The Devil is still in the details.

 The Fasting Month of Ramadan is coming to an end in the next few days, and I feel like I have been through a car wash. Although my external body feels clean, my inner being still needs a major overhaul. I have been bombarded by many Islamic-related videos of late, something that is of recent development. I was not looking for such videos mainly but was more introduced to them out of the blue as though in synchronicity with what I have been listening to, such as Neville Goddard's and Chosen by God among others. I feel it is better to listen to these spiritually uplifting videos than waste my time scrolling for Balinese women in tight sarongs or good samaritans helping the poor on the streets of India. The half an hour or fifteen minute videos at least occupy my mind and steer it away from negative influences of sensual or sexual ones. I am still easily swayed by such temptations every now and then, even at my age; the Ego or the Nafs is here to stay, it will not fade away into the night not without a fight. This fasting month has probed into the very depth of my soul and exposed much of what my ignorance and habitual negligence have been where spirituality is concerned.

It would not be fallacy to say that in this day and age, Allah s.w.t., the Universe,  is talking to us/me through these videos if we are consciously listening with awareness even if these videos are AI generated. It is undoubtedly a message from one's Higher Consciousness if one is inclined to look at it from this perspective. Not everyone is exposed to these YouTube videos that have the intention of steering one's consciousness towards a positive direction of healing and uplifting one's spirit, at least not my two adult children, from my personal observation; they seem oblivious to being educated in the spiritual sense. Not everyone has the ears for God's whispers, even if they are manifested in an AI-generated technology. It is a Collective effort and based on historical and religious text that these videos were created for the general public; there is even lesser excuse the Lord might say for one to be ignorant, simply no excuses if one can operate a computer or Iphone. One cannot even say that it was not written or expressed in one's own native language; chances are the AI will work to remedy this lack if asked to. Being ignorant is no more an excuse in these days of AI and Internet technology of the information  Super Highway; it is a matter of whether you use it or abuse it.

All one has to do is kickstart your journey towards what the Buddhists term as Liberation or freedom from this human bondage we call life or what the Hindu call Jivan Mukhti, what Muslim view as Al Insan Kamil or the Awakened One is simply to ask the question; Who Am I? Add to that, what is my connection to the rest of the Uninverse? and to God, if one is not an atheist. Incidentally, one has to thoroughly understand religons to become an atheist; one cannot deny something if one has no understanding of its true nature. This is ironically why the Holy Quran started off with the exersion, "IQRAR!" or "READ!" With this opening of the Quran, which was instructed by the angel Gabriel to the Prophet of Allah, p.b.h. The path towards the elimination of ignorance of the Divine Spirit in man began. Ignorance is one of the major causes of human suffering, as the Historical Buddha pointed out, and the Quran provided the solution. The Prophet of Allah p.b.u.h, is said to have said that man should seek knowledge and wisdom even if the effort takes one to China. One can live this life in ignorance like a water buffalo that is led here and there by a rope that is attached to its nose, or one can be free and discover your true nature, that which is Divine.

In childhood, every evening before you go to bed, your parents would ask the same question of you, "Have you done your homework?" Often, one would lie and the next day face the consequences at school. The same happens through our adult life; the homework is left undone, resulting in ignorance as we face life's challenges. Most become disillusioned and succumb to moaning and groaning as to how we are victims of circumstances or worse yet, that God is not fair; there is no God! When there is no God, life becomes cheap, and today, all life is worth the price of a bullet or a scatter bomb; it is happening all over the world, especially in the Ukraine and the Palestine, Sudan, Syria and Somalia. The drain of humanity in its essence of compassion and tolerance has become rampant beyond redemption; yes, the Gods must be Crazy! It cannot be helped that mankind has fallen to worshipping their created idols and deities in the form of ideologies and dictators, those that have the tamesity to lead others by yanking on the rope that is attached to the noses of each and every one of us who surrender to the will of ignorance. We simply ignore the value of our given nature and submit ourselves to our animalistic state of ignorance.

