Which Way the Wind Blows?

Hopefully I do not end being bitter and write with any judgement or critical views of others as I progress on into the future with this long ramblings, if so i am sorry but as  J.Krishnamurti would have said, "I don't care what happens, that's my secret!" I have not really attained to that level of expression in my thoughts as yet but i am close, in all honesty I too had never cared too much about what happens in my life until i had my children! I told my late wife every now and then, 'Nancy, our life has passed, we now live for the well being of our children, we will do our best to give them the best in everything we can afford to." She agreed and I felt it gave her inner strength to excel in her work. My late wife entertained my children, I took care of their daily needs, just as she had 24 cats running all over the house, my wife and children loved cats!; I had to feed them and clean after their stinking mess! I allergic to cats!
If one enjoys telling stories of the past then my life in Terengganu after my return from being overseas along with my late wife and children would make for an interesting past time. We arrived from Sendai, Japan sometime in 1998, the year Anwar Ibrahim made the news and Mahathir was the villain. I was in Kijal, Kemaman when I learned of the events happening in the city where police was making arrests and the whole Nation up in an uproar over this accusations and that , I almost felt I was in a politcal twilight zone. I was visiting Raja Kamrin, a friend i was introduced to while working in Kerteh and it was late at night while driving home that Irealized that Malaysia was in pain, we need to evolve sooner than later or we will not survive as a peaceful nation, we will become another third world country with a terminal illness.
The first time in my adult life that i went to hear a 'Ceramah' or political rally was when Anwar Ibrahim on the eve of his arrest came to Kuala Terengganu and gave his 'Sermon on the Beach', at Batu Buruk in Kuala Terengganu. (the only place perhaps he was able to do this back then). I sat up on one on the neighbours concrete walls and was moved to raise my fist even after listening to the man I had always followed through reading in the papers while i was living overseas. I even bought and donated one of his books to the Sendai International Center Library along with Dr. Mahathir's book which I cannot remember anymore. The Japanese liked Dr. M,most did not know who Anwar was.
Due to my being at that rally my name was mud to my twin brother, more so to his wife who I don't think ever forgave me! He was questioned by his boss on why he had appeared in an illegal gathering and cheering on the political black sheep. My eldest brother called me to let me know on my twins displeasure; now would I have to show myself up front where the TV news would catch me? Duh! I was already on his shit list for various personal offences in the past which I will avoid getting into, but yes perhaps another time. So ther I was my first Malaysian political rally and wham! I am caught on camera and caused my twin brother to be transferred to another post? Was hr punished or was he rewarded, I could not fathom till this day, because I remember visiting him at his new facility and it was far better and he seemed to enjoy himself. But why did I felt like I did something wrong and carried the blame on my mind for a long time? Ego? My bad!
If I were to look back and recount all 'My bads' it would fill the book of life, I am no angel nor a saint, I am a man who has lived his life moment to moment and reflected upon each and every action of the past present and future, why? Simply because, "I don't care what happens..." Two or three days ago two ladies at the different sections of the Penang Bridge attempted to commit suicide but were saved from doing so, while a man doing his job below in the sea was thrown off his boat by a freak accident and was killed a week before, Yesterday a section of the New bridge fell and killed four? Mr. Lim, sir please be a little cautious at the signs given: and you want an undersea tunnel connecting the island to the mainland? Yes Sir Shit Happens! and it does just when we least expect it to, especially when we are losing consciousness or falling asleep, we are letting our safety guards down and entertaining our victories too early. When a society allows man to scarr the side of a beutiful hill for now apparent reason, then indeed we are falling off the stool, hence Sir, the wake up call. God said, "Sorry to rain on your parade, Sir." Leave a legacy behind, but don't let legacy leaves you in the process. Solve the water situation and drainange system and clean up the river by all power available within the Penang State budget, show the world that we are really environmetally fully conscious. We are aware of our priorities, that which we have promised the people to solve during th election campaigns; its Spring Cleaning Time, care for what we have and what we really need first, help the city and people to start the process of coming together 'through healing the land' as the Tao Te Ching said.

A converstation at the 'Pondok' by the sea on the subject of why there has been so many suicide attempts on the Penang Bridge lately;

 1st. " Aku ingat Jambatan ni suka makan orang la.."
 2nd " Pi- rah, hang ni, ajambatan mana ada makan orang plak, hang merepek La!"
1st.  " Hang tau apa tentang jambatam ni semua!"
2n.  " Tau?! Ni! kacang la , tau tau, racun la santau, silat la kuntau! Tau konunnn!"
3rd. " Stress kot!"

The rise in attempted suicides, the discarding of newly born, the rise in physical violence even between parents and children is a revealing state we are in as a collective spirit, as a nation under one sky. They are manifestations of our slow but sure demise as our societies fail one by one to evolve from one stage to the next without loosing the grip it has on what is, and what is not. I have! I have been swaying back and forth trying to figure out if my perpendicularity is still located perpendicularly., I am feeling my age especially when I am trying very hard not to fall asleep. But it is alright, I don't care what happens...