What's so great about Fasting?

 The fourteenth day of Ramadan and the cat woke me up with her loud meowing and mattress scratching to get my attention and it did like always. This morning as I struggled to the kitchen I found that her food was not the problem there was plenty left in her bowl and so the second problem was to be let out of the house and I did. Pigeons waiting of the roof for their breakfast and so I took care of that and there was enough for a load of laundry to be be run and so I took care of that. Then there were dishes that were sitting in the sink and the counters with left over food in them, so I took care of that too. While doing all these my head was like it was in a vise being squeezed from all sides but I continued to perform my tasks as a way of healing my body and mind and it worked; this was meditation in action. Headache gone, nasty thoughts gone and I got things done while listening to my cat howling for a mate as she was in her mating mood. It is a sad thing to hear and I blame God and Mother Nature for such cruelty towards animals. I should blame myself really for not getting her a male companion, but it is one of those mornings when things don't swing like you want them to.

Hunger pains brings out your sense of awareness more vividly as you go through the day not being able to eat or drink. No Panadol, no smokes, it makes you feel like you just want to hit the pillows again and not wake up till it is the end of the day when the azan for the maghrib prayer is heard from the State Mosque is heard to tell you that you can break your fast. However one can only sleep so much without creating a new ailment for the body and mind caused by too much laying on the bed. Perhaps it is symptoms of getting up there in age, these aches and pains, moans and groans with ever move one makes, like getting up or sitting down, perhaps it is the foretell of coming states of decadence and breakdown, perhaps it is just being in the seventies club...and your warranty is running out. Yes the fasting month brings out the best and the worse in you and all you have to do is to stay open and receptive to what is being revealed of who you are truly, your strength and weaknesses. 

On the othr hand the fasting month also evokes the consciousness of being compassionate owards others especially those who are in need, the poor and poverty striken. Compassion towards the victims of wars and destruction natural or otherwise and faces starvation due to these factors. Those who are conscientious and caring are more charitable towards their neighbors in need or the beggars they encounter on the street. Loving kindness becomes more readily revealed towards each other more so then it normally would be when one is fasting. When one is able to see the many positive virtues that fasting brings out in us collectively, it indeed makes a whole lot of sense that the fasting month of Ramadan is prescribe as one of the five pillars of Islam.  

He speaks we just don'''t listen.

 As I sat facing the hills lined with white concrete structures stretching before me the skies was blazing with crimson colors from the rising sun,  felt the sense of blissfulness for a short moment when all else dropped even God was absent. I felt the tranquility of being devoid of a single thought, only peace and clarity as though I was the 60 feet tall Kwan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy at the foot of the Kek Lok Si temple as She looks down with Compassion upon the largest Chinese cemetery of Batu Gantung; I listened to the myriads of birds songs welcoming the break of day and witness the changing colors all over the landscape stretching from the Jerejak Island to the Batu Gantung cemetery. The Penang Hills rises into the morning clear blue skies like a green wall fresh from the heavy rains of the past few days. I sat and allowed my mind to tell its stories one after another rising and fading away until there was none left but sound and sight of a new day, somewhere my cat Furby was meowing loud demanding attention and with a Gasho and a bowing before the entire Universe that had oened before i rose reluctantly; and this too will pass.

 Half the month of the month of Ramadan has gone by and my struggles with the Nafs ( ego) within has slowly began to subside for now and I feel like I am making a headway in reclaiming the sense of who I am. I fully realize that I am not giving it my fullest effort in observing all the precepts of the fasting month like a devoted Muslim should, but then again I am not a devout Muslim never was and never claimed to be and this I confess before my Lord and my Lord alone. However I feel His Divine Presence off and on in me and am grateful for His Grace and Blessings and I realize that i am at His mercy and compassion and that nothing, not a thing I say or do that does not come from Him and if you ask me as a Muslim who is my God, I say it He Allah (SHW), ask me as a Hindu I would say He is Brahman, the Supreme and Eternal Essence, if you are Christian I would say He is El Elohim, Adonai or if you be a Jew my Lord is the God of Abraham, Ishmael and Issac and the God of Moses, I call Him Jehovah; being converted to Islam I call my Lord, Allah. I am fasting in obseervation of one of the Mandates of my Lord which to me is a very pure cleansing and healing practice, a purification of my soul. in my effort to cleanse myself from the stains of spiritual transgressions in my life. In my life i have broken just about every precept and moral laws short of cold blooded murder and I have often enough times pointed my middle finger at God; I do have a heavy karmic debt to pay one way or another. 

