Just getting ready to face the One.

All that has been taught by the great teachers and masters. of saints and savants, all that the philosophers and truth seeker has  discovered and shared through books and videos, TED talks and Satsangs. they all means nothing at this moment. J.Krishnamurti is laughing in his grave while Alan Watts is playing his shakuhachi to a bunch of Japanese tourists on his Houseboat in Sausalito, while Ram dass is repeating his days spent at the feet of his Guru in India. Deepak Chopra and Michio Kaku or whatever his name is are very busy preparing the future generations towards the ultimate consciousness and the prospect of living among extraterrestrials in the days to come. The conspiracy theorists have spun all manner   of yarns over hidden agendas as to who is really running the show for all of us while the environmentalists are running out of options as to what is to become of the glacial meltdown due to climate change.
Sometimes it is just best to just sit back and watch an erotic Japanese video of a housewife trying to seduce her daughter's lover by exposing her charms while cleaning the bathtub. Sad indeed how the mind can and will coerce you towards debasing yourself when all else fails. All the knowledge and understanding you have acquired throughout your life means diddly when it comes to facing a mind bent upon lust even when you are approaching seventy! The truth is painful but it has to be told if not exposed if one is to do a thorough house cleaning of the mental formations. For those who has no sexual drives or handicaps whatsoever, they are indeed blessed, but for one whose life has been one long sexual drive, it is a curse for to turn it off can be a nightmare. So, sometimes i give in and tell myself to just sit back and have fun, musterbation and ejeculation are part and parcel of being human, you can torture yourself with guilt or you can just take a good cleansing shower before you pray. 
Like my Palestinian friend Hakim Dawah used to say at his frame shop in the Mission District of San Francisco, on Valencia street to be exact, "Allah is forgiving, He don't really pay too much attention to these minor offences like having an orgasm." However try not to make it a habit where it becomes a cause for concern towards your well being. Like all good things try  to for a good balance, walk the middle way and no extreme,the  or excessiveness. Let the mind has its way every now and then, or it can become a pain in the butt if all its desires are being slammed shut Off course if one is well versed into the workings of the mind then the matter of sexual promiscuity,lustful desires and so forth are not much of an issue especially if one is a sadhu or a yogi, but I am not any of theses. I was, perhaps still is a sexual maniac and had created many untold problems both  for myself as well as others, most of which is best laid to rest and not to be revealed here,
I have lived life as i often admit to myself to the fullest, like no holds barred especially when it comes to sex. I am not bragging nor am I proud of having given myself into lustful desires and warped imaginations when it comes to sex, but I am trying to reach a point in my life where i can look at it all with a more accepting feeling than a guilt ridden regrets. To a great extent I have come close towards this acceptance of who I am and what i am capable of in my life. With this acceptance I feel much lighter and is able to let go of self mortification over my past actions. Yes, I believe my Lord is oft forgiving and most Merciful, however i also feel I need to do my own house cleaning before i stand before the One and have the One to one talk about life.
Before dropping off or letting go I must know what it is that I am letting go and understand as to why or how of it. Off course I do not have to do in essence any such thing at all as I am in essence non-existent, I really do not exist as this body or mind. However, true to my practice i am taking it upon myself to share myself and my understanding for the sake of others  with similar path in life; thus fulfilling my Bodhisatva vows.