Such Is, WallahuAlam, only God knows.

The Challenge!

 Yesterday, I went to the 'Old Folks Recreation Center' and met with the elderly gentleman who heads the facility to learn what I should do for them. I was recommended by a friend who was formerly a high school art teacher and is now retired and had invited me to give a few art classes to her students. When I arrived at the facility and met the 'Dato', I found out that I was to do a few murals on the walls of the within the building. It was a surprise, and my initial reaction was to say no, but I accepted the task knowing that I would not be paid for it and most probably face many issues with the people who run the place. I quickly removed these negative thoughts and looked at it from a more positive facet of the project I am being presented with. Most importantly, it will give me something to work with to keep my mind occupied and challenged. It will also give me an incentive as it is a government building that has a historical value as part of the state heritage; it is said to be over a hundred years old, according to the Dato. If true, I would be leaving behind a legacy in the City of Georgetown just as I have envisioned.

                                    The following are a few snaps of the walls I am to work on.

What is unique about the location of this building is that it is within walking distance of the Mahinderama Buddhist temple, where my grandfather left his legacy in the form of Murals that covered most of the walls, including the ceiling of the temple. It is also adjacent to my son's secondary school, the Methodist Boys School. It is also located next door to the Suffolk Home, a well-known colonial

 building that has been converted into a classy restaurant.

The building is also located in a pristine area of lush greenery with the head of the Sungai Pinang River flowing by. This whole area is a part of the  UNESCO Heritage site.

When the Universe decides to nudge you in the right direction...

 I woke up this afternoon from a vivid dream about visiting several art studios in Kuala Lumpur. One studio was a sculptor's studio owned by a Chinese artist, and the other was a large outdoor installation studio with mechanical functions. What I remember most was telling someone I assumed to be an 'Otai' Malay artist who I was and that I never liked being in Kuala Lumpur as an artist. Why was this important, fact that I never liked visiting KL On looking back I cannot truly say that I had a good time being there all those times that I was able to visit the City. I am not going to dwell on this too much as in most of my past experiences there was more negative than I care to remember. The question is why did I have a very vivid dream of such nature. I will let it percolate and allow my higher consciousness to reveal whatever hidden meaning it might have in the course of my present status. 

Two days ago, I met a gentleman with his two adult daughters at the Museum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah—USM. He was Hasnul's close friend, an architect living in the East Coast state of Kelantan. While chatting with him, I found myself almost shedding tears, as what he had to offer was exactly what I had envisioned a month or so ago as part of my plan for the near future. He seemed full of vigor and had carried out some large-scale projects that had cost in the millions and according to my friend Hasnul, he was on par in being one of the best students at college. As our conversation carried on I learned that he was looking for a more fresh and positive idea to move forward with what he had in mind from the beginning of his ventures, I felt he was stagnated with too much being planned but few being a total success. He had constructed studio facilities intending to have it being run by artists to propagate art of whatever nature. However the idea has not materialized as there was no one he could find to manage the facility. It was too good to be true and if God or the Universe had been nudging me towards my destination this was a close at it could come to be in manifestation. My hair stood on end as I listened to him ramble on and not so much as to what he had to offer but that fact that he was echoing my own personal intentions.

I have been experiencing quite a few coincidences of late which are felt like I have been receiving blessings from on high, like 'the Universe is making sure that I am well looked after whenever I needed some help. I almost feel like I am not supposed to share these incidents as they are spiritual in nature, at least that is how I feel when these occur, and are to be kept as secrets to myself. However, I also feel that my original intention has always been to share, sharing my life's experiences no matter how taboo they might be. For example, two days ago I was short of cash to do some shopping and I whispered to my cousin that I might need to borrow a hundred from her. A few minutes later, my cousin's brother, her younger brother called me and handed me one hundred Ringgit saying this is your Raya gift. My cousin's sister looked at me unbelievingly whispering, Allah is watching over you, Alhamdullilah! I was shocked at the incident taking place almost instantaneously just after I made my request and almost wished that I had held on just a little bit longer before asking to borrow from her. Small miracles do happen as I said before, however, one has to swallow one's pride and ask for the help that one needs. On a deeper level, I asked simply because in the past I have been accused of being egotistical and my asking for help is my way of detachment from my sense of pride and my ego.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, ' Life is an experiment. ' I have lived by this. I act with awareness of the ramifications or consequences my actions may incur. I try to avoid guessing: What if I am, after all, a self-declared Elegant Beggar? I look well dressed but have no money to my name. The term 'Elegant Beggar ' was coined by the late Alan Watts, the British philosopher and Zen Master.