I know I have a very long ride towards perdition here and in the hereafter for karma to play out itself but I hold on to one hope none the less, that the Al Mighty is compassionate and forgiving even for a damned soul like me and this faith I hold on to without doubt. Now after years of searching for answers and ways out of my self propagated suffering I a beginning to feel some small comfort in seeing the inner light burning again within me.I am catching glimpses perhaps of my liberation from the tangle that i am in all these years that very few really know of. It is like laying down the cross and removing the crown of thorns that i have been carrying and wearing as a symbol of penance and repentance. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and walk a different path instead having driftted into the rut that i had led myself into all out of so much anger at myself and the world.

"Centered in stillness; meeting resistance with acceptance,

reveals and heals the persistence of the concealed." 

A quote I got from a post on Face Book by Jane Parry in a group I recently joined called, "An understanding of the words of the Gurus and sages of our time." as soon as I finished typing the last paragraph! Believe it or not! God speaks and if only we know how to listen.

      

Ramadan Ramblings

 Of late i have been having strange nightmares in my sleep state some were vivid while others though disturbing makes no sense. I decided to simply allow them to happen and not make too much fuss in trying to make sense about them. In my waking state too I am finding that more and more flotsam seems to drift before my mind, it is as though the more deeper  get into my meditative state, as I have been sitting much more regularly and with greater comfort and ease, the more there arise in my consciousness mental formations which often are random and of no significance whatsoever. Past traumas and dramas keeps popping up at the slightest suggestion triggered by just a single thought. The thing of it is, I am more attuned to these ongoings more so than ever before and am getting used to simply wave them hello and farewell almost instantaneously without much effort. Letting go of my attachments albeit physical, mental or emotional is becoming allot more easier and less of a struggle; sitting meditation during the month of Ramadan is proving to be a trip.

One of the reason we are asked to fast in Islam is the fact that fasting puts a choke hold on the ego. The ego is being put to the grind when dealing with hunger and thirst and when dealing with maintaining moral virtues especially restraining from even thinking upon such transgressions as sexual desires, lying and cheating or being simply dishonest with the world. Fasting  during the month of Ramadan is one of the most effective ways of bringing home one's moral and spiritual virtue as a human being. During this holy month even the worse of non believers take a hold of their appetites especially their carnal desires except for those whose agenda is set upon the destruction of the human spirit and these are the proxies of the demonic state doing the bidding of the ungodly their masters who according to the Islamic text are all reigned in and put on lock down in hell for the duration of the fasting month. Hence the Lord has given man a challenge for him to see his strength and weaknesses when all his actions are his own and not due to any influences or possessed by satanic or demonic entities. Man is tested to prove to himself that he can confront and overcome his weaknesses and transgressions of his own making on his own; there is no devil that made me do it.

Stuck between COVID19 and Ramadan, Muslims all ove the world are enjoying life no doubt especially those in the war zones of the Middle East and the African Continent. The Good Lord has His ways and mysterious as it is He likes to put some people and some nations to the test of faith, of suffering in order to wean out all those who are fakes and dires, those who claim to be good Muslims but are in effect having their fingers in the cookie jars hidden behind closed doors and those who truly touch their forehead to the ground while the sword hangs over their heads. I love being a homo sapiens in this day and age and what a world of illusion to live in with each and everyone dancing to their own tune of deception and decadence but hollering out loud over the air five times a day, how great God is. If asked how come we are in such a mess and they answer, it is written, it's the will of God, its destined its our karma; we re but pawn in the Game of Life, like prawns we are destined for the wok at the end of the day.

