Rambling over nothing.

I have run into my wall and it is standing straight up before me putting my to a halt from thinking much less writing anything that is worth doing so, this is not good, or is it? I have been writing for a few years no and it seems now i am beginning to run in circles not having any ore coherent things or ideas to come up with, so may be it is time to call it quits and move on to lesser more mundane not so self fulfilling endeavors such, such as...I wish I am the road right now, just heading into the wild again and who cares where i end up this time just so long as I do not have to be here in this state of not knowing what i am or who I am anymore...
I feel like i am wasting precious time just hanging around and not being able to be more productive and as an artist more creative, I am stuck in a quagmire of indolence and stuck in a rut of self doubt once again. That old illness that have every now and then haunted me in the past and from which I have made many an attempts to break free from and sometimes almost succeeded but am forced to return to this routine due to responsibilities towards my children. However i hope this will soon come to and end as my daughter is almost done with her schooling for the time being and will be back working, at least that is what she seems to imply and my son will keep going to school so long as his elder brother keeps paying for his school fees as he works for his daily needs. I am not washing my hands off my children and far from it I am making my move to create a better prospect for myself in achieving my goals if there is such a thing.of being an artist and writer and whatever else that comes along ; in short i aim to make the story of my life more exciting and productive that it will be worth my time on this planet.
Spiritually i intend to become fully enlightened before i take my last breath and step out of this round of life fully awakened and this as tall an order as it may seems is not beyond my ability to achieve.and even if i fail i will know that i have tried. materially, I feel i will never amount to much as i have not much to account for in terms of wealth but i intend to leave behind my works for my children to disperse at whatever cost that they can get for them to help them face their own future. I have never intended to leave behind material wealth for my children but i have aspired in leaving behind my legacy of how i have lived and the things i have done, the places i have been and the chances I have taken, the mistakes i have made and the successes that i tasted. I leave behind what i feel is something that is truly me for better or for worse. I now it is not much compared to most like my brothers and sisters but it is how things have turned out over the years and how my mind has shaped myself through my own ignorance and whatever momentary wisdom i had. I leave behind my thoughts and ideas, dreams and aspirations, my own way of seeking the path towards the healing of my  broken spirit and eventually the liberation of my soul. Life must never be boring is my message to my children.
If you find yourself not knowing what to do or left high and dry with nothing or no one to talk to, look within, look deeply within you and find that place where it all began and if can find this space you will find that joy that is endless and that freedom from want of what this world has to offer, you will be able to walk freely out of your present conditions without looking back at what you have left behind like a bird in flight. Look within with your whole being and find that space where your original nature resides and there you will find the One who matters; that which you are and that , that cannot be destroyed much less bored. The journey within is much more challenging than the one that you are used to outside, the journey within will lead you into unknown territories and dimensions beyond you wildest dreams for you are taking a journey into your consciousness itself, that which all that is you have originated from and if you are able to go even deeper you will pass through the landscapes of the subconscious and who knows what will lay in store for you there. And it you have nay doubts about this, just learn to watch your dream states, watch what dream from the moment you decide to take that journey into your inner self. How can life be bored when you have your very own Astro Channels to you occupied and you might even learn of who you truly are in the process; so meditate!
Meditation is your key into that twilight zone of your mind, that inner space where most do not dare to venture for they fear what might be laying in wait for them, but for those who are willing to take that plunge into the unknown, the Inner Space is more than daring for you to enter it. And at the Arch of the gate was written "Know Thyself".and you enter and another Gate it said," Abandon all Hope All Ye who Enters!" .And gate after gate you will enter into your inner space, the conscious, the sub conscious and the unconscious.and at the end of the journey you even might become another Buddha! Buddhas are never bored, they may sit there smiling like a fool bu they are far from bored because the whole Universe is smiling back at you...this is who you are. But first you have to find your doors and get into that space where your journey begins.