Buddhism and Islam -part 3

I do not write my thoughts down on religious matters to influence anyone including my own children but just to share my understanding of what i have discovered along my journey towards self discovery. If by chance whoever reads of my writings and gain an insight into what it is all about, Alhamdullilah! praise be to the Lord. Mine has been one long dark night of trials and tribulations of the soul, reaching out to make sense out of non-sense. The fact that I call myself the Cheeseburger Buddha is my way of reminding myself that i am living a life of dichotomy; a splintered soul seeking to become whole again.It is one long and tedious act of healing that which was from the beginning wounded by the circumstance of life and upbringing; by the grace and mercy of God I did not succumb to anger and despair. Instead i chose to look as deeply into the cause of my shortcomings and unravel my ignorance.
I am blessed to have been exposed to the teachings of the Buddha and Islam both at the same time and at a very age had become aware that there was a need for me to make my choices. I was also blessed by the fact that I had spent some twenty odd years of my life in the United States where i was free to study and understand both these religions without fear of being chastised by any religious authority. In the process I was also able to see myself becoming ensnared into my darker natures living no better than an animal when I discarded religions totally. I was a drunk, a dope addict, a womanizer; in short I was a sinner. My head was turned around only when I joined the Buddhist monastery at Green Gulch Zen Center in Sausalito, Marin County, California. It was then that i began to discover my 'self'. I found my strength with the help of my teachers and friends who guided me along the right path away from my ignorance and blindness due to my unconscious rage and anger from my past experiences. Even then I could not abandon all of my habitual baggage, I still carried with me my deep rooted twisted karma and till this day am still struggling to find total ablution from them.
Even as I am writing these words I am in the process of catharsis, letting go of and accepting that which I cannot do much about with thorough understanding such that with the understanding, it is hoped that will come the healing.My journey and my blogging is meant for me personally to observe my mind as it unravels itself in the form of writing it all down and in doing so it is my intention that I can catch a glimpse of my errors and my strength, my belief and understanding and hopefully one day my Buddha Nature.(that which was, before i was conceived to be born): my Soul. A process of rubbing the coal till it becomes a diamond or cleaning the mirror in order that one can see reality  as it its. Through this long process God willing I have found a little light shining at the end of my long dark tunnel: I ham beginning to find my way back home; to the One; to God. I have allowed myself to become a pauper in this life, living hand to mouth but I feel a whole richer in spirit than I ever was.
This I am ever indebted to both Buddhism and Islam as they complemented each other with one leading me to better understand the other. I took the Buddha's teachings to untangle this life of mine in this world and found myself at the doorsteps of the Lord of the Worlds: I have yet to be able to step into His prescence in total commitment and surrender but i have not given up yet my journey of seeking the right path; Insha'Allah I will. The lessons I have learned among other things is that to never close the door of knowledge based on your own personal prejudices but to investigate and pursue it to the end with clarity of mind and consciousness. It is the only thing worth accomplishing in this life; that which gives absolute peace of mind before one is called back to account before The Lord of Creation. Yes, I am a believer in the afterlife and the Day of Judgement in one form or another otherwise this life is meaningless is so far as to why I was alive in the first place; eat, sleep, shit and then you die!
If this lengthy discourse of my blogging has any meaning it would that I am trying to understand death from living this life with complete awareness, with an awakened mind, with making mistakes and wrong choices and with finding the remedies and the causes of my suffering. Yes, i fear death, I fear death because it is the most crucial part of my life, it is something I will have to experience like it or not. Will i cease to exist when my body rots in the ground or will I continue on to transmigrate into another life to continue evolving till I am fully awakened as a Buddha/ Will I be subjected to appear before the Lord of Truth at the End of Days to answer for my deeds while living on this earth and pay for my sins and transgressions or be allowed into heaven where all the pious and righteous will be gathered. A true Muslim will not even entertain such questions with doubts but I have yet to become a true believer according to Islam. 

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”

― Jimi Hendrix, - Axis: Bold as Love

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

― Mark Twain