Most religious belief testifies that we live in a world of illusion, of maya, of make believe and that we are mostly sleep walkers drifting in space and time from one entanglement to another and sometimes stuck forever into one till death do us part. In Hinduism life is also known as Lila or the play (of Gods) and we are each and everyone playing our part while we are on stage. It is of no relevance whether we like or enjoy the roles we play or that we hate so much of being in a role of who we are for the Gods has made it so and it is written in the Book of Loh Mahfuz, the Book of Life. So suck it up and take it like a man this life is not permanent and it will end sooner or later for one and all, a matter of predestined time, when or where only God knows, perhaps just when you got it all figured out and boom!, you are history; Such Is, as the Buddha said. #ramadanramblings,

      

When all else fails - take a nap..

 As always in the past, the fasting month means simply means heavy duty migraine headaches especially upon waking up and wake up early I have as i have no choice for my wake up caller would not give up untill she got her cat food bucket filled. I am blessed even though it comes in a disguise of a pain in the neck cat that insist i get out of bed early and do my daily chores of the hour like sitting and physical exercise, doing the night piled up dishes and getting the laundry running afte feeding the pigions and watering the plants among other things needed to be taken care of. Always start the day off with a good long sitting whether inside or outside of the apartment where the sound of birds helps to clear the cobwebs in one's head. Sitting in meditation helps to realign the physical as well as the mental body and this simply means smoothing out the aches and muscle pains from the sleep as well as bringing the mental chattering to a gradual halt. If this is done often enough the morning part of one's day is something to look forward to despite or thanks to the nagging and demanding kitty cat named Furby.

She thinks that she is a pigion and can fly untll one day she fell twelve floors down to the ground below,. You think she would learn.

 The body goes through a major shakedown or so it seems durig the fasting month and the mind keeps making it harder and harder to make it through the day with all kinds of pokes like why? You are no true believer are you? Are you a good Muslim? Ever been? You don't pray like all good Muslims do, making up your own standards or so it seems, so why fast? Guilt? Fear? To fit in? Nah, don't think so! There is soemthing else that you have come to grips with and you are standing at the edge of making that final leap into the unknown and you choose to call it : complete liberation from all that is. Yes this is how my mind works more or less as I live day to day, like a guinea pig being put in a maze running around lost and scared often times but determined by the day to break free from all that is holding me down from discovering my true nature that which the Buddhas called; the Unborn Buddha Nature. 
So, why do I do it? Why do i fast during the fasting month of Ramadan every year? Good question but no good answers except that I feel it is the right thing to do as far as my spiritual practice goes.It is a very tough act of spiritual discipline not unlike sitting meditation or praying five times a day. In truth I have no answer t many of these questions and as i am abut to leave this realm of existence i am finding that they really of no relevance for my state of consciousness, my ultimate sense of Being-ness. If I have to answer for my transgressions in this life when I die so be it, but I hope in all fairness that I am given the same faculty and state of full consciousness when I face my inquisitors...Insha'Allah.

This is my favorite posture when I am faced with too much mental chatterings and external vexations. I feel safe as safe can be when I take my nap.



  

  

Ode toTwo close Friends Cecil and Ismail.

The collaboration works of poetry and black and white photos between Cecil Rajendra and the late Ismail Hashim entitled, "Scent of an Island," brought me back to the yester-years of Georgetown, the City the I grew up in during my childhood and younger days. This little jewel of a book depicting the works of two of Penang's great men of the arts is a memento given to me by the Author Cecil Rajendra through my daughter who was at a book reading event held at the E&O Hotel recently. 

I have made the acquaintance of both these gentlemen over the years and have a great admiration and respect for both in their lifestyle and accomplishments as creative individuals who had contributed in more than one way towards the artistic growth of the Georgetown community. Their works captures and reflects the City's bygone days of our childhood days as we are of about the same age. If the sense of smell could be added to the pictures and narratives, one could almost feel being lost in space and time. As we take a street by street tour with the poet we are transported into a era where a part of history has been etched in time that today is all but lost. Yes lost to what is deemed as development and progress that is haunting the Island's socio and economic landscaped. Through the eyes of the poet we are being shaken to wake up to the reality that is looming in our horizon of the decadence of our society as politics and money takes the front seat of our legislators and lawmakers.