This frdiay Morning during the Month of Ramadan.

 Bismillah ar Rahman ar Rahim, in the Name of the All-Merciful and Compassionate, Lord of the Worlds and the Hereafter. It's Friday morning and all is well InshaAllah. The fasting month is almost halfway through and as in the past, I have been through a few challenges that have shaken my resolve spiritually but I have been able to steer my way toward a better understanding and acceptance of what has been thrown my way in the form tests of my patience and resilience; praise be to the Al-Mighty. My faith is still full of doubts and confusion but I am beginning to feel the Love of my Lord within me and it has been getting more pronounced than I have ever felt before, I have woke up from my sleep uttering, "I Love You, Ya Allah," almost spontaneously without hesitation or thought and it pleasantly surprised me. I have yet a long way from becoming fully absorbed in His Love and Compassion but I know I am on my way toward being accepted as His humble servant, one who has a lot to atone for in this life. My doubts are beginning to fade away one after another as I am being nudged toward the direction of  'Tauhid',

"Tawhid means believing in Allah Alone as God and Lord and attributing to Him Aِlone all the attributes of Lordship and divinity. Tawhid is divided into three categories; namely, Tawhid al-Rububiyyah (Oneness of Divine Lordship), Tawhid al-Uluhiyyah (Oneness of Divinity), and Tawheed al-Asma wa’l-Sifat (Oneness of the Divine Names and Attributes)."

For most of my life, I have placed my faith in Allah s,w,t  Mercy. Still, my ego has stood in the way of fully accepting what it entails primarily due to the anger that I have held within me for my past trials and tribulations, most of which I have time and again discussed in this journal. Perhaps I have held on to this excuse much too much and it is time to seriously debunk this baggage that I have been carrying on my back and move forward with freedom and clarity. My past has become irrelevant and an unnecessary baggage holding me down from making a complete and pure commitment towards the worship of my Lord. Now I am no more harassed by such thoughts as a loser or one who is incorrigible and beyond redemption, I am now feeling my true self worth, I am more than I have taken myself to be, I am Allah's chosen one. I am no better or worse than the next Muslim but I am more awakened than I have ever been in my life and if by His Will I should die this morning, I am fully content to have such a realization. It is not because I fear His retribution in the afterlife, it is because I feel His Love for me despite all my transgression in the past; I feel already forgiven and accepted with no doubt in my heart.

In the past few months, I have consistently listened to many videos, including those by Neville Goddard, Wisdom Woke, and a few others, to keep my mind from sliding back into its old habit of nailing my feet to the floor. This morning I listened for the first time to an Islamic video, the Deen World which as always I happen to stumble upon while searching for what to listen to. I was moved to tears in the silence of the Friday morning as I listened to that are synchronized with what I have been listening to in the past, only now it is all about how Islam deals with life. Now I am on my final track toward liberation as all my quests and searching have led me to this moment of truth and my faith is sealed in Allah s.w.t. I may not be a perfect Muslim as yet but I am a true believer, but I am submitted to my Lord's Will in body, mind and Spirit and let this money be witness to this profession of my soul. Alhamdulillah! Thank You, Lord, for the infinite Mercy and Love for this incorrigible soul. 

