I have been barred from making any comments on YouTube videos, at least this is what I feel. Perhaps its just a glitch that i am not able to write my comments or perhaps i had made comments that was against YouTube guidelines, whatever it may be I am not fazed by it as I am on the way trying to make myself free from the use of the Internet which has become th most addictive tool I have to drop from my consciousness. One of these days Google might stop me from Blogging for one reason or another too and that too is alright as I am having difficulty letting go of this what has become habitual and further more I am approaching the end of my journey or journal writing. Over twenty years of writing my thoughts down for better or worse and I am now at the end of sharing whatever is worth sharing with those who have taken the time to read this Blog. I need to change and change seems hard to happen when I am glued to something that I have become addicted to or attached to. I am fixed upon trying to make that One million hits or reads and this has become and egotistical endeavor to proof to myself that i can do something worthwhile in this life. The original intention was not to achieve number of readers or how much money it can generate, the original intention was to make sense of of my life following the advice of many psychiatrist that journal writing is a good way for self discovery and self healing. But now as in my last entry i find myself becoming involved into the politics of the world which I find is beyond my control or has any impact upon my course.
I have no wish to reveal my thoughts beyond what is necessary to the topic of my intention which is to unravel all that cause and effects of my life from my childhood till today and i have pretty much done this. It is now time to move on toa new and more challenging expedition while I still can in this physical realm. If i do not and i keep on writing as I am doing now i will not find any growth in my spiritual state as it has become stagnant this search for the truth whatever it entails. I have been able to trim most of my relationships with others including my family, relatives and friends and not in any negative way as I will always keep that string unbroken and the status quo stays intact. I am merely detached from being too involved with most of these people in my life but am still in touch with them on a different level, a level that is less intimate than what used to be. I have touched their lives and they mine in more than one way albeit that we have become interdependent upon each other in times of need or otherwise. It is also in this light that I am going to remove myself from the attachment to this media services such as YouTube, and the the Rest of the Internet, it would like moving to the forest life again with a 'Safety' Net rather than the Internet. It will be a tough route to take at my age but what is there to loose after having gained so much from this life and what more can I ask for other than keep on living life to the utmost limit of what it has to offer me.
I have worn to serve or live a life of servitude, instead of living life for myself I live for others. I have tried to ease the burden, cheered the downtrodden, encourage those in need of comfort and have given as much as I can afford in charity; this is in keeping with the vows I had taken to live the life of a Bodhisattva or as a Muslim, the absolute servant of my Lord. It is with the hope that i can change to a higher level of servitude with the capping of all that I have learned and experienced thus far and moving to a new and wider horizon is just my way of instigating or generating a more in depth knowledge of who I am and what I am capable of before the curtain is dropped. I am grateful to my Lord for having given e the opportunity to taste the best and the worse this life has to offer and still blessed me with many good opportunities that lies ahead of my remaining years. As the world at large is slowly embroiling into a catastrophic turmoil it is time to seek the rudimentary of what life has to offer, like to learn to grow my own food, catch my own fish and face the Nuclear aftermath with calm and tranquility. Having experienced as a homeless man on the streets of San Francisco and eaten at the most expensive restaurant in Dubai; I am ready for what lies ahead.
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