Terengganu Darul Iman.

My mind is going through a loop in figuring out what is it that makes for the truth of being who I am. My trip to the East Coast has in some ways  has woken me up to parts of me that has been laying dormant in the subconscious particularly in my religious understanding or my faith. After having a long and meaningful converstion with my friend Fadzly Mubin, a computer engineer as well as a professional photographer, it dawned upon me that I am not too far off the mark in my chosen path towards self discovery. All my years of searching and trying to understand what is it that matters most in my life, I came to realize the simple truth that all it takes is to be able to love with the unconditional love that only God can have towards His creation. Fadzly, my close friend of over ten years laid it out for me as we drove from one end of Kuala Terengganu to the other in his car and at our stops at the coffee shops, that it is through the power of Love that we worship the Lord just as it is also through the same power that he created the Universe and man.

Fadzly Mubin

Terengganu Darul Iman, which means the Abode of Faith is for me a place that has been like a religious energizer especially as a Muslim. Each state in the country carries such similar 'titles', like for example the state of Pahang has Darul Makmur or the Peaceful Abode, Johor Darul Takzim or Abode of Dignity and so forth. Hence having spent a good part of my life in this East Coast state of the Abode of Faith it is somehow appropriate that I keep returning to it to rejuvenate my faith every now and then especially when I feel at my lowest ebb. The people themselves are very deeply religious,    more so than other states or so it seems. Early one morning while staying at the Awi's Yellow House on the banks of Pulau Duyong, I heard from no less than six mosques and suraus from all directions around me the call for the Subuh or morning prayer. While driving to the work site in Kerteh about 80 kilometers south from Kuala terengganu before the sunrise as i usually did, I would see women in all white long prayer dresses walking towards the mosque or nearby suraus to pray, it moved me to see how pious these people were.

The Crystal Mosque located. along the  Terengganu River

        I was converted to Islam at the age of twelve while living in Terengganu after moving there from Penang where i was being raised as a Buddhist cum Muslim, ( long story told already somewhere in this Blog). My experience of the event was not a good one as it was a painful experience having my penis circumcised. I bore it as best i could but my true conversion happen when I met my martial arts instructor and was taken under his wing. In his own way he opened my eyes to what Islam meant beyond the rituals, I discovered what faith meant, what surrender meant and what it was to become a good Muslim. i did not qualify by a long shot as i was even back then too angry and twisted in my ways to accept faith. He told me once that i have a long way ahead of me to truly become a true Muslim. I did not fully understood what he meant then but today after all the years of roaming in blindness searching for my own true faith, I have come to realize what he meant.

The Solat, or Prayer- five times a day.

I consider it a blessing even to this day if i could pray the full five times a day prayers as is obligatory in Islam. it is not that i have no faith in my Lord, but I simply feel not really connected when I do these prayers. It is almost like i am doing it simply because...I pray in my heart all the time, talking to my Lord and asking for His forgiveness and blessings and I do this every time I meditate or contemplate in silence. It is during these moments that i felt closest to The all Mighty; not when I pray the regulated prayers. perhaps I will never be able to fulfill the mandatory prayers, but in my heart i feel the presence of the Divine every time my hearts is free from all my mental clutters and I find the silence in me. If my way is not acceptable by the Muslim standard then i am truly screwed as at my age I find it harder to abide by the rules of the religion. All i can hope for is His infinite Mercy and Understanding.