For almost my entire life I have asked the question, "Who am I?" Now I am beginning to see the answer, I now see myself as one who has been looking for answers but often missing the truth even as it stands before me. I have been polishing a rock to turn it into a diamond while turning a diamond into a rock due to my blindness and ignorance. I have allowed my Nafs, my ego to lead me hither and thither like a farmer looking for his ox while riding it or a camel dying of thirst while carrying a barrel of water on its back. However, it is all I realize a necessity that I needed to embark upon to arrive at where I am this Friday morning. Insha'Allah, I will as of this moment, keep my faith in Him and step forward as a true Muslim, a servant of Allah s.w.t. forged to serve His will in whatever ways I possibly can. There is no meaning to my life except this servitude to my Maker and in the process continue to heal myself of all my ailments, doubts, and confusion. 

The price for taking a dip in the sea -Ear Infection.

I decided to get my ear infection treated and dropped by the clinic yesterday morning. However, I had to make an appointment because the doctor was not in. When the receptionist asked what time I could be there, I told her I was not sure, and this got us into a short argument as I started to lose my temper. Perhaps it was because I was having a bad morning, what with the irritating ear infection and the disappointment of being unable to take care of it then and there and my hunger and thirst from fasting. Later, I felt terrible about my lack of patience and losing my temper, causing a bad morning for someone else who was starting her day at work and who was most probably fasting, too. I still feel disappointed about the whole situation every time I think about it, and I decided that I would attempt to apologize to her this morning when I go the clinic again. At my age, I am still losing control over my anger management when confronting such simple matters. Here I am, professing to work on my character over the years and still not having any control over my interpersonal relationships with others. 

I realize that I am 'old' as most people would point out, and being so, it is no mystery that I would react so negatively over such a trivial thing,  and no matter the excuses, I ought to have done better than allowing myself to behave in an unruly manner towards a stranger during this Fasting Month; perhaps this was one of those illnesses that I need to understand of myself and let go of. I should be more aware of the fact that life is suffering for most of us, and we can never tell what the other person is facing, assuming that our own problem is more critical and needs to be taken care of there and then. One is never too old to learn a lesson, and I realize that no matter how profoundly one has understood life to be, one will make a slip and revert back to the old poor habit that causes grievences for oneself and others. This is ignorance, as taught by the Buddha, and is one of the causes of suffering. This happens when we drift from the center and allow the external to dictate what happens in a situation. It allows for the ego to become embroiled in a situation where there is no justification for our committing the errors we instigate and the negative impact we bring upon ourselves.

When we act without a sense of awareness or the realization of who we truly are, we allow for our actions to originate from the sense of egocentricity where we feel we are right no matter the circumstances and we will justify to ourselves with all kinds of justifications which in this case the fact that I was an pain or that I was fasting and have migraine headache or being disappointed that my ear problem could not be take care of after having driven to the clinic and so forth. This is how the ego functions, always being demanding and insensitive towards others and their feelings. All the practice of being calm and collected when dealing with everyday life issues suddenly is tossed down the drain, making one feel foolish, if not stupid or ignorant. Whatever happened to' stepping back and taking a deep breath, or not letting the external circumstances take charge of one's emotional energies. It defeats every intention of our practice to heal and foster a compassionate world when we lose our decorum when dealing with others in our everyday life, but it happens, and when it does, what do we learn from it?

Yesterday morning, I visited my ear doctor again. This time, I approached the receptionist and apologized for my unruly behavior the day before. She had a beautiful smile on her face, and I had my ear fixed. Lesson learned and action taken, all good, and it cost me RM230. The reason I had been putting it off getting my ear taken care of was because of the cost that my daughter would have to bear. Such Is!

