Saturday, September 26, 2020

Entertaining my subconscious.

Listening to my al time favorite, a tune that moves my spirit from the frst time heard it played on an Long Play Album at a dorm apartment of the University of Wisconsin , Green Bay, Wisconsin in 1979. I had just returned from trip to the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado, living out f my Chevy Impala 1965 model which was flattened on her passenger from front to the back by a hit and run accident on Highway 666 on the border between New Mexico and Colorado between the small towns of Gallup and Durango. It happened at one in the morning in total darkness with drizzling rain and it happened on the Navajo Reservation. It was an unforgettable experience, but strangely enough I was not afraid even as it happened for i was fully awake and had anticipated the crash. I remember having raised my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around them as the car made a ne complete spin on the wet tar surface when she was sideswiped. I even remeber telling myself that if I was going to be hit it might as be on my passenger's side and swerve the car into the left lane.Yes I was saved by the Grace of the Lord or should i say that of the Virgin Marry whose image was stuck on the dashboard of the car. The Chevy had onc belonged to Grandma Counard my girlfriend's grandmother who gave it to her and who sold it to me for two US dollars so as to get the paper works done for the transfer of ownership.

It was the first time I was listening to the song "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd and it was a revelation of sorts for me although I was on the verge of being wiped out by a bottle of Whiskey which the owners of the apartment had provided me to sooth my nerves after a long and weary travel across the United States from the Northern City if Green Bay, Wisconsin to the South to the small town of Tombstone, Arizona. I must have written about this incident a dozen of tie over the years but sometimes it comes back to me as i woke up this mornig and I had to write wondering where or what it will reveal if I keep on writing.

The subconscious mind has its ways of revealing its hidden secrets if and whenever I am in the right state of mind - like no mind is the best state of mind. In moments like these I would be exposed to thoughts that are seemingly random and revealing to what I have been trying to understand about myself. This morning as I sat outside and after feeding the birds with bread crumbs my mind was relatively quiet. Before me were dark hevy rain clouds hovering over the green Penang Hill and the fields of the race course to my right was lush green, it was like I was in some cool western country where winter was around the corner. Suddenly the thought, You are the Atman, you are not the body or the mind, came into my head. In this dimension of your existence you are the creator, the projector of what you behold. You are the master of your own destiny and your will shall be done. Like Wow! Where did that come from  asked myself, I have long since learned not to allow my ego to entertain any further implications on this and so I as a Muslim simply recited a short prayer, Astargfirullah ilAzim, simply asking for forgiveness lest I get carried away with this self aggrandizement, Howqever i did felt elated for the moment and decided it was time to make some breakfast for myson to take with him to work. It helps me to remind myself that I am also the servant of humanity in whatever form it may be.


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