" We move forward in time 

   backwards in sensitivity.

  these are days of condominiums and calculators.

Days when Brokers play

poker with our destiny.

In our rush to progress

we bulldoze our history...

we consign our best 

to the rubbish heap

of nostalgia and memory."  - Cecil Rajendra, "Scent of an Island."

We are drifting like Ships rudderless in the dark.

 In my last post I quoted from two different sources of spiritual belief and practices. The first was from a Satsang talk that was given by the Teacher Sunyamurti who has a Sangha or retreat somewhere in Costa Rica  while the second was from A Sufi Master who was from Turkey by the name of Ahmed Hulusi whom I was introduced to in the early 90s by my late friend and Teacher Cikgu Yusof Ali. Both these contemporary teachers holds my great respect fot their knowledge and understanding of their relative spiritual teachings. Sunyamurti was more inclined towards Hinduism and Buddhism and perhaps one would even consider him a universal teacher as his knowledge and wisdom encompasses just about every world religious as well as spiritual practices. Hulusi is more of an Islamic scholar who makes a great effort towards upgrading Islamic Faith and teachings to be better understood in the context of modern age. I find both these teachers to be well versed and fluid in delivering their respective teachings and what is more important to me is the fact that both their ways points towards the same destination; both points towards the unity and universality of human faith and spirituality.

On the surface Islam and Hinduism seems worlds apart and impossible to ever be made into a marriage of unity, the merging of differences seems impossible. However after years of studying and practicing each religion to the best of my ability and this including other religions such as Buddhism and Christianity as well as Taoism, I have found the common factor that binds them all together as One. This is the having the belief and faith in a a higher 'Power' or a Greater Source that all religions as well as spiritualists looks up to for assurance and refuge in times of dire need or even as a source of hope for salvation of the human spirit.; call Him/Her by whatever Name you will. It would take the utmost of an incorrigible egotistical mind to deny the existence of a Higher Being that man is answerable to no matter how enlightened he might feel he has become in the course of his lifetime. Man is his capacity as a human being alone is incapable of making sense of all that he experiences or is exposed to in the course of his life, he needs a teacher, a master, a creator to help him to chart out his routes for him of he be lost. Hence it is apparent that almost all the religious and spiritual faith that man is endowed with through out his-story has been the effort to make sense out of the non-sense that he finds himself in.

More than ever today, man needs to come to grips with his role in relationship to the rest of the world if not the universe itself. We need to realize without a doubt of our being, of who we truly are in relative to the rest of our fellow man if not humanity itself and our responsibility towards the care for our our environment, our home and all the sentient beings in it. Today more than ever we find ourselves taking a dump onto the very plate we are eating from and not even thinking twice about our actions. We have become very sick in body mind and soul and most of us are not even aware of how far or near we towards extinguishing our very existence at te single push of a button. We are most of us oblivious to the fact that we are on a death row and our execution date is looming up on the horizon. We have become like zombies straggling along like a herd of cattle headed for the slaughter house led and herded by those who hold the keys to our freedom through exploitation of our mass ignorance, our disbelief in a higher(collective) consciousness as we become veiled through our conditioned state of greed, hate and ignorance.  

In Hinduism we are said to be in the final stages of the Kali Yuga or the age of destruction and similarly in Islam it is said that the planet and all within it is head for the end of time of Khiaamah or as in Bahasa Malasia it is called akhir zaman the end of and so is said in ost other religions such as Christianity and its End of Days and so forth. Much as I would like to debunk these religious perceptions I cannot help but begin to see the manifestations of signs that would usher in these Doomsday revelations and yes I do feel like we are running seriously out of time. The question is is there hope for humanity to ever change its destructive course and embark upon a more positive and humane path that we are created for by the Creator. What would it take for us to wake up from this dream state we are in that headed towards a nightmare that we might never wake up from? Stop saying to ourselves that we are only human or that it is fated or that it is  our destiny; I do not buy that not even from God. 