R.I.P. Azmi Husein

 What did I tell you early this morning? How have I been keeping myself? How far or near am I to being fully awakened from this deep sleepwalking act? I have just lost my adopted son, taken away at the peak of his career, leaving behind a young family of four, a mother and children. They visited my home for the Last hair Raya open house party we had, or was it two years ago? Azmi or Mei, as everyone called him, was an artist who trans formed from a timid and shy young man with low self-esteem into a legend among his peers. He held several Guinness Malaysian Records for his creative ventures. I say so because he was closer to me than a friend; he won my heart through his humbleness and sincerity, and so we chatted a lot about what it takes to become what you want to become as an artist, or what makes an artist. I watched him overcome all the hurdles to cut through a space of his own, especially in a Chinese-dominated art scene such as in Penang. He had done it in a short period, breaking down walls after walls with his murals scattered all over the City, inside and outside restaurants and coffee shops. 

                                Azmi's was across the street. Headed for the wrong grave site.

One of the most painful experiences endured by the 'Wandering Jew', a man cursed by Jesus for taunting Him while he was bearing the Cross to Golgotha, is the fact that he had to watch all those he came to love or beloved pass away before his eyes. I have been seeing quite a few of late, people I knew and cared for, their departure left a small hole in my heart; I do not moan their departure, I simply feel a sense of loss, of letting go, of impermanence, of wondering if my turn is around the next corner. InshaAllah! If I were to leave this life, I pray that I die in the name of the One, having absolute faith and surrender in His Name, and in honor of His Prophet s.a.w. I say this to myself and to my Lord this morning as my ultimate desire in how I face my own death. I am now beginning to feel like the character of the Legend of the Wandering Jew already. However, to be taken away in the prime of one's age and the blooming success of one's career while leaving behind a young family is not what I would call a fair deal. I don't think that the Good Lord has ever said that life is fair. 

                              My Young Friend's final resting Place, waiting for his casket.

                                               RIP Azmi Husein

While they were burying him, I sat beside my good friend Hasnul J. Saidon, the former Director of the Gallery Tuanku Fauziah at USM. He had just retired from his post. We sat underneath a magnolia tree to avoid the scorching sun; what a coincidence. I felt like I had lost two good artist friends on this day. The only words spoken between us were what Hasnul said to me: " The one who should have been taken is still alive!" He was referring to himself when He had a phase 4 cancer of the Kidneys situation and is now fully recovered. The innocent and the good die young, I wanted to say but held it back so as not to complicate a fading relationship. The situation I am having with Hasnul is similar to that of my twin brother, and I see the similarity in the fact that they were in a high ranking government service, both were Directors and as such they treat others as though one is beneath them, or should be treated like an employee. I write about it in a little more detail only because I wish to clarify our status at least from my perspective, and as always, the Devil is in the details, especially in matters like this. Oh, one thing more he said. "We will be spending Hari Raya in Penang this year." I replied, " Oh yeah? You can come and visit my home on Hari Raya Day!"

Waiting for the casket to leave the Masjid  Hashim Yahaya after the Sembahyang Jenazah. 

Good Bye Azmi Husein - Malaysian Cartoonist -RIP.

 

One sad part of growing old is seeing your friends and family recalled one by one, and then a vibrant, productive, creative, and full of Love and Compassion toward one and all regardless of color snatched away from his life. Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun! I was stumped!

"Kita kena nasi Kandak, Kampung Melayu, apa kata Macan?!"

Through your creative genius and passion, you have become a legend. You have left behind a legacy of faith, commitment, resilience, and devotion to your fellow man. This City, this State, owes you a debt of gratitude. In the name of all the Penang Artists, the Crowd on the street, and the walls of the city, I say Thank You, Alhamdullilah! my Son. I am sure they will have a Kampung Melayu Nasi Kandak for us when I see you again. 

Mi, Pagi Jumaat ni says minta maaf dan minta halal makan minum diantara kita. Sedeh tu sapa tak sedeh, hati sapa tak rasa kehilangan saorang sahabat yang tali penjalinan siratulrahim kita sama seperti saorang ayah dan saorang anak jantan;  sedeh sama seperti kehilangan saorang anak. 

Semoga Allah a.w.j. permudahkan segala jejak langkah menuju kearash Yang Maha Pencipta.

                                       Attempting the Longest Caricature Sketches on Paper

                                                           He was taken away too soon.

