myself, i may not sell and don't care if I do but still others have called me a master at what I do as an artist.
Oh, and i tried all the mind bending techniques like subliminal messages to my mind about the laws of abundance and the laws of attractions and all the rest of it too and i prayed to My Lord and to  the Prophet of Allah to  Jesus and ask the Buddhas if they have any ideas on how to get Rm2000 before the end of this month, well, I am waiting for their answers. The only thing i have yet to do is again reach out my hand and ask those who can afford to spare me the change and bear the guilt and shame that would normally follow sooth even if there actually is no reason for it, it is just my pride or my ego saying well its no one's fault but yours. Why did you gave up the good job you had as a Health and Safety officer getting paid Rm5000 a month, now look at you! Guilt is a very painful ailment that can drag you down to the bottomless pit of hell if you allow it and i am prone to being guilt ridden throughout my life and not just about money. I feel guilty just looking at the young lady standing in front of me at the post office counter and off course my mind still attached to the old habits was not just looking at a young lady standing there but a young lady with exquisite butt and so there i was feeling guilty. A man of my age and practices, what was i thinking?
So for the present I am going to continue on my experiment with the 'Elegant Beggar" theory and throw out there a new challenge, I am going to beg at the international level. I am going to place my daughter's bank accnt. number and see if there is any compassionate readers out there who would rise up to the challenge and spare me some change simply because he or she can afford to, only with clear conscience and non judgmental state.
Marissa Estelle Bahari
Accnt: CIMB bank. #07220029881525
She will disown me if she finds out this but, that's what experiments are all about especially when it comes to life.So if you who feel like what i am about is genuine enough, help me; if not judge men not.If you wish to make a purchase of my works which i will download in the next entry please drop me line at my email address; humind@yahoo.com or at artistbahari261@gmail.com and i will arrange for the sale and delivery. This is my attempt at trying to make money through my blogging so please bear with me. As i say this is how i find out if there is any truth to what i am trying to discover that there is a universal consciousness out there that is operating and all I need to do is ask.