                    

The First Day of Ramadan. 2021 - COVID Fasting.

 Upadesha saram the essence of the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi; The Great Yogi, the Maha Yogi is the one whose mind is extinguished, the mind is withdrawn from external objects, completely. The mind that is to be extinguished is the belief that there is an I. When thoroughly investigated the I does not exist Where the thought vanish there appears, by itself the 'I am I', this is Purnam, the infinite,the fullness the absolute. It means I am not the body, nor the mind but the absolute I that cannot be defined except as I and has no other. Does not exist in a world of objects or duality of any kind, that total realization of the self. That is nothing and yet because it's nothing it is also everything but there is no-thing because there is only awareness but that awareness is the absolute and there will be no doubt of it because that sense of I am I  comes with the realization of Sat Chit Ananda the Bliss of luminosity of completeness of perfection. This is who you are... this is always the true import of the term I...as there is no second being to know that which is, that which is is consciousness, we are that. Extinguish the illusion of the ego by creating a mind that is at peace.and that peace will bring clarity and meaning real meaning that I am I and action, action that comes from that perfect consciousness. 

Sunyamurti Satsang on the Eassence of Shri Ramana Maharshi's teachings.

 "Those mind travellers taking this spiritual journey and trying to comprehend this fact will eventually begin to consider themselves to be the only Reality (Haqq). What’s more is that they are plunged into the vortex of unity that they would eventually say ‘I’m God, I do whatever I want and everything is permissible (Mubah) for me’. This is also known as the stage of the Inspired Self, whereby the consciousness receives direct instructions through inspirations concerning its own truth or becomes attached to the whirlpool of the ‘Inspired Self’... If, however, the spiritual wayfarer seeking this fulfilment cannot achieve this realization and ascend to the stage of complete Tranquillity (Mutmainna), then the awareness of Commanding Self (Ammara) takes control of him. After a little while, he begins to feel himself like a Pharaoh endowed with the knowledge of Mulhima (the stage of the Inspired Self), so therefore, he would consider everything as false while he assumes himself as a perfect being with no faults whatsoever. As a result, he would depart the world in such a spiritual state of mind!...

Unless you know the truth of your own self, it is impossible for you to realize the truth of your own Sustainer, because your own self is the veil that screens you from your Sustainer"

Ahmad Hulusi

Today begins the first day of the fasting month of Ramadan and Muslims all over the world will observe this month of abstinence and spiritual discipline. I wish all my brothers and sisters all over the Muslim world the Blessings of Allah in their observation of this Holy of Holy of the Musli month. We are all One at heart and in faith and no matter who or where we are our final destination is back to the One where our source originates and in this no matter how of what our life practice may be it is for us to honor and respect eah other's Ways towards what is Goodness, Love and Compassion for one another. We are each and every one of us a member of humanity and we abide by the same principle in life and that is to serve for the betterment of the specie we call homo sapiens. The rivers are many,but the ocean is One.

The Meaning implied by the name Allah. - Ahmad Hulusi

  It is very well known that according to those who are interested in Sufism, there are four main dimensional realms,(Alam). These are the Universe of Essence, (Alam Al Zat), the Universe of Attributes, (Alam Al Sifat), the Universe of Names,(Alam Al Asma') and the Universe of Actions, (Alam Al Afaal). By realizing the Supreme Truth permeating these Universes a person can certainly liberate him/herself from all suspicions and hence attain ultimate realization through spiritual ascendance (Uruj) and this in return would allow him to know his Truth,(Haqiqat).