It's that time of the year - The Fasting Month of Ramadan!

 The third day of Ramadan, the fasting month in the Muslim calendar, of which I have written every year with one episode or another, and today being the third day of the fasting Month, I feel at a loss, a feeling of stagnation. The weather is hot, and I am hungry and thirsty with a numbing headache at the back of my skull. This is what the fasting month normally brings out of one, as expected. The true nature of the Fat month is experienced by those who follow it to its essence. I cannot! I can only do just as much and then some. I love the fasting Month, and I also have ambivalent feelings towards it. Not in any negative way, but just on my shallow observations and what I can and cannot do has no bearing upon how religious I am. I have no perception of what makes a good Muslim, a pious Muslim, or a simple true believer of Islam. I love Islam, but I am afraid I have not given a complete devotion to the practice of Islam. I am negligent in my mandatory prayers and such, and I have committed numerous transgressions in my past and perhaps even into my future. All in all, I have to say that the fasting Month of Ramadan gets tougher with each passing year! Of course, I can choose to be complacent and bear the guilt, or I can rationalize the Buddhist way and wiggle myself out of having to do it. Nah, this is the most challenging time of my life; it's Karma! It's healthy, and it keeps me awake and revitalized, and the pangs of hunger and thirst are nothing compared to the self-realization that it's all in all just, another brick in the wall, another line cast in the river, another thought floating in the empty sky. I like fasting, but I am not able to do it other than during the Fasting Month of Ramadan.

                           Danau Toba or Lake Toba, Sumatra, Indonesia.I drove around this lake in 2008

During the Month of Ramadan, I am faced with numerous challenges and doubts, especially when faith, spirituality, and practice merge into one big question: Who am I? Who or what am I afraid of? Why do I allow myself and my mind to be led here and there as though I have no say whatsoever? I am grateful to be able to enjoy yet another month of spiritual cleansing, and I will abide by the rules and precepts as best I can. Alhamdullilah! Praise be unto Him, Lord of Mercy and Compassion. I once heard Him whisper in my ear, "Be Happy! All you need to do is just be Happy!" It was during one of those critical moments of me going through a psycho/emotional tantrum, complaining about life to God, kind of moment. I heard loud and clear within me this, and immediately I was awakened from my bitchy mood. "The world will be happy with you, just Be Happy! No matter the outcome, just Be Happy! A Happy and joyful person will not jump off the Penang Bridge, nor will a Happy person create discord in society; a Happy man makes others happy, and a Happy soul makes the Divine Happy. The joy and challenge of the fasting month is in how one stays harmonious and happy throughout the day while fasting at the physical level and how one can stay pure in mind when one is addicted to scrolling the Internet. Curbing your thoughts from sensual delights is a major precept to observe during the Fasting period; the mind has to be kept in pure form, not distracted, preferably focused on the Divine. One cannot indulge in profanities and meaningless gossip, nor must one be backbiting or cursing others; instead, envision compassion and forgiveness.

Lake Toba (Indonesian: Danau Toba, Toba Batak: ᯖᯀᯬ ᯖᯬᯅ; romanized: Tao Toba) is a large natural lake in North Sumatra, Indonesia, occupying the caldera of the Toba supervolcano. The lake is located in the middle of the northern part of the island of Sumatra, with a surface elevation of about 900 metres (2,953 ft), the lake stretches from 2.88°N 98.52°E to 2.35°N 99.1°E. The lake is about 100 kilometres (62 miles) long, 30 kilometres (19 mi) wide, and up to 505 metres (1,657 ft) deep. It is the largest lake in Indonesia and the largest volcanic lake in the world.^[1] Toba Caldera is one of twenty geoparks in Indonesia,^[2] and was recognised in July 2020 as one of the UNESCO Global Geoparks.^[3][4][5]
 

