Looking to the past to heal the present.

I had a long pleasant chat with my long time buddy Jerry Sule, the plumber of Green Bay, Wisconsin and back a whole lot of fond memories especially our long trip together to the South West states of the States. Jerry is the youngest of the Sule Brothers, in whose home I used to hang out when I was a student at the University of Wisconsin in Green Bay. Although very much my junior in age he was one of my closest friend I had back then, he was close to me like a younger brother. We hung out in the basement of his house where I was a squatter being homeless after my divorce from my first wife. Sometimes there were four of us including Jerry's brothers John and Joe who also attended UWGB. The boys were all very smart and active students indoors and outdoors. I became a part of the Sule family for a number of years.
I wrote about this time of my life in more detail in the past so i will not dwell on it any further other than to say that Jerry and the whole Sule family will always be in my memory. My life of eight years in Wisconsin  was in many ways a time of pain and pleasure, it helped to shape me for who I am today. I was divorced and had to give up my son in green Bay and I graduated from the University in the same great city. it was here too that i made the decision to embark upon my journey of self healing and self discovery after years of living adrift from one relationship to another and homeless most of the time. I survived the cold winters and the drinking habit and I left the City for good when it was time to burning the bridge behind me. However i will always hold fond memories of having lived among the people who took me into their lives and kept me warm when it was freezing out.
One of the paradox of this inner journey of self discovery is the fact that one has to look back into the past in the effort to let go of the past. I realize that for the mind to make a clean drop of all past baggage I have to look back and understand what had transpired and come to a reconciliation with myself before i can forgive and forget and I have been doing this throughout my writing. Today, my past has since slid into oblivion and I feel allot lighter in being, I feel like i have shed to old and the past and am able to move on without too much clinging to the past experiences which often held me in bondage in the form of guilt and regrets. It is no doubt that mind has the tendency to cling on to the deficiencies, the weaknesses the errors and failures of the past rather than the opposite and this often culminates into the causes for low self esteem and depression.
I am pretty much at peace in my life these days but am still looking back every now and then when thoughts of my past arises. In this state of peacefulness I look back with better clarity and am better at resolving my past issues.I am feeling better about who I am even if it is so late in my life, but it is happening. I am better at handling my anger factor and have less doubts and misconception about my true nature, knowing that I am no better or worse than the next man. Yes, I am beginning to love life for what it is and demand less and expecting nothing other than doing my share as a human being 
in making a better world for all around me. I can now face my Lord with a better and clearer conscience and less troubled by the guilts of my past. It is said that an indication that one is forgiven of a sin is when the sin is buried for good. no memory of it is left.