We know that the noun 'Allah' is written bu using the Arabic letter starting with the letter ' Alif' which stands single at the beginning while at the same time being free from all the other letters that follows it. Next to the letter 'Alif' are two other letters , the letters 'Lam', which are both connected to each other. The second of these is followed by the letter 'H'. Although it is not visible, there is also another letter, 'Alif' which is invisible between the two last letters. When recited it can function like a short vowel giving the sound of the letter 'A'. ...the first 'Alif' corresponds to the stage of primary'Oneness',(Ahaddiyyat), which signifies the quality of the the One, in other words, the Essence, (Zat) of the one named Allah. The essence cannot be limited in any way whatsoever, or be grasped by any vision, because at the level of the Essence there is absolute freedom which indicates that the Essence is totally independent of all the attributes. In fact it is such a state of NON-EXISTENCE that it cannot be defined or imagine in any way or thought by any means whatsoever. This state is symbolized bythe letter 'Alif' which in exxence is a straight stroke extending vertically from a dot, by standing absolutely independent from all other letters in the writing of the word 'Allah'.

Let us now explain the meaning of the two letters that are tied together in the letter ‘Lam’. The first ‘Lam’ refers to the Universe of Attributes. This means that all that exists comes to life and becomes fully conscious through the qualities and the attributes of this particular dimension. In fact, all universes are made up with the unfoldment of the Divine Names, which is the outcome of the spiritual dimension pointing to the stage of attributes. This is the reason why the first ‘Lam’ or the letter ‘L’ is written adjacent to the second ‘Lam’ or the letter ‘L’ in the Arabic way of writing the word ‘Allah’. Let us now talk about the second ‘Lam’. As can be seen, the letter ‘L’ here is tied to the first ‘Lam’, which simply indicates that the entire existence is made up of the qualities that are inherent within the spiritual station of the Divine Attributes and they subsist in the utmost unity. The Divine Qualities that are present in the level of the Names take their origin from the station of the Divine Attributes. Because of this reason, the second ‘Lam’ can be considered as the repetition of the first one, appearing for the second time as is shown with this demonstrative pronoun. However, this time, it appears with a distinct feature since the meaning and the detail it conveys is not the same. Therefore, it can be said that the second ‘Lam’ takes its origin from the first one, so is not just regarded as a repetition of the first ‘Lam’, but points to a unique stage where innumerable revelations becomes manifest. Therefore, it has been repeated for the second time. Let us now focus our attention on the letter ‘H’. Whether it has been written as a circle figure tied to the second ‘Lam’, which is how it has been written for ages, or it appears in a squared shape as used in Qufi calligraphy in early days of Islam, the letter ‘H’ simply signifies the following. It represents the Universe of Actions exhibiting all the Divine Qualities, which has no beginning or an end; it is nothing other than continuous transformation emanating from the Universe of Attributes and Names. In other words, the letter refers to the myriad of universes in universes and everything that has been perceived in them! In Qufi calligraphy, the letter ‘H’ has two types of shapes. It has either two eyes or two dots on top. This shows that the Universe of Actions can be considered from two perspectives, either as a visible world or an invisible world, depending on the level of the observer and how it is being perceived. The letter ‘H’ is tied to the second ‘Lam’, because the Universe of Actions has no independent existence from the Universe of Names and the Universe of Attributes. What’s more is that the Universe of Actions exists with the qualities emanating from the dimension of Attributes and Names from which it is originated itself. Meanwhile, there is a hidden ‘Alif’ between the second ‘Lam’ and the letter ‘H’. However, its existence is pronounced every time it is being recited. This shows that the Universe of Actions exists with the Will of the Divine Essence, which is within the knowledge (ilm) of Allah Almighty and this continues without any interruption by subsisting in total unity through His Names and Attributes. There is no doubt that people who have attained this truth will certainly realize what we have communicated from the masters of spiritual discovery more comprehensively. This would not only enable them to evaluate what the name ‘Allah’ refers to in a better way, they would also notice why this name has been chosen as the most suitable name. I hope that the information we have presented above, which had already been acquired by many people through their spiritual self discoveries will help us to understand the delicacy of the name of ‘Allah’ in a better way, so that we can use this word in an appropriate manner in the future.