Throughout my childhood, I had enjoyed being in the fetiveness of the Fasting Month. As children, the month meant food was different, better, and more in choices. Today, it is a major spiritual retreat, much more strenuous than a seven-day Seshin in the Zen School of Meditation Retreat. If strictly observed, the fasting month is a very effective way of realigning, getting back in balance, and attaining better syncrhroncity in the overall performance of the conscious and sub-conscious, material and Divine, mundane and the supernatural. Those who observe this month with purity of heart and sincerity of soul will be blessed in the here and now and the hereafter. This is the month that the Holy Quran was revealed to man, the month when the Angel Gabriel came to Muhammad and whispered, "Read!" From this moment on, Isalm came into being.Insha'Allah! The rest is the history of the religion as it is spread across the globe embracing other religions and cultures. Today, Islam is both feared and the fastest growing in number all around the world. To me, Islam is the answer to many of the ailments that our modern society is infected with, especially in social and interpersonal relationships. Do good and avoid sin is the tenet of most religions in the world, and so is it one of Islam's main principles.

Lake Toba is the site of a supervolcanic eruption estimated at VEI 8 that occurred 69,000 to 77,000 years ago,^[6][7][8] representing a climate-changing event. Recent advances in dating methods suggest a more accurate eruption date of 74,000 years ago.^[9] It is the largest-known explosive eruption on Earth in the last 25 million years. According to the Toba catastrophe theory, the eruption had global consequences for human populations as it killed most humans living at that time and is believed to have created a population bottleneck in central east Africa and India, which affects the genetic make-up of the human worldwide population to the present.^[10] A recent study has cast doubt on this theory and found no evidence of substantial changes in the global population.^[11]
 

It was a Mirracle- Indeed!

 "Aging is not something being taken away from us but something being given, aging is not an end, it is a new beginning, it is a Miracle!"-Quiet Wisdom.- YouTube.

Taking that one step beyond in Good Faith and Grace is the ultimate aim of everything that dies; this is the Truth of Suffering. To be present and awakened at the moment of death is a Miracle; making this happen is the goal of every living being in the Universe. The Impermenannce of life is the most subtle form of pain that we suffer as we grow older witnessing the changes that Outlooks is going through, we learn to surrender, to accept, to simulate all that we experienced and we move on to the next level of manifestation the realm of the inner world, the realm of the unknown, the realm of the unseen, the realm of formlessness, we move on to the other shore and continue our journey, we arrive home. Home is where the Heart Is! Meditate on the Heart Chakra and feel the expansion of your source of Compassion, Love, and Devotion. Feel your inner being struggling to be set free to express with all intensity its aspirations towards attaining a Bodhisattva vow fulfilled; Beings are Numberless, I Vow to Awaken with Them! If by chance someone reads this and it makes all the sense in the world to him/her, I would consider it my service accomplished in saving others from this realm of Maya. This is what happens when you seriously take a vow of the Bodhisattva Virtues; one is bound by the laws of karma that bind these vows to you. The vow also acts as an ankle band that keeps track of where you are and who you be. It discourages one from being overconfident and feeling cocky about one's prowess. It is the Very Duty of a Bodhisattva to serve, to help ease the pain and burden of others in the most skillful ways. it is no easy vow to make, but it has been made. For as long as I breathe, I am at the service of Humanity and all other Sentient Beings of this Universe.

For whatever it is worth, I am willing to admit that I have at last come to realize who I truly am at the present moment, as I am not sure what the next moment will bring. I am Whole! Complete and Perfect, Strong and Powerful, Loving and Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy! I can be what I choose to be or do what I want to do. So help me God! InshaAllah. When in doubt, remind yourself of your affirmations or remind yourself of your vows made to be a servant. Islam accepts servitude as a very formidable form of prayer, more so than the normal prayer ritual five times a day. This ritual is aimed at the individual's salvation, whereas servitude involves the well-being of the rest of the Sentient Beings. With every breath you take, you manifest Loving Kindness and Compassion to the external world, the reflection of who you are. You may not be wearing the garment or a robe of the monk, but you still manifest yourself as the Bodhisattva of Infinite Compassion attending to the call of the suffering from all ten directions, six realms, and past, present, and future. This is the state of being an awakened soul after eons of evolution, burning karmic states and creating new ones; this is the Path of the Chosen Ones. 