Mind is a drama queen! Yoy have to let it play itself out...

 Search for words all I can but never finding the right words  of how I feel sometimes sure and sometimes merely drifting. I feel the breath of my Lord touching me in my heart giving the will stay alive after yet another 'mild stroke' or as th doctor called it, hypertension attack and almost passed out totally from consciousness. Without going into the how and where, I did thought I was dying watching my last breath drift away from my body and I prayed to my Lord for forgiveness and surrendered my self. My daughter called on the phone and I was brought back to reality of the physical form of mind and body. I had to get up and drive home. I made it home with no difficulty fortunately and with no one to the wise as to what had happened to me a while before. Sometimes I feel like Mr. Sanford of Sanford and Son old black and white series in the US. Mr.  Sanford would clutch his chest and reach towards heaven for his wife calling for his late wife Elizabeth, "I am coming Elizabeth! This it, the Big One!" but it never came. Fred Sanford survived every major heart attack and with his son build a junkyard empire of Sanford and Son.

I found for me surrendering to the inevitable is the final act of worship; surrendering to the Will of the Lord, to His Infinite Mercy and Compassion has made it simpler to face my final big one as step by step, breath by breath I merge myself into the unknown, the final breath never came, not so far Insha'Allah, God willing. I am not pure enough to return to my Maker, still existing in limbo between this and that shore, drifting into senseless oblivion in purgatory, waiting to be reassign into the next round of life,death and rebirth.However this too is yet another illusion, perceptions of a deluded mind. There is nothing to be written about what is after death will there be life after death.How would it all play out and what of heaven and hell? Judgement Day and reward or retribution? Even the most pious of man carries the same thought in his mind regardless of how strong his or her faith is in the One True Source; our ego centric nature will not allow it to happen. To merge into the ocean of consciousness, like a river into the sea, is a suicide of the ego. To return to the formless, dreamless, state of the unconscious would be like embracing emptiness.Too deep to ponder for an average mind this spiritual concept of non duality, the merging of differences in unity. 

I feel it is getting harder and harder to end this postings that I have kept on doing for over a decade now and all in the name of self healing and soul searching, the quest to meet my true nature, who I truly am. I feel like the closin chapter is at hand and whatever I try to share feels unimportant, they seem like stories, mini series, episodes of a lifetime. It was started with good intentions, wanting to develop my writing skills for lack of better things to do and that was back sometime in 2005 when my close friend Fadzly Mubin in Kuala Terengganu set up my Blog for me. Yes i wanted to write, felt like writing to notes to myself might lead me somewhere on this road to find out and now I am stilll tapping away at the keyboard writing down my thoughts and feelings out in the open was fascinating too. thoughts, thus i have been writing. I started off with the attitude that i will write just the way I speak, nothing fancy and now i am writing about death and heaven and hell!  About Chilli source and soya source that source the binds it all! I do feel like a schizo sometimes trying to stay on track and in balance, its like walking the tight rope while carrying two bucket of crap hanging from across your shoulder. Any sudden shift and shit hits the fan!

There is not much left to say that is worthwhile except for the fact that I feel like the time is near for a major shift in my life, for better or for worse only the Lord knows. Truth be told I have become attached to making these postings and it has become yet another addiction, and there is nothing left t say that have not already been told, try reading my blog between the lines; what I have not written. I feel that I would only lead me into regression on my ongoing personal journey,  I am making my spiritual cleansing of the heart and soul in surrendering to That which Is, beyond form and timeless Divine nature of the Lord of the Universe, the Lord of Power, the Lord of Infinite Love and Compassion; how do i get to put down in words these thoughts that demands to be heard and shared by those that stumble upon these words by chance and pick a diamond in the rough out of a dung heap or two that could alter their lives for the better or worse. These notes to myself helps me to keep my sense of humor and my fingers alive that words may flow from my mind effortlessly so as to justify that i hae fulfilled my vow to share my journey with the world so that NETFLIX  can make a mini series out of it... like the Life and Times of the Cheeseburger Buddha.