Part of the fun of growing old is the fact that you can talk yourself into believing anything just so long as it helps you to stay awake and take care of the business at hand. Here I am, feeling all exuberant and abundant over nothing in particular but elated nonetheless. I am in a complete and perfect state of consciousness where all seems as good as it should be. Nothing to hope for and nothing to lose. I am expecting a surprise from somewhere at any time now, so I am a little excited. Now I am looking forward to receiving the 'gifts' from the Universe, the Higher Power, the Lord God, from Allah s.t.a. I feel rich already! I feel like I have all the money at my disposal, and what do I do with all this wealth? I will leave it up to my imagination; I am good in this department. In fact, my imagination is one of my most impeccable assets as a man.

                     Every character that sits before me is a person or potentiality full of possibilities.

I would spend hours staring into the horizon at my secondary school, which was next to the sea. I would find myself sitting on the seawall and making up stories about how cold the Alaska landscape must be or what it would be like to drive across the Golden Gate Bridge. I was a dreamer. At 13 -15, I was reading James Michener and Harold Robins, novels that soaked my mind with dreams of what it would feel like ... the snow! the Desert! The mega Cities were all dreams and imaginations triggered by such novels as Hawaii, Alaska, Chesapeake, Harold Robins's The Dream Merchants, The Carpet Beggars, and so forth; I had great teachers where imagination is concerned. I realized that what I had imagined as a young teenager would materialize and manifest as it had in my adult life. Never in my teenage life did I imagine that I would live in the Mid-West State of Wisconsin for eight years of my life to feel snow, or live for two years in Alaska, in the Aleutian Chains, There is no doubt in my mind now looking back at what has transpired in my life the past 70 odd years is indeed a Miracle! Do I believe in Miracles? Yeah! Fuck yeah! Maybe a little too late to admit it, but I am blessed; that much I can safely say, and I fully acknowledge it most of the time in silence. Sometimes, I would even deny myself thinking thoughts that I truly did not deserve such blessings, such forgiveness, assistance, and guidance, but now I am fully committed to the feeling of being a magnet to miracles is not such a bad idea after all.

                                        I have been poor on the needy side of life, but I enjoyed it like a gift.

The miracles in my life have been almost hidden from view when it happen, like a snap of a lightning bolt in a midnight sky! Now you see it you don't. The miracles were never extravagant or epic in proportion, but they nonetheless were there, making every move I made almost choreographed by an unseen movie Director. I did not accept being led or managed in any way, guided or otherwise, not even by the Buddhas themselves! I am my own man, and I will abide by my own rules and commitments, my own choice of actions free from any external manipulations; I grew up a very stubborn and angry man in my younger days and took no nonsense from fakery in life. Unknowingly, I had taken one step too many and deviated from any religious piety or submission for many years while living in the West. Then, I found a book called The Way of Zen by Alan Watts. I found it among books by J. Krishnamurti and Fritjorf Kapra, and one book in particular by Richard Bach, which caught my interest, a book called The Illusion, or the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Illusions woke me up to the reality that I was in: living in Green Bay, Wisconsin, with no future to look to, I was the piece of wood drifting down the stream learning the meaning of letting go. I was working my way through college as a librarian helper and had all the time to check out all the books at my leisure or simply sat there and read them in between working hours. Indeed, a miracle! A small but significant miracle. A song by Leonard Cohen, I think. It's a miracle!

I have had the opportunity to meet them on the Streets of San Francisco and in restaurants when it gets cold at night.

Today, I am looking back to realize how much of a miracle my life has been! I am simply grateful to the Power that Be. I am grateful for the numerous blessings I have received, knowing or unknowingly, I am blessed; Alhamdullilah! r.a. I made it through ten years of my life in the Bay Area of San Francisco. It